Today I’m going to write this post using SpongeBob gifs because clearly people have proven from the reactions to the last few posts, and continue to prove daily that they’re one synapse short of a working brain. Since spongebob seems to be universal and I’m determined to make it so easy a caveman can do it.
One phrase I continue to see splattered across the internet is the word “ally”. People calling themselves “allies”, people claiming to be “allies”, people claiming they need “allies”. Yet, among the majority of the population of black women young and old, I notice that very few people actually can go about correctly identifying one.
* Note: To Khadija, Faith, Halima, and Evia I know that you all have talked about this topic in your own forums multiple times. Please feel free to post those links in the comments section if you’d like to/ have the time. I am in no way trying to erase what ya’ll have done. Your comments in this forum have helped greatly.
As I’ve said before there are plenty of BWE writers who have clearly written on this topic
I’ve attempted to broach the subject of black women getting screwed by self-serving groups
Aside from that, I’ve spent my entire blogging “career” writing about black women who get okey doked by the same groups over and over, and the importance of STAYING NEUTRAL to serve your own best interests and yet many black women continue to get PLAYED.
By foolery like this Time Article ( I will not link find it yourself)
Dear Black Women: White Gays Are Your Allies, So Don’t Push Us Away
Or they continue to be played by events like this
And express thoughts, lament all over the internet their hurt feelings that they couldn’t believe that what I have said happened actually happened. And cry about the allies that never were.
It appears that the majority of black women fail to comprehend this very basic concept.
Or completely miss the point.
So I will try to explain this very simple concept and hope that somebody somewhere will be able to firmly grasp the idea of what an “ally” actually is and actually does.
* Side note: To the dissenters who think their insipid, and ill thought out remarks are helping the conversation, to the people who live outside of the USA and can’t firmly grasp the concepts and issues that AMERICAN BLACK WOMEN have: Please take your attempts at “saving us from groupthink” or giving “fresh prospective” elsewhere. BWE was set up by a group of women who already had their tenets established. If you don’t agree with these tenets that is absolutely fine. But THIS is a blog that does. You are not helping. You are NOT providing us with any great philosophical debates. This is not an open forum where people throw out random ideas that have nothing to do with the actual topic or have been proven to hurt aa bw. If you disagree fine but the people that clearly are only here to stir up trouble, and the willfully stupid/ perpetually surprised can GO. NYGF does not want you here. Further, I don’t care about your platitudes, what Confucius says, hell I don’t even give a damn what the fox says. I am only interested in helping black women in PRACTICAL ways. If YOU cannot apply it, fine. But do not tell me other women can’t use those techniques. Or that they are simply crazy.
Take your fortune cookie life strategies OFF MY DAMN PAGE.
In very pointed other words:
You are not welcome here.
Meanwhile, to the people who actually believe in the tenets that BWE founders actually established let’s get on with the post.
To clarify I decided to go straight to the dictionary since plenty of people have attached connotations to this word that would make Webster turn over in his grave.
[v. uh–lahy; n. al-ahy, uh–lahy] Show IPA
verb (used with object), al·lied, al·ly·ing.
to unite formally, as by treaty, league, marriage, or the like (usually followed by with or to ): Russiaallied itself to France.
to associate or connect by some mutual relationship, as resemblance or friendship.
Likewise here is the definition of alliance.
[uh–lahy–uhns] Show IPA
a formal agreement or treaty between two or more nations to cooperate for specific purposes.
a merging of efforts or interests by persons, families, states, or organizations: an alliance
between church and state.
As you can see the basic definition of an ally and alliance have to do with FORMAL agreements, they are a MERGING of efforts and for people with LIKE INTERESTS. That can benefit BOTH PARTIES.
It does not involve CAPING for someone who never agreed to RECIPROCATE for YOU. It does not mean laying out the red carpet for people who have not proven that they will ever return in the future. It does not mean laying out the red carpet for people who simply have a “ likeness” to you. Or will separate from you at will. It does not mean laying out the red carpet for people who wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire. And it certainly doesn’t mean refusing to follow the money trail first.
I continue to see black women refuse to follow the money trail or fact check and they watch as their lives crash and burn.
And I’m not simply talking about black women’s overwhelming compulsion to support/ serve self serving “ new black” celebrities wannabe “ feminists” and their crew. I’m talking about women who pour their resources into people in their personal lives only to find that they were left empty handed.
I’m talking about black women who support any cause for the sake of being as other authors have said “Progressive” meanwhile those groups virtually pump and dump black women once they’ve gotten what they wanted.
I’m talking about black women who’ve sacrificed their health, wellness, safety, sexuality, representation, lifestyle and existence, in support of the lifestyles of people who will NEVER put their money where their mouth is.
I’ve also noticed that there are a group of black women are perpetually played by groups of people who don’t know or care about BW’s strife/ troubles and fall for their lies that black women should put others before themselves. These groups have got a great scam going. They effectively have numerous plates spinning and are able to zap black women of their resources with all manner of excuses.
I am here to tell you that it is not NOBLE.
Let’s be real for a moment. It is not noble, likable, or admirable to “cape” for groups who don’t pay up. People do not respect you. And the smart ones know exactly which trees to tap to get syrup. Don’t be the tree.
I’ll also take it one step further since I know that some of the black women here are Christians in some way. The bible doesn’t take providing for others, while not keeping you and your family afloat lightly. In fact I read a very good article that I think other black women (if you are religious that is) might find valuable.
It’s about what to do when you are being taken advantage of. Some black women think they’re being “Christian” when they give up their lives resources for so called allies. You are not. The bible says you should “give one coat, when you have two.” NOT take the coat straight of your back and freeze yourself. Especially if the person has more than you. There ain’t nothing smart or noble about being a fool. You just look like a fool. And people notice it. Which leaves you open to further degrading.
YOU can’t be an ally until you can help yourself.
And you CERTAINLY can’t have an ally until you know what that means. I see some of ya’ll walking around behaving like this
While your personal lives are a complete and utter mess.
So here are a few tips to help you identify one. If anyone has any articles on this subject please add them.
- An ally doesn’t need to be coerced, jabbed, threatened, boycotted, shamed into doing what they are supposed to do. They simply do what they’re supposed to do
- An ally doesn’t bad mouth you/ shame/ degrade you.
- An ally doesn’t take without giving anything back
- An ally doesn’t get angry/ peeved/ upset/ gaslight you when you want to look out for yourself
- An ally has a history of helping
- An ally doesn’t have a history of using whichever group as a mouthpiece for their own interests.
- An ally doesn’t use you as a leg up and never reach back to pull you up also.
- An ally has something in common besides skin color/ ladyparts. As other BWE writers have said, all skin folk aren’t kinfolk.
- An ally doesn’t degrade / humiliate/ taunt you.
- An ally doesn’t sit back and watch others degrade humiliate/ taunt you.
- An ally doesn’t make you do the brunt of the work, or watch you mule for them and carry the load.
- An ally gives to the people they are in an alliance with.
Here’s an example, years ago my grandparents moved to a very nice area in California in the 1960’s. This was before the entire town was what it is today. During this time all the land around their house was free and un owned farm land. Their neighbors (a white couple) somehow knew that the land was being sold. While they bought land, they never bothered to tell my grandparents who would have liked to by land that it was for sale and so my grandparents missed the chance to expand their property. Thus now it is owned by someone else. (presumably white considering the towns ethnic makeup). My mother always remarked that while those people skinned and grinned in their faces feigning friendship, they never bothered to let my grandparents in on that secret.
In other words they are not an ally. They did no lend any advice, they did not help. They smiled in their faces and betrayed them.
This is what I see happen to black women all the damn time. Someone comes in, spins their plates meanwhile they’re going places and doing things without letting you know the deals they’re cutting with their real allies.
For black women, who appear to be the largest group getting taken advantage of. I would advise you to wait and see what others will do before signing on the dotted line. OR cut the ties you have with people draining your resources NOW.
In other words stay neutral.
Until Next Time….
Next Post: D for Dependency
PS. I created a Facebook account for this blog. I think since I post so infrequently here, I can post there thoughts on what I feel about certain topics concerning black women, without making a full post. Follow if you want, if you don’t want to disregard this message. If it gets too real or too troll-y I’ll probably close it though. But hopefully this will be okay.