D for Dependency : A Black Women’s Survival Guide

Hello Everyone,

I just wanted to say thank you to all who participated in the last post’s comment section.  With over four hundred comments there was a ton of information that was thrown around and if anyone missed that post and the comments I would suggest going back and reading them. (Yes I know that’s a lot but I don’t think you’ll regret it.)

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2014/07/22/1040/

Today I just wanted to talk to the younger crowd, (and may some older ones) who are having an issue with dependency. I’m choosing to direct my post towards younger women because from what I’ve observed this is when the issues I’ve observed typically start (and the older ones carry the dysfunction taught to them when they were younger into adulthood and pass it on.)

Note:  A lot of this post will be observations and which everyone is free (of course) to make of it what they want and my advice will be at the end.

Because of my job I spend the majority of my day around women and children.  Usually these women are of varying ages and races and so are the children they have, along with their educational level.

Here are the numerous observations I’ve gathered.

*The following will be about all women before I taper my point off specifically to AA BW, so hang tight.

  • Most of the women are of lower socio economic status
  • Most of these women have one child (at least)
  • Most of these women seemed to have no education concerning contraceptive
  • Some of these women have had a history with drugs/alcohol
  • Most of these women are unemployed
  • Most of these women were dependent upon the men in their lives to give them necessities. that includes: Money, housing, healthcare, citizenship, childcare, clothing and necessities, cars/transportation etc.
  • Most of these women have no assets outside of these men. That includes any of the following that I just mentioned above.
  • A majority of these women had and have unstable family lives. *
  • A majority of these women threw away the opportunities that they had.
  • While most of these women are unemployed a large majority are on some sort of government assistance/ food stamps/ “ Disability” ( I put this in quotation marks because I have noticed that there are no discernable reason they should be receiving this and yet I see this is a large portion of their “ income” )
  • Most of these women are short an education and yet they know exactly where to go each month to get each benefit check.
  • Most of the black women have the most kids
  • Most of these women live in chaos.
  • Most of these women have no long term plans.
  • Most of the black women were least likely to have started off married

I can’t say that these observations stopped there. (Although in some ways I wish they had because as I continued to watch I noticed even more disturbing trends among the employees. (I promise I am getting to the larger point that has to do with black women… just bear with me.)

  • Of the very diverse staff (and by diverse I mean most ethnic groups were represented ) I noticed that there were allegiances amongst those who were of the same ethnic groups (with very few exceptions)
  • Nothing was never what it seemed and generally (I would learn later) that a lot of it was a cover for actual illegal
  • I noticed that while everyone there promoted “unity” and “inclusion” underneath there were a number of “networks” or “in crowds” which somehow the black women were never in.
  • Nepotism and Cronyism is alive and well (sometimes to the point of illegality.)
  • I’ve seen people who were supposed to be “neutral” use their own biases when making decisions (as in there was less sympathy by certain people towards certain groups. And you can guess right now the ethnicity of those who received less sympathy.)
  • I’ve seen certain women be used only to fall on a sword for the “well meaning” ideals of others.
  • I’ve watched black women with very impressive resumes not be hired while non bw were hired over them.

What does all of this mean for black women?  You’re probably asking yourself.

Well for those who haven’t already pieced it together allow me. In all of this, I’ve noticed that there is a decided lack of independence and autonomy for the black women involved.

But …but… how did you come to that conclusion? Aren’t you extrapolating your rather weak data too far?

No I’m not. Because when I started working at this organization and even before I always wondered where some of the dysfunctional behavior amongst black women actually started.

I always wondered why black women weren’t #winning and I’ve never been more sure after watching the dysfunctional behavior in action.

And then it hit me. Most of the black women I saw who were clients of the organization and even the ones who worked there had no idea how to do anything other than be dependent on the people around them.

Most of the BW clients were stuck in a very distinct cycle in which their very well being was dependent upon what they received from others. And concerning the black women that were actually employed in the organization, I saw (at least two) allow convince them to act out behaviors that threatened their livelihood or put them in a losing position while there so called “allies & friends” advanced over them, and that was after they used those women as leg UP. I also watched the privileged “woc” condone and defend behavior that was outright illegal of other women who happened to fall into their circles (read ethnicity).

And when I look at the larger world I see this behavior ALL THE TIME.

Maybe I’m not being clear (and forgive me as I try and make my point), but I notice that most black women allow themselves to be the charity case to whichever benevolent benefactor decides to come along and throw scraps their way.

(I know I’ve written about something like this before. In fact, I distinctly remember how I famously attempted to convince black women to create their own media and some very special snowflakes basically referred to me as a tyrant. Lol. But what I’m suggesting for black women is more important than media representation.)

Unlike the WW and other non BW women who came in and out of the organization BW do NOT have the infrastructure, cultural support, familial support to be dependent on anything and anyone that orbits them.  BW do not have this option to simply wait for someone else to deign to give them something.

I would advise most black women to minimize the level of dependency that they have on outside sources.  And no I don’t mean, shut yourself in your houses, never get married/have kids, and work yourselves to the bone to prove that you’re independent. *Rolls eyes sarcastically*. I know some of ya’ll like to pretend I’m some demented loon coming up with things to make your lives miserable.

What I mean is black women need to cultivate and environment which they can sustain themselves, and surround themselves with likeminded ALLIES (see my previous post on allies have linked below) who want the same things and who are TRUSTWORTHY.

SO here is my advice:  (and for the Veteran BWE writers and anyone else who has any ideas PLEASE post in the comments.  The comments that are posted further along the conversation to levels even I couldn’t take it and provide much needed points of view. And I know the Veterans have already written about this in the past.)

Remember that having a college degree is extremely important. I noticed a number of commenters say that it would be extremely wise to major in STEM areas. And while I note that this is very good advice, I would also like to remind black women that it would be a good idea to secure, land/ housing (that doesn’t have a mountain of debt attached to it) sooner rather than later.

I’m not saying to forgo college completely, what I am saying is that it would wise for black women not to get caught up in that a degree process that is falling apart as we speak (even for white people.) And as some commenters point, out many blacks are NOT majoring in any areas of study that will give them a return on their debt. To be honest, that is why I am in less of a hurry to simply go to graduate school. I have a relatively good job at the moment (for having no bachelor’s degree). Once I have my degree I will be working towards paying off my student loans within the first couple of years while I save money. As one commenter left in the last article you can buy even micro homes (some with three bedrooms) for a very low price. If you save your money well.

As Khadija has mentioned in many of her posts (and you get a virtual cookie if you can find them) there are signs that the US will be thrust into another economic frenzy in which those who are not prepared will be left out in the cold. (And let’s face it blacks are never prepared especially black women who give away all of their resources) I am more interested in being able to grow my own food/ have my own resources than depending on the government for help (and historically the government cuts funding to those who need it most during times like this).

I would also advise black women, even those who are making tons of money now to live way below their means. I’ve noticed that those in debt are the ones that have the most issues when shit hits the fan. I remember one WW online had a blog about living frugally (she was a SAHM and her husband was a realtor. They lived below their means and paid the mortgage months ahead of time. Which turned out to be good because when business was slow they had the house payments taken care of and she kept a lot of food in her freezer and grew the rest so they survived pretty well until things picked up.)

I would advise any black women dependent upon social services at the moment to find alternate ways of getting what they need (as Khadija has said it is very wise to have multiple streams of income).

Have a back-up plan just in case your career plans sour.  I remember watching a movie in which a white family lost their job (they guy was rich) and were forced to give up their lifestyle. Of course their idea of a tragedy was having to move to a very nice farm with a horse that they owned outright and which their family lived down the street.  What struck me about that movie is that SMART people have some sort of safety net just in case SHTF later. The current economic situation in the US and the faulty way that the system is set up means that many people will be heartbroken again.

Be wary of people who want to make waves/ and use you as the poster child for revolution at your job.  And don’t depend on these people to have your back after their attempts sour.  The most heartbreaking thing I’ve seen was a young BW around my age basically fall on the sword for a well-meaning WW intent upon doing exactly this.  This black women put herself in the line of fire, ultimately leaving her no choice but to quit, after years of emotional trauma and retaliation. This women of course had no one to come to her aid. And it took me a while to realize that the WW had far less to lose than the black woman who’d gotten involved.  Meanwhile everyone else sat back and watched it all go down.

If any black women are aware of illegality or impropriety going on at their jobs I would advise you to act stealthily. For example I know there have been more than one rumor of embezzling at this organization. and If you can’t quit your job (which I can’t at the moment) I would advise you to keep a record of EVERYTHING. I currently make copies of anything thing suspicious. I take pictures; I copy my paychecks and my time card and keep records of the rules in a safe place that way nothing can come back to me. If you have enough evidence to report (which I also wanted to do) I would advise you to take your evidence quietly to the proper channels.  But do NOT come at people who are known for impropriety and simply call them out in public. Not only will you get a mark on your back but if you are unsuccessful you may have a problem later.

Only you know your boundaries. Do not let someone drag you into a mess they won’t bother to clean up. Do not let someone else make trouble for you. Other people only risk what they are willing don’t let someone push you past your comfort zone and don’t depend on someone else to fall on that sword when the time comes. Too many people like to allow BW to be the sacrificial lamb and go first.

DO not depend on acquaintances to have your best interests.  Simply because someone is smiling does not mean they are going to help you when the time comes. By all means find allies, but find ones that are actually going to benefit you not simply suck you dry. Remember some people are only looking for a step up. I saw this at work with a black women who was friends with a non-black woman. While the non BW took the fast track to get hired she did nothing to help her so called “friend” also get a job in an opening that would have suited her well.

Don’t depend on men to suddenly make your life perfect. I know this might offend some, but I have to be honest; from some of the clients, most notably the BW, Their problem were anything but solved when they “had a man”.  And not this isn’t some “don’t need no man” strong black woman trope.  I support black women dating whoever they want and pursuing all options, and I’m thrilled whenever I see black women get the love and support/ be cherished like they deserve. But I’ve notice certain factions seem to believe simply having a man will somehow replace all the trifling, ill though out, ill planned, idiocy that they allow to seep into their lives. By all means have love in your life, but for the love of almighty get your shit together.  How can you love someone else when your life and everything in it is mess? For example I want to get married very soon and have already taken the steps to do so.   At the same time I’m also aware of the importance of having my shit together which is why I want to be relatively debt free and have a long term plan too.

DO not depend on others to put your safety first.  I’ve seen many black women put themselves in dangerous situations mistakenly believing that they are going to be protected when the time comes… They are wrong. I’ve seen this with the clients who come in. Many black women have multiple kids, and depend on FATE to determine if they are going to have children. They take no proactive, protective measures against an ill-timed pregnancy (with some random man) and generally seem unconcerned with what they’re doing or how it will affect their children.

Edit To Add:  Do not depend on the ailing health care system and rising costs to fix your ailments. Before our eyes the health care system is falling a part. And if the economy blows up so might that health care you have. As other BWE writers have said, take care of your health. So in case that happens you won’t be out in the cold trying to pay for treatments that would be preventable. Try keeping in shape and eating as healthy as possible. I’ve learned that many illness are preventable if people sustained healthy lifestyles.  Remove, the hormones from your food, try and go sugar free (it is hard but at the moment I’m learning how to get buy on only thirty grams a day which is the recommended value for women) exercise. I know things happen but you’d be surprised at how much you can prevent with the right lifestyle.

Further, and I’ve said this a million times, do not depend on WW or BM to tell your stories about YOUR suffering.  I’ve said before putting your eggs in that basket you’re bound to wind up with an omelet you weren’t looking for. Speak for yourself and find people who are allies and will do it for you when the time comes. (For the new ones go back to my “posts you may want to read first” tab and start from the beginning.)

Finally, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, despite all the people I manage to piss of when I do; do not depend on people to represent you in a way that will benefit you when they have a proven history of putting themselves first. That is insane. Recently, I’ve became enmeshed in the Sleepy Hollow fandom. I enjoyed joining the forums (and even enjoyed shipping). To be honest I wanted to see if MAYBE my previous assertions (about BWiF) would be proven wrong.

Hell, I know some people didn’t believe my previous posts about BWiF and honestly I wanted to be proven wrong just once in my life. Unfortunately as I predicted this show has started to sideline the main BW character in favor of the WW character and co (which I called last year I believe). and I’ve decided to pack it in. Now, I’ve noticed a number of people are also angry (and for a split second I was too.) Although for me that went away almost immediately, Because I know that if I want something to represent me I’ll simply create it myself and I accept that show wasn’t created for me in the first place.

I’ve warned ya’ll before to watch what you watch.  Be careful before you invest (I never watched the show live or anything like that because I refused from the beginning to help them with ratings before I knew what was up.)  Further I’d say again maybe black women wouldn’t be so upset with this if they created their own media. (I’m currently in the middle of finish a series so I’m good.) If you want representation get it yourself.  The difference between others and black women is that they have their own self-sustaining media machine to paint themselves in the best possible light. It would be wise for black women to catch on and stop living solely for scraps.

I know many young black women think that I’m “doom and gloom” to point out these things; that I’m making it up (I have no idea why since I’m not getting paid for this and receive no monetary endorsements). In reality after watching the bewildering process of all the black women around me get screwed I’m hoping that even one BW will heed some of my advice.

But if you reject everything else remember: you are not helpless. You are worth more than scraps.

Until Next time,

Stay Neutral

Next Post (tentative title)

Speak for yourself : A cautionary tale

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121 thoughts on “D for Dependency : A Black Women’s Survival Guide

  1. OLS I want to thank you for this article. I really needed this. I’m on public assistant and I have two licenses in nails and skincare. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about me and my child’s future. I need to move to make better money. Down South I made over a 1,000 a week after taxes but in Az not so much. I live in nice environment but broke. I’ve also want to live more rural and plant an small garden for when things get bad and I can take care of myself and child. You can’t stress enough how we must have other streams of income. I sell soap, lotions, candles and make natural herbal medicines and salves. I’m also gonna take up sewing. It’s also very important to learn new skills to help you trade or barter when times get rough. I also want to thank you ols for not talking bad or down to women on public assistance. I get tired of being referred to as a welfare queen and blamed for everything wrong with the black community. I work and home school my child and I am always trying to learn new things and trying to improve myself. Thanks for the encouragement instead of tearing me down.
    Wanda

    • This reminds me of a convo I was having with a cashier years back. She told me that you can buy vegetable seeds with your ebt because it’s considered food. A customer had told her about it and she shared it with everyone who came in to purchase seeds.

    • If you have the ability to get into a knowledge-based skill you will be better off. The downside of skills like nails, skincare, sewing, etc., is that they are easily staffed by immigrants to keep wages artificially low.

  2. I remember reading an article about Taraji Henson and she was saying how she if she was told no for a role, that no energized her not to take no. I am thinking, here is an A-list actress and it seems like she is begging for roles. I know Khadija mentioned in her many posts regarding how Black actresses can have their own media. If I am misquoting, I apologize but it had me thinking. Now she produced her other movie along with the black man co-star. Again, so I am thinking how come she can’t produce other things. I have seen too many times on jobs that the non-black boss will get the black women to tell on people in the office and then when she was transferred or she had problems on the job, no one to her rescue. The have in Chicago a list to sign up for section 8, oh, I mean housing choice vouchers because calling then Section 8 brings about a stigma. So my cousin who is on “disability” was telling about this. They complain the government is all in my business but you don’t want to pay market rent. Can’t have it both ways. I know at times we need some help. But when you chose to leech off me and get mad because the laws want to decrease those “benefits” because all they are doing is keep you like you said OLS dependent.
    I notice the cycle is being broken because now that the problem is being identified, then we can take look and say how can I live below my means. Another thing I am doing is getting a credit report and see what is on my credit report. The better my credit score, this will help in my house hunting endeavors. I will like to make sure my ducks are in order for better negotiating price.
    Thanks for the encouragement OLS and having us look at our situations to improve them.

    • @MsWanda.
      As far as gardening and keeping it cheap I’m in the midst of researching this. Perhaps, it might be a fit for you. I strongly suggest that you research it first before doing it, but it sounds like something that might actually work and be a skill to pass on and cut your food bills.

  3. Nice post. There is plenty to do for those who are willing to do it. I find it is best to have a plan and then move forward on it and as few as possible as those around you not doing or using you will hinder your moves. It is best to let them think you have no plans but, what is in front of them while you make your moves. When you are ready to leave do so and don’t look back.

    I once had a boss ask me about why I was applying for another job in the summer I said it was to get some extra cash for x-mas. One I don’t celebrate x-mas two I had been passed over for a promotion and they were trying to get me to train the new person and said that they had no extra hours to give.

    So I put in for a better job and once settled and off probation I quit the other job quietly I took my two weeks vacation and just before I left i e-mailed my supervisor my two weeks notice and left all of the company stuff on my desk. These people begged me for a month to come back… They thought I was going to just take it. No way…

    They didn’t see it coming as I didn’t come in late or catch an attitude with them about it. I gave myself a raise up and out with more pay and less work. Ladies never let them see it coming and never let them see you sweat.

    • Firefly88,

      You did good leaving your former job. Too many people make the mistake of staying in less than ideal work environments. It is best not to hang around once your superiors have shown that they don’t truly value your contributions. If they feel that they can keep you around with minimal benefits/incentives, then they will continue to underpay you and reward the more persistent employees around you, who may or may not be more qualified. I like how you told your boss that you were seeking another job for extra spending money. He/she was probably glad that you were not asking for a raise. Little did they know…LOL!

      At my last job, there was a man who was extremely talented. People in our department depended greatly on his skills and expertise. However, he was severely underpaid. He should have been promoted and making at least six figures, considering the other “talent” that we had in our company. His main issue was that he was too nice, wouldn’t advocate for himself, and couldn’t bring himself to leave for greener pastures. In fact, HR suggested that he become manager over one of our divisions. However, they wanted to severely underpay him, so he passed on the position, and HR then hired someone from outside the company at >$10,000/yr more than what they offered him. The new hire was unable to deal with the stresses of the position, and our group (along with my coworker) actually ended up providing a lot of assistance. Yet, my coworker still stayed. Before I left, they did give him a promotion and a raise, but it was still unsatisfactory, considering what some people were getting paid.

      • @APA

        Yes, it was difficult at first, but I remembered what my grandmother told me that sometimes when you want a promotion and the boss isn’t giving one you have to make your own. A title means nothing if, they are not paying your right.

    • Thank you for the tip, I’ll keep that in mind.
      On a similar note, for students, it is important to know how to network. If you are fortunate to land an internship, be grateful but do not channel all your efforts into it. It’s in the company’s interest to make you believe that they will hire you after the internship- even if they dont.
      So do your job & think beyond it.
      Keep an eye on your boss’ competition. They might be the ones to offer you a job.
      Be strategic from day one.
      And also expect mind games at work- it will help you stay ahead.

      See: http://www.forbes.com/2011/05/20/turn-your-internship-into-your-job.html

  4. Wow! Another phenomenal post. I’ve been really taking your and your commenters’ advice. After learning about the downfall of pursuing my masters (and accumulating more debt), I decided that the best avenue would be to taking a certification program. Hence, I enrolled in an software development certification course that I will begin in January. I will be able to achieve what I want without crushing debt (Thanks Khadijah for opening my eyes to a different path).

    The need for independence is actually why I went natural. I wanted to be able to live anywhere and not worry about finding someone who can apply a relaxer.

    As for securing land to retreat to in case the ish hits the fan, I would suggest that BW build/maintain ties to the community in which they plan retreat. Remember that when mess happens, people quickly separate into “us” versus “them,” so try to get into the “us” group. For example, I am in the process of securing land in my paternal family’s hometown. I chose this place because there, I am somebody’s granddaughter, niece, cousin, etc.

    • One more thing. We, BW, should try are very best not to be dependent on medication for health. This means getting to a healthy weight and getting adequate exercise. You never want to be in a situation where you must choose between groceries and medication. An aunt of mine was diagnosed diabetes and refused to adjust her lifestyle, even when she lost sight in one of her eyes. Now, her medications cost more than her groceries and her health is too poor to even consider getting off the medications.

      • That is so true. I’ve been telling family members they need to lose weight and be healthy. They really not listening to me. I keep telling them if you get sick and you are a certain age they(health system) won’t help you as much. People don’t seem to read between the lines. All this talk about how the earth is too crowded, sustainability,too many footprints, too many resources being used, save the planet means one thing……..they want to get rid of people. They pretty much told people what they want to do. How come no one is listening?

        • OMG

          Wow I was thinking the same thing. All of this coded language being passed around. It Pretty much means we need to depopulate the planet so we can avoid major environmental and social unrest.

        • @chicnoir The crazy thing is 1. they are the ones creating it. 2. They are playing God..why are they the ones who determines who can stay and go? 3. Black people always number 1 on some BS list. They forever trying to get rid of us, sterilize us, experimenting on us.

          That’s why I tell people to be as healthy as they can be. Sick and dead people makes them more money than healthy people. Medicine, hospital bills and funeral costs is expensive.

    • DiraD,

      You’re welcome!

      Guurl, I thought I was horrified by the online discussion I had mentioned in the previous post. I hadn’t seen anything yet! In my comments to the post before this one, I had been talking about the problems with BW going into massive debt to get the type of REAL degrees from REAL colleges/universities that don’t pay off.

      I had NO idea so many AAs were going into massive debt to get worthless degrees from unaccredited, for-profit FAKE “schools.” {shudder}

      Bougie Black Girl did a recent Facebook post in which she discussed the scam known as for-profit “schools” that target poverty-stricken Blacks and Latinos. I had seen the commercials for such places when sitting in a car repair shop waiting room and other places that have on daytime TV. I didn’t realize how many Blacks were getting themselves ensnared in that mess. Bougie Black Girl’s post linked to this article.

      http://money.cnn.com/2014/11/02/pf/college/for-profit-college-degree/index.html

      Well, I was totally amazed (not in a good way) to see the number of colored folks who rolled into that Facebook thread to sing the praises of their purported good experiences with these fake colleges that mostly offer worthless, unaccredited “degrees” that won’t be accepted by real colleges and universities. I hope these people were paid shills and not delusional fools leading other Black folks over a cliff.

      Due diligence is fundamental.

      • Something for all to learn: Colleges and Universities are supposed to be NON-profit organizations. Any college that is for profit is a scam, period, end of story.

      • Glad to know that my suspicions regarding all these “universities” were well founded. Sadly, a cousin of mine got a “degree” from such a school. Personally, I believe the Black folks advertising these schools are both paid and delusional. They are delusional in that they fail to see how leading others of their group to destruction in turn destroys them. I’ve noticed that other minorities in this country try to help their brethren avoid pitfalls and acquire success because they realize that the stronger their economic base, the stronger their political clout, but not us Black folks, we got to get paid no matter what.

        It’s funny how you start considering things you swore you’d never even attempt. I never had the drive nor inclination to become an entrepreneur. I truly was content to go to work, collect my paycheck and go home. Now, because I understand the economic landscape, I am seeking avenues of self-employment or at least a side stream income.

      • Years ago I worked for a wireless communications company (huge company). We were invited to participate in a job fair at one of these schools. At that time, there was a tremendous demand for RF Engineers and we recruited almost ANYbody in college and heavily from the military.

        Back then they could easily start someone off at $65K with a Bachelor’s.

        So we go to one of those schools… this was back when you had your phone installed in your car? Remember that? Mobile phones were called “bricks” and were just starting to slim down to fit into a pocket.

        So, the only job we had to offer them were as installers, techs or salespeople. These adults (because few were young) were fully duped into believing they had engineering degrees on par with Cal Poly, Berkeley and/or Stanford. It was both annoying and heartbreaking. They would come to the table with the arrogance of expecting a high paying job (the degrees were expensive) and we had to break it to them nicely. They would thumb their noses up at us and move on to the next table. We would watch as the day went on and reality check after reality check was written and cashed. They would often come back around, humbled, asking about the installer position.

        The jobs available were, at best, $13-16 an hour. Something they could have just gotten without that education. The education was completely worthless from a corporate perspective.

        It was the worst recruiting experience I have ever had. Ever.

  5. About jobs: One thing that BW have to remember is that your co-workers are just that, co-workers; they are not your BFF’s, not your friends. What I see too much of are BW who want to be friends with everybody and would rather be liked than respected. If you are a people pleaser, people will take advantage of you.

    If you spend less than you earn, you’ll always be rich.

    I went to college near West Point. One day I saw the cadets, both black and white, learning how to play golf; I asked my boyfriend at the time, why were they learning golf; he said that they all had to learn golf because if they get stationed in the South, they played golf in the officer’s clubs there, so it was a benefit to learn golf.

    So if you want to have a different kind of life, learn something new; learn how to ski, to ice skate, to swim. A friend of mine became a local celebrity because of swimming (and she learned in her 60’s). Swimming is great exercise, good for the joints and for the heart. Also, you never know when someone might invite you to a country club. If you want better in your life, you have to do better.

  6. @neurochick
    I agree and we also need to watch out for black bosses too who have no solidarity with us or maybe jealous of our standing. I’m dealing with some of that at my job as I have managed to shed some serious weight and keep it off. Can you imagine how jealous they would be if, they heard the other details of my life. This is why I am polite and pleasant at work, but never give out details and if, I do say something it is always in line with everyone else. You own these people a job well done because they are paying you for it. They are not paying for your personal life details, your dreams, or other ideas.

    • Firefly88,

      I agree with the notion that you should maintain superficial relationships at work. Be cordial, be fun, but also never be seen as unprofessional. Suck up just enough to make your boss happy, but stay out of the drama and politics.

      • I agree with being cordial, but distant. Learn to share just enough so that people feel they know you. If you are too clammed up, people snoop and dig more, so prevent that by sharing just enough of yourself. For example, when asked, I tell others that my parents are divorced. However, I do not go into the sordid details of my father cheating, etc. Hence, I give a personal detail without getting personal.

    • Many years ago I heard a therapist talk about relationships, dysfunctional relationships and he said something interesting. People from dysfunctional families don’t get that there are many types of relationships, superficial, friend, etc. He said they either would rather be totally alone, or be enmeshed with someone.

      Having superficial relationships at work is fine. I think what happens is that people watch too much TV and see these sitcoms where everybody at work have these wacky personalities and everybody gets along and it’s like a family; now some jobs can be like that, but remember that nothing lasts forever and everybody can be replaced. So, while at work, don’t talk too much, listen and if you do talk, mention the latest movie or something. Keep the conversation at work fluffy and you’ll be fine.

  7. OLS,

    I really like this post. Often, BW are conditioned to put their own interests last. This is why many of us continue to make self-destructive choices (e.g. multiple OOW births, marrying/dating DBR, etc.). It is a problem that spans all socioeconomic levels. I have seen a lot of women who based on their job, family background, and education should not be making the mistakes/blunders that they making. An example of this is Rachel Noerdlinger, a supposedly educated, professional BW, who can’t find anyone but a convicted felon to date. BW protect the interests of everyone, but themselves.

    However, everyone else is looking out for themselves. At Khadija’s old blog, she had a post titled, “Qui Bono?” Every BW (or everyone for that matter) should assess every situation by asking who benefits. If the person who you are dealing it stands to benefit much than you, then it’s a sign that you are mostly likely being bamboozled or used. Healthy relationships are based on reciprocity, and individuals with integrity don’t try to leech off of others. I’ve been asking “Qui bono?” about the relationships in my life because I’m realizing who you let into your life can have good or bad consequences.

    • “who you let into your life can have good or bad consequences.” APA so true

      It has been said time and time again you can’ t pick your family but you can choose how you will let them affect you. (keeps this in mind since it is rapidly approaching the time of the year) LOL

      Now regarding friends– we can exercise the most agency there, since we get to pick our friends but some people (including myself at one point) seem to be on auto-poilet to pick as dysfunctional people one can find. Sistahs really need to stop being Capt-N-Save-A-Ho-Give-A-Bruh-A-Chance-Me-And-My-Kids-Need-A-Place-To-Stay(for free)-Cause-I-Spent-The-Rent-Money-On-Nothing

      We act like we are really doing God’s work and we will some how be bless now or in the after-life for putting all our resources into people with diminishing ROR and bring bad consequences with them. Qui Bono is right!!!!!!

  8. OLS,
    I do not have a B.S degree, right now I am attending top ranking junior college. They offer a anesthesia technologist program. The program is only one year. Before the program is over with the job offers are many. But they cannot get enough students who are interest in this field. So I’m taking advantage of there need. I have no debt and very frugal. I feel happy and gay because this allows to benefit greatly. Staying neutral and preparing for the future. Thank you for posting your views and thoughts.

  9. This post should be required reading. I wish I had more to say that was not already so eloquently stated in the post as well as comments.

  10. def of crisis management —
    A crisis can occur as a result of an unpredictable event or as an unforeseeable consequence of some event that had been considered a potential risk. In either case, crises almost invariably require that decisions be made quickly to limit damage to the organization. For that reason, one of the first actions in crisis management planning is to identify an individual to serve as crisis manager.

    Other crisis management best practices include:
    •Planning in detail for responses to as many potential crises as possible.
    •Establishing monitoring systems and practices to detect early warning signals of any foreseeable crisis.
    •Establishing and training a crisis management team or selecting an external crisis management firm with a proven track record in your business area.
    •Involving as many stakeholders as possible in all planning and action stages.

    The field of crisis management is generally considered to have originated with Johnson & Johnson’s handling of a situation in 1982, when cyanide-laced Tylenol killed seven people in the Chicago area. The company immediately recalled all Tylenol capsules in the country and offered free product in tamper-proof packaging. As a result of the company’s swift and effective response, the effect to shareholders was minimized and the brand recovered and flourished.

    To me this is what the BWE blogs have inspired a lot of Black/African American Women readers to think about …Crisis management for OUR LIVES. Because.No.One.Is.Coming.To.Our.Rescue,Period.

    They have been sounding the alarm. And like was mentioned in the previous post with over 400 replies (wow OLS et al y’all made my summer) there’s no reason to be caught behind the 8 ball. Avoid the rush and plan your exit plan now. Do not DEPEND on others to rescue or even think about saving BW because if their past behavior is any indication for future behavior…We Black women will be in a world of hurt.

    Decrease your debt
    Decrease your spending habits
    Decrease your emotional dependency on Drama/Crisis
    Decrease your excess weight
    Decrease negativity in your life

    Increase your savings/retirement funds
    Increase spending time with supportive people (face time not virtual)
    Increase your veggie intake
    Increase body movement/exercise
    Increase your artistic expression
    Increase positivity and joy in your life.

    Write a game plan just for the next couple of months and stick to it. Develop discipline now. I know it’s the holidays season but make your mind up TO BE A BETTER YOU NOW. AVOID THE RUSH.

  11. I was thinking how I know several women who have to depend on their EX husbands even though the relationship is not healthy. It seems to me that most of my life all I have seen were Black women struggling to make ends meet and it seems that other groups of women had a little easier time. I was in Walgreens and this young black lady is 7 months pregnant. I am noticing a
    a lot of Black women are working up until their due date. Several black women had to return to work with in a few weeks. So she still needs time to heal and she can’t enjoy her baby for the allotted 6 weeks. Where as white women seem to have of course not all because they can become single parents as well, but it seems that many become stay at home moms and then some of them start their own business. Black women have to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I feel that we need to take a real hard look at our situation and make drastic changes because with the immigration in place a lot of resources are being redirected and we have to get ours while everyone is getting theirs.

    • Shaylah,

      You make some pretty good points about black motherhood. I’ve made similar observations. I believe that the mass numbers of black children born OOW has made people think that these types of situations are okay or even ideal. OOW births and struggling, single BLACK mothers is the status quo in the black community, which is why there is so much push-back against common sense movements such as NWNW. The normalization of OOW births in the black community has also contributed to the laissez-faire attitude many BW have about birth control/family planning. Now, none of my black, female friends are single mothers, but some of them have peculiar ideas about birth control. Some of them have expressed that they believe that birth control pills may prevent them from conceiving in the future once they are ready to have children or that they believe that they are “sensitive” to birth control pills. As a result, some of them choose not to use birth control pills. However, these same women do not proactively pursue other options for female-controlled forms of birth control such as IUDs. I should note that these women do not have regular visits with an OB/GYN or primary care physician, so one can only guess where they are getting these ideas. In addition, many of them have the belief that once you are in a committed relationship that it is okay and preferable not to use condoms because of the “trust” you and your partner have. You can see how they can get into trouble when they enter into a new, sexually-active, monogamous relationship, but haven’t got around to making an appointment with an OB/GYN to discuss alternative options for birth control. This is how many black women who manage to get through high school without getting pregnant end up with surprise pregnancies in their 20s and 30s.

      There are a number of reasons why BW are unable to take control of their sexual health. One big issue is the black church/black community that (over)emphasizes sexual morality for BW exclusively. Some of my friends were conflicted about having premarital sex or just didn’t want to be viewed as loose women, so they weren’t going to proactive about making sure that they protecting themselves from STDs and unwanted pregnancy. I guess it’s easier to keep a clear conscience when you didn’t “plan” to sin or when you can fool yourself as well as others into thinking that you are sexually naive. Another big issue is the screwed up dating/mating market in the black community. Many BW–no matter how beautiful or accomplished–feel that ANY BM can have his pick when it comes to women. As a result, you have BW who are willing to do anything, including not insisting upon safe sexual practices, if it means pleasing their man. The believe that if they won’t do it, then someone else will. We could spend all day discussion the factors that negatively impact the health of BW, but the 2 above are some of the common ones that I notice among my peers.

      In order for these negative dynamics to change, BW need to do 4 things. The first step is to completely check out of the black community, or divest. The black community could not care less about the plight of black children or black women, so quit wasting resources and time by supporting a community filled with people who resent and hate you. The second step is to maintain high standards for the men that they choose to marry, to have sex with, and to procreate with. The third step is to insist upon safe sexual practices with every sexual partner that they have. The fourth step is to be willing to be alone AND childless if they can’t find truly suitable men. (Yeah, I know several high-profile women have chosen to adopt and become single mothers. However, the average person doesn’t have to the financial resources to do this and not struggle immensely.) Black women need to stop settling because we can clearly see the absolute mess that it has created. BW cry and protest about the negative gender dynamics facing BW, but at the end of day, most eventually give into the status quo and choose to sex and get pregnant by no good men rather than be single. Every time you settle, you lessen your power because you show that your threats and ultimatums mean nothing. Show by your actions rather than your words that you mean business. Like Neecy mentions in her current post, BW need to employ stealth when executing this plan. Don’t tell anyone that you are changing your approach to life. Just do it!

      • @APA, I think you make a good point, especially the fourth step, be willing to be single and child free if you can’t find a suitable partner. Too many BW feel, “I don’t want to be ALONE” so they settle for anybody. That turns into a very unhealthy situation, especially for children that are born into such a union.

  12. Ladies stay safe where ever you are. Remember reciprocity is so important during these trying times. Like OLS and Khadija say look to who benefits and beware of being anyone’s mule. We are the least protected and least respected group and as such we really have no business supporting anyone or group that doesn’t have a history of supporting us.

    I’m avoiding the protest and staying far and away from the crowds. Now is the time to work on you and yourself.

      • Of course! Everyone needs to read that post. I am mostly unsurprised that the people who rabidly supported twelves years a slave are now seeing it blow up in their faces. Especially the part about the non american black actress being the first black woman in an american film. Its really a shame, but only when black women have everything ripped away from them will they learn…. or maybe even not then.

        • OLS,

          You said, “but only when black women have everything ripped away from them will they learn…. or maybe even not then.”

          Well, there it is! I firmly believe that this era/point in time right now is the VERY LAST CHANCE for any significant number of African-Americans in general (and AA women in particular) to pull away from less than optimal and/or negative life circumstances. Because we’re on the last rotation with our patterned responses to various stimuli.

          In recent days, a number of AABW have tried to engage me in conversations about the Ferguson protests and the recent police killing of the Black boy who was playing with a very realistic-looking toy gun. I can’t even rouse myself to engage in those conversations because, quite frankly, I’m bored with these cyclical patterns and I. Just. Don’t. Care. About. That. Anymore.

          I’ve been blessed to live long enough to have previously seen earlier “rotations” of the current Pavlov’s dogs-responses of riots (mass tantrums) followed by calls to “Buy Black” as a form of emotional revenge. ALL followed by a quick resumption of Business As Usual behaviors by the masses of AAs.

          This Ferguson mess is a rerun of the 1992 Rodney King riots. Which was a rerun of the 1991 Crown Heights riot in New York. Which was a rerun of the 1980 Miami riots. Which was a rerun of the 1960s riots my parents told me about. Mass tantrums/riots triggered by the following stimuli: the beating or killing of a Black male by nonblack males. Followed by calls to “Buy Black!” Followed by Business As Usual AA Consumer Behavior Of Boycotting Visibly Black-Owned Businesses.

          I believe AAs are on the final rotation with this cyclical behavior pattern because the empowered group that we’ve been having these tantrums against is evolving. The emerging Latino and Asian political/police/power elites are NOT going to entertain riots by negro slaves once they become fully entrenched in power in the U.S. The White American power elite has put up with that mess as a vestige from the civil rights movement, but that day is passing in the post 9/11 era of militarized American police.

          The AABW patterned behavior of giving blind, unreciprocated, knee-jerk support in response to the stimuli of seeing a Black face or half-Black face is also on its last rotation. Because (as I’ve discussed in several blog posts) foreign Black performers are coming up in Hollywood at the expense of AA performers, producers, and directors. And we as AAs are enabling foreign Blacks to do this.

          Because we foolishly assume that every Black face (or half-Black face) is somehow on the same “team” with us. One of the statements made at the post I linked to about Steve McQueen’s latest project is an example of this. The other blogger said, “It’s fucked up that this is accepted practice in the industry and it’s fucked up that our own filmmakers, once they’ve made it, are perpetuating it.”

          Here’s the thing: Steve McQueen is NOT “our own.” Lupita is NOT “our own.” They’re not “our own” and they never were. And they never claimed to be, as far as I can tell. They simply stood back and took shrewd advantage of AAs’ stupidity. They quietly stood back and reaped the benefit of AAs’ idiotic, validation-seeking behavior of claiming all sorts of other people who have NEVER claimed us. I don’t blame them, I blame US in this episode. Because we freely (and without any strings or demands attached) offer up our coattails for these other people to ride. We offer our backs as footstools for foreign Blacks and other so-called “people of color.”

          Anyhoo, I suspect that these sorts of issues will become moot within the next 5-10 years. Because, at the rate things are going, the only Black-looking faces that will be prominently seen on American movie and TV screens will belong to either foreign Blacks or biracials. As I said at the end of an earlier post, If Angela Bassett, Diahann Carroll & Vanessa Bell Calloway Were Starting Their Acting Careers Now, They’d Never Get Hired—And Many Of You Are Okay With That Result
          http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2014/06/if-angela-bassett-diahann-carrol_21.html

          —“We’ll probably never know who all of this generation’s Angela Bassett, etc. are because today’s Angela Bassett and others can’t get work. They can’t get work and they won’t “do for self” to create their own productions.

          I’m sure you’ll be *perpetually surprised* when things get to the point that the only roles in which White Hollywood and negro male directors and producers are willing to cast AABW are either in porn or ‘reality TV.’

          THIS is where all of this is headed.”—

  13. The casting call that Khadija described in her post is crazy, but doesn’t surprise me. Hollywood only gives a few of us coveted positions in their club, and they only seem to want to pick the ones who are the most willing to promote and perpetuate negative stereotypes. I know everyone wants to be on the silver screen, be the star, and the center of attention, but maybe black (African American) Hollywood needs to focus on creating movies, TV shows, documentaries, etc. independently. I was watching Hollywood Divas, and Golden Brooks (from Girlfriends) was venting about how the competition for “black” roles was so stiff in Hollywood. There are only a handful of roles for black actors compared to the multitude of roles available for white actors, so when there’s a casting call for a “black” role, according to Golden, almost EVERY black actor/actress in Hollywood shows up for the casting call even the so-called successful black actors/actresses. Honestly, I found the show to be depressing because you could just feel the desperation through the television screen. These women have tried for years to build careers in Hollywood, but basically decided to give up and join a sub par reality show to collect a check.

    Everyone wants to be a star, but maybe it is time for AA women in Hollywood to focus on being the content creators like Shonda Rhimes and Oprah. Shonda’s big break was Gray’s Anatomy, which mostly featured black AA women in minor roles, but she used the success of that one show to create other groundbreaking shows that featured AA women as the lead characters. I bet you money that she’ll soon start acting and making cameos in her own productions like Tyler Perry. However, unlike Tyler Perry, her roles will actually uplift and challenge stereotypes about BW. Black Hollywood needs to think about the long game. It boggled my mind that some of the actresses (Elise Neal, Golden Brooks, etc) in Hollywood Divas didn’t use their connections and college degrees to pursue alternative careers in Hollywood such as writing, executive producing, directing, etc. Instead, they chose to join a reality TV show to make a mockery of themselves in order to collect a check and be seen on a TV screen. If they had taken a page from Shonda Rimes’ playbook, they would have a different story to tell.

    • APA,

      I had never heard of this Hollywood Divas show until reading your comment, and I looked it up a few minutes ago.

      Well, THAT was disheartening! On so many levels. Surely, these grown-butt women can’t possibly think this show is a good look for them or that it will somehow enhance their careers.

      At least I hope not . . . {said in a small, quiet voice}

      As I said in another comment above, I’m bored with these dysfunctional, dependency-maintaining, Business As Usual, AA behavior patterns. Given the sort of modern, do-for-self technology that’s available to produce one’s own content, there’s really NO excuse for what those BW actresses are doing. Not to say that doing for self is easy. It’s not. It’s always very hard to blaze a new trail. But it sure beats the heck out of participating in that type of demeaning mess. {smh}

    • I went to the link where the actual article was posted. I see that it is only an issue now for some of them when it is black males that are being penalised by colourism. Combined with the fact that the actor they cast in the role grew up all the way in Perth (Oz), so they really (imho), intentionally went for someone as foreign to generic AA black as possible. I suspect that because the role involves someone who tries to move within elite white society, they wanted someone that they could sell/market as not ‘too’ black (and I’m not just talking about racially here).

      That said, I cannot and do not care that this is happening to bm actors. Every time they get somewhere, they make a point of limiting (and even eliminating) the opportunities for black actresses, so as far as I’m concerned, it serves them right!

      Everyone wants to be a star, but maybe it is time for AA women in Hollywood to focus on being the content creators like Shonda Rhimes and Oprah. Shonda’s big break was Gray’s Anatomy, which mostly featured black AA women in minor roles, but she used the success of that one show to create other groundbreaking shows that featured AA women as the lead characters. I BET you money that she’ll soon start acting and making cameos in her own productions like Tyler Perry.

      What people need to accept is that not everyone gets to be the lead singer. In fact, most people don’t. In most cases, the back-up singers tend to be more (vocally) talented than the main star, but they don’t have that ‘star quality’. Similarly, there are many singers out there who have great voices, but because they cannot (or refuse to) create their own music, they are still in the wilderness. If your method of success is to wait for someone else to create the art (which is the hardest part of artistry itself), and then hope that they’ll just come and drop it in your lap for you to get all the accolades, you are going to be waiting a long time. This can be extended to the actresses. The fact is that not everyone can carry a show/film etc. There are quite a few filmmakers out there who always write a small but significant part for themselves (or their children) in each of their scripts, as a way to get their face out there. When they have built a name for themselves/become a bit more known/get more connections etc, they are then able to leverage these things for bigger projects with studio backing, they have a small but developed fanbase that they can build on, etc.

      I don’t really have much hope that any of the AA writers/directors out there are going to buck up and get a clue. Afterall, IIRC, not too long ago, it was an AA woman director (might be wrong, but think it was Ava DuVernay) who cast two foreign actors (one bm, and a half-white woman), to play Martin and Corretta in a new film. I’m not against the idea of casting foreign black actors in these roles at all (afterall, I would fall into that category of ‘foreign black’ myself), but I do think it is a real problem when all the main roles are going to them, and the only time AA actresses (because I’m not fussed about the actors), get cast, if at all, is in the bit part roles, in what is an AA story!

      • I agree!

        I spend time on writing boards as well as on reader boards and I find that BW are doing the same thing in that business. They complain about not having enough books with BW featured yet most of them don’t buy from the BW authors that are around. And then, those authors, some make enough to stick around, some have other income streams that allow them to treat writing as a hobby, and some drop out.

        BW have internalized being the mammy that can do it all as well as being hopeless. Too many BW expect others to give them what they need instead of creating their own, from jobs to everything else. I mentored five girls starting in mid-2009 for 5 years. They are all 18+ now. One is in college and has fully embraced BWE. Two are in college but still turned towards the BC like Lot’s wife. The other two have embraced the BC and are living Business as Usual in the BC. It’s sad that out of this group, only 1 out of the 5 looks like that she’s going to make it. The other four won’t, they might become “successful” but they are not going to make it.

        Talking about BM, I’m becoming convinced that many of them know that the BC is doomed, they are doomed, they just want to bring all of the BW with them as well. BW are women and women can be saved by other men if BW are open and willing to be saved by non-BM. BM know what and they are gnashing their teeth as each BW who escapes the matrix for good away from their doom.

        This was random, I know. Sorry.

  14. but only when black women have everything ripped away from them will they learn…. or maybe even not then.

    The real deal is that even IF they learn, they still must take ACTION. Learning is passive. Other groups, not only have learned, they can and DO quickly take action when presented with open doors. This is why other groups (Asians, ww, Africans, Indians, Gays, etc.) sashay in as soon as AAs knock down the doors, whereas, it takes AAs forever to even think about getting ready to go through the door. They then have to take time to engage in in-fighting or a whole lot of bickering. So we can see when we look back at all of those open doors over the past 50 years that the overwhelming most of AAs never even decided to actually go through the doors–no matter what.

    That is just a fact. But other folks did go through those doors that AAs knocked down and they stand now waiting for AAs to knock down more doors for them.

    The FACT is that it’s much easier for other groups to go through doors because they operate as groups; they don’t operate as individuals when going through those doors. Or I should say that operating as a group IS what enabled them to go through the doors. Name ONE group that has become more successful in America by operating as individuals. Operating as groups is what has enabled the advancement of ALL other groups in the U.S.

    People keep telling me that it’s a waste of time for me to keep talking about AAbw coming together as a group to do this or that or creating and practicing any sort of RUCOSS (reasonably uplifting culture of some sort.) IF that is the case, then the future will show that all of this talking by AA women about this or that is really pointless. SOME individual AA women were going to do just fine anyway.

    With the way AAbw are poised to support these upcoming films like MLK and the lavish way AAbw supported their erasure in ‘RED TAILS’ and their favorite slave movies as well as the non-AA actors in those slave movies (without even a hint of reciprocity) as well as the way they praise and support other media featuring non-AA blacks and white-skinned biracials, AND given the way AAs are determined to try to operate as “individuals” or die trying (which they will), I’d say that the non-AA black movie stars, authors, directors, and TV luminaries like Lupita, Chimamanda Adiche, and “Uzo” Aduba have already left AAbw in the dust in Hollywood and in the media world. These non-AA blacks will soon, if not already, be in charge of black FEMALE Hollywood. All 3 of those women are young/younger PLEASANT, charming, wholesome women. They have highly positive images. Viola Davis is a powerhouse, but she is getting up there in age. She therefore has a dwindling shelf life. Not sure whether Kerry identifies as an AA woman and she IS married to an Igbo (Nigerian) man now. So, the non-AA black female glitterati have been catapulted to the top by AAbw–ALREADY.

    And did I read that Lupita and Chimamanda are getting or have gotten the green light from Hollywood producers to work on a joint film project. If not, they will get it, and furthermore, they will DO it. They WILL stick together, get along, and do it.

    Chimamanda and Uzo are Igbos; they come from the SAME Nigerian ethnic and cultural background, and numerous African artists, actors, authors, performers have wished to get their foot in the American/Hollywood door for a LOOOONNNNNGGGG time. LOL! Yes, Nigerians have Nollywood, but the mega bucks and power are in Hollywood–the entertainment capital of the world.

    Thanks largely to the overwhelming support of AAbw’s dollars and adulation, these non-black AAs have now been granted their wish. They are now in the driver’s seat. They are in the position to offer AAs a few crumbs to keep the support coming. Don’t worry, they will offer y’all those crumbs.

    But do NOT get mad at these non-AA blacks! They didn’t take anything from AAs. Y’all gave it to them. IF you didn’t give it to them, you’d give it to some other group (without any reciprocity) or give it to AA men (without reciprocity) or anybody and everybody but other AA women because the bulk of AAbw show the world everyday that they don’t trust, value, invest in, or even much like each other.

    I’m a woman who believes in ACTION too, So, I have to salute non-AA blacks who seize the day because if they were to stand back patiently and wait for AAbw to stop merely spewing hot air and support the positive efforts of each other, then they too would be magical thinkers.

  15. My comment above may seem harsh. I know our AA history. But it often seems to me that SOME AAs want to cling to or live every moment of today stuck in history. I believe that many of them find that easier to do than to RE-EDUCATE or RE-Program themselves to move ahead to action NOW. There are so many resources available now to do that and these resources and opportunities have been available for many decades.

    It’s as if SOME (even supposedly highly-conscious, aware AAs) want to hang on to those lies that racist whites told our foreparents like those lies are their comforting “blankies.” You know how some children have a favorite blanket they hang onto even into their adulthood. For ex., I’m just undone when I read about AAs fighting to hang on to the N-word! Or when they refer to each others’ hair or skin in the vile way that racist whites referred to black hair and skin.

    For some reason, so many AAs REFUSE to implement their OWN re-education program. They could do that just as easily as some of them continue to talk about what ‘de evil white folks’ did/does to blacks. Another example is the blacks who continue to say or chant that the Constitution considered blacks to be 3/5 human. Well, Duh! Chattel slavery was an immensely profitable American INSTITUTION so naturally, ALL of the laws on the books would support it.

    As I said, there is something about those racist lies that is highly appealing to SOME AAs. It’s beyond weird!!

    There’s a popular black women’s site (I won’t mention the name) that reveals so much about the ailing mindset of many younger blacks. All of those YOUNGER and supposedly upwardly mobile, professional blacks are usually over their worrying about how white folks view blacks in this or that situation. It’s SO embarrassing to someone like me–who has pride in my AA heritage. The blacks I was around during my formative and early adult years NEVER spent time focusing on how white folks would view blacks since they already generally knew how typical whites would view and behave in any situation that involved blacks.

    Some of that site’s commenters apparently feel so much better that some white folks are now involved in the Ferguson protests. SMH

    Blacks are SO easy to manipulate–SO naive! The blacks I grew up around would know that means nothing or next to nothing. Like Khadija said; This is all deja vu. I, too, have gone through this many, many times. Since I’ve experienced this many times before, I already knew there would be no indictment in that Ferguson case. Therefore, the announcement was of no interest to me.

    I also knew that blacks would riot and some would call for boycotts of Black Friday and yadda, yadda. So, I know the outcome of ALL of this, but y’all won’t get any spoiler from me. LOL!

  16. Evia:

    My dad was watching the news about the protests in Ferguson, and he mentioned that their time and effort was better spent electing BLACK political leaders in their communities. He thought that it was ridiculous that the city is predominantly black, but the mayor and the majority of the city council are white. To him, the lack of black leadership in a predominantly black city shows that the black citizens of Ferguson are not active participants in local politics. They are wasting the little economic and political capital that they do have.

    Everyone wants to protest and get a temporary high from being a part of a “movement,” but no one is talking about real solutions that the black people in Ferguson can implement in order to make lasting changes. However, like you said, many of these solutions require group cooperation, which is something that has not existed for a long time in the black community.

    Khadija:

    I’m also disappointed in the business as usual behaviors of AAs. I was speechless (and saddened) when I read about Tamir Rice, a 12 y.o. boy who was shot by an officer who thought his pellet gun was real. Now, a few months ago in the SAME state there was a young black man, who was shot by officers in a Wal-Mart while holding a BB gun that he planned to purchase for his son. Given the Michael Brown shooting and all the other incidents we’ve heard about in the news, I couldn’t understand why his parents/caretakers would allow him to run around unsupervised in a crime-ridden neighborhood that is heavily policed with a toy gun that looked real. Local activists are organizing a toy gun buyback initiative, but no one is having real conversations about some changes that black parents need to make given the current climate in this country. Namely, keeping their children indoors and out sight from police officers who are looking to arrest potential black suspects as well as thugs and gang members who are looking for young recruits.

    Quite frankly, these incidents are the fruits that the black collective has reaped by supporting music and entertainment that glorifies the criminal elements in our communities. Breuklen Bleu had some excellent posts on her deleted FB page about how imagery carries immense power, and the imagery that AAs have created over the past few years has associated black people with criminal behavior, violence, and foolishness. Many of our entertainers have worked hand in hand with racists to perpetuate negative stereotypes about black people, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that law enforcement views young black people as threats that need to be taken out.

    IamKM:

    I agree that many black people realize the black community is doomed because that is the only way to explain the self-destructive choices that some black people make. People who believe that they have a future don’t self-sabotage.

  17. @ APA re:

    My dad was watching the news about the protests in Ferguson, and he mentioned that their time and effort was better spent electing BLACK political leaders in their communities. He thought that it was ridiculous that the city is predominantly black,

    No disrespect to your Dad, but putting blacks in political office in the U.S. won’t change anything for the black collective. That’s already been tried 50-eleven times across the country over the past 4 decades and NOTHING has changed for the better in these large or urban areas. Some would argue things got even worse for most blacks in Detroit, DC, LA, Philly, etc. when they had/have black mayors.

    And without the black politician or “leader” leading with the right MESSAGE containing a block of uplifting values and behaviors for blacks AND a strong and organized support base that will unceasingly echo and use muscle to push that black politician’s or leader’s message, s/he is merely a figurehead. For AAs as a group, uplifting change will ONLY come through a LEADER drilling the right MESSAGES into their skulls and using various means to pressure them to behave in accordance with that uplifting message’s values. AAs need to be RE-EDUCATED or RE-PROGRAMMED with a new MENTALITY and then compelled to follow their new education or program. IMO, this is the only thing that will work.

    The so-called leaders that AAs have now keep them fixated on whites. SMH This would be comical if the results weren’t so tragic for AAs. I know that some blacks get furious at me for NOT blaming whites, but that’s not how I was shaped. I was shaped by blacks who were mostly self-reliant and believed that–given even slight opportunities, they could do great things. So when I see the mountain of opportunities surrounding blacks and hear them whining, I can’t relate to that.

    I know y’all may tire of hearing this but as Dr. Barbara Sizemore (national educational leader and professor at Univ. of Pittsburgh) taught: In order for any group to rise in the U.S., they first must have a cultural foundation that includes an uplifting mentality; then a financial base, and next is political power. Just look at the Irish, the Jews, the Koreans, Middle Easterners, etc. Notice how so many Middle Easterners are in the process NOW of establishing a solid block of businesses in every community they can across the country. This is done through GROUP COOPERATION. In my area, they buy convenience stores, liquor stores, restaurants, small hotels and then larger hotels, etc. We can clearly see what the Koreans and other Asians do to form their financial base. These groups can do this ONLY because enough of their people already have a similar cultural foundation. They don’t have a special halo around their heads.

    In my MICOMSA group, we were on the verge of buying a multi-unit apartment building near a large, highly rated university–to start establishing our financial base. The husband (a financially comfortable wm) of one of our members was very interested in investing money in our praiseworthy venture. I know this because the two of them traveled a long distance to meet with me and one of the other Micomsa members to discuss the details. She and he had done the research re this type of purchase and he had property management experience, so he told me he was ready to invest $50,000 AT THAT POINT. He assumed that enough of the other Micomsa members were also ready. Sadly, they were not. They backed off, one by one, citing one reason or another. That was a LACK of group cooperation, This shows the stark difference between hot air or mere talk and people who are ready for ACTION.

    The fate of the AA collective is in their hands. If enough of them are not prepared or can’t get prepared to re-educate/reprogram themselves to ACT cooperatively as a group to uplift themselves and start right NOW doing that, then they are terminal because they will be actively exterminated through a variety of means by stronger, more cohesive groups (already underway) and/or they will otherwise wither (get sicker, weaker) and become extinct. I know this is going to happen and this is why I advocate for as many AA women as possible to marry out. That’s the best, most viable escape I can suggest from this fate for a large portion of the women.

    Local activists are organizing a toy gun buyback initiative, but no one is having real conversations about some changes that black parents need to make given the current climate in this country. Namely, keeping their children

    AA women and men have largely lost the know-how to raise their children in a successful manner. Also, just having a father in the home is NOT enough. I’ve observed the azz-backwardness of various AA fathers. Poor parenting is the MAIN reason why so many black children are self-destructing or are being destroyed in the U.S. This I know for sure because I worked as a professional in a 3 state area in the Northeast for over 2 decades where I saw children of all groups who had clueless parents and were out of control or had serious behavior issues or school problems at an early age. The overwhelming largest proportion of these children were AAs. Of course, poverty was a factor in some cases, but an almost equal portion of these black children were from working class or middle income homes. The parents lacked the know-how to parent adequately. I’m not talking about being a perfect parent.

    Due to the lack of the RUCOSS among AAs, most AA children do not and won’t ever have a chance to develop their potential or to even survive. And typical AAs need to stop being–to quote myself: “perpetually surprised” about that when they hear or read about AA children being pushed off the earth.

  18. Evia,

    Among various things, you said (emphasis added in bold):

    —“With the way AAbw are poised to support these upcoming films like MLK and the lavish way AAbw supported their erasure in ‘RED TAILS’ and their favorite slave movies as well as the non-AA actors in those slave movies (without even a hint of reciprocity) as well as the way they praise and support other media featuring non-AA blacks and white-skinned biracials, AND given the way AAs are determined to try to operate as “individuals” or die trying (which they will), I’d say that the non-AA black movie stars, authors, directors, and TV luminaries like Lupita, Chimamanda Adiche, and “Uzo” Aduba have already left AAbw in the dust in Hollywood and in the media world. These non-AA blacks will soon, if not already, be in charge of black FEMALE Hollywood. All 3 of those women are young/younger PLEASANT, charming, wholesome women. They have highly positive images. Viola Davis is a powerhouse, but she is getting up there in age. She therefore has a dwindling shelf life. Not sure whether Kerry identifies as an AA woman and she IS married to an Igbo (Nigerian) man now. So, the non-AA black female glitterati have been catapulted to the top by AAbw–ALREADY.

    . . . Chimamanda and Uzo are Igbos; they come from the SAME Nigerian ethnic and cultural background, and numerous African artists, actors, authors, performers have wished to get their foot in the American/Hollywood door for a LOOOONNNNNGGGG time. LOL! Yes, Nigerians have Nollywood, but the mega bucks and power are in Hollywood–the entertainment capital of the world.

    Thanks largely to the overwhelming support of AAbw’s dollars and adulation, these non-black AAs have now been granted their wish. They are now in the driver’s seat. They are in the position to offer AAs a few crumbs to keep the support coming. Don’t worry, they will offer y’all those crumbs.“—

    First of all, this is true, and it makes me sick to my stomach to see this happening due to AAs’ mass stupidity. I HATE to see Latinos, foreign Blacks and other outsiders climbing over the bones of dead AA martyrs.

    It also makes me sick to my stomach to see so many gullible AABW automatically speaking in terms of “we” in reference to these African actresses. Stupidly assuming that we’re all somehow on the same team. So many AA female morons grinning and skinning while Lupita is climbing over our ancestors’ bones to get her accolades. Dummies who assume they are winning while she wins.

    It all reminds me of the slave asking the slave master, “WE’s sick, boss?”

    Second, about Kerry Washington’s ethnic background, from Wikipedia:

    —“Washington was born in The Bronx, New York City, the daughter of Valerie, a professor and educational consultant, and Earl Washington, a real estate broker. Her father’s family is African American, from South Carolina and Brooklyn, and her mother’s family is Jamaican American, from Manhattan; Washington has said that her mother is from a “mixed-race background but from Jamaica, so she is partly English and Scottish and Native American, but also descended from African slaves in the Caribbean. She is related to former secretary of state Colin Powell through her mother.”—

    One can make of that whatever one will. The real deal pattern is that for most mixed-ethnicity Black folks (who are AA and something else), the other ethnic heritage is usually dominant over the AA one. Because everybody else “big ups” their own ethnic group. AAs are the only ones addicted to that kumbaya mess at the expense of their own ethnic group.

    In all fairness to our people, we’re the only ones who’ve had our ethnic self-respect literally beaten and tortured out of us. Other types of Black folks like Africans never had their heritage stolen from them. Or they were the majority population on their islands (like most West Indians). The only Black ethnic groups with historical dynamics similar to AAs are Black Latinos—most of whom have even less racial self-respect than AA Blacks.

    Be that as it may, it doesn’t excuse AA misleadership’s ongoing failure to stage an ethnic and racial self-respect intervention within the AA collective.

    I continue to mention our people’s unique history because I believe that history is an important component of what should be/needs to a series of “both/and” strategies. As you’ve said over the years of blogging, AAs have the unfortunate pattern of creating unnecessary (and often self-defeating) “either/or” binaries.

    It irks me when outsiders who were never subjected to what our people were subjected to are lifted up as if they’re so functional and wonderful when these other people never went through what our people went through. [I’m not saying that you or anybody else in this conversation did that.]

    That also irks me because most peoples who have suffered things comparable to what AAs have suffered are even worse off than AAs. They’re either literally extinct or nearly totally extinct like various Native American Indian nations and tribes. Or they’re even more self-hating and self-disrespecting than AAs, like most Black Latinos and Black Arabs.

    So, I feel that yeah, these Nigerians and other Africans would be expected to act in their group self-interest and use gullible AAs as a footstool. These Africans didn’t suffer what AAs suffered. Furthermore, they don’t have any legitimate excuses for why their countries are uniformly still a mess (unlike, say, South Korea—which has a very traumatic history of being brutally conquered and exploited by Japan long before the trauma, destruction and partition of the Korean—and Japan).

    I believe in giving credit wherever it’s due. Our people should always give ourselves credit for even surviving that which has already literally destroyed many tribes and nations.

    I’m going to continue to say and do “both/and.” I’m going to keep mentioning our people’s historical context while ALSO talking about/acting in support of strategies that actually work.

    —“For AAs as a group, uplifting change will ONLY come through a LEADER drilling the right MESSAGES into their skulls and using various means to pressure them to behave in accordance with that uplifting message’s values. AAs need to be RE-EDUCATED or RE-PROGRAMMED with a new MENTALITY and then compelled to follow their new education or program. IMO, this is the only thing that will work.”—

    To my knowledge, the only time this was attempted and succeeded in significant numbers of AAs was in the Nation of Islam under Elijah Muhammad’s leadership (before he passed away). It took being under the control of a coercive cult. Older former NOI members have told me that—way back in the day—folks would sometimes get physically smacked or even beaten by the paramilitary NOI internal police called the “Fruit of Islam” (FOI)for backsliding into typical AA NON-cooperation behaviors.

    For examples, I heard of one NOI member being immediately slapped in his face by a FOI after he rudely failed to return a Muslim greeting said to him by another NOI member. A male NOI acting in any way other than polite with female NOI members could result in a full beating by the FOI. In terms of NOI members being overweight, each local mosque’s minister and captain would charge each overweight member $1.00 per month for each pound they were overweight.

    Bottom line: the old NOI was serious as a heart attack about removing self-defeating, slave behavior patterns from its membership. They didn’t coddle or play with folks.

    • As you’ve said over the years of blogging, AAs have the unfortunate pattern of creating unnecessary (and often self-defeating) “either/or” binaries.

      I am Caribbean-American. Both my parents are immigrants but out of observation this is so true. In NYU, the black students that attend or NOT african-american. In fact its at least 96% children who are of Caribbean descent or children who have african parents. I know this sounds effed up to say but I can tell when I am around black children of immigrants vs african american children. I’m sorry but us black children of immigrants are taught not to follow the AA children or hang out with them. my nigerian, ethiopian, mali, and caribbean friends all say the same thing. I’m not even allowed to date an AA. If most AA’s had your mindset you guys would be in a better place. And yes I am well aware we Caribbeans have our flaws. My mom believes you guys cling to ‘blaming the white man’.

      • Rae,

        I hear you. Ever since I started my 1st blog in September 2008, I’ve been encouraging AABW to stop cutting their own throats with these various disastrous fake, non-reciprocated, one-sided, lopsided “alliances” with folks who are not AABW (oh, such as BM, foreign Blacks, Latinos, transgender/cross-dressing men, etc., etc., etc.).

        The topic of the ongoing erasure and replacement of AA Black students with foreign Black students in American colleges and universities was the 2nd blog post I ever wrote:

        Charity Should Begin at Home, Part 1: “Study: Universities prefer foreign black students”
        http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2008/09/charity-should-begin-at-home-part-1.html

        In the next post, I documented the disastrous political effects of these various fake, non-reciprocated, one-sided, lopsided “alliances” with folks who are not AAs (oh, such as BM, foreign Blacks, Latinos, transgender/cross-dressing men, etc., etc., etc.).

        Charity Should Begin at Home, Part 2: Black Folks’ Mass Suicide by Coalition
        http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2008/09/charity-should-begin-at-home-part-2.html

        The last time I checked, the article and study I linked to in that first post had been scrubbed/removed from the Daily Princetonian website: “There’s a story entitled, “Study: Universities prefer foreign black students” from the March 7, 2007 issue of The Daily Princetonian.” But I quoted from it in the blog post, and the underlying info is still out there for those who search for it.

        “Somebody else” or groups of “somebody elses” at Princeton don’t want AAs to wake up and catch a clue about this erasure/replacement because they benefit from this situation continuing. Various groups of “somebody elses” benefit by taking the affirmative slots and related Dead AA-Civil-Rights-Martyr-Created goodies that should have been used as restitution to AAs for the centuries of U.S. slavery, followed by the century of official Jim Crow segregation.

        But, at the end of the day, it’s AAs’ own fault for not protecting and fully using the opportunities that our dead civil rights martyrs created for us. It’s our own fault that many of us STILL don’t understand that we mistakenly call “coalitions” and “alliances” actually consist of other people capitalizing off of our unique historical struggle. Even after we get burned by these various other ethnic and racial groups over and over again.

        I just want more AABW to STOP caping for these various other people. That’s the first step toward sanity.

  19. @Khadija, re:

    I HATE to see Latinos, foreign Blacks and other outsiders climbing over the bones of dead AA martyrs.

    I hate it too because my grandmother and my mother were staunch AA women. And I am proud of my AA heritage and that I came from the people AAs USED to be. But I have absolutely NO pride in who AAs have largely become. I can certainly understand why people would want to distance themselves from the bulk of present-day AAs. Yes, AAs have been through an unparalleled hell on earth, but that was yesterday. Instead of launching re-education and re-programming campaigns TODAY to change their future, they’re instead out doing their Christmas shopping at the mall. So, I’m not down with the whining and pity parties that AAs want to have us all endlessly attend. I’ve been listening to the whining for at least 35 years and AAs have gone backwards. I won’t do it anymore.

    I’m so THANKFUL that my grandmother never saw AAs as they are now. She devoted almost ALL of her waking moments to trying to uplift her family and ‘put us on the map’ and AAs in general. And she was never a mammy mule. She didn’t allow other black folks–either inside or outside the family to use or mistreat her. I guess this is why I can never totally stop trying to do my little bit of this and that for the few AAs who have a bit of sanity left. I do it for my grandmother because she believed in black Americans with every fiber of her being.

    The MAIN reason why AAbw can be so easily manipulated to support media/projects that erase them and elevate non-AAbw is two-fold. (1) to slam Black men for rejecting the beauty and desirability of darker AA women as mates/wives. So many AAbw REJOICE to the high heavens at dark-skinned Lupita on the covers of all those glossy magazines and the fact that she’ll be in Star Wars. LOL The fact that her beauty and desirability are out on Front St. and is being validated by white men makes them quiver and want to shout “Hallelujah” because it gives them the big chance to stick it to Black men, in particular, and say, “See how wm can see the beauty of dark skinned bw who have naturally coiled short(er) hair and/or more stereotypical features and love and desire us. SO, WHY CAN’T YOU?”

    So, in actuality, a LOT of AAbw’s support of Lupita is NOT even about her. LOL AAbw are trying to use Lupita as a weapon to bludgeon AAblack men, in particular, into coming to their senses or “coming back home” to help to resurrect the DEAD “black community.”

    A lot of AAbw really, really, really still WANT that BLACK community to become a thriving entity in the U.S. That motivation is super strong. Many of them STILL believe that can happen. I don’t know whether that’s ever been the goal of black Latinos anywhere or even black Brazilians? Do they even want a BLACK community? But since so many AAbw want that BLACK community so badly, they try to use everything to direct the attention of black men at AAbw as their ONLY desirable partners for love, family-making, and community-building. This is also the reason why many of those bw were/are on the front lines in Ferguson and other places. They’re trying to PROVE to AA men that they love them and that they’re the best, most supportive, sexiest, most lovable partners/mates/wives for them. They’re literally trying to show bm that they’re their ‘ride or die’ chicks. They’re showing bm they’re willing to risk it all for them.

    So a lot of AA women are the BIGGEST culprits generating the bulk of this madness because so many of them are MANIACS when it comes to bm.

    SOME of those bw who are maniacs about bm have latched onto BWE and BWIR. LOL They are right here reading this.

    I’m one of those AA women who has always been indifferent towards bm, but these days, I read where so many AAbw will claim they’re indifferent toward bm. I don’t believe it for a second. They can’t fool me because I know how it truly feels to be indifferent toward bm. Bw can’t fake that. If they truly felt indifferent, they wouldn’t always be trying to PROVE anything to bm. Bm would be insignificant to them or no more significant than any other man. They wouldn’t speak about bm in mournful tones.

    Reason (2) for AAbw’s idiotic behavior is that they believe they’re getting back at “whitey” wjhen they support their erasure in movies like “Red Tails” or slave movies since they believe that white folks have kept the knowledge of AA contributions or chattel slavery “hidden” or away from black folks and from public knowledge. LOL! Really? How hidden could it be when it’s sitting around in a gazillion books at the library AND everywhere online for the past couple of decades?

    But SOME AAbw loved for the N-word to be used 5,000 times in “Django Unchained” to show the world how racist whites denigrated blacks and to show how Django was willing to go to the ends of the earth to get his BLACK woman back. Yes!! LOL I’ve never seen the movie and would NEVER ever watch it, but I’ve heard and read bw crowing about that aspect of it. And I’ve often read on certain sites where it’s mainly black WOMEN claiming that “black love is a revolutionary act.”

    I don’t need “black” love; I just need love.

  20. Yes, Evia, you can tell most AA black women aren’t indifferent to black men, because they can’t shut up about them– even in spaces that are specifically NOT not about them.

    Someone tried to come at me about the “knowing your history” aspect of Red Tails. I had to politely inform them that I have a copy–autographed for my children–of a book about the Tuskegee Airmen, picked up when the author was signing books at the Air and Space Museum. I didn’t need to wait for a movie to be made about it (eye roll)

    It is clear to me that even amongst those of us who are awake, there too many not taking the necessary steps, or not taking them quickly enough. It’s like waking up in a burning house. You’ll still die of smoke inhalation if you don’t MOVE, and QUICKLY!

    I will count myself in that number. I avoided many AAbw trickbags, traps, and was impervious to much of the programming, partially from the way I was raised (and partially from sheer selfishness/self-centeredness lol) but that’s not enough to get me to the next level.

    Only a few of us are going to make it, and I WILL be among that number.

  21. @HomesteadGlamorGirl re:

    Yes, Evia, you can tell most AA black women aren’t indifferent to black men, because they can’t shut up about them– even in spaces that are specifically NOT not about them.

    I think that those AAbw who–in their hearts–cannot disconnect themselves from bm (who have overwhelmingly failed bw) need to go and be with those men and stop trying to hitch their wagon to women like me–women who saw the light while I was a pre-teen girl (with the help of my grandmother and mother but ALSO because I could connect the dots). But I’ve noticed that whenever ANY AAbw tries to distance herself from the ABCs, (acting black crew who’ve become the bulk of AAs) they become furious at her and go at her with fangs and claws screaming: “White folks are going to see that you’re black just like the rest of us, so you may as well just face that!.”

    SMH–First of all, what’s so profoundly pathetic about these folks is that they see themselves through white eyes. Secondly, it shows that they can ONLY see themselves through white eyes. I mean, do these sad black folks ever look at themselves in the mirror and see themselves through their OWN eyes? Have they ever? How tragic is that!! To live your whole life and never see yourself through your OWN eyes!!

    And someone just emailed me this to help me to understand why SOME AAbw seem to be all up inside a bm (men who are increasingly making it plain every day in every way possible that they’re most definitely are not interested in bw for anything meaningful).

    This is something a bw on another site said.

    Black women see our worth being tied to the black man. You see it when they are upset for not being in the videos, their magazines and etc. They identify black male as blackness so any attack on the black man is seen as an attack on our race.

    Wow! I’d guess that lots of AAbw think like this. This is exactly why AAbw need to separate into various segments based on their mentality. I don’t think AT ALL like this type of bw. I have never thought that my worth is tied to a BLACK man’s. Even when I was married to a wonderful BLACK man, I didn’t think like that. That has never occurred to me. My worth may be tied partially to that of a quality man in my life–past and present husband–but NOT because of his race but because of his QUALITY. My worth may be partially tied to my sons who I see and love as men who I birthed and because they are high quality human beings–not “BLACK men.”

    And because I always see myself, my husband, and sons through my OWN eyes (not white eyes), I know I can’t actually relate to AAbw who think like this and they can’t relate to me. So, I know there will always be friction between us.

    • ”I think that those AAbw who–in their hearts–cannot disconnect themselves from bm (who have overwhelmingly failed bw) need to go and be with those men and stop trying to hitch their wagon to women like me–women who saw the light while I was a pre-teen girl (with the help of my grandmother and mother but ALSO because I could connect the dots).”

      I think that with these sort of women, they never really bought into the whole idea of BWE, never really accepted it deep down, and hence, never did (and weren’t even willing) to get out of ‘the matrix’ and adopt it as a mindset. Deep down, they can only see themselves existing with bm (and only with the permission of bm), so they are actually ready to allow and accept any sort of dysfunction from and within the bc, as long as bm are right there beside them. These women are not that hard to spot. They are usually the ones who, no matter what a bm does/how damaged his behaviour is, as long as his significant other is black (or at least, octoroon), they are alright with it.

      I perfectly understand why they hover around and in the BWE community. It is their safety net. They don’t really believe that bm will come through in the end, based on experience, past behaviours, current behaviours and any objective predictions of the future, but they still hope. So for them, BWE is just that ‘in case things don’t work out’, I have somewhere to run to. They will expect, once again, other BW to come to their aid. It won’t be the ABC type of bw that they would go to, but those who are thriving thanks to BWE. Many bw who have adopted life strategies to enable her to live well, should start getting used to saying no to other bw (even some of those who might proclaim that they are BWE), as in time, these same women will come knocking on your door, begging and pleading for help, as once again, they were let down/abandoned by their ever-loving bc.

  22. @Rae, re:

    I am Caribbean-American. Both my parents are immigrants but out of observation this is so true. In NYU, the black students that attend or NOT african-american. In fact its at least 96% children who are of Caribbean descent or children who have african parents. I know this sounds effed up to say but I can tell when I am around black children of immigrants vs african american children. I’m sorry but us black children of immigrants are taught not to follow the AA children or hang out with them. my nigerian, ethiopian, mali, and caribbean friends all say the same thing. I’m not even allowed to date an AA. If most AA’s had your mindset you guys would be in a better place. And yes I am well aware we Caribbeans have our flaws. My mom believes you guys cling to ‘blaming the white man’.

    When, I was at NYU back in the late 70s-early 80s, virtually ALL of the black students were AAs.

    My sons, the product of an old-school AA mom and a Nigerian dad, have interesting experiences with other AA-blacks. They mostly mingled with Nigerians, other Africans, and whites when they were growing up, so they thought all AAs were like me. LOL

    AAs will right away spot that something is different about them. For ex., my sons are both relatively young and they’re both professional men with graduate degrees. My oldest son is a bank vice-president in a specialized technical area for one of the world’s largest banks. He doesn’t need to go into the office much, so you’ll usually see him wearing ‘Tims’ and the usual jeans and other casual clothing. When you see him from a distance, he could be easily mistaken for the “homeboy on the corner.” So, starting at age 8 or 9, we taught them how to use their BRAINS when they are around the police and of course, we taught them their AA and Nigerian history. They are both proud of their heritage. They are NOT angry and do NOT blame anyone.

    My sons were raised to be respectful and genteel, but LOTS of AAs apparently have a big problem with respectful, genteel bm. And I don’t care what y’all may say, PLENTY of even very well-educated bw (even from so-called “good homes”) who complain about bm “thugs” cannot wrap their brain around the idea of a respectful, genteel bm. SOME AAs have hinted that my sons are “sellouts” or “white boys,” but my sons are big and I’ve always taught them to be smart and do all they can to AVOID problem-people, but also to not allow others to mess with them, so other men don’t bother them.

    My sons find it much easier to put on an “act” around AAs in order to blend in when necessary, and not cause issues. They code-switch. For ex.,both of my sons can talk the usual lingo expected from certain segments of “educated” AAs. So, if you want to start complaining about ‘de evil white folks,” both of my sons can join right in, (lol) And my oldest son can become your perfect Ray-Ray, or the home-boy on the corner instantly if/when necessary. But, let’s face it, this is stressful and it’s SO sad. My youngest son is not nearly as adept at code-switching, so he mostly prefers to avoid certain AAs or stay quiet around them.. They both have a couple of AA friends though but most of their friends and social circle members are non-AAs. My oldest son is married to an AA woman and they just bought their dream home.

    What’s so telling is that some of my adult black acquaintances think my sons are PERFECT and just find it amazing that they are so “successful” with no OOW children and no prison record!! LOL! As I listen to people praising me and their dad for the fantastic job we did, it makes me feel thankful but it also makes me want to cry.

    Based on the way I was raised, my sons SHOULD be viewed in the “average” range. They’re only doing what they’re supposed to do. After all, I have a grad degree and their dad has a doctorate from Columbia. We were both raised to believe that each generation is supposed to do as well as or even better than the previous one. So, that’s how we raised our sons.

  23. Charles Barkley must have been listening to Khadija.(LOL)!He said that if cops were not in the certain neighborhoods, it will be wild, wild, west. The young pregnant lady lost her eye and she is either blind in the other or have very low vision. It seems that black women just can not get away from the community. They seem to can not get away from black men and separate themselves.
    Now this young lady is blind, pregnant and I wonder will Al Sharpton Jesse Jackson Sr. will come to her aid? Most of the black women marching, laying on the ground probably are not seeing about their health and well being. I mean not to sound graphic, but I went to the dentist and I need dental work done. I will be marching to the dental office to correct my problems. (LOL)! A friend of mines she is 63 and she had to file for bankruptcy. I know she did not get there overnight and I am thinking what will happen when you can not make holiday dinners. I was saying that because no one else seems to volunteer to make dinners so she is the only one muling for the holidays while everyone else does nothing. She was saying if I don’t do it who will? That right there lies the problems of black women and having to do it all. She is married and her daughter had to help her with food. The reason so many black women and black young women have warped thinking is because is it the blind leading the blind. Like Khadija mentioned in one of your posts how REAL TRANSFORMATION TAKE HARD REAL WORK. I am not trying to misquote you Khadija, so I am sorry if is not the exact wording but real change requires real work. That is what I am doing. Making very hard changes and choices because the SHTF, I want to be prepared but I will be living well because of the posts and road maps given to us by OLS, EVIA, KHADIJA,NEECY AND COUNTLESS PIONEERS OF THE BWE.

    • You’ve set up the Challenge. Yay! I would certainly love to support some of them. Just wondering whether we have any idea re whether these bw merchants support BWE. Is there a very strong likelihood that they will reciprocate? I’m saying this because I’m sure you realize that it is no longer smart to support anyone simply because they’re black.

      I assumed that the merchants would be BWE/Commonsense/BWIR advocates, supporters, etc. Of the merchants listed above, I know that Roslyn is fine. I’ve communicated with Melody, so I think I can safely vouch for her.

      Can anyone else vouch for any of these other merchants?

      I would love it if more of us in the BWE/Commonsense/BWIR camp would become merchants because we could then track their support of US and OUR message online via their sites, comments, or other actions.

      Y’all know me; I’m all about RECIPROCITY OR NOTHING.

      For ex., my two AAbw black female doctors (GYN and GP) are strong supporters of BWE/BWIR. I KNOW that because I’ve talked with them about it from time to time, and they strongly encourage me to keep doing what I do. They’ve sent my site URL to other bw they know. My AAbm Ophthalmologist doctor strongly supports black women dating and marrying out and I know that. He supports my IR marriage and he mentioned to me back in June that he gets so tired of seeing so many AAbw who are lonely and/or angry due to being shortchanged by bm. He said: “Black women need to get smart and go out with others–just like black men do.’

      • Also, of the merchants you listed on your site, Karyn Langhorne should get our support because she’s already PROVEN bigtime that she’s an advocate and supporter.

        Some BWE commenters have a long and proven track record of support for BWE in various ways. I’d be happy to vouch for SOME of them if they pop up on your growing merchants’ list. Not saying I can vouch for the quality of anyone’s merchandise though. LOL!

        Did I say this was an EXCELLENT idea? Thanks! It will result in expanding the BWE reach.

        I know that many soft-hearted AAbw will want to support EVERYBODY black or every bw, but in a dire situation like now, you feed yourself and those who support you FIRST.

        I’m usually in settings with non-blacks or non-AAs. And truth be told, even when these others have excess, they NEVER, EVER encourage anyone among them to support or even think about those who are not giving something to THEM. As a matter of fact, people who aren’t giving them something in some kind of way are completely irrelevant to them. And yeah, AAs may be giving these other groups a lot, but they don’t even think about what black Americans give them because there is no demand from black Americans (as a group) for anything in return. AAs are therefore irrelevant to them. They know that a LOT of AAs will still give them their money, etc. even while they pee on AAs.

        • Hmmm…..
          You have made an excellent point, as usual. Highlighting BWE supporters/promoters was intentional. Mentioning Rissi Palmer and Angel Taylor was also intentional, (after all there is no lack of bw singers) because from what I have seen their image is the sweet, wholesome, feminine woman.

          I highlighted my friend because I know that she has her head on straight.

          The others are mentioned because I have personal experience with their products. Many bw are all set to load up at The BodyShop, Bath and Bodyworks and Crabtree and Evelyn, and the like. I wanted to redirect some of those dollars into bw pockets. I’ve chatted with the owner of Habeebah’s Herbals a few times, as I’ve purchased from her at conferences/festivals. Nothing deep, though, so I have no idea of her leanings.

          You are right to bring up the reciprocity issue, even from other bw.
          I will focus my promotion (and my $$) on known BWE supporters first and foremost. Other bw will get the leftovers (because I’d still rather give them my money than B &BW)

          Evia, do you know when you will have some of your handcrafted items for sale?

          My dentist is a AAbw. I looked her up on the NDA website, checked her reviews (favorable) and then started with her practice. It is a pain driving 35 minutes when there are dentists close by but I wanted to support her. I don’t know if she would be a bwe supporter, though. She once mentioned that there aren’t many boys for her daughter to date–because there aren’t many black ones around. *banging my head against a wall*. I hope her daughter thinks differently.

          If everyone who participates could please highlight any know BWE supporters, that would help this effort immensely.

          Perhaps we should also mention for the larger retailers who use positive images of bw in their advertising?

  24. “I highlighted my friend [Melody] because I know that she has her head on straight.”

    Yes, I will support Melody because of her interest in BWE and because she supported me by participating in and financially supporting one of my projects.

    I would LOVE to support the black artist in your merchants’ list because Darren and I buy art of that type, but like I said, I have to know more about black vendors these days. The fact is that when a black person says something negative about bw, many MORE people will pay attention to them than when others trash bw.

    “You are right to bring up the reciprocity issue, even from other bw.”

    I am definitely looking at other bw’s reciprocity because bm-identified black women are BWE’s worst nightmare. If it weren’t for bw of that sort coddling, guarding, excusing, protecting, defending bm and and aiding and abetting bm in their attacks on bw, including BWE women, ALL of our lives as bw lives would be SO much more pleasant. AAbm would NOT be able to do nearly as much damage to bw IF they didn’t have a LARGE number of AAbw supporting them. And SOME of these folks are being helped or supported by OUR BWE members’ money.

    “I will focus my promotion (and my $$) on known BWE supporters first and foremost.”

    I’m SURE that as this grows, more BWE supporters will become merchants/vendors.

    But as I said, as far as I’m concerned, there should be a track record that the BWE supporter has supported in the past or they must show evidence of supporting NOW. A person can’t just CLAIM to be a supporter. I’m also saying it’s foolish to keep giving money to people who will turn around and clobber AAbw, view AAbw as less-than, or stand by while bw’s image is being ripped to shreds for no good reason. But the bottom line is that as long as they’re giving us something or doing something of note to benefit us, I don’t care much how they may actually feel about bw. LOL! After all, there may be people who claim to love us, but aren’t DOING anything FOR us.

    “If everyone who participates could please highlight any know BWE supporters, that would help this effort immensely”

    I hope everyone who can help with this will stretch themselves to help and contact you with any helpful info.

    “Perhaps we should also mention for the larger retailers who use positive images of bw in their advertising?”

    Yes, that’s a great idea and maybe you could drop Macy’s or whichever other retailer a note to let them know we notice that they highlight the image of a growing number of well-educated, higher-earning women like us who, quite naturally appreciate what they do.

    “Evia, do you know when you will have some of your handcrafted items for sale?”

    In addition to continuing with my BUTTERFLITIA Gazette series that will ready in the next 2 weeks, I’m currently at work on a line of handcrafted items. I ve just finished a pair of 2-color fingerless mittens/gloves that are called “BUTTERFLY Float Mitts” since they have little shapes in them that look like stylized butterflies. LOL I’ve shown them to Darren and he loves them. He said that men would be interested in wearing these mitts too–in more masculine color combos of course. The mitts are offered in various 2-color combos. I will post a pic on my site–in a couple of days. I’m taking orders for the gloves now–pay half upfront and the remainder when I notify that the order is done. Or pay ALL up front. YOU WON’T RECEIVE YOUR ORDER UNTIL AFTER THE HOLIDAYS.

  25. SMH–I’m so happy that typical AAbw in my grandmother’s generation and my mother’s generation were SO MUCH SMARTER AND SHREWDER than typical AA women these days.

    Here’s a case in point of a whole lotta so-called intelligent black women (MOST of whom are without any doubt AAs) going into kneejerk frenzy to CAPE for a Nigerian male actor BECAUSE they believe that ‘de evil racist white folks” are trying to lynch da po’ bm. But these women are caping without ANY knowledge of how this man feels about AAblack WOMEN! They’re SO thrilled that he’s giving white folks “the finger” until they don’t even care what he thinks about them. I can certainly understand why any bm would cape for him–just on GP AND because they benefit by association, but considering the dating and marriage track record of SO MANY prominent bm these days and how many prominent bm regard AAbw like lepers, WHY would ANY AAbw be doing all of this caping for ANY black man who is an “unknown subject” on the topic of AAbw. And I’m saying this as a bw who who has black SONS who have been shaped by Nigerian culture and y’all know I have a fondness for African culture, in general.

    Nigerians would NOT do this for AAs and I welcome ANY Nigerian or other African who wants to debate this with me. Just bring it! LOL

    So, AA women (who are known as “freebie-givers”) are just plain DUMB for doing this. Just plain DUMB!

    I’m going to just say this straight out: I do NOT want to be associated with women who are known to be “freebie-givers”–just giving with NO strings attached. No reciprocity whatsoever!

    And I would just bet that his love interest in real life is NOT an AAbw or even any bw who looks like an average AAbw or one similar to him or she may not be black at all.

    http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2014/12/star-wars-star-john-boyea-responds-to-black-stormtrooper-critics-get-used-to-it/

    But ALL so many typical AAbw need to hear is that ‘de evil white folks’ are attacking a bm, and they begin snarling and circling around to protect HIM when MANY AAbm, for sure, have proven time and time again to NOT do blip for a bw in the same situation. AAbw are SO easy to manipulate.

    So now, their protection of AAbm has spread to EVERY bm on earth!! Haf mercy!

    AABW–INVESTIGATE any and every black MAN or black WOMAN before you give them ANY support, and these days, you can do a lot of investigating for free on the internet. If you can’t find any info, do as OLS has advise and stay out of it.

    • Evia,

      I’m Nigerian, and I wouldn’t even cape for this guy. Especially when you consider the fact that he is British, it is most likely his significant other is not black. I personally could not care less who bm date, the same way I could not care less about their perceived problems with ‘the wm’. Look at all these successful bm in Hollywood, when they ‘get there’, what have they done for the bw who put them there? The only exception is Denzel Washington. The rest can kiss my backside as far as I am concerned.

      • @Foxy–

        Exactly! But you’ve correctly learned to assess and place value on a person based on whether that person is likely to be of value to you. In other words, is this man of value to you now or likely to be of value to women like you? Based on what you know about him, you’ve determined that this a British man of Nigerian descent and highly unlikely to lift YOU up. So, you’re done with him. The End. That’s exactly the way I feel about every AA man UNLESS he convinces me that he’s of value to me or women like me, or likely to be.

        But many AA women will go to see that movie simply because he’s in it–to support him, and will try to fight anyone who says anything bad about him. SMH Now, if you, a Nigerian woman, don’t feel you have a dog in that fight, why would an AAbw feel she has a dog in the fight???

        There used to be a time when AAbw and AAbm had no choice but to share the good, bad, and the ugly with each other, but these days, AAbm tend to INSIST on sharing the bad and the ugly with bw, but declare their “right” to share the good with a woman of their “preference” who is usually anything-but-black or as less-black as possible. Yet AAbw are very slow to connect those dots and tell him to kiss where the sun doesn’t shine, whereas you KNOW that no African woman who has any inkling of a choice would tolerate that for one second. And no other group of women does either.

    • Evia,

      OMG . . . now silly AA women are knee-jerk caping for some unknown Nigerian-British man??!!?? I remember many of the same type of AABW caping for the teenage biracial actress (Amandla Stenberg) in the first Hunger Games movie after White racists were complaining about her casting. Somehow, these women can’t seem to cape for SELF or other AABW and AA girls who most resemble SELF.

      I’m getting to the point where I’d prefer that 99.999% of AA women shut up in public. Because the things so many AABW are saying are so incredibly damaging to AABW’s interests that it’s mind-boggling.

      • Amandla is the product of an african american MOM and danish dad so i can see caping for her because she is exactly the product of what most of us will have (i.e. af-am mom with white partners)

      • Amanda Stenberg is the biracial daughter of an AABW woman. How can you encourage AABW to marry and reproduce with non-black, non-AA men while rejecting the children of these unions?

        Should AABW with mixed race daughters put the needs of mono-racial AABW and girls ahead of their own mixed daughters? Should AABW hate their mixed race children or force their mixed race children to reject their non-AA heritage?

        If AABW should not support AABM men who marry or partner with non-AABW, should WW encourage other WW to not support the WM who marry BW? Because it should work both ways. If BM should be punished for marrying and transferring their resources to non-AABW, then the same should be done to white and other non-AABM who marry AABW. Where would that leave the AABW who are hoping to marry a non-black man who will transfer his resources and wealth to her?

        It seems that the BWE advice to marry non-black men is creating a new set of problems for AABW.

      • Jenna,

        Oh, my goodness . . . {raised eyebrow} I know that most AA women have a programmed inability to identify their own SELF-interests, much less advocate in support of their own SELF interests. Because many of them have been programmed to perceive doing what everybody ELSE does when acting in their own self-interest as somehow “punishing” other people.

        I’ll start by repeating part of what I said in this post:
        http://sojournerspassport.com/pay-attention-to-nuances-when-black-people-say-they-%E2%80%9Cdon%E2%80%99t-understand-what-black-means%E2%80%9D/

        I said:

        —“It’s normal human nature to take care of folks in this order: self, family, clan, ethnic group. With many people in many countries, “nation” isn’t even on that list. For other people, “race” also is not on that list; their concern only extends as far as their own ethnic group. With most people, outsiders are almost never on the “take care of them” list.

        Most African-Americans have the “take care of them” list backwards compared to every other group of people. We put outsiders first and put ourselves last. African-American women put themselves dead last on the “must be taken care of” list. Our misleaders have programmed most African-Americans to look to create over-arching coalitions with anybody and everybody else . . . in the absence of taking care of self, family, clan, and finally, ethnic group.

        Our misleaders have also programmed us to fixate on being “fairer than fair” to anybody and everybody except ourselves. This is why so many African-Americans will come to Black blogs to fight with other Black people to champion the interests of NON-Blacks (such as the “don’t you dare call me Black” so-called biracials, other so-called “people of color,” and so on). (Note that these other “people of color” generally only use that term to describe themselves when they want something from African-Americans. Many other “people of color,” such as many Latinos and Arabs, are heavily invested in self-identifying as “White” in every other context.)

        All the above confused thinking is upside-down and backwards. And it doesn’t work.”—

        More specifically in response to your comment, if I had a biracial daughter I would support HER individual acting aspirations simply because she’s kin to me as MY daughter. I wouldn’t expect non-related AABW to support MY biracial daughter’s acting aspirations. Because there’s nothing in it for non-related, non-kin AABW to support my hypothetical biracial daughter’s acting aspirations. Supporting MY [hypothetical] biracial daughter’s acting aspirations would NOT bring any benefit whatsoever to non-related, non-kin AABW so why in the world would I expect them to do that? I wouldn’t.

        Not only would non-related, non-kin AABW supporting MY [hypothetical] biracial daughter’s aspirations bring NO benefit whatsoever to them, they’d be acting AGAINST their own SELF-interests as AABW to support MY [hypothetical] biracial daughter’s acting aspirations. They’d be supporting the continued erasure of their own image. They’d also be supporting the flow of resources (access to acting jobs, acting income, career boosts, etc.) AWAY from the AA collective. With the currently observed end result of AABW actresses whining about how there are no roles for them.

        BM celebrities have done this for decades and yet many of them want to be “perpetually surprised” by the logical, end result of generations of them transferring resources back to nonblacks (via their marriages to nonblack women): They have no institutions of their own. They have nothing they control. They are still dependent on WM to provide entertainment industry jobs for them. With the currently observed end result of many of these same BM actors whining about how there are no roles for them.

        Well, there’s nothing for AA Black performers because generations of us have transferred all our resources AWAY from ourselves and toward biracials, other nonblacks, and now foreign non-AA Blacks like Lupita and the rest of the foreign Blacks in 12 Years a Slave.
        http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2013/05/follow-money-and-resources-trail-part-2.html

        I don’t support having MY image erased as an AABW.
        http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2014/06/if-angela-bassett-diahann-carrol_21.html

        The only exception I would make to that basic position is that I would support MY [hypothetical] biracial daughter’s acting aspirations because that’s MY child and MY kin. And it benefits me to support my immediate family.* I certainly wouldn’t expect unrelated, non-kin AABW to support [hypothetical] biracial daughter’s acting aspirations.

        Now, if you want to support your own erasure by supporting the acting aspirations of random, unrelated, no-kin-to-you biracial girls and women actresses, go right ahead. You’re welcome to do that. It’s a free enough country.

        [*Only with those immediate family members who practice on-par reciprocity with me and do as much for me as I do for them. A nonblack friend who’s an “ace boon” who has actively and consistently supported me is a higher priority to me than a non-immediate blood relative who has done nothing for me. I care the most about the people who by their actions have demonstrated that they care the most about me.]

        Most people, in parallel with considerations of degrees of kin, also prioritize folks according to how much those people do for them. Here’s how most people who are NOT AABW prioritize people (with the #1 slot being the category of persons who are most important to them):

        (1) People who consistently do a lot for them. [In other words, “ace boons” who actively have their back.

        (2) People who sometimes do some things for them.

        (3) People who do very little for them.

        (4) People who do nothing for them.

        I’ll note that people who do worse than nothing for them—meaning folks who harm them or their interests—don’t exist on the mental priority checklist for folks who are something other than an AABW.

        By contrast, here’s how most AABW tend to prioritize people with reference to how much those people do for them (with the #1 slot being the category of persons who are most important to them)(also noting that gender trumps degree of helpfulness):

        (1) BM who do very little for them.

        (2) BM who do nothing for them.

        (3) BM who harm them or their interests.

        (4) BW who sometimes do some things for them. [Most AABW have a real problem with practicing on-par reciprocity with other AABW.]

        (5) BW who consistently do a lot for them (they’re not prioritized because other BW take them and their support for granted).

        (6) BW harm other BW’s interests.

        (7) BW who do nothing for them.

        Also by contrast with everybody who is something other than an AABW, here’s how most AABW prioritize people with reference to degrees of shared ethnic identity (with the #1 slot being the category of persons who are most important to them):

        (1) Any and all Black males, including random, non-related, non-kin BM. Including BM who—by their actions and statements—have demonstrated that they mistreat, abuse, and hate BW (oh, like Ar-ruh Kelly, Chris Brown, Kevin Hart, etc.). Including the anti-AA bigots among various groups of random, non-related, non-kin foreign-origin (non-AA) Blacks.

        (2) Foreign-origin, non-AA Blacks, including random, non-related, non-kin, foreign-origin non-AA Blacks (like Lupita, Nicky Minaj, etc.).

        (3) Random nonblack “people of color,”, including random, non-related, non-kin biracials, Latinos, Asians, Native Americans. Including the anti-Black racist bigots among these various groups of random, non-related, non-kin nonblacks.

        (4) Self—as an AABW, and other AABW and girls. Last. Dead last.

        Some AABW have slight differences in the middle ranks of how they prioritize people according to degrees of ethnic/racial closeness. Other AABW have slight differences in the middle ranks of how they prioritize people according to how much those persons do for them.

        But what the vast majority of “typical” AABW have in common is that they consistently put themselves and their own interests as African-American Black women dead last. This upside-down, backwards way of setting priorities is a large part of why AABW and girls are in the condition they’re in.

        Let me emphasize: Everybody’s perfectly free and welcome to set their own priorities however they wish. Any AA Black woman who wants to prioritize the interests of folks who are something other than AA Black women (over their own interests as an AABW) is perfectly free and welcome to do so.

        I’m only talking about why I do what I do, and why I advocate what I advocate. God respects free will, and so do I.

  26. I’m sharing my deja vu experiences here because I don’t want AAbw to EVER again become stagnant for a second or paralyzed by soothing words or promises that “We’re ALL in this together.” That is total BS! AABw must keep moving forward. DO not look in any direction but FORWARD. Do not pause to look to the side or back. Keep looking 24-7 for your avenue of escape. I’m not saying that it’s going to always be peachy or comfortable after you escape, but one thing you should know for sure by now is that if you stay back there, you’re going down.

    I’m saying this because I would want someone to repeat the same thing to my granddaughter if she ever were to find herself in the predicament that so many AAbw are facing today.

    I just read where the Southeast Asian community has pledged solidarity with blacks to fight against institutionalized violence. To SOME AAblacks, that’s going to be translated as their SAVIOR has come. But this too is deja vu. I’ve seen this SAME thing before too because when people don’t learn the lesson, it will be repeated for those people–over and over again.

    During the 1970s, the ‘hippies’ and other young whites had coalitions comprised of tens/hundreds of thousands of young middle and upper class, wealthy, well-educated whites–sons and daughters of the white power structure in this country–staged MASSIVE demonstrations practically everyday like it was their religion, caused mayhem and death by blowing up buildings and people, etc. They were mainly protesting the Vietnam war but also social injustices in this country. It was UGLY! They were protesting against the old-order, right-wing “establishment” and everything that represented their parents. There were some SERIOUS young white revolutionaries in those days like the Weathermen and the SDS. And from Germany, I remember there was a left wing bad-azz group of young German revolutionaries called Baader Meinhof. RUTHLESS and deadly! I remember that average whites were TERRIFIED of these groups of white revolutionaries because many of these revolutionary white youth came out of top flight ivies like Columbia, Yale, Harvard, Princeton, and schools like Berkeley, etc. and similar European universities. Of course, they knew how to get a ton of media everyday because these were the sons and daughters of the powers-that-be.

    But after the dust settled and these hippies and other young whites graduated, got older, got bored, got jobs, married and had children, they went back to being regular white folks again, and some of them became right-wingers themselves. LOL

    These massive demonstrations of young whites coincided with the days of “Power to the People,” “Black is Beautiful” and bm raising their fist in the air yelling: “Black Power” “Fight the Power,” Black Panthers, and yadda, yadda. The hippie whites and the Black Power groups fed off each other and some in each camp became very involved in each others’ protest activities.

    AAbw were so proud and upright, in general, PRIOR to that time. But looking back, I realize that this was the time when AAbw, as a group, made a terrible mistake. They became mesmerized by the way black men could stand up and make speeches slinging words together (just like with Hip Hop) and the attention that some of those Black Power fist waving, loud talking bm could get from white folks. Bw considered those bm to be “strong brothers” and “comrades in arms” to tear down the de racist power structure–even though the bm “leaders” were sexing ww at every opportunity. Bm convinced all of those bw who were doing the overwhelming most of the organizing and grunt work to stay quiet and stay in the background and let them do all the talking and mingling with whites. In other words, “be a quiet mule and let me ride on you.”

    So, let’s look at AAbw now. AAbw, for sure, have gone WAY backwards–since they got still and ran, fetched, sacrificed for bm who sweet-talked them and claimed that if the women would just prop them up and back them up, then when they made it, they were going to lift up bw. The downfall of AAbw was that they believed those black men who called them “Sister” and claimed “Ain’t no woman more beautiful than a bw,” and “We’re ALL in this together.” And other okey dokes.

    AAblacks are going to have to find the solution for themselves. Period. And if they can’t, then, oh well. But I can tell from reading certain comments that plenty of AAblacks are going to feel so good now that the Asians are coming to “save them.” Instead of blacks revving themselves up to solve the bulk of THEIR OWN issues by dealing with their OWN people, they’re going to wallow in feeling good since they’ve found their savior. Until the Asians get bored and go back to living their regular lives.

    • Evia,

      Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for saying this!

      I co-sign 1,000%. I toyed with the idea of doing a blog post similar to what you’ve laid out in this comment, but you’ve already covered it all! I also feel that it’s better to have this conversation over here because I would imagine that OLS’ audience skews younger than my blog. And it’s critical that younger AABW don’t fall for the same okey-doke their AABW predecessors fell for.

      Ladies, I hope and pray you listen well to what Evia is saying here.

      Because RIGHT NOW you’re seeing what AAs being (not “becoming”—it’s a done deal at this point) a PERMANENT UNDERCLASS looks like. Being a permanent underclass in the U.S. means being totally irrelevant to everybody else in the country. It means that nobody else has any rational, self-interest-related reason to care whether or not AAs are displeased by anything. Nobody else has any rational, self-interest-related reason to care about AA citizens being beaten or killed on camera by post 9/11 militarized American police forces.

      Because AAs don’t affect anything in our now-entrenched state of:

      –mass OOW,

      –ongoing unspoken boycott of visibly AA-owned businesses,

      –ongoing refusal to cooperate with each other,

      –ongoing refusal to “do for self”

      –ongoing consumer behavior pattern of financially supporting our own erasure,

      –ongoing consumer behavior pattern of financially supporting AA male performers who transfer every coin they get to nonblack women (non-stop wealth transfers OUT of the AA collective and back into other people’s collectives),

      –ongoing behavior of characterizing and scorning COMMON SENSE as “respectability politics,”

      etc., etc., etc., etc.

      For a contrasting example, it’s not like other White American ethnic groups are just so in love with the Jews. They’re not (at least not in the urban, White ethnic North). But White Americans who are not so enamored with Jewish people DO know that if they ever mumble a word in public that offends Jewish Americans, then they will suffer SEVERE & PERMANENT penalties to their livelihood as individuals. Because Jewish money is organized and used in support and protection of Jewish people.

      Nonblacks often use the spectacle of AA political tantrums and (AA suffering as entertainment). Lots of nonblacks always enjoyed taking “vacations” rolling around in various AA subcultures, from the jazz subculture decades ago—to the radical politics subculture Evia talked about—to today’s mess.

      The only things that are consistently effective at mitigating the effects and impacts of racism (or any other form of prejudice such as anti-Semitism) are: (1) group organization, and (2) group-supportive use of money.

      AAs (and Blacks around the world) are perpetually disorganized in comparison to other peoples. Which is why nonblack minority populations have consistently been able to conquer and rule over Blacks across the planet. Right now, nonblack minority populations are economically ruling over MUCH larger masses of Blacks as merchants—in Black habitations in the U.S. and in Black countries in general.

      The most basic unit of organization in any society or group is a stable family unit based on a married couple. As long as AAs refuse to form families based on marriage, we will continue to be ruled over by a succession of other ethnic and racial groups. Frankly, I don’t see the masses of AAs ever again having stable families based on marriage. Too many generations of AAs have been born out of wedlock, have normalized the practice of having illegitimate babies, and are entrenched in defending their mothers’ and sperm donors’ choice to have them out of wedlock.

      Young AABW in the reading audience have a choice: You can “stay neutral” as OLS has wisely said and keep moving forward as Evia has mentioned in particular in this comment. Or you can let BM and Sista Soldiers distract you with these cyclical, time-wasting venting sessions about BM victimhood—but only at the hands of nonblack men. Somehow, AA males and Sista Soldiers don’t work themselves into a lather about the many orders of magnitude larger number of AA males who are killed by other AA males day in and day out.

      I would urge you to be very careful about who and what you invest your attention and energy into. Because some of the voices and commenters that you might have assumed are heavily pro-BW are actually Sister Soldiers as far as I’m concerned. The conversations revolving around the Ferguson and Eric Garner cases have revealed this with some voices making blanket statements about Whites.

      As far as I’m concerned, any BW who makes blanket statements about White people/White Americans is a Sista Soldier. Because if one is actually looking at or interacting with White Americans (and Whites anywhere else) without ideological blinders on, one will see that they’re not an undifferentiated mass. As with any other collective of people, there are factions within them.

      Imma say it straight up: Just like BM have ALWAYS done with White women, I reserve the RIGHT to give any and all White men of my choosing “passes” on any particular issue of my choosing. To whatever extent I want. For as long as I want. And without any explanation to anybody else, much less any explanation to BM. Full stop. Period.

      Like I said earlier, I believe that is the final rotation for AAs. The only reason why Ferguson-related turmoil and crybaby-style acting out/crying out is on [White folks’] TV is because enough nonblacks are entertained and titillated by this. Once nonblacks tire of hearing and seeing this, then it won’t be on TV anymore. And the disorganized, impotent AA collective will sink back into erasure, invisibility and total irrelevance. And if you’re caught up with that mess, you’ll sink back into erasure, invisibility and total irrelevance right along with them.

      The wisest move would be to do what Evia said: —“keep moving forward. DO not look in any direction but FORWARD. Do not pause to look to the side or back. Keep looking 24-7 for your avenue of escape.”—

  27. I just read where the Southeast Asian community has pledged solidarity with blacks to fight against institutionalized violence.

    I actually initially chuckled at this comment because I thought, ‘they (the Asians) don’t seriously think they’ll be able to bamboozle anyone’……..but then it occurred to me that knowing black folks and the way they never learn, they’ll probably swallow this up hook, line and sinker. I’m just a tad bit curious as to what the Asians’ angle is here (that is, what they intend to gain).

    • I’ll tell you what they intend to gain..

      A Pakistani man told me that when they come here they make sure to stay away from Blacks…and to sort of hide behind Blacks when some whites are doing what they do but after 911 they can’t hide anymore….and they are really getting it from white law enforcement and some everyday whites too..(not sure if this is still the case now in 2014)..which you won’t know about if you are not Muslim or even not Muslim but from that part of the world…so they are looking for friends/allies/soldiers/rescuers/in their fight against some whites..from the very people they stayed away from/hid behind and discriminated against…and when, if it blows over it will be business as usual from these new *allies*.Some Blacks won’t see this.oh well.

  28. knowing black folks and the way they never learn, they’ll probably swallow this up hook, line and sinker. I’m just a tad bit curious as to what the Asians’ angle is here (that is, what they intend to gain).

    This is just my theory. Asians are considered the ‘model minority’ who are sometimes referred to as honorary whites. Lots of folks don’t make a distinction when they talk about Asians since many non-Asian people cannot tell the difference between different Asian ethnicities. ALL Asians are lumped together and painted as good, good, good—virtually perfect in every way. LOL! AAblacks are lumped together and painted as bad, bad, bad or the eternal “problem” child. I’ve heard some whites wonder aloud why can’t blacks be more like Asians. I’ve mostly only heard whites mention Asians when they’re being compared to blacks.

    This causes SOME poorer and alienated blacks, especially, to really resent Asians. They don’t like Asians and see them as having privileges that blacks can never have. In the minds of lots of blacks in poor communities, ALL Asians are just more oppressors. But Asians often have to mingle with blacks since they operate businesses in small and large urban areas where there are large numbers of blacks. The overwhelming customer base of a lot of Asian businesses consists of blacks and Hispanics. These two groups are feeding Asians because Asians can’t usually afford to operate more than a couple of businesses in most white communities since white merchants want those slots and won’t allow it.

    So as society continues to collapse and there are more outbreaks of disorder, Asians know they have no actual protection from people who see them as oppressors. They don’t have the clout that whites have to insure their protection. I hope Asians are offering solidarity as a measure of their basic humanity, but if I were them, I would definitely be trying to get it across to as many blacks as possible NOW that I am their friend. So, from a PR angle, this is an excellent move! A lot of blacks will remember this, and in the next riot, any Asian in the vicinity will be a lot safer.

  29. Khadija, re:

    “As far as I’m concerned, any BW who makes blanket statements about White people/White Americans is a Sista Soldier. Because if one is actually looking at or interacting with White Americans (and Whites anywhere else) without ideological blinders on, one will see that they’re not an undifferentiated mass. As with any other collective of people, there are factions within them.

    Imma say it straight up: Just like BM have ALWAYS done with White women, I reserve the RIGHT to give any and all White men of my choosing “passes” on any particular issue of my choosing. To whatever extent I want. For as long as I want. And without any explanation to anybody else, much less any explanation to BM. Full stop. Period.”

    *I am CLAPPING!* Girl, you have said it ALL! And this right here should be the litmus test at this point.

    AAbw, in particular, y’all need to write down the bold part on an index card and carry it around with you. ANY bw that any of y’all come across who is not able to look you in the eye and repeat this after you is NOT someone you need to be around because she’s a drag on you. She is slowing you down, and you can’t afford it!

    • Evia,

      Thank you. Guurl, I’m looking at some of these conversations in some BW-centric spaces and I’m shaking my head.

      On the good side—This time around (because these episodes happen in cycles) there are large numbers of AA women taking the conversations in directions that never happened pre-BWE/Common Sense blogs. For one example, I’ve been particularly impressed by the BW Think Tank writer’s comments at various Facebook pages (and quoted elsewhere) about how many BW’s pathological and dysfunctional reproductive choices play into all of this. In part, BW Think Tank said:

      “. . . It has led to a lowering of OUR value, as the SOURCE – the WOMB of “god’ that produces all men and we as BLACK women cannot compete with WOMEN of other CLANS, TRIBES, RACES and NATIONS because the FRUIT OF OUR WOMB is not powerful, resourceful or disciplined enough to rule the world. And to have OUR men – our sons – exalt the beauty and femininity of races of OTHER women (and this did NOT start with slavery. Black men were selling white women into concubinage and sex slavery going all the way back to the Moorish times), all while building nothing for US, taps into a very PRIMAL instinct in all women.

      SEXUAL COMPETITION.

      So we continue to produce black male children, and fight to the death for them, hoping that somehow they will REDEEM themselves – and US, in the process.”

      All of which is a self-defeating cycle, of course. The more AABW fight for their [weak, conquered, fundamentally inferior and unable to compete with other men] Black sons, the less likely it is that these same AA Black males will ever learn how to be men who can function as men, much less ever be able to compete with other men. Rinse. Repeat. Rinse and repeat for centuries, while expecting to somehow get a different result.

      On the not-so-great side—This time around (because these episodes happen in cycles) there are also large numbers of AA women (and BW from other ethnicities) repeating the same old, tired Sista Soldier talking points. You know, talkin’ ’bout Whites’ humanity (or supposed lack of such—because many American Whites refuse to place more value on Black lives than the nonexistent value they observe AAs placing on their own Black lives), talkin’ ’bout so-called “respectability politics,” etc. Also colored women playing dumb and playing brand new about what should be the long-known dangers of allowing one’s Black child to own and play with toy guns, in particular realistic-looking toy guns.

      Playing dumb and playing brand new about whether or not the various infrastructures that AAs don’t own, control, or seriously have the ability to impact (oh, such as the American court system and the American media) will place as much value on AA lives as they do on their own. Which equals playing dumb and playing brand new about expecting nonblacks to respect AA Black lives MORE THAN AA Blacks respect AA Black lives. Really now, nonblack Americans see what AAs do and don’t do—even when they choose not to say anything directly to AAs about what they observe of us. [You know, that pesky issue of hypocrisy that everybody in the U.S. except AAs can see. That issue of AAs only getting agitated when nonblack men wound or kill BM. And the everyday reality of AAs being totally unbothered by the day in, day out tally of AABM wounded and killed by other AA BM.]

  30. Ladies these men have been saying for a long time to let them be men so, let them do all the marching and protesting. Keep yourself safe and if, asked what are you doing to help I say, staying out the way and letting men handle their business. Amazing how well this works.

    It is hard because it is everywhere and annoying but, I try not to discuss these issue too much and focus on things that I need to do like survey property and learn things like how to make vacation property pay for itself a show I saw while house sitting for a dear friend.

    As far as Asians saying they want to be allies I’d watch that as the deal usually has to be sweeter on their side before they’ll or anyone else just volunteer like that. Definitely keeping my eyes on them.

    As far as black men are concerned the point was brought up here about black men killing more black men and not protesting it. Yes, finally someone has said it !!! It is true and they don’t get bent out of shape over it and far more black lives would be spared if, they did. Imagine if they stopped killing other black people and victimizing their own. How freeing would that be?

    I’ve come to the conclusion that there are two groups of us those that are working to rise up and those that are not. Case in point i have a family member that was recently diagnosed with cancer and i asked were they going to give up smoking. They said no because it was not a cancer related to their smoking. However, they want a bunch of sympathy. Shaking my head…. That is not unique and is often what I find to be the case with certain folks.

    Sorry for the rambling just sharing some quick thoughts.

  31. Oh, Asians jumping on the bandwagon isn’t anything new. I’m sure Evia and Khadija know all about this, but Asians like Yuri Kochiyama jumped on the civil rights bandwagon in the 1960s and while we were fighting for social justice, Yuri and other Japanese people were fighting for their reparations, which all Japanese internment camp survivors got in the late 1980’s in the form of a $20,000 check when Ronald Reagan signed the Civil Liberties Act. While we think others are coming to help us fight the power, they usually have ulterior motives and are coming to simply get a piece of the pie.

  32. “Imma say it straight up: Just like BM have ALWAYS done with White women, I reserve the RIGHT to give any and all White men of my choosing “passes” on any particular issue of my choosing. To whatever extent I want. For as long as I want. And without any explanation to anybody else, much less any explanation to BM. Full stop. Period.”

    Khadija, this perfectly expresses my approach to non-bm and their opinions on different issues. I NEVER let politics get in the way of who I choose to date or not. As long as I PERSONALLY am ok with it.

  33. Well ladies,

    Another awesome post. I’m learning how to survey land and how to pick the best spots for houses. I’m also slated to meet up with a friend that I’d mention in earlier post to learn a few things about building homes too. I mention this because I think it encourages us all to stay focus on our lives, goals, interests and dreams.

    Evia, Khadija, OLS, and others are right keep straight ahead. Don’t get distracted we have a chance to make it out of this and be better than ever. We are not like other women and we need to acknowledge that and work it to our advantage. We have no safety net so learn how to make your own. Have a savings account and a back up one. Learn to live well below your means, always have a go bag and plan ready especially if, you live in blackistan.

    Make your hobbies benefit you. I’m cultivating them and meeting some wonderful people in the process. For example, want to learn jarring you can find diy instructions youtube and there are classes often available at schools and farmer’s markets. Libraries often have free functions and you can find what’s free to do in your town by typing that in Google search. There is so much to do that will better your world that you can keep busy everyday.

    My personal suggestion though is to start with self. Fix your health consider going paleo or ketogenic. There are plenty of exercise programs that are short and to the point, but very effective. Your health is your most important assets. Then, finances pay off debt and learn to live on less if you can half of what you bring home a month. Hard it is, but think of all of the assets and capital you’ll have. Khadija wrote a great post on this them that’s got get. So be a getter make that big sacrifice up front and it’s amazing how more comes pouring in.

  34. I’m sick of being a black woman it’s tiring we have to fix everything nobody else has to worry about this this is why I stopped believing in god why must I be treated like this I think that this earth is really hell. Sorry for the rambling its just how I feel.

    • Chicnoir,

      Thanks for sharing. I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but I found that to be a disturbing story. Not that this is any of my (or anybody else’s) business, but I don’t understand how or why this young woman let her academic pursuits falter. I don’t get it. I don’t get how or why she needed the assistance of the non-profit program (that dreaded word “program” that too many AAs are dependent on) mentioned in the article. I understand the illnesses mentioned in the article, but I’m wondering if there’s more to the story than that.

      I’ll be real:

      (1) While AAs are depending on various non-profit programs to motivate them to pursue educational lifelines out of certain poverty, Asians are busy memorizing SAT study guides and whatever else they must memorize to get ahead.

      (2) What nobody mentions is that there’s typically an unspoken stigma attached to these “programs” that American Black folks just love to depend on. I looked up this STRIVE program and I was horrified by what I saw. http://striveinternational.org/who-we-are/our-history/

      I’m going to give my honest reactions to what I saw at that STRIVE website. Because these are nuances that are almost never mentioned in discussions among AAs about these types of stories:

      (a) It reads like a program that tries to convert Black welfare queens, jailbirds and lazy people into productive workers. It doesn’t even sound neutral, like job-training for previously laid-off workers. Instead, it reads like it’s some sort of remedial program. It does NOT read like the sort of thing that anybody with any talent or ambition would participate in.

      Good, reputation-enhancing programs/courses tend to have words like “advanced, enrichment, enhanced,” etc. in their program/course work descriptions.

      If I was a parent, I would never let my child list this STRIVE program on their resume or any sort of application to college. I’m not even sure I would let my child participate in such a program. It resembles a program for ex-cons. Which leads to my next point:

      It sounds ugly to say, but it’s real—the “visuals” for that website are not favorable: photo after photo of what looks like mostly Blacks being lectured to. I’m sorry but “program” + mostly Black faces usually = something with a stigma attached to it. There’d be an entirely different vibe to this if it wasn’t called a “program,” and instead was a course taught at, say, a historically Black university or college.

      But that whole “program” thing is a MAJOR turn-off for a lot of employers. Employers are looking for normal-people employees who will do their work without bringing a lot of issues and baggage to the job. Not the sort of employees who need a special crutch “program” to make them sorta-kinda functional.

      As always, reasonable minds can differ. I’m just saying out loud the sorts of things I’d be thinking as an employer. There are so many normal, already-functional people out there looking for work. Why take an unnecessary risk by hiring the type of person who needed a “program” to get themselves sort-of, kind-of together? The era when employers could be expected (or required) to have any kind of empathy for that sort of thing is long gone.

      I know it annoys some folks when I keep making references to “Mei Ling.” But Elijah Muhammad was correct when he advised his followers to “study the successful man.”

      When looking at these “programs,” it’d be good to ask oneself: Is this the type of thing that striving, competent and ambitious Asian students would participate in? Asian students (with their parents’ guidance) are pretty good at staying AWAY from stigmatizing things.

      • I looked at the link before I read the rest of your reply. I was wondering what the problem could be, but as I read more about the program I came to the same conclusion: That it was remedial.
        But I ‘m glad it seems to have all worked out for her.

        • Yep. Remedial.

          There’s another reason why as a parent I wouldn’t put my child in such a program. I wouldn’t want my child socializing with (and developing attachments to) the type of persons who need remedial programs. Birds of a feather flock together.

        • Khadija, SO true what you said about those “programs.” Outside of that AA black magical thinking echo chamber, “remedial” means DISABLED or HANDICAPPED, whether the program’s name is called STRIVE, SOAR, RISE, UPWARD BOUND, etc. People in other groups DO participate in those programs and similar ones sometimes, but they do not reveal that.

          My sons have always been academically strong, but my ex-husband didn’t want my youngest son (who went to an elite 99.8% white prep school– from 5-12 grades) to be totally cut off from his black Americanness (lol), so one summer after 8th grade, we sent him to a minority (ALL BLACK) supposedly enriched STEM day camp outside of Philly. At this camp, the different social classes of blacks were there, meaning some black kids who were welfare recipients and lived in the projects as well as those from working class homes and some of the black kids lived in multi-hundred thousand dollar homes (the Jack and Jill types).

          First, let me explain that my ex-husband–to this day– cannot understand that there is a VAST difference between the overwhelming most of welfare blacks and SOME middle class blacks because he always uses Nigeria as his frame of reference and he (as well as most other Nigerians his age) will never be able to change. In Nigeria, there is no equivalence of what is going on here. The CULTURE there supersedes the amount of money, education, and everything else a person has, so wealthy Nigerians and poor Nigerians pretty much behave the same, have the same or similar values, etc.

          Needless to say, at this STEM camp, the kids from the projects took over the camp “program” right away. The black camp administrator who was a school principal from one of the local middle schools and all of the teachers (also black) constantly kissed the behinds of the project kids to keep them under control– in order to keep them there since the camp was receiving money from several corporate donors based on the head count of camp attendees. Well, there was constant name-calling, fights, bullying, and no academics. My son said no one paid attention when the teachers were trying to teach. The teachers spent most of the time trying to control the disorder and maintain safety, and naturally the project kids terrorized the suburban kids. I and a few other parents pressured the administrator to expel the biggest troublemakers, but he refused and said that some of us parents should volunteer to work with those “youngsters.” SMH But the worst part was that most of the suburban kids began to act just like the project kids in order to fit in with them, to not be verbally ripped to pieces or beaten up.

          My son was tall and although they made subtle digs at him,, they didn’t bother him much because one thing that the project kids DO respect is PAIN. They knew that my son was big enough to inflict a lot of it if he had grabbed one of them. And I had told him that if one of them had the nerve to touch him, that he should “touch” them back MUCH harder!!

          Anyway, I took my son out after a couple of weeks, but it was an unforgettable experience for him. LOL!

          This is why I’m sure many whites and many of the rest of us are way past tired of putting money into these “programs.” They know and many of us know too that money is not the answer. Poverty is NOT causing most of this. Many people in the world are poor, yet they still behave well.

          Another experience: We sent our oldest son to a residential science camp on the campus of a historic black college one summer. His experience was VERY similar. He said none of the students were motivated to learn anything. They were allowed to smoke dope in the dorms and the people in charge of the dorms knew the students were smoking it!

          The Boys and Girls club that I took my son to in order to play in a basketball league was pretty much the same chaotic mess–aside from in the gym where the basketball playing went on. If anyone tried to act out in there, the basketball players would’ve given them a beatdown, so it it was orderly in the gym. LOL My son was a gifted basketball player at that point, so he definitely played basketball there with the best players in the area. And on the court, no one cares about your social class. Based on his being able to practice his skills with those black males (virtually all from low-income single parent homes) who he played ball with there, he was offered a basketball scholarship, but he didn’t take it. He told me that some of the other players were much better players than he was but they had already dropped out of high school or had legal problems, disrespectful to the coach, bad attitudes, etc.

        • Evia,

          You said: —“Outside of that AA black magical thinking echo chamber, “remedial” means DISABLED or HANDICAPPED, whether the program’s name is called STRIVE, SOAR, RISE, UPWARD BOUND, etc. People in other groups DO participate in those programs and similar ones sometimes, but they do not reveal that.”—

          I know it’s wrong, but I laughed out loud at seeing all those program names mentioned one after the other. It all starts to sound like parody and satire when you see those names lined up like that. I know these program names are supposed to be inspirational, but it’s an example of explicit cheerleading having the opposite effect on certain segments of the population. To put it bluntly, students who are already high achievers don’t need anything called “strive.” They’re already striving, which is why they’re high achievers. Successful people who are already soaring, rising, and have always been moving even further-upward bound don’t need courses or programs with those types of words in the course/program name. It would sound redundant, remedial, and more than a bit silly.

          Another example—Even as a pre-teen I was put off by Rev. “Baby Daddy” Jackson’s “I AM somebody!” chant. It sounded pathetic to me even at that age. If you have to say something like that out loud (much less repeat it like a nursery rhyme), it’s an admission that you know in your heart that you’re a nobody. Sometimes the surface message communicates the exact opposite of what’s intended.

          Here’s another nuance for the young-uns to consider: most real world successful groups or endeavors DON’T have pep-rally-type names (like STRIVE, RISE, etc.). Actually, it’s the opposite. Successful groups and endeavors typically have bland names. Oh, like the Princeton Review (standardized and admission test preparation service). Or the companies that are named as part of the Forbes Global 2000. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forbes_Global_2000

          I think one of the more important New Year’s resolutions readers can make (those to whom this applies) is to make a point in 2015 of seeking out and reading viewpoints that are outside the AA Black media and blog echo chamber. For those readers who already make a point of staying aware of the American non-AA consensus about various issues, good for you! You’re way ahead of the AA masses who stay *perpetually surprised* to discover that “No1curr” about their various protests and complaints.

          Merry Christmas to everyone!

      • Khadija, I understand what you are talking about. As I’ve mentioned before I am on welfare and even I notice the same things too. A lot of these programs are a waste of time. I went to one of these orientations and everyone had been to jail but me. I quit because why would I want to be associated with drug addicts and jail birds. Now if I could received money for a class without any attachments from such programs I would.
        Sense this article has been published I have made plans for my daughter and me. I started my garden, lost some weight. improving my appearance, and I started on my business. Before I half ass did things but now I’m making business plans. I will start a online business to sell all of my soaps, body scrubs, lotions and massage candles. I will use my income tax money to get started. I can do this for a small amount of money. I will give you the website when I finish it.
        I want to thank you OLS for this site. It encourages BW to be self efficient and get what they want. This article was the kick in the pants I needed.

        • mswanda,

          Guurl, you were wise to get up and OUT of that jail bird/dope fiend program once you discovered it was filled with such persons. Stigma is real. Too many AAs don’t understand that (a result of way too many AAs affirming the wrong things for the last 35 years).

          Congratulations on your plans! You might find the following podcast (from The Survival Podcast) helpful. I did:

          “Episode-1433- Developing an Online Business”
          http://www.thesurvivalpodcast.com/episode-1433-developing-an-online-business

          Expect Success!

        • Khadija thanks for the link. I can use all the help I can get. I have more about those programs. I tried to go to that RISE program to get help with my business and they refused to help me. See they don’t really want to help you rise. They want you to do jobs that pay eight dollars an hour. Why go to school for that. Now they were willing to pay for this white woman to go to nursing school. She was arrested for making meth in her home while her children were there. She blew up her house. This is the type that gets help. The system don’t know what to do with me. I have skills and I question and challenge them. I’m not dumb. They even
          asked me to work for them and I said no thanks.
          Racism is real, I have to deal with this everyday. I can’t get hired anywhere in my field. I have to create my own job. I was thinking of doing mobile nails. When I did work for one before I never walked out of my home for less than fifty for an hour. So my boss was getting at least a hundred an hour if she was giving me half. I was also thinking of being a private esthetician for some of the rich ladies around here in AZ. The replies in this tread are really giving me some ideals.

        • Wow! i’m so happy you’ve made so many plans! Good luck on your business and definitely give us the link to the website when you’ve got it up. I’m so happy that my blog gave you some encouragement

  35. Merry Christmas to everyone. Thank you so much to the blog host OnelessSoldier. And as always, a major thank you to Khadija, Evia, and Halima.

    I thank all of you ladies for your amazing work and for your time in these comments sections. Its worth more than money.

  36. @Khadija and Evia

    I wasn’t apaulding the program the young lady was apart of.

    What I wanted to get across with the article was a Black American entering a contest that requires a useful skill and finishing in first place. Unfortunately it’s that bad when it comes to younger positive AAW remodels that sometimes we must snatch them where we can get them.

    Evia your listing the cliche names of those programs gave me one hell of chuckle. I must thank both of you For breaking down the foolishness of such programs and why they are so detrimental to most upwardly mobile Black women. The name of the game seems to be, follow the Asians and upper crust Whites if you hope to Succeed in new America post 2008.

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