The Girl Who Believed Anything


Hello everyone,

Note:  I am currently finishing up this series, along with a few more posts that will come out later.  In July I will be going on a vacation, and will not post again until the fall. Yes, the posts will be automatically published.  Which means you can continue to comment on the posts and talk amongst yourselves.  I will also make sure that comments ( non-spam ones) are approved. In the meantime, I need a mental health break to do my summer classes.



For those of you who read the previous post in this series, it seems that many disgruntled commenters felt as if I’d told them to recreate the formula for nuclear fusion. As some of you had a melt down at the concept of reciprocity, which every BWE writer has talked about in some form or another.


The most striking thing was that so many people seemed to miss the entire point. (and I knew they would, which is why I planned to write this follow-up post).   Allow me to explain.

First, a detour:

There are a number of black women online, and I am POSITIVE it transfers to real life, that simply believe ANYTHING.  This is not meant as an insult, but for many black women whether this happens from a lifetime of being gas-lighted or simply refusing to listen to reasonable people assert reasonable things. These black women absolutely refuse to access the system upgrade required to practice discernment.

These black women, yes I’m probably speaking to you, have the mind-boggling problem of  simply ACCEPTING ANYTHING AT FACE VALUE  without ever doing what is called “fact checking” first.

This lot, because of their denial of the necessity of fact checking, their absolute refusal  to check the fruit of the vine BEFORE they irresponsibly jump in head long; and their outright dismissal of anyone who has gone before them and knows with certainty the ending results, consequently, leaves many of these women * perpetually surprised*  as many BWE writers have described. ( A virtual cookie will be given to the reader who knows which writer(s) said this. I have forgotten, bonus cookies if you can find the post for me.)

These women, only after they have been perpetually surprised over and over again (be honest its happened to YOU), then bemoan the fact that their lots have been cast and they are stuck perpetually at the bottom of whatever totem pole they have found themselves.

How do I know that YOU are TGWBA?

You are pretty easy to identify.  You reek of a naiveté that most people can see coming a mile away. You are probably stubborn, but most likely, unhappy.  You absolutely refuse to consider anyone who wants to let you know that you could possibly be making a mistake.

(and you very well may not have commented on the last post but I know you are out there)

Further, I have noticed some key things about these women, in particular, that give proof to these findings:

  • You listen to rich “celebs” about how awesome certain lifestyles are even though they are not practical for someone without a ton of money.
  • You probably voted for/ promoted certain political leaders *cough* Obama *cough* because of “unity” yet never did any “fact checking” to make sure that he would actually “pay up” to black women.
  • You support any cause without researching WHERE that money is being funneled to and are always *sarcastic gasp* shocked when that money ends up in the hands of  abusers, detractors, silencers, people outside of the community that you will ever get a return in, BW haters, etc.
  • You probably saw the movie Red Tails, Precious, Madea (1,2,3, 4,5, 6, 7…..), The Help, Think Like A Man (1 & 2)  Twelve Years a Slave, Belle, (yes, I went there), Django Unchained because you STILL refuse to believe that the way to become upwardly mobile black women  is NOT  through begging racist Hollywood to give you scraps (most of these roles are offensive anyway).
  • You refuse to do for yourselves, yet, constantly complain that others won’t DO FOR YOU.
  • You have no clue about reciprocity ( this will be addressed in an upcoming post)
  • You have no idea what an ALLY is ( This will be addressed in the same post)
  • You have no idea what being NEUTRAL actually means ( This will ALSO be addressed in another upcoming post)
  • You constantly have your hand bitten because you keep putting it in the mouth of snakes.

These women, probably you, (or the ones who got the maddest at the last post)  simply refuse to listen to people when they say, “it ain’t going to work”.

What is my point?

Despite what some people think, I am not simply here to parent grown women who believe they know what’s best. I do not have sponsors who will pay me if I can convince you not to vote/ pay for people who don’t help you in the long run.

My point is that while it’s as compelling as rubbernecking at a train wreck, it’s completely obvious that black women are throwing away opportunities to do for self in ways that would actually  benefit them, i.e.   “doing for self, keeping ones money in ones pocket for projects that will actually bear good fruit,” etc.

Unfortunately, many women know that ignorance is temporarily bliss.

Which is unfortunate, because this means that many black women miss out on things that could actually be good for them.

If only they would reconsider.




Until Next Time….

P.S. No, I did not just basically call you an idiot and leave you with NO advice as to how not to be the GWBA, that will be addressed in the next post.

P.P. S   A WM reader emailed me concerning the subject of WB Readers (honestly, didn’t even know I had any)  commenting on this blog.  I do not have any problem with WM Readers contributing to the conversation, and I want to let other readers know that this is not an issue.

Special Thanks To BrownSmiles for editing and revising this post for me.

Next Post in Series

What’s In a Name?   “A Reiteration”

Other Upcoming Posts:

“The 2014 State of the (BW) Union Address”

“D For Dependency”

“Considering the Military?  Think Again” ( Yes, I know I keep saying I’ll do this, but I have not had the time as of yet.)


157 thoughts on “The Girl Who Believed Anything

  1. Evia, blog host of Black Female Interracial Marriage was the one who coined the phrase “perpetually surprised” to describe the willful cluelessness of many AA women. {smile}

    “These black women absolutely refuse to access the system upgrade required to practice discernment.

    Well, there it is in a nutshell. Real talk: The *perpetually surprised* mentality you’ve described in this post is also commonly observed among the African-American (AA) underclass (meaning AA petty criminals, welfare queens, dope fiends and other such individuals). I saw this back when I used to do criminal defense work. Such persons are extremely arrogant in their refusal to learn and practice discernment.

    The pattern with these *perpetually surprised* AA Black women (AABW) is the same across all topics: they get angry with those of us who ask questions and engage in fact checking and critical thinking.

    For one example, I warned AA readers of the negative dynamics inherent in having “the first Black president” [especially a Crossover Negro Politician-type as “the first Black president”] in the first blog post I wrote back in Sept. 2008):

    The concerns and negative dynamics mentioned in the above post were utterly predictable for anybody who fact-checked. A number of readers got very angry each time I raised critical questions about the ever-growing political and economic price tag to AA interests for having a Crossover Negro Politician like Obama in office.

    And now—6 years later, there are Black Weblog-winning individuals like the blog host of The Field Negro writing posts begging Pres. Obama to pay a smidgen of attention to AA interests during the last 2 years of his term.

    Constituencies who fact-checked, asked critical questions and demanded political payment up front in RECIPROCITY for their (conditional) political support—like Latino voters and their illegal alien friends and relatives and affluent White gay males—got and continue to get the policy initiatives from Pres. Obama that they demanded in exchange for their (conditional) political support. Meanwhile, the AA voters who gave and continue to give Pres. Obama their UNconditional support get next to nothing from Obama. Which is the price of being a group of fools who refuse to learn and practice discernment. Find a fool, bump their head.

    The same type of *perpetually surprised* AABW readers got very angry when various BWE bloggers raised critical questions about their support of Red Tails, 12 Years a Slave, Lupita, and so on.

    I’ve gotten similar angry and *perpetually surprised* reactions during in-person conversations when I’ve raised critical questions about the true nature of the AA Black consumer; and advised other AABW business owners to STOP gearing their businesses toward servicing Black consumers.*

    [*I’ll note that what I say in the above post does not contradict the “do for self” suggestion I’ve given regarding the plight of AA Black actresses. They can succeed by creating and producing TV shows and other content with ONE AA Black main character (starring themselves). They’re just not going to succeed by creating TV shows and other content that’s jam-packed with Black faces. And they really should know by now that they’re not going to succeed by waiting for White Hollywood OR BM directors and producers in Hollywood to cast them in any projects.

    Black actresses who do for self and produce their own content will have to do like Will Smith and Denzel Washington if they want to succeed: AABW actresses will have to surround themselves with White faces in the movies and TV shows they create for themselves. The AABW creative artist’s path to financial success is based on cultivating a mainstream, nonblack audience. NOT on creating entertainment products specifically for Blacks.]

    Anyhoo, keep in mind, these women approached me to brainstorm ideas with them because their businesses were failing. If they had fact-checked by paying the slightest bit of attention to what AA consumers DO (ongoing undeclared boycott of visibly Black-owned businesses) as opposed to what AA consumers SAY, these women wouldn’t have been *perpetually surprised* by the AA slave consumers’ refusal to support their businesses. Unfortunately, for most of these women . . . . what’s the new-school phrase? . . . Oh yes, unfortunately, for most of these women it was more important for them to stay “in their feelings” than to win at creating independent income streams for themselves.

    That whole *perpetually surprised* thing is tiresome. And for many AABW, it’ll ultimately be fatal (the physical consequences of buying into fat acceptance nonsense, staying in Blackistan, etc.).

    • Thank God for Khadija, Eva and OneLessSoilder.

      You three sisters have brought the light to me as a young Black AA woman. I for one do very little “muleing” and Sister Souljaing for people who aren’t American born Black women. Thats no shade to foreign born Black women( yes I’m 3/4 AA and 1/4 East African I’m more AA than not )But AA women most os us don’t have the protections(strong family connections and protective males).

      If AA Black women don’t look out for self, we may find ourselves in the same position Native American are in(check sats esp rape).

      I just want to thank you ladies again.

      God Bless

      BTW, Kadejaii I brought two copies of your book.

    • “…Black actresses who do for self and produce their own content will have to do like Will Smith and Denzel Washington if they want to succeed: AABW actresses will have to surround themselves with White faces in the movies and TV shows they create for themselves. The AABW creative artist’s path to financial success is based on cultivating a mainstream, nonblack audience. NOT on creating entertainment products specifically for Blacks.]”

      So true.

      “The pattern with these *perpetually surprised* AA Black women (AABW) is the same across all topics: they get angry with those of us who ask questions and engage in fact checking and critical thinking.”

      This sadly has happened to me with family and friends. The have been angry with me and have reacted by lashing out or continually sidelining me when I have asked questioned, double checked and challenged their version of facts and refused to buy in against my instincts. Initially, I was hurt and frustrated but I am learning the art of setting boundaries, cutting off and moving on from family and friends that are determined to stay stuck at ‘perpetually surprised’.

      Heartfelt thanks to you, Evia and OLS for providing spaces I can draw inspiration and courage from.

      • @Narr,

        You’re welcome and THANK YOU for your support; I truly appreciate it!

        Yeah, the sad thing about the AA actresses is that they mirror the same indoctrination you see among so many other AABW. When many of these AA actresses “do for self” by creating their own indie movies, etc. you can see that they feel responsible for carrying “Black Hollywood” on their backs.

        The indie and other stuff these actresses do is always jam-packed with Black faces, always features a BM love interest when there is a love interest, and almost always revolves around “Black/AA issues.” By contrast, when AA male actors create or appear in a “Black movie,” they’re only using the “Black stuff” as a stepping stone to get into mainstream [read: White] productions. BM actors DON’T take on the responsibility of producing “Black” content, or “Black” anything else. BM actors are living and working for SELF, while AA actresses are preoccupied with showcasing “Black issues.”

        With *perpetually surprised* relatives, I say just enough to them so that my conscience is clear because they’ve been warned. And then I leave them be in their *perpetually surprised* state of mind. {shrug}

  2. Enjoy your break, OLS. YOU DESERVE IT. I HONESTLY don’t know how people keep up with blogs.

    I appreciate your perspectives and your willingness to share. It really makes me happy to see other BW who believe in their equality and pursue life as EQUAL human beings.

    Have a GREAT SUMMER!

  3. Enjoy your break my dear. And I have to say I love the read on Belle. I didnt get why Black American women should be so supportive of yet another foreign born bi-racial mixed with Black woman story.

    Where was the joy for Black American women in that? There is no history lesson to be learned. And all that hubub caused it to be featured pretty prominently and in big chain movie theaters.

    And some BWE ladies were pushing so hard for it. The art of discernment and nuances can miss us all at some point and we need to reset our internal compasses to always be aware of how we as Black American women will/can benefit.

  4. OLS please enjoy your summer. As for the “mad hatters” who will not listen and learn from their stupid choices,they will be left by the waste side.

  5. The Black Americans who are still drinking the kool aid in regards to Obama, will do so with Hilary Clinton in 2016.

    • You better believe it:
      i went to a Juneteenth celebration the other day, and everything was Obama and Clinton, when we all know, even whites, that OBAMA didn’t do NOTHING for the greater AA’s good.
      its just for the illegal latinos, and homosexuals…since HE KNOWS the vote for black americans is in his pocket, “and theY dare not complain”, when the illegals take the jobs that should have went to the black teenagers…

      • @Zipporah

        Thats exactly what has happened in Baltimore. The Black AA mayor welcomed all illegals into Baltimore after a representative from one of the counties wanted to tighten police checks for illegals. Now I come across so many unemployed Black teenagers. So sad. Our people are so docile now.

        • That is quietly and slowly happening all over the U.S. Newly arrived other cultures of people will not be so gracious as we were to them. They will laugh and say we were stupid for giving up so much to them. I am so over Obama. He sometimes appear as though he does not want to show bias toward b/people. And, he is doing a good job.

          Yes, Khadija, Eva and OneLessSoilder or still telling the Plain Truth and nothing but.

  6. I didn’t catch “Belle” fever either. To me, it was just another, “admire the beauty of the enchanting mixed-race woman” presentation. I’m sure her story is cool. However, I no longer support or have any interest in promoting any black/blackish woman who is not identifying/representing as an American Negro, whether she be pure African or other.


    I’m over it. I REALLY AM. I have a few documentaries/movies on my DVR related to American Negro history. And, frankly, I’m nearly over those as well. I don’t always like the way in which discourse is framed in relation to our group’s history and experience. Furthermore, I rarely see AAs presented as the VICTORS they TRULY ARE. Certainly, all battles have not been won. But, AAs have done an ENORMOUS JOB in surmounting the seemingly insurmountable obstacles they faced in this country. I just no longer look to the media for proper representation.

    Each woman has her own priorities and values. I personally am content to turn off the tv, close my pocketbook, and just be the person I want, regardless of other people’s presumptions. I’ve never viewed Hollywood/the media as being “FOR US”, in the first place. So, I’ve never expected anything in terms of awards, shows, or the like. I only expected *AAs* to care about how they represented and influenced their group. For example, I never got into “Friends”, because I was never represented, NOR did I become excited when they finally added a black girl to the cast. They could have kept it all white, as far as I was concerned. There are actually some all white shows I watch and enjoy. And, I become annoyed when I see a show that has a black incorporated merely as an (OBVIOUS) token. All groups do not fit into all stories. And, I, for one, prefer more authenticity.

    Well…anyway…I guess my sentiment is that NOT ALL black/blackish/slave/slavish faces/stories/etc. are pertinent to AA women or deserve their support. Even when trying to present a moral or inspiration, one can be found that involves AAs, if one so desires to. I think AA women have a major challenge when it comes to viewing themselves as a SPECIFIC group versus GENERALIZED black/blackish women. Some women prefer more of a “pan-” identification. And, it is their right to select such. I am at the point where I want to focus on MY specific sub-group, because we are facing a form of discrimination TARGETED SPECIFICALLY at US. Other “pan-” BW will not be sharing in our resultant destruction or pain, and I HIGHLY DOUBT many will choose to TRY to identify with us for the sake of “pan-” black (so-called) SISTERHOOD.

    So, as I said before…I’M OVER IT.

    “PRO-AMERICAN (U.S.) NEGRO”, in this corner.


      • “And, I become annoyed when I see a show that has a black incorporated merely as an (OBVIOUS) token. All groups do not fit into all stories. And, I, for one, prefer more authenticity.” Really! Thank you!

    • I am so over Oprah. I used to be such a fan. But, what is she actively doing to help traditional American bw? IMO, almost nothing. OMG, she could easily send 20 traditional American bw to college or to a trade school. Oprah appears to be showing more support for bm.
      The foreign born woman over my school’s international students program is encouraging them to go into biology and then on to medical school or pharmacy school, good solid careers.

  7. Yes! This.

    Add the #hastagwars and stuff that has become increasingly popular on twitter and other apps. More distractions for the Perpetually Surprised.

    This is the time to do for yourself and to stay neutral. I’ve been over for years when it comes to non-American Negro BW (I hate using negro but it is what it is.) Life is so much better when you let go and move on from all of the crap they throw at us women in our ethnic group. Let us all focus on refining our sense of discernment and make ourselves flawless (thanks Khadija).

    Enjoy your break, OLS. Thank you for all that you have done.

  8. Hi OLS, I rarely make the rounds of blogs these days, but I follow Khadija’s posts and I saw the ones she writes about your work. So please indulge me.

    First, thanks, so much Khadija for giving me credit where it’s due. I appreciate you so much for being painstaking about things like that. Yes, I coined that phrase, but so many lesser women/people would not point that out. AA women have produced so much for which we’ve gotten no credit, so we must make doubly sure that WE don’t do the same to each other. Thanks for beating that drum–with your actions.

    OLS, BRAVO for your entire body of work and if you don’t mind, I’d like to mention your site when I do my next post? But then again, since you’re about to go on vacation, you may not want that. LOL!

    I, of course, agree with all you say. As you may know, I’m an “old school” AA woman from a certain place and time, so it’s always been easy for me to connect all the dots. But the question that has stymied me since the time I started blogging is WHY is it that so many younger AAbw and similar bw of all income classes and educational levels CAN BE COUNTED ON to act suicidal in so many situations as if it’s a reflex. As y’all point out, even when they’ve been told over and over the smarter or reasonable way to flip the script, they still CHOOSE to make suicidal moves. Even when they’re taking their last gasp, they still make suicidal moves!

    So, my approach to this mystery is the same one that scientists use in studying lower life forms to determine why water animals, might for ex., crawl out of the water–to die on land-deliberately. I’m NOT trying to offend anyone but I think that it’s time to “study” these very detrimental choices that SO MANY AA women make and dig out–no matter the underbelly of it–what’s really going on. I call it a death wish. I notice, too, that the bw who do these things rarely ever speak up and say exactly WHY they’re doing them–and some of them do know why. “Low self-esteem” has been worn out!

    So, in the last year, I’ve been trying to drill down deep to find out what’s at the bottom of this “death wish.” We’ve got to be brutally frank about this because AA women don’t have much more time. We’re seeing this more clearly now.

    I’m convinced that ONE reason they do it is because negative attention (slave movies, reality shows, etc.) is better to them–than no attention at all. And I believe that some darker bw live life vicariously through their lighter friends or lighter other women. That, to them, is better than nothing. AAs have NEVER dealt ruthlessly with the massive colorism that sits in the heart of the typical AA man, and it IS AA men who are the chief makers and distributors of this poison. so it will continue to kill the spirits of many black females since they WILL be rejected in favor of lighter-whiter women.

    My sons understood that I was not going to feed anything that would grow up to offend me, and many black mothers should take that SAME stance and cut their sons OFF if they start acting that way. LOL! I realize that some of y’all will think that’s too extreme. I’m not saying that bm shouldn’t date, love, or marry non-bw, but they should never ever be able to get away with wholesale rejecting bw or denigrating bw–as a group–EVER. I’m talking about the WHOLESALE rejection of the entire group of bw, when AA men have “come up” a few pegs in the world and feel they can mess on bw. I’m NOT talking about the AA men lower on the hierarchy who–don’t have a choice.

    And AAbw have the power to stop all of this–even in the next 7 days–if they were to take an unwavering stance on that.

    HOWEVER, some things you have to be totally and completely cold-blooded about and too many gutless AA women don’t have the guts to do that–or not YET. So that hasn’t been done. For ex., my Nigerian ex-husband had a Nigerian friend who just swore that he couldn’t find ANY worthy bw–whether Nigerian, AA, Jamaican, Haitian, or any other type of bw in ALL of Brooklyn, NY to date!! So this guy declared he had to give up on bw and date ww only–and preferably blonds. I decided I wasn’t going to stand for it, so I told my ex-husband that his friend could never set his foot across the threshold of my house EVER again if he couldn’t–at least find a bw somewhere and bring her to our house—-at least some of the time. I was adamant about that and I told my ex that if he overruled me (since he WAS paying the mortgage note–LOL), then I was going to leave the house as soon as his friend came over with the next blond.

    Any white person reading this knows that white folks (or those from other groups) who have any pride would NEVER tolerate that mess from ANY man from their group! My ex-husband didn’t like it, but his friend was his friend. But that was very offensive to me, so I was not going to cooperate!

    Anyway, my ex told his friend that and to make a long story short, his friend met a wonderful bw months later, and they’ve been married now for over 25 years.

    But I digressed. I think the main reason AA women supported Lupita and still do is because they’re crossing their fingers, toes, hearts, and eyes that the avalanche of positive attention heaped on Lupita’s beauty will turn some bm’s heads back in the direction of browner/darker bw. I honestly don’t think they give a rat’s butt about Lupita, herself. LOL! Yeah, lots of bw could date and marry out, but it’s obvious to me that some of them are not in the position to do that.

    I believe that the reason SOME AA women went to see “Belle” is because many AA women ache to see a bw being loved, cherished, and adored. Even if the woman in the movie is biracial, I think they projected themselves in her place. They believe they’ll probably never experience that in their lifetimes but at least they can feel it vicariously when they watch it on the screen. This is the same reason that romance novels are such big sellers with ALL groups of women.

    One of the key reasons I’ve been able to pinpoint for some of this suicidal behavior is that the bulk of AA women feel VERY alone and apart from other WOMEN, as well as men. That’s the #1 reason they’ve stated to me for why they continue with the BAU (business as usual). They feel unsupported and virtually hopeless that things will change.They don’t feel they have anyone at their back and I think this is because they really don’t have anyone at their back. And this has occurred for a number of reasons but we can see some of this online, where bw (who need each other the absolute most will attack and tear each other to pieces psychologically, if they can.) This is because “hurt people hurt people.”

    As an aside, over the years, it’s been stated by so many bw that there’s a need for an empowerment organization for AAbw, but the bottom line is that nothing has come of it–even though some of us have made cursory efforts at organizing small groups. And I just want to point out that if something akin to NOW were to ever arise for the masses of AAbw, it would need to be very different than the goals of ww feminists because bw are dealing with an almost completely different set of factors and on many levels.

    Anyway, I could go on–LOL!–but I won’t. Enjoy, Enjoy your vacation!

    • Evia, thank you for taking the time out to comment on a post here. I am grateful to have your input so other young bw can learn from you. I wouldn’t mind a bit if you wanted to mention me on your blog the next time you post and thank you for all the work you’re doing.

    • Love you Evia. I’m old school too. I think much of this suicidal behavior has to do with cRap “music.” I grew up in the 70’s and back then, I never heard a song by Blue Magic or the Stylistics or Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes, call AABW the “b” word. Never. I think a lot of younger AABW, who have grown up listening to that garbage have started to internalize it.

      Now, I saw “Belle,” and I liked it; but for me it was like those Jane Austin or Merchant Ivory movies that I love to watch; I liked the story; it was told like an Austin novel and frankly I had no problem with the film because it was about a biracial British woman and a biracial British woman played her. No problem there. To me, the movie was fantasy, like a romance novel and if you look at it like that, you’ll be fine. It’s when you look upon it as real that you’ll have a problem.

      Anyway, have a great vacay OLS.

      • IMO, enough with the slave movies. What’s the point in 2014? Hmmm, there were many biracial British slaves in England? I think that was a little twist to an old story.

        • I think movies about slavery are positive things. We need to see what our ancestors have been thru so we won’t forget.

          I’m finding younger BP who can’t give me two sentences on Malcolm X, NOI, Marcus Garvey, The Harlem Renaissance, or any other important event or person from our culture. I find it very sad and more proof we are headed down a very dangerous path when we have an entire generation who don’t “know thy self”.

          If only we would leverage such movies to our benefit in the same way the Jews use movies about the Holocaust to their benefit.

  9. @Evia,

    You’re welcome! 🙂

    You said, “I’m convinced that ONE reason they do it is because negative attention (slave movies, reality shows, etc.) is better to them–than no attention at all. And I believe that some darker bw live life vicariously through their lighter friends or lighter other women. That, to them, is better than nothing.”

    I think you’re correct about this aspect to the “death wish” behavior. I think another, interlocking aspect of the “death wish” behavior is AA women’s HUGE over-consumption of TV, music videos and movies. Since the content is typically filled with anti-BW poison, AABW’s overconsumption of that stuff reinforces the breaking of their spirits. Also, the many, MANY hours most AABW spend everyday living vicariously through watching TV, etc. serves to distract them from facing the fact that they’re not living life—they’re trudging through a physical existence.

    Real talk for AABW:

    If you want to actually live a satisfying life in the real world, you must STOP watching so much TV!!!

    And stop trying to play off your TV addiction as providing reviews and culturally-sensitive critiques of that mess. The consensus (of those who have researched these matters) is that it takes about 10,000 hours of practice to achieve mastery in a field of endeavor. With the time that some of you waste every single day watching TV, you could’ve learned another language, written multiple novels, screenplays, produced multiple movies, learned how to play a music instrument, gotten an advanced-level belt in a martial art, etc., etc., etc. You also could’ve expanded your social circle—which increases the possibility of meeting quality people who will enhance your life.

    I understand that excessive TV viewing is a coping mechanism for a lot of people. I get that. I really do. But here’s the question—Do you want to continue “coping” with unsatisfying circumstances, or do you want to overcome unsatisfying circumstances and move on into abundant living? Sometimes, coping behaviors can keep you locked into a sub-standard, hunt-and-peck, scarcity lifestyle.

    Evia, you said, “AAs have NEVER dealt ruthlessly with the massive colorism that sits in the heart of the typical AA man, and it IS AA men who are the chief makers and distributors of this poison. so it will continue to kill the spirits of many black females since they WILL be rejected in favor of lighter-whiter women.”

    Agreed. I wonder if this *perpetually surprised* mindset is a (essentially cowardly) way of avoiding facing the reality of AA negro males’ colorism head-on. I don’t know. Because I don’t understand this *perpetually surprised* behavior pattern.

    But I DO know that we’re seeing the terminal stages of all these various unaddressed issues. Modern-day AAs are simply not living as long as prior generations, like the acquaintance you mentioned in your most recent post (I’m sorry for your loss). I know lots of AABW peers who died in their 40s. I know lots of AAs (both genders) who have had heart attacks and strokes while still in their 30s. I’ve heard tales of AA men who had strokes in their young and mid-40s because they didn’t want to take their high blood pressure medication. Apparently, some of the high blood pressure medications cause erectile dysfunction. [I know this is ridiculous. Because how well can these silly men be performing AFTER having a preventable stroke? But there you go.]

    I know an increasing number of younger AAs in their 30s who have already developed serious medical conditions like high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. Evia, as you know—with our parents’ age group, things like this didn’t start happening until these folks were senior citizens.

    I expect the age of initial onset of these serious medical problems will continue to get younger and younger among modern-day AAs. We’re seeing the beginning of the die-off.

    • “We’re seeing the beginning of the die-off.”

      There’s a second complication with that – when a person doesn’t *die*, but is weakened to the point where they have to channel the lion’s share of their wealth and resources to maintain a substandard of living because otherwise they will go headlong into the grave. Literally.

      And because BW are often encouraged to pour their resources into sick systems, even those with healthy infrastructures can be unnecessarily burdened.

      “I know an increasing number of younger AAs in their 30s who have already developed serious medical conditions…with our parents’ age group, things like this didn’t start happening until these folks were senior citizens.”

      So, the ante goes up when a person in the 30’s with these conditions get to their senior years. Instead of getting the high blood pressure and diabetes (since they already did that 30 years ago) the situation for their early senior years is heart attack and stroke.

      It’s extremely expensive to mitigate the long-term effects of bad emotional and physical habits, or environments. If we’re really talking about physical health, the cost of these medications, surgeries to repair damaged organs and prematurely worn joints, or even increased doctor’s visits — these are expensive. If we’re talking about cultural health, the cost of not holding content-makers accountable or creating and supporting our own content is the psychological toll of constantly seeing ourselves in negative ways. Or social health, when BW are expending twice the effort into childrearing or family structures because of a social promotion of non-intact families. Or even fiscal health, where lack of wealth building puts our income-earning into the hands of businesses that have no obligation to us for even the short-term, much less the duration of our working years.

      It’s costly to support sick habits: you pay with your actual life or the quality of your life, and I’m not sure which is worse, actually. Unfortunately, as a group, we may not realize that the bill is due.

  10. @neurochick, Yep, I know–from interacting with various younger AAbw, that something profound occurred to large segments of them that caused many of them to become numb, and to completely doubt their value.

    This replacing of Nina Simone by Zoe Saldana and the whole replacement thing could NOT have occurred in the 70s and 80s. Nina, herself, would have ripped her clothes off in Times Square, if necessary, to bring worldwide attention to her being replaced. LOL! Let’s face it-there were more than enough clueless bw back then, BUT there would have been way more than enough LOUD, unceasing protests from enough of us. A great WRONG is occurring with this replacement campaign, but judging by the overall silence, the bulk of AAbw can’t “feel” that wrong occurring. Like I said, they seem to be numb. Not only do I “know” it’s wrong, but I also FEEL it.

    Insofar as going to see any of these movies where AAbw aren’t being lifted up–and spending money on them, the fact is that spending money on anything sends a clear message of APPROVAL and/or that we just don’t care. That’s the message that is being received. And if we don’t care or do approve, then we should never be surprised or not even bat an eyelash when that thing comes back to bite us in the butt. We can’t have it both ways. If there were ample roles for AA women–roles that we could be proud of–I wouldn’t have a problem with supporting selected one of these movies, but there aren’t. And self-preservation is the FIRST law.

    • @Evia @ neurochick

      I think it’s honestly related to rap and how things have just went really downhill over the past thirty years. There is a lot of PTSD, undiagnosed mental disorders and just plain depression. We’re talking about a good generation that doesn’t want to live. And not only do they not want to live, they want to take everyone they can, especially AA BW, with them.


      On a personal note, I just got diagnosed with prediabetes at 30 and I don’t deal with the DBRs, etc. except for a brother that I recently had to cut all ties to. That was six months of stress that set my system to haywire and I think that stress alone probably influenced my that diagnoses. However, I’m lowering all of the sources of stress in my life as well as going more Paleo. In three weeks after that diagnosis, I’m feeling just as well as I did before this year and I know when I get my next check up, everything will be fine. Most AA BW WON’T do that. They will continue on because deep down inside, THEY WANT TO DIE. And they don’t care how or how soon. They have become living zombies.

      • @KM,

        Praise God you caught that early! [“Prediabetes” as opposed to “diabetes.”] You already know what to do, but let me repeat some things for the other folks in the audience. I’ve discussed some of these topics on both of my blogs over the years. With the OLS’ indulgence, here are some links that readers might find helpful.,,20442821,00.html

        I believe the most important thing for all of us is to do what we can to be as proactive as possible; and stay on top of our various metabolic readings. And not just from lab tests done during visits to the doctor’s office. Unfortunately, a lot of doctors don’t perceive particular readings as being problematic unless and until they tip over into the “officially” bad range. That’s not good enough for me because I’m the only me that I have—LOL! So, I try to keep tabs on the direction my various readings are going. I also take readings of various numbers in between doctor’s appointments.

        I (temporarily) increased my weekly exercise frequency a few years back because I noticed that even though I was still “officially” in the healthy range, my blood pressure numbers were slowly drifting upward over the years. Last year I bought a “No Coding Blood Glucose Monitoring System” from Walgreens. Every once in awhile, I test my blood sugar levels just to see what’s happening. And also to keep track of any trends that are developing. Just checking a moment ago, the kit costs $14.99 online at Walgreens.

        Some suggested books, in the spirit of being proactive:

        “Anticancer: A New Way of Life” by Dr. David Servan-Schreiber.

        “Foods to Fight Cancer: Essential Foods to Help Prevent Cancer” by Richard Beliveau, Ph.D. and Denis Gingras, Ph.D.

        Regular readers at my first blog saw me complain endlessly about the Brussels sprouts that I have always HATED* with a passion. Well, it turns out that these horrid little things “are exceptional sources of. . . anticancer molecules and should be eaten regularly.” “Foods to Fight Cancer: Essential Foods to Help Prevent Cancer” pg. 77 (from the chapter “Cancer Hates Cabbage”—yeah, well I do too!)

        I work these horrible little mini-cabbage things into my diet (mostly via juicing) because cancer runs heavily in my family history, and I love life. I also drink 1-2 of anticancer Japanese sencha green tea everyday. Even though it tastes roughly the way I would imagine grass tastes. I also go out of my way to work other anticancer spices and herbs into my meals.

        [*Please, no recipe suggestions. NO amount of culinary wizardry can camouflage the yucky taste and consistency of cabbage or mini-cabbages for me. Ewww…LOL!]

        • While we are talking about health, I read that B.Smith was diagnosed with alzheimer’s disease. Oh this makes me so sad. B. Smith is such a lady. First Maya, then Ruby Dee and now B.Smith.

      • Hi IamKM

        I just wanted to say that it is great that you caught this thing early on. There are many reasons that this happens to us. The old saying you are what you eat and what you eat today will affect all the generations after you. That said I have found some wonderful resources that I would like to share that will help you. I have used it myself and have found a health that I didn’t know was possible.

        That site changed my like and I lost over 80 pounds and got into shape with no lose shin and all of that. Check out his success stories and the great thing is you don’t have to buy anything to get the results and get started.
        I’m hoping the two you tube videos that I’m posting go through. They speak on the importance of good nutrition and how important it is and how it will transform you life for the better.

        Take a look and the best of health to you.

        • @firefly88 @Khadija

          Thanks you two! Actually, I’ve gone pretty much primal 90/10. I was 80/20, I lapsed to 65/35 before I got the diagnosis. I hate brussel sprouts, I miss bread but screw it, my health is more important than my taste buds.

          On the BW dating out note… yes, it is harder now to date out for us. I’m not going to lie, it is. The internet and those shows on those networks that were started by non-BW Black women have done a bad number on AA BW. It’s to the point now that when I go out, there are non-BM who cannot believe that I am an AA BW because I act like I have sense and not like those fools trading their image for money on reality shows. I actually went a year and a half before a date and a failed relationship. I’m back out there, back dating and a WM who I noticed was checking me out at our gym for the past seven months finally got the courage to ask me out. I believe with the mountain of bad press, many BW are going to have to be patient with dating out. But then, being patient is better than rushing into a bad relationship with a mismatch or even worse, a DBR.

  11. @OLS,

    Thanks so much for the heads-up about Clutch Magazine linking to my latest post. I wouldn’t have known about that if you hadn’t mentioned it. I browsed through the comment section, and let’s just say that many of the Coddling Color-struck BM mentalities on display there are the reason why I turned the comments off to my blog. I just don’t have the patience any more to engage with AA women who want to absolve negro male celebrities of responsibility for their racist, anti-BW casting decisions. [The tired and played-out “blame the WM for everything negro males do” and “deflect attention away from BM’s anti-BW racism” routines.]

    A note to the audience: Earlier today, a reader sent me a link to Bougie Black Girl’s Facebook page in which she and some of her readers valiantly went back and forth with some mammy mules who had gone to see anti-BW Racist Kevin Hart’s latest movie. Bougie Black Girl or one of her readers (I can’t remember which) made an excellent point that you might want to use the next time you find yourself talking to a BW who uses the excuse of supporting the BW actresses in his movie(s) as a “reason” to keep financing BM Who Hate, Demean & Degrade BW.

    Bougie Black Girl (or one of her readers, although I think it was Bougie Black Girl) made the excellent, logical point that if a corporate official publicly made racist, anti-Black statements, these same BW wouldn’t let the fact that there are some Black employees working for that corporation stop them from boycotting that corporation.

    When these same lapdog BW boycott racist companies [typically while caping in defense of BM], you never hear them say, “I’m going to keep buying this racist company’s product because I want to support the BW employees who work for this racist company. I don’t care if the company’s officials wear Klan hoods to work, use the n-word in public, and say that Blacks are genetically inferior . . . I’m going to financially support this racist company in order to support the BW who work there . . . “

    {exasperated side eye at foolish BW’s ridiculous excuses for financing BM Who Hate, Demean & Degrade BW}

    • I did not see that movie this weekend because it’s not something that appeals to me. Also, Khadija, I think that Clutch article took your post out of context. I did not feel that you were blaming BM only for colorism, but that BM have been in cahoots with white supremacists.

      Look, everybody has the right to date and marry who they want. If a BM wants to marry a non Black woman, it’s fine with me. What’s not cool is when that BM does an interview and makes a comment like, “I tried dating BW, but all of them have such attitudes, they’re so mean…blah, blah blah.” That’s when I have a problem with said BM. You can date who you want, marry who you want, but you don’t put down other women, to me it’s not manly to do that, it reeks of insecurity, self hatred and immaturity. That’s why I don’t like Kevin Hart especially; the man has more issues than Vogue and he needs to deal with them instead of blaming BW, which is what he seems to do all the time.

      One of the reasons I feel so many young BW are getting soul murdered is this: Years ago, I am sure that many BM entertainers preferred light skinned and non Black women, but at least they had the good sense not to give interviews saying how they preferred non Black or light skinned black women and used the excuse that “Black women have such attitudes.” Today that is not the case, BM actors, cRappers and the like frequently get on TV and on the Internet and state that they think BW have too many issues and they want to be with a “nice” woman. This is harmful because these men aren’t saying, “In my opinion” or “I feel this way”. They are stating their opinions as fact. So what winds up happening is the statement, “Black women just have an attitude” goes from one man’s opinion to a fact and pretty soon it becomes law. When I was in the Caribbean, a man told me that he was shocked to find out I was American, not Canadian, because he heard that “Black women in American aren’t nice.”

      So, that’s why I don’t bother with “Think Like a whatever” or any of Tyler Perry’s nonsense. Negative images go a long way and does affect how people see and treat you. Also, this “Black women in the US have an attitude” thing bothers me. People need to do critical thinking blanket statements; ask questions; why is that statement true? If it is true, what is the reason for it? Critical thinking is very important in life; sometimes at first when you do it, people see you as a killjoy or a “hater” but they’ll thank you later.

      • @neurochick,

        Of course Clutch took my blog post out of context.* {side eye} The individuals who publish over there can’t hold frank, candid or honest conversation about AA women’s issues. Holding honest conversations about AA women’s issues would lead to “naming names:” it would lead to identifying AA males as the PRIMARY source of most of the difficulties facing today’s AA women.

        From what (little) I’ve read over there over time, it seems to me that whoever publishes that site is heavily invested in staying: (1) middle-of-the-road, (2) lukewarm about BW’s concerns, and (3) BM-identified. What seems to have been happening (to the extent that the publisher wrote a post complaining about the types of comments being submitted) is that the increase in consciousness-raising among AA women is forcing that site to discuss issues they’d probably rather not discuss. A large segment of their audience is past that middle of the road stuff when it comes to AA women’s concerns.

        Anyway, not only have “BM [] been in cahoots with white supremacists,” (as you noted). BM colorism and BM’s anti-BW racism is what has ENABLED today’s White supremacists to erase AA Black women from the entertainment industry.

        *This is the post being mentioned:

        The White racists that exist in Hollywood have always consistently wanted to denigrate Black folks’ image. After the civil rights era, they weren’t able to do that anymore to the extent that they wanted to. Because enough people in the AA collective gave White Hollywood and the White media the clear message that we wouldn’t tolerate that. And that there would be an economic and political price to pay for engaging in that course of conduct.

        Well, once the negro male c/rappers and other BM celebrity coons starting publicly making degrading comments about BW, this let the same White racists in the media know that NOW it was safe to get back to “dogging out” BW’s image. And it HAS been safe to urinate on BW’s image since the c/rap era. The c/rap era opened the floodgates to c/rappers p*ssing on BW’s image. It also opened the floodgates to negro male celebrity coons feeling that it was also safe for them to verbally p*ss on BW in public. For over a century, many BM celebrities have been on a mission to “work the Black out” of their family tree. The difference as you noted is that modern BM celebrities who prefer lighter, whiter and nonblack women have been publicly slandering BW while they seek after lighter, whiter and nonblack women.

        As you also noted, negative images (really, it’s propaganda) goes a long way. As Winston Churchill noted, “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”

        • Khadija,
          I have sooo many questions for you.
          I realize that BW are an easy target to attack by everyone because we have no protection.
          It’s very easy to consistently degrade us with BM’s permissiom and BW’s enabling behavior.
          However, this kind of steady venom directed at AABW, in my opinion is pure evil.
          It seems like since MO became First Lady, that the effort to crush AABW/girls has become Mission #1.
          Michelle represents everything, (that BM, the media and the rest of the folks who hate us,) that AABW are not suppossed to be. Or if we do fit in that mold, their are always the quick assurances, that we’re only a small minority compared to the rachets among us.
          Attractive, fit, feminine,educated, wife then mother, accomplished and dark skin…etc. (even Michelle ended
          up with only 1/2 a BM.)
          Am I overthinking this?
          Did the increase of “studies” to remind us that we are still fat, ugly, unwanted, STD/HIV ridden suddenly skyrocket with her presence?
          Who is the media talking to
          besides BW?
          Is this suppossed to steer non BM away from us? Or are they only talking to WM?
          We’re only 6% of the entire population. This is a very expensive war being waged on
          Best case scenario:
          Over the next five years, the AABW living outside of the Matrix, keep flooding BWE on all forms of social media and on the ground and refuse to back away
          from our resistance.
          We create our own media on the web, we increase our options among quality men, while
          enforcing boundaries and vetting.
          Education, economic independence, travel, physical fitness/mental health, financial support of BW haters declines etc…..etc….
          What do you think would be the
          result of American society if
          AABW really push their interests
          in their own movement?
          Or is that the underlying fear? That even if a minority blaze this path, it will uproot the status quo and expose the farce that’s being paraded as truth about us?
          Lol..does this sound paranoid?

          I’m trying to properly articulate all the thoughts I have running through my mind.

          OLS…I hope you enjoy every
          moment of your well deserved break!
          P.S. If you have time, I hope you flirt with cute boys:))))

        • @BrownSmiles,

          In my view, the venom you described is about other folks maintaining their privilege vis-à-vis AABW. Unlike AABW (who are basically suicidal as Evia stated), everybody ELSE naturally gravitates toward protecting whatever privilege, perk, etc. they have.

          OLS talked about these dynamics in detail in several posts, including “All the Women Are White, All the Blacks Are Men… Black women get screwed…”

          Life is a competitive game in which each individual—and in larger units of collective activity such as each family, clan, racial and/or religious group—is trying to secure the best resources for themselves and for their family, clan, racial and/or religious sect.

          Again, this describes everybody except AA Blacks.

          AAs as a group are busy trying to secure resources—in order to give those same resources away to anybody and everybody who is nonblack and non-AA.

          AABW are busy trying to secure resources—in order to give those same resources away to Black males and to anybody and everybody who is nonblack and non-AA.

          In the back of their minds, WW and other nonblack women know that BM are a source of money and other resources for them. In the back of their minds, WW and other nonblack women know that if they (for whatever reasons) are unable to attract a quality WM husband to provide for them, then they’ll be able to attract a achieving BM husband—all due to their whiteness and/or nonblack status. BM are a safety net for WW and other nonblack women who can’t get the achieving men from their own race.

          AA women like Michelle Obama threaten that safety net. First of all, “on-point” AA women are rivals for the attention and affection of quality WM. Becky is not stupid. She has watched how Mei Ling has been “poaching” quality WM husbands for decades. Why would Becky want another rival for quality WM husbands?

          She doesn’t. Similar dynamics apply to other women of color relative to AA women. Why would these other women give up the privilege they have vis-à-vis AABW? They won’t. Keep in mind that non-AA women (including foreign BW) ARE privileged. If for no other reason than the fact that the males from their ethnicities are NOT on a campaign to malign and destroy them the way AA males have been on a 30+ year-long campaign to malign and destroy AABW.

          And so—just like SOME WW, SOME other women of color will seek to preserve the status quo situation (and preserve whatever privilege and perks they currently enjoy) by sabotaging AABW’s image.

          Second, most men of color on this planet take their cues in assessing women’s desirability from WM. In terms of raw power, WM are the dominant men on this planet. Whatever WM feel is desirable, other men will mostly follow their lead and buy into that belief.

          African-American males are generally followers on this planet. They are not the dominant, Alpha males on this planet who get to decide which groups of women are considered attractive. BM take their lead from the dominant WM. Whoever the dominant WM feel is attractive (WW and Asian women in general, and individual BW), many BM will follow their lead and parrot whatever these dominant WM say about these women. For example, I didn’t start hearing many African-American men saying that the dark-skinned Mrs. Obama is attractive until after the White media and White men were publicly talking about how she’s glamorous and reminiscent of Jacqueline Kennedy.

          When more dominant, powerful, Alpha-male WM men marry AA women, then AA males will stop slandering AA women. Either out of their habit of taking their cues from WM, or out of fear of offending this emerging critical mass of WM who view AABW attractive and desirable.

          More and more individual AABW living well by being married to quality WM and other nonblack men is the long-term solution to most of African-American women’s collective problems.

  12. Very, and I do mean very, insightful. I enjoyed the read and especially the following statement: “You probably voted for/ promoted certain political leaders *cough* Obama *cough* because of “unity” yet never did any “fact checking” to make sure that he would actually “pay up” to black women.” I honestly feel black people are still waiting for their 40 acres and a mule (all of which was a hoax). Thanks for the good read and have a wonderful vacation.

    • @ Annette Harrison,

      I admire your candor and sharing the lessons that you’ve learned through your life’s journey on your blog. We’ve all made mistakes. The fact that you continue to improve your circumstances speaks highly of your character. Stay blessed!

  13. Reblogged this on Black Women Have It Going On and commented:
    Not sure how I came to this blog post but I am glad I found this blogger. She has some really good things to write to women of color. As a matter of fact, I think her message (although written to black women) is universal. Stop by and visit her you will indeed feast on wisdom for the soul.

  14. @Khadija,

    Your article is so on point and absolutely chilling in the stark reality that’s facing AABW’s image. Another BWE pioneer, Amie said years ago something to the effect of: AABW are increasingly being asked (demanded to actually) to sign up for their ‘total erasure’. It sounded so dramatic to me when I first read it; but like you said about the foreign BW acting issue; we’re midway into this process. Maybe even further along than that.

    I do hold out hope that as more AABW marry out some of our mates may be able weld influence and halt or reverse this trend. It’s stunning in those articles that were linked to how the majority of AABW still drink the kool-aid and want to believe in the “contract”. Influential and compassionate WM (and other non-BM) are AABW actresses’ only hope in the future. And that is dicey at best. Regardless of who they marry, most men (other than BM) are still loyal to their ‘tribe’

    This is absolute PROOF that AABM en mass HATE AABW. They are following along and leading this trend to replace us with WW’s children who are biracial. It’s rare to see a BW’s biracial child as a successful actress. AABM as a collective want to see us dead and buried. I’m 1000% convinced of this now. Clueless BW who “don’t see color” are muling for BM and enabling this trend to accelerate. All of this makes me all the happier that I left the BC years ago and am happy with the stability and support that my WM gives me.

    I hope all the BW reading this are aggressively doing everything they can to leave the BC. And I’m not just talking about marrying a non-BM. All of our relationships should be reciprocal and beneficial to us.

    • @Lynn,

      The situation IS chilling. The anti-BW hate speech and propaganda put out by BM c/rappers and many BM celebrities is essentially Radio Rwanda. Very Bad Things happen to categories of people who’ve been denigrated and dehumanized in the public view.

      I’m hopeful that this will change as more sensible and aware BW do like Asian women and marry influential WM in various industries (including prominent WM in the entertainment and other media industries). Similar to how the tidal wave of AW marrying influential and prominent WM has caused folks to chill out on peddling anti-AW images. There’s been a real turnaround with how Asian women are “typically” portrayed in the media over the past 30+ years. You don’t see many AW in the media; but the images of Asian women that are out there are mostly positive and normalized as attractive, wife-worthy women.

      • Khadija,

        You are so on target with this. I have started checking out your site and it has been a great motivator! Yes, the time has come for black women to marry quality men not just black men.

        I’ve noticed that even when black men have ratchet behavior they do not have half the burden placed on them for that behavior. They are quick to point out that black women should choose DBR BM but some how manage to remove themselves from the fray and suggest that black men in general are good guys and great and that it is only black women holding them back .

        When looking at black women they will pick the worst of the worst and say that is the great majority of black women. If you can’t be put in that box they say you are one of the few rare good ones. It is no use fighting with them as it will only make you look bad. No it is best not to say a thing and let your actions speak loud and clear.

        Don’t be bothered with DBR of any kind.

        Do you get yourself in shape, get healthy, have your own quite space, and get your finances in order, get educated, learn how to be more feminine.

        Have people who are for you around you only! everyone else can go to the lake.

        When BM are talking like this leave and end the conversation politely smile and walk away and know that a BM who would say such things to you is attacking you. Don’t stand there and let him lob grenades at your head. MOVE.

        Get out this maybe hard, but get out and do stuff find free stuff and events to do where you live. Learn the art of striking up a conversation.

        I’m sure most everyone here has, but if, you haven’t I would urge most everyone to check out your site. So much useful information there no matter your age.

  15. As a young black woman, I can relate to being “perpetually surprised” especially when it comes to recognizing true allies, understanding and demanding reciprocity, and getting my hand bitten. Recent events have thought me that I need to be far more discerning of the folks that I choose to hang around and call my friends. I’ve been a long time lurker and occasional commenter on BWE blogs, but I am only beginning to understand what some of you all were talking about in your posts. Now, I am embarking on a very competitive professional career path the claws are beginning to come out for real, and I’m beginning to understand that while I may not be playing games and trying to stay above the fray many of my colleagues are playing games and have no qualms about using and abusing folks to get what they want. I think many black folks (and black women) get in trouble because we foolishly assume that folks are playing fair and don’t have any bad intentions, which is why black women act like it is merely a coincidence when multi-cultural women are playing their characters on TV, when black men have “preferences” for other women, when politicians refuse to address our issues, etc. Black women need to wake up and realize that these things are not a coincidence. The people around us are making calculated and sometimes dishonest moves to subjugate us and maintain the status quo. We are playing checkers while the folks around us are playing chess.

    Being naive and too trusting also means that we unknowingly reveal our vulnerabilities, strengths, and resources to our enemies. This allows our enemies to suck us dry and then destroy us after they have had their fill, which is what the black community is doing to black women. It is also the reason why many of us can’t seem to get ahead no matter how hard we try. We are doing for self, but telling saboteurs and haters our plans. Khadija had a post about removing “grasshoppers” from our networks, which is what I’m in the process of doing right now. Before we completely open up ourselves and pocket books to folks, we need to give them time to prove themselves and show that they bring value to our lives. Actions not words are the best indicators of someone’s characters. Another thing that Khadija wrote on her blog was that when people hate you sometimes they join you. I really think that this is the dynamic we are seeing when black men/Hollywood cast black women in these coonish roles in movies like “Think Like a Man,” “Madea Goes to Jail,” etc. These crumbs that Hollywood throws black actresses are really just tools of destruction because by taking up these roles black folks are just pumping more poison into their communities. However, most of black actresses and actors see these roles are opportunities because they are getting a big check at the end of the day, and more black people are on the big screen. Before making any personal and financial decisions, we need to do a cost-benefit analysis and ask ourselves who is really coming out ahead. I know that I will be putting all my decisions through this type of analysis from now on.

    • “Before making any personal and financial decisions, we need to do a cost-benefit analysis and ask ourselves who is really coming out ahead. I know that I will be putting all my decisions through this type of analysis from now on.”

      I think that is a very good point. I think that many of these BW who act in these derogatory movies need to ask themselves what the cost really is. Sure they’re getting a paycheck and paying their bills, but what is the real cost? Sometimes people can’t see beyond their noses, meaning people only care about what they need and want right now and don’t think about the future.

      I ask myself, what is the end game in all of this? Who benefits from AABW’s image being tarnished? Well, women who aren’t AABW for one and unfortunately, some people need to step on another’s head in order to feel good about themselves. But what I see happening is BW trapped in a permanent underclass; negative images in the media mean that employers won’t want to hire BW, that BW will be denied access to housing because people will think, “we don’t want all that drama here,” also BW will be denied entry into good schools and all three of that creates an underclass. BW forced to take low paying, low wage, dead end jobs in order to survive. That is what happens to a people when only negative images of themselves are available. If BW refused to act in movies like Think Like a Man and whatever Tyler Perry is doing, what would happen? .

      Khadija made a good point at the end of her post when she said that the only roles for BW in film will be either reality TV or porn.

      • I definitely agree with your assessments on the long term consequences for all AABW. Some people may think that’s going overboard, but for those of us that have paying attention over the last 10-20 years I would have never imagined AABW’s image to be consistently under attack and maligned so bad in MSM. Not to mention the atrocious behavior of famous BM. It’s shameful, sickening, and embarrasing.

        There is an end goal to all of this. When the ‘peace walls’ Khadija and others allude to go up; the Powers That Be want as many AABW behind them as possible. Feral BM need someone in close proximity to prey on so that they don’t go ‘out of the approved areas’ to prey on larger society. The powers that be are definitely aiming to make upward mobility harder for AABW. It’s about to get real in the “Land of Opportunity” and God help us all!

        • The peace walls in many instances will be suburban areas with rural like access to public transportation, good paying jobs and decent infrastructure.

          There is already a move by younger Whites to move into the cities and gentrify areas most would not set food in 25-30 years ago. I’ve seen this is happen in NYC, Washington D.C and Baltimore.

          What happens to Blacks who don’t have the income to keep up, they are marginalized. Pushed further out and shut out of many of the positives this resourceful* and educated group bring.

          *The younger Whites of the hipster variety lean heavily towards DIY, crafting and small scale farming***,worker owned bussiness**,communal living, and bartering etc…Things Khadejia has pointed out countless times, we will need to do as a group when the US economy slides to 2nd tier status.

          Personally I will soon be a taking a basic sewing class. I am looking into a farming class next.

          **Red Emma’s cafe in Baltimore

          ***Park Slope Food Coop

      • Neurochick you are so right. I’m living this right now. I can’t find a good paying job and white folks don’t want to hire me and they need me. I interviewed with this plastic surgeon and she just out of nowhere said to me “if you start any trouble here I will fire you quick.” I haven’t
        known her for 2 mins and she talks to me like that.
        I also have problems finding housing. When I call and ask about apts, prices and availability they go up the rent by 200 dollars and the first thing they tell me is they are gonna do a background check on me. My 12 year old daughter is getting called slut and whore by a little white boy and at school she was punch the face and stabbed in the cheek with a pencil. In so many words the school said she brought it on herself. See she is fair game. The school treated me like I was some out of control hoodrat.
        I’m also seeing bw getting abused and hurt by the police. Its like we are just bm with breast. A black female professor was attacked by white police officers for jaywalking. A bw in Mississippi was attacked by police for protesting her fake arrest. Two bm officers held her down to let a wm officer mace her. Only a bm would let that happen. I bet you a million buck a wm would not let a bm attack his women like that,
        The things you are talking about are happening now. I haven’t had a bf in over 3 years and I date out and had my pick of men. I can’t get a man at all. I really see whats going on now. It seems that the anti-bw smear campaign is working.

        • The things you have said are exactly the type of issues these lady bloggers have been talking about for years. I suggest if you are in school look into STEM courses aka the money courses.
          Yes, New Orleans is being gentrified. Other cultures of people are moving into black neighborhoods and they are buying the property, not simply renting. Since the Corps of Engineers have re-enforced the levees New Orleans is very attractive to people from northern areas. Also, a state of the art biomedical center is being built. Therefore, many other cultures of people will move here for the work. Are most of us prepared for this big change?

    • Speaking of movies. I was bored one night so I turned on the TV. A Waynes Bro spoof movie “Dance Movie” I think its called, was on. Why God why did I do it to my self!!!

      Not one healthy image of Black women and girls in that movie. Every Black female character was loud, violet, hyper sexual, etc… It was like they the Waynes brothers redid the screenplay for Birth Of A Nation.

      Are Black men in entertainment really ignorant to what they are doing???

      We are regressing in Hollywood. Why are they eager to throw the whole race under the bus? Whats really sad is this sort of stuff isn’t contained. The entire word gets to see this. So they get to pass judgement on us before the know us.

      And yes it matters what others think of us when most of us seek jobs from companies and small businesses owned by others and passport stamps in other countries.

      • The move to gentrify inner cities is also happening in Detroit, Philly and New Orleans.
        Let me fill you in with what’s happening in Detroit.
        If anyone is unfamiliar/never been to the city, one thing I have always been sure of, is that Detroit would always rise from the ashes because of the waterfront real estate.
        There is a island ditting right in the middle of the city. Its called Belle Isle and it is beautiful, when it was actually being properly cared for. Chene Park is a outdoor music pavallion sitting right on the water just down the street.
        Canada is literally five minutes away, just cross the bridge.
        Detroit is HUGE. Its as large as any other major U.S. city. There is too much potential to not invest.
        So what have the Black folks done?
        The moment they received two cents, they followed White people into the suburbs…for decades.
        What happened?
        Individual suburbs have become the ghetto and now Whites and other non Blacks from all over the world are moving to……downtown Detroit!!!
        China literally owns half of downtown already. They are buying blocks at a time.
        The more upscale suburbs and Jewish communities are not letting the Negroes in their spaces.
        Would you like to know what happened when crazy Black folks tried to hang out in their spaces and started shooting?
        They closed down each business where they saw regular Black faces.
        Yes, you read that sentence correctly!
        Black people who tried to send their kids to good public schools without living in those districts, were shut down and kicked out. Did BP really think they were going to keep
        bussing black children into their schools?
        They decided the “economy had bounced back” and since the market was thriving, they priced the real estate outside of Blacks financial
        sphere and refuse to rent.
        Sooo, many of these places will begin to look like Paris. The city is
        maintained and the cultural
        destination for visitors and the
        suburbs become the slums and the peace walls will keep the undesirables inside their limited, subpar living/working spaces.
        AABW can actually benefit from gentrification if they play their cards
        First come White people.
        They buy real estate which is dirt cheap right now.
        Then come the public services to ensure quality of life.
        Schools, businesses, new neighborhood codes..
        There is nothing stopping us from carving out our own spaces, businesses right in the middle of these ongoing changes, while the property value is still so low.
        Im not sure about the other cities, but in the D, a couple thousand right
        now, will take you far.

        Oh I forgot to mention, we also have our first White mayor in over five decades.

        I also would like to point out, some BP get it. They are staying in the city, revitaliving some of the neighborhoods, opening their own schools and Black female owned businesses are on the increase.

      • @chicnoir, You are telling the truth. I live in Los Angeles in the mid-Wilshire area. I myself has a garden and my next door neighbor practice permaculture. Also my sister and I know how to sew. This same neighgor has often to help me change my garden into full scale permaculture for no charge. We also barter goods with each other.

        • L, Higgen

          Sister you are putting yourself in a good position for when things fall apart. As BWE writers have been telling us we must form reciprocal relationships, learn how to do some things from scratch and dump the deadbeats and freeloaders who tax our resources.

  16. @Apa–

    “Before we completely open up ourselves and pocket books to folks, we need to give them time to prove themselves and show that they bring value to our lives.”

    If AAbw did this ONE thing–KEEP THEIR POCKETBOOKS CLOSED–they could stop the bulk of their image destruction faster than they think because anything that is happening is getting fuel from somewhere and it needs constant fuel. AAbw are the chief source of fuel for a LOT of this poison. I just read the Clutch article re Khadija’s article and scanned the comments.. As Khadija said, SOME of those bw on Clutch are still caping BIGTIME for bm. AAbw’s biggest problem are those AAbw female guards who surround bm haters and smearers of bw’s image. SOME AAbw have been clearly programmed to act like suicide bombers and will sacrifice themselves, their daughters, their granddaughters and every other black female on earth, if it comes down to it, in order to protect AAbm.

    Yet, I still read where some AAbm are saying that bw are not loyal!

    ALL of us who are sincere about putting a dent in this madness MUST start checking as much as possible on ANY bm before buying his product or supporting it because at the rate bm achievers are declaring they “just can’t find ANY bw who is marriage material,” MOST bw will have to forget about marriage or commitment altogether.. For ex., a few weeks ago, someone who knows I’m incorporating vegan dishes in my diet sent me a link to a Caribbean bm’s vegan cookbook and I checked it out on Amazon.

    I really, really wanted that book and went to Amazon to buy it, but right before I clicked to buy it, I decided to check on who exactly he is because I just knew that this bm’s wife or significant other is wouldn’t look like his mother. And I didn’t want to feel like a fool for helping to kill the spirit of any more bw. Here’s his picture with his wife and child, and you can see he is clearly a negro man, and sure enough, his wife is Asian.

    YET, his book was being promoted on a prominent website frequented almost entirely by bw. WHY should bw finance an upscale lifestyle for this man and his out-group wife when so many high-achieving bw are not considered “marriage material” by so many of these SAME achieving bm or their brethren. Why don’t these bm seek support for their books, films, or other projects from their wife or girlfriends community?

    That being said, I’m married to a wm, and I don’t expect for bm to support my projects. Also, my husband would never even think about trying to do any wholesale smearing or devaluing of ww as a group, and I would instantly lose respect for him if he were ever to do that. My Nigerian ex-husband never, ever said anything negative about Nigerian women as a group. I would have lost respect for him too, if he’d done that.

    I realize that SOME bw are not marriage material, but many of them ARE– just as much so are any other women because a woman doesn’t need to be almost perfect to be considered marriage material by most men in most groups.

    As Khadija said about those black actresses who got their start in past decades, if I were a younger woman THESE DAYS looking to get married to a CQLL man and start having children AFTER marriage, I highly doubt whether I’d ever get the chance. I look like an unambiguously black woman. I’m an achiever and would only marry a man roughly on my level or higher. Due to the widespread devaluation, and ACTIVE smearing of ALL of us bw who are unambiguously black, that so many AAbm do and BROADCAST far and wide, many AAbw THESE DAYS will NEVER get a chance to say “I do” to ANY man. It goes without saying that some of this putrid hate that AAbm have towards bw has impacted the views of nonbm who would have been open to loving and marrying a bw. I’m not saying it would stop every non-bm, but common sense tells you that it’s having an impact. Sane people would not want to be anywhere close to this stuff! And the vast majority of non-bm DO have other choices.

    Many people of other groups don’t understand this hatred directed against AAbw by their OWN men either and don’t want any part of this poisonous atmosphere.

    Y’all bw had better get VERY serious about this. Otherwise, your daughters and other bw you love had better get ready to spend a lot of time on their knees cleaning for men and “servicing” them, whether in porn or not.

    Find out what ANY bm or any other person is about and whether they’re likely to reciprocate BEFORE you shell out ANY money! I didn’t buy that bm’s book. Instead, I bought one by a bw that is supposed to be even better. Win-Win!

    • Evia,

      If you are looking to incorporate more vegan dishes into your diet, have you checked out Annette Larkins ? She is a long time Black vegan, her husband is not.

      Watching the video made me think how bad things have gone for Black women. It is very rare to hear a Black man speak so well openly about his wife

    • @Evia,

      Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU. There are clueless, idiotic AA women who take the position of not wanting to close their pocketbooks to BM who date and marry out. These idiotic AA women feel that it wouldn’t be “fair” for them to close their pocketbooks because these AA women are also dating and marrying out. [As always, that mammy-mule self-sabotaging preoccupation with being “fair” to other people who don’t give a rat’s behind about them.]

      Earth to AA female dummies: ALL interracial marriages DON’T have the same economic effects!

      When a BW is married to a WM (or other nonblack man), that WM’s money and other material resources are flowing INTO a Black person’s hands.

      When a BM is married to a WW (or other nonblack woman) that BM’s money and other material resources are flowing OUT OF a Black person’s hands.

      GENERATIONS of achieving AA Black males have been funneling their money and other material resources AWAY from other Black folks’ hands and INTO WW’s hands and INTO other nonblack women’s hands.

      This is why AAs still don’t have anything of our own in the 21st century.

      Because most achieving AA males: (1) remain employees and don’t build businesses or any other infrastructure, and (2) transfer their material wealth to nonblack women.

      No double standards—I’ve been dismayed to see AA lesbian celebrities like Wanda Sykes and Robin Roberts follow that same behavior pattern as so many achieving AA males. Especially Wanda Sykes who had her White partner have babies by a White sperm donor—so, just like Michael Jackson, this broad is going to give all her money and material resources to children who are 100% White. [???!!!???] Which is why my pocketbook is ALSO closed to these 2 colored women.

      And then each generation of AAs are singing the same blues about how AA celebrities should pool their money, blah, blah, blah, blah . . .

    • Evia,

      You are right. We definitely need to get serious and realize there is an all out war against black women that black women are financing with their pocket books and resources. I will only be financing issues, businesses, projects, etc. that benefit me.

      Also, I can see the effects of the hatred that is out there for black women. Many of my black friends and acquaintances are doing everything possible just get a few dates: losing weight, getting degrees, dressing well, looking on point at all times, etc. However, no one (who is a reasonably good choice) is biting even when these women are open to dating other races. I recently got an Asian roommate, who is quite frankly very homely looking and lacks personality, hobbies, talents, and all the things that men claim make a great women. However, she doesn’t have issues finding dates, who are husband material because society has placed an intrinsic value on Asian women just like society has placed some type of intrinsic value on white women. This is why these women don’t have to bend over backwards if they want to be married to a good quality man whether or not if they are a quality woman. The whole thing is really frustrating. The same folks (black men) who hope/should have your back are eager to tear you down.

      In order to combat the negative press, black women need to do everything possible to distance themselves from the toxic elements of the black community.

  17. They were hating black women way before Michelle(she adds oil to the fire tho).
    I believe(my theory) Bwe is one of the reason why the media started to bombard us with all those bw survey, stats. They put a big monkey wrench in folks plans to use bw.

    Bwe have ALWAYS since the beginning talked about:
    * open up your options in dating/marrying(high quality men)
    * To vet
    * To be critical thinkers
    * Leave Blackistan
    * Reciprocity
    * Building your ark and be ready to sail out
    * Stop supporting/funding people who erase and disrespect you and black women
    * To ask que bonoi? (Did I spell it right?)

    Evia, Khadija, Halima, Sara, Faith, CW, Rev. Lisa…OMG they were on fire!!!!
    It was like WWF tag team! All that wisdom and love to help empower aablack women.
    I suggest you read their old posts when they first started. That’s the foundation
    and will tell you what Bwe is about.

    Black women started to listen and applying the life lessons they posted.
    Then we started to see change.
    More advertisements with bw/wm,
    bw doing online/offline dating opening up their options,
    wedding announcements
    bw starting businesses
    tv shows with bw/wm love interest
    Bw closed their wallets and were demanding respect and expecting people to reciprocate.

    People noticed and didn’t like it. So they put up bw ain’t got ish but 5 bucks to their name. That didnt stop the bwe message and bw……next thing ya know bw being bombarded with bw are ugly stats and surveys, we’re the topic on every talk show, and we’re being researched and studied. Now as soon as a tv show has a bw/wm love interest, it gets canceled or somebody gets wacked off, or it’s dysfunctional. The media can’t be giving highly impressionable minds to start liking and loving bw. No can do.

    Black women have way more power than they realize(Bw fund a lot of stuff). If we just got up and walked out, became neutral, closed our wallets, started looking out for our interests, started making our own movies, music, magazines that put us in a good light worldwide. We would be highly desired, respected, and not at the bottom. It would change the game.

    People get scared of the thought. They wouldn’t be living so good anymore.

    I want to thank Evia, Khadija, Halima, Faith, Sara, CW, Rev. Lisa, Pinky, PVW for all their hard work. *HUGS* Yall rock! You have helped me in so many ways. You will always have my support, and be in my prayers(I don’t think some people realize the crazy things yall have to deal with to get the Bwe message out).

    • It wasn’t my intention to suggest that this bashing of AABW was new.
      Deplorable imagery and cognative dissonance that supports it, has been around for hundreds of years.
      My main point was the increased level of hatred directed at us since MO’s presence on the global stage.
      I’m aware that the public backlash against AABW is in response to what I suppose many may view as our acts of rebellion.
      My best case scenario analogy was not about IF AABW started applying BWE principals to their life, it was about if MORE followed that path consistently over the next five years.
      Hamila has described a “greater momentum
      of BWE”…, ” more effort needs to be made to
      spread the message particularly with on-the-
      ground presence….”
      I should have clarified that this was the aim of my last paragraph.

  18. Just imagine if every black woman in America and the world heeded yours and the powerful messages that are coming from all of you. The world would not be the same. Due to fake racial solidarity, the majority of black women are afraid of hearing the truth and acting on it and it’s destroying them.

    I stopped financing my own exclusion a very, very long time ago, and the sooner the majority of black women realize this, the better off they will be. We have the resources to change our existence by witholding the power of the purse.

    The days of racial solidarity have been over since the 70’s and it’s never going to happen, so basically that ideology only serves to enrich the opportunists and yet many black women still finance this ideology while not receiving one benefit from it other than ‘feel-good’ rhetoric and perpetual victimhood.

    There aren’t many blogs out there that have the courage to speak the truth and this is what we need to hear. Thanks for being the voices of truth.

  19. OLS, please forgive me for being SO long-winded. LOL!


    Thank you for your lovely words! When I started blogging, I was and still am just a woman who lives on a farm who likes typing out my thoughts. I had no idea about the number of crazies I was about to activate. But even if I’d known, I would still have done it all and then some more–because I’m gon’ be me. I don’t ever get tired of being ME. LOL!

    @Khadija– TEACH! Thank you for sharing both your awesome ability and continued dedication to teach the NUANCES of these issues. We are in a new era. The devil is hiding in the nuances THESE DAYS. And sure enough, typical AABW can’t figure out where HE is hiding. LOL!

    As you highlighted: the economic impact of SOME Black-White marriages on the AA group are NOT the same as others, particularly when the bm who marries out is an ACHIEVER. I’m just focusing on achievers because I’ve always narrowed my scope to upwardly-mobile-ACHIEVER blacks (UMAB)–since I’ve always striven to be an achiever and am thankful that I’ve accomplished a bit of that.

    BM-nonbw marriages (or even their significant relationships with non-bw) are overwhelmingly a DRAIN on the AA aggregate because this means that the UMAB male takes whatever the black group has invested in him and whatever he is able to achieve based on that foundation and gives it to another community. If you look at practically all bm achievers, LOTS of bw invested money, defense, protection, time, energy, and their hopes and dreams into that foundation for those black boys and young bm–including but not limited to the black mom and grandmom, black aunts, black female cousins, sister so-in-so at the church, black female teachers, counselors, black female friends, etc. I’m a mom of 2 sons, so I definitely know that there were a lot of bw from various groups who invested in my sons–directly and indirectly–and in all kinds of ways. For ex., there was a bw in my church group who took it upon herself to send my oldest son “care packages” when he was in college. No one asked her to do that. She just did it because she was investing her hopes and dreams in him. Other bw just did things for them, invested in them. Bm invested in them too, but we’re talking here about how black WOMEN are not getting the return on black WOMEN’S investment and are being spiritually mutilated by bm.

    AAbw, you MUST always keep your eye on the MONEY because that’s the fuel source. That’s where the POWER is–when used strategically. You can kill anything by simply withdrawing the power/fuel/food source. AAbm marriages to non-bw are siphoning off millions and even BILLIONS of dollars PLUS the time, skills, energy of those achiever black males from the AA aggregate. Then on top of that, a certain segment of them have are on a mission to smear AA bw’s image.

    These days, even non-AAbw are impacted by this smearing and this is one reason why these non-AAbw will rush to point out that they’re not AA. LOL!

    AAbw are VERY high up on the list of the most powerful groups of women in the world–economically speaking, but most of y’all are po’ because you’re not keeping your eye on how the money is seeping away from YOU. Yeah, a lot of y’all spend money foolishly too, but another KEY source of the drain is directly through AAbm.

    Whereas, as Khadija said, the Bw-Nonbm marriage is almost always a key resource for the AA aggregate because of how the white/non-bm is positioned in the economic and political hierarchy in the U.S. and in the world and because of the direction that money flows when a man marries a woman.

    Unlike many bm who go out of their way to use their (and YOUR) resources to BUY THEIR way into other groups, the typical wm who marries a bw is instead already CONDITIONED, as a part of his role as a man–to be a protector, problem solver, provider.

    I could write a book detailing all of the ways that other AAs AND other blacks have BENEFITED from the fact that I’m married to a wm. Darren has always given generously to AAs and other blacks (not just AAs) as a result of his marriage to me. AAs and non-AA blacks will call on him to do things for them because he is married to me and he does his best to respond. This includes his giving MONEY, TIME, SKILLS, ENERGY freely. I wish now I’d kept a journal about his giving down through the years of my marriage to him so that I could lay out all the details because AA women just don’t GET IT.

    On top of this regular giving, Darren is my children’s stepfather. He is also my granddaughter’s step-granddad and he ACTIVELY plays those roles. This means he, as a highly knowledgeable and well -traveled man of means, is an experienced resource in the life of my sons, my daughter-in-law, and my granddaughter’s. He plays this position-BECAUSE HE IS MARRIED TO ME. My marriage to him not only benefits other blacks now, but it’s in the legal papers to benefit my children and my descendants for generations. Likewise, the marriages of AAbm to nonbw will benefit their wives, children for generations and the communities of those non bw in the same way.

    Do NOT blame these non-bw for getting the returns on YOUR investment! LOL! But you can–as of today, just KEEP YOUR PURSES CLOSED!

    When ANY AAbm needs help, support, etc., ALWAYS (1) check on what he is all about FIRST. Then, (2) if he is the type who is PROVEN to lift bw up and/or reciprocates, help him. BUT, if not, either (3) remain neutral–as OLS advocates– or (4) point these males to those who are living well off the returns on YOUR (and other bw’s) investment because bw have already given these males enough. Don’t ya think?

    Also, as more black men achieve in this country, they can be counted on to take the bulk of what they achieve to non-black women and their communities. AAbm are telling y’all this OUTRIGHT now as more and more of them (young and old) PUBLICLY declare that “Black women are not marriage material.” And I’m telling y’all too, so don’t act “surprised.” 🙂

  20. @chicnoir–THANKS so much for that link to Annette Larkins–Wow!


    Also, I can see the effects of the hatred that is out there for black women. Many of my black friends and acquaintances are doing everything possible just get a few dates: losing weight, getting degrees, dressing well, looking on point at all times, etc. However, no one (who is a reasonably good choice) is biting even when these women are open to dating other races.

    Yes, I know it’s gotten harder for bw to meet, mesh, and marry out to quality men than it was when I dated wm and met Darren. In the age we live in–with the 24-7 media that’s so easily accessible to everybody, things have changed drastically–even since I began blogging and unfortunately damaged AAs are VERY prominently featured in the media. The hate from AAbm against AAbw is jarring, very palpable.

    When I first started blogging, wm would write to me constantly asking for my help in meeting quality bw who were interested in wm and some of these guys would tell me about their failed efforts, ask me what they were doing wrong. Some would SEND ME THEIR CREDENTIALS, where they worked, their position; some of them were amazingly well-positioned, or on the way up. I could name names. They gave me all of this info to check out so that I would know they were for real. I even chatted with a few of these guys on the phone a few times.

    I haven’t heard from guys of this sort in the last 3 years.

    And that’s due to the SMEARING campaign against AAbw plus all the public hate that’s heated up and dished out bigtime in the last few years. AA women have used the failure prone tactic of trying to fight back against bm publicly which only gives these damaged males MORE opportunity to denigrate the women. This is why I don’t talk to attackers. At ALL. We told bw to STOP talking to or trying to fight bm publicly, but bw are hardheaded. Beating down AA women has become a cheap sport, and SOME AA women have joined the sport to beat down other AA women. It’s so ugly. Who would want to get close to something like that?

    I don’t understand why AAbw don’t declare full-out war against this stuff because once your image is gone–you are FINISHED anyway. I don’t understand what they think they have left to lose????? That’s the part that I totally don’t get. As you said, many achiever-bw with good values can’t even get a date. We definitely know they’re overwhelmingly not getting married. And they’re being emotionally battered, spiritually mutilated, physically weakened and worn-down, and financially drained on the daily. What exactly is left for AAbw to lose? What exactly are they holding onto?

  21. The same thing happened to Asian women in that they were portrayed as the dragon lady or useless. So, what did they do they went where they were wanted and turned the tables on those men Now their reputation has changed to good mothers, and delicate flowers of feminine beauty. We can do the same by choosing quality men who defend us.

    As for getting dates it may depend on where you are. Exposure is the greatest myth buster there is the more quality black women around for them to see the more their interest will be piqued. This is why it is important to not get into arguments with BM and if, cornered be shocked, play confused and bewildered butterfly. Cause no one asks a butterfly to carry the load of an ox. Your attackers will come off looking like asses. The same goes for white women when they get vicious. Out fem her in front of other men let her be seen as the aggressor.

    No it is not easy anymore and we have to battle DBRB men and women and other women who do not want us to succeed.

    • Great advice!
      Also…be femme. As black women we need to be extra femme to be seen as ‘femme’ (you know the old having to work twice as hard…). Wear pink. Wear dresses and skirts. Girly headbands.
      Think ‘pretty’ instead of ‘sexy’ (yes, even if you are an older woman).
      As unfair as it is, we are already hypersexualized being in the skin we’re in. We don’t need tight dresses and cleavage showing to be seen as ‘sexy’.
      The problem isn’t ‘sexy’. The problem is we’re not seen as femme, girly and innocent so that is where the focus should be.
      Being relaxed, smiley, and carefree. This is important because many black girls are seen as “unrapeable”. Also, masculine men are drawn to feminine women and will offer them protection.
      More here:

      And I agree with acting shocked, confused etc as an example; if a WW or other woman uses tears to make YOU into the aggressor: CRY. Yes cry. If she cries, you cry and then both of you are crying and you can’t be seen as the ‘angry black woman’ and no one can say anything.
      If a BM street harasses you, widen your eyes like you’ve seen a big green monster and walk fast or run away from him.
      Never engage them. Don’t smile at them. Don’t say anything at all except ‘please get away from me’ (if you must say anything at all).
      I’ve seen Asian women and White women and they usually always walk away from crazy people…they never stay and converse or try to reason with them (offline or online). They just walk far away from them or let MEN do the talking FOR them.

  22. And the bandplayedon,

    Yes!!! You get it!!! We need to be feminine as much as possible. this can be hard for black women as a lot of us are left to fend for ourselves most if, not all of our lives. We need to practice and learn to put ourselves in situations where we are feminine. Don’t let men especially black men make you less feminine by their actions. Learn to never raise your voice so as to keep it soft and lady like if, they say they can’t hear you lean forward and ask that you move to a more quite space to talk , but never yell. Say that your is feeling strained or something, but never get caught yelling for any reason besides help never.

    In Japan a woman in the congress was mocked by a man and she cried and was visible shaken by his rude and crude behavior and now he is being punished and an partition on change, org was being circulated. Who came to her rescue a man! Why because she is someone to protect and he wants to show that he and the other men who stand with him cherish, love ,and protect women. That she has a right to speak and he is willing to protect her and that right. A woman’s tears used right are a powerful weapon.

    The other thing yes all men can imagine sexing us we are considered sexy almost from birth. Now we need to have men think of marrying us and protecting us. We are a unique kind of feminine no other women can set it off like a sister. Our hair and skin allows us choices other can never have. Learn to find the most feminine for you. If you look better with textured, or straight hair rock it it it is natural rock that too, but do what looks best for you. Also, look for natural less harsh methods when you can as they last. Below is one of my favorite sites. Also there are women on you tube who use henna to straighten their hair instead of the chemical lye that will make all your hair fall out over time.

    here is an example of henna in use it will give you different result depending on your hair type. However, it tends to make hair softer and more manageable not matter the hair type. I’ve used it for a while and albeit my hair is not at all like they young ladies in the clip it is softer and looser curl pattern and hold moisture better.

    • Glad to see I am not alone!!
      I am so happy that more and more black women and girls are waking up! And I see young teenage black girls starting to question things and putting themselves first as well – it’s amazing!
      Thanks for the video firefly, very interesting indeed. Love it when gems are shared. 😀

  23. Hi OLS – It looks like I’ve gotten my WordPress account working just in time to miss out on this discussion 🙂 … Thanks for your welcoming post script: I will be looking for your next post, and will contribute as I can. There were a number of topics discussed that I could have commented on, but I’m sure they will be brought up again.

    Great blog .. you would have fitted right in to the early network of BWE sites. Best of luck to you going forward 🙂

  24. As always thank you OLS, for another thought provoking read. For the sake a brevity, I will basicly write some of the salient thought that have been aching to be expressed since reading your post.

    Regarding BM actors vs BW actors I remember reading an article years ago where Jada Pinkett-Smith said that she wished Will did more “Black” movies and he said something to the effect that one of them need to be able to pay the bills. So she could take on the save Black Community movie roles and he will take the block buster roles.

    While on the subject the Smiths I remember an article in Messence were Jada stated that being with Will and his love/support for her created a space where she could be more feminine- like growing her long and wearing dresses. Having a man in her life, she felt she didn’t have to come off so hard. Hmmmmm

  25. Regarding the movie Belle I am interested in seeing it but I’m not rushing to see it either. (the barber shop dvd guy don’t carry art house movies) Interestingly the same actress (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) is starring in a movie to be release soon called Beyond the Lights. I most definitely will not being seeing it. Miss me with another tragic tale but the misunderstood Mulatto saved by the love of a good BM. Please. I will not be paying for my erasure no my psychological dissing. It goes without saying I have no problems with mixed people most of us AA myself are off spring of such people but why is that almost 95-100% of the roles for “Black” women are filled/played by clear biracial women. On the flip said BM wouldn’t stand silently by while mixed men to play 100% BM, let’s be clear BM would tolerate too many non-mixed light skin men repping “real” BM. Vin Diesel and the Rock played racially ambiguous roles but most their female counterparts found more success playing “Black” women.

    Regarding Suicidal Behavior, I agree with Evia some BW live vicariously through these images of mixed/light skin women as an extension of themselves. As a reformed Pan-Africanist I use to think that way too but by making these women ostensibly BW doesn’t directly benefit me. By no fault of their own these women have benefited from colorism and patriarchy within the BC. Yet the vast majority of AABW who would “fail” the brown paper bag test give of their resources with nothing to show for it but are only left holding the proverbial bag. Black women would really benefit by taking a page out of BMs book and go for self. Since mentioned the bootleg dvd guy you won’t believe how hard it was to score a copy of Magic Mike. None of the bruhs carried a copy of Magic Mike in spite large demand. Only one finally caved in because the demand was so great. My thought is BM were not interested in paddling something (in spite of the demand nor financial gain themselves) that was about their erasure and BW (their clients) pleasure. lol

  26. I apologize for the typos and etc. I was so excited to join the conversation I didn’t take the time to proof read. LOL

  27. Regarding Dating Out not to be contrary but the battle gaining the attention of nonBM hasn’t worsen or waned. They are still very interested. Part of the reason they no longer write seeking advice on how to meet AABW is because they now know we are interested and where to go to meet us. )Men are a quicker study than some BW who are apparently still looking for reasons to have a pity party). This not to say the media campaign to smear us hasn’t kept a few away but tons are very interested. Keep pressing forward because there a plenty of men who are still interested in BW in spite of the 24/7 smear campaign directed at BW. I would suggest to get off line because in real time and the real world, that’s where you’ll shine.

    If on line put up a lot of pix that show you are “different” than the images being portrayed (a lot of outdoor/water activity; mixed group of friends; interest in travel; animals; list of books etc). You don’t have to speak negatively about anyone in order to show how different you are. Just speak to the positive that is you. (us) This is why I celebrate Lupita, Olivia Pope (LOL) or FLOTUS or even Beyonce’ while the light is shining on them get out there and emulate their feminine charm. For 8 years I lived in the Dirty South and moved back to LA and I’m disappointed with my Cali girls. I have changed– by living in the South it allowed me to develop a southern charm and reading blogs/books by Evia, OLS, Khadija, Halima, Sara, Faith as really helped me. I’m not bragging but even other women help me without my asking. I refuse in rather subtle ways to be a beast of burden, I ‘m NOT built for heavy lifting. (unlike my sister soldier days)(what was I thinking) Like someone wrote earlier when, “you fight NO ONE COMES TO YOUR AID.” Don’t get me wrong I will defend myself with every inch of my being but I learned to clutch my pearls before going for their jugular. I learned to define being a strong BW in other ways. I learned that I don’t always have to go “there”. And when other men and even BM realize that you aren’t the type that will go there, they are more likely to approach you. Shoot just out of simple curiosity. Please let’s be clear, I’m not saying that BW have to twist or contort themselves any more than any other women. Just stay neutral and USE (because it is a tool) your God given feminine wiles. Dress lady like and not urban chic or sexy (there’s a time and place for this but if you allow your clothing to brand you then you’re limiting your male audience) …think fun colors and flowy skirts and dresses this as a more universal appeal(and don’t forget other women like a mother or aunt etc could be considering you a possible match for their male relative because you don’t carry yourself like a skank). Believe me you will stand out.

    • I do have to agree with you that interest has not waned. It also may have to do with where you are located. I’m in nyc and there is plenty of interest here. I am already partnered with a wm, but when I do see an attractive or well put together wm in my daily out and about I give him a simple smile. I am certainly not throwing myself at them and usually nothing occurs more than he smiles back.

      But what this has done is break the ice so if the next BW smiles at him he doesn’t see it as weird or is taken aback by it because of the false advertising out there.

      In terms of femininity, I always wear some sort of hair bauble. Whether its a bow, a flower, headband or a sparkly clip I do it because it looks great, it stands out and its fun. In terms of outfits, I do the run of the mill jeans and t-shirt, but mostly I wear dresses. I am heavy into the retro look and to be honest, until you can define and find a more feminine style that works for you, retro garb is the way to go.

      I shop here and it is on the more expensive side, but the quality and selection is amazing.

      Here as well,less expensive, but still great. These two shops have items made in America. Now I dont know if that means some island that belongs to America or not. But made in America just the same.

      And I shop here:

      This site is a little bit more on trend and sexier, but you can find some classic pieces that will work for you.This site is also run by a Black woman.

      All of these sites offer ranges in sizes so if you are a skinny mini or a plus size lady there are options for you.

  28. I was visiting a friend when she had on the BET awards show. I remember when Chris Rock was talking about how black women don’t want white men. Well a lot have taken place over the last 5+ years due to Black Women Empowerment. Since he can longer make jokes about black women, it seems like he no jokes at all. They were announcing some awards and Lupita N’yongo won the award. She was “mysteriously” not present for the award. Yet, she showed up for the Oscars and
    Sag awards. She just literally crapped in African Americans and particularly black women still throw support for her. I realize that until black women stop supporting people who don’t support you, they will continue to erase black women that can represent positive images and then these black actresses will look up and get mad at themselves for allowing this to happen. When they scanned the audiences, it seems the women are getting lighter and lighter. They were shooting some where near the bet after party. Again, most if not all the black women fund and support anything with a black face and then when we look up and say how did I get replaced because
    we allowed this mess to happens and pretty soon our voice will not carry weight because we stuck our heads in the sand far too long only to realize that we have pushed out of countless opportunities.

    • No shade, no tea and I’m no Lupita stan. However, if I am a Black woman with class and dignity I wouldn’t show up to the BET awards either. I think she played that one correctly.

      I haven’t seen it but I’m sure it was just a mockery and a cacophony of foolishness and not anything someone with a promising career who wants to work outside of all Black circles would associate with.

      • I totally agree on your point. She wants move ahead in Hollywood and those associations will not look good and they won’t benefit her in the long run.

  29. Soul Alive I agree. BET awards really isn’t the place for any self respecting Black woman. (and you know why) (old skool joke about BET).

    I too am not stannig for Lupita but we have nothing to lose if we are clever enough to draft off her momentum and others like her. Do unto them as they have been doing unto us. Don’t forget just because we don’t get direct reciprocity, we can still benefit from the positive association people are having for the Lupitas; Kerrys; or Halles. We suffer from the negative might as well figure out how to benefit from the positive.

    • I definitely agree and see what you mean. She was clever in that move. Like you said we can get benefits from the positive association that the likes of Lupita, Kerry’s or Halles. I see your point.

  30. I very rarely get a chance to just be online, but when i do, i try and make it a point to drop by and hear what you have to say. I no longer have long drawn out discussions with BW who insist on being “perpetually surprised”, I just come by your page, copy, paste and forward! and this last post with defintely be getting forwarded. I loved all of the points you made, especially about listening to rich “celebs” (who are HUGELY disconnected from reality), voting (blindly) for Obama and watching Tyler Perry movies (all the other movies as well, but TP movies just REALLY get my goat!)
    enjoy your summer.

  31. So, I’ve been observing the “backlash” against CurlyNikki with some interest. I am proud the response of most BWs are to assert boundaries and call out this nonsense. Ten years ago, I feel most BWs would have been thrilled that a non-BW wanted to join (aka appropriate) our spaces or at least remained silent. I think this shift in BWs mindset is largely due to the hard work of Evia, Khadijah, OLS and other BWE pioneers. Ladies, thank you so much for waking us up.

  32. Just in case folks think Khadeja is exagerating about AA Blacks being replaced, just check this out. I thought it was only me. I suspect this is partially due in some way to White guilt.

    Lierature is very very important yall. For one it’s entertainment. Another it enriches and expands the mind. It is also how groups of people tell their stories.

    For the record I would add Adiche is a wonderful writer. Her last book left a sort of sour taste in my mouth for some reason. 4.5 out of 5 stars. It deals with the African(& Black West Indian) vs African American issue.

    Gotta give it to Adiche, she tells the thruth. You get her true feelings on issue.

    • @chicnoir,

      Thanks for sharing that article; it’s very, VERY interesting. Here’s what I felt was one of the “money quotes:”

      “Breaking in isn’t getting easier for everyone, however. Some professionals in the book world say that too many literary publishers would rather put out work by writers from Africa than work by African-Americans because in the current climate the Africans are considered more appealing for what is seen as a “black slot.”

      Marita Golden, an African-American writer who is a founder of the Hurston/Wright Foundation, which supports black writers around the world, acknowledged that those sentiments exist but disagreed with them.

      “Black writers operate within a small, culturally defined sphere,” she said. “That space is not defined by us, so with any shifts people may feel victimized or that they’ve lost, or they’re experiencing a deficit.”

      Ms. Adichie said she understood those feelings, too. “In the U.S., to be a black person who is not African-American in certain circles is to be seen as quote-unquote, the good black,” she said. “Or people will say, ‘You are African so you are not angry.’ Or, ‘You’re African so you don’t have all those issues.’ ”

      Publishers, not surprisingly, tend to disagree with the idea that African-American writers are being overlooked now. “Hogwash,” said Robin Desser, vice president and editorial director at Alfred A. Knopf and Ms. Adichie’s editor. “When the next Toni Morrison comes around I can say that publishers will go crazy.”

      Uh-huh. Sure. Right . . . {side eye}

      Let’s see . . . (1) who’s Marita Golden, and (2) is she really looking out for the interests of AA writers—first and foremost? From Wikipedia:

      “Her first book, Migrations of the Heart (1983), was a memoir based on her experiences coming of age during the 1960s and her political activism as well as her marriage to a Nigerian and her life in Nigeria where she lived for four years.”

      Everybody can draw their own conclusions. The other part of this is that, as Ms. Golden said, these various spaces are NOT defined by us (since we have consistently failed to build an infrastructure of our own).

      I’ll just say this: It’s interesting to see that most younger AAs I encounter have no idea that prior to the recent era, most of the Black players in major league baseball were AA and NOT Black Latinos (Dominicans, Cubans, etc.). I expect the same forgetfulness will apply to other areas as AAs continue to be replaced and erased across the board.

  33. To add to the sisters who wrote about feminie Black women etc.. I want to link to “Care Free Black Girl” movement online. It important that we and esp younger Black girls(under 20) see themselves in a positive light.

    I follow a few CFBG on Instaghram. I will come back and list a few later. If you don’t have an IG account ladies set one up so you can surrond yourselves with the beauty of other Black women.


    I follow a few more. When I remember, I will link to them.

    • Please don’t forget froslovetotravelon Instagram! Their bio says this: “To Create and provide images of “black femaleness that alters our universe” It’s full of pictures of black women (most of them aren’t AA though :/ ) being beautiful, carefree, traveling, and generally just enjoying life.

  34. Khadija, as you said:

    (since we have have consistently failed to build an infrastructure of our own).

    This is it, exactly! EVERY complaint topic that comes up regarding AA women is rooted in our failure to develop an infrastructure on which AAs can build and control at least a portion of what’s needed. Simultaneously, this would earn AAs immense respect. Respect is important. There are so many black groups meeting all around the country for this or that reason–plus the expensive conferences, conventions, symposiums, and yadda yadda where blacks get together, yet I would bet that NONE of them ever discuss the vital need for an infrastructure and how to go about building it. Yet many AAs love to crow about all the billions of dollars the group has. Without the infrastructure, they may as well flush the money down the drain because the money won’t benefit them. It will continue to uplift other groups. Without the infrastructure and then building on it, these complaints will go on for another few thousand years OR until AAs (as a group) cease to exist.

    As our late, great ancestor-scholar, Dr. Barbara Sizemore pointed out: FIRST comes culture and after that economic and political power. This is the blueprint for how every other group has risen. Can anyone find any instance where any other group has risen in this country or in the world any other way???

    But AAs are hardheaded and undisciplined. They want to do things THEIR way, which is any way they feel like doing it, and any time they want to do it, which means without making critical sacrifices and rejecting obligation and accountability.

    There may already be enough AAs (women in particular) who could come together on the basis of sharing enough cultural commonalities and group pride, however before the existence of a cultural base can be fully determined, the question of IDENTITY must be resolved. WHO exactly is in the AA group? On what basis? And just like whites and other groups enlarge or contract their group when it’s beneficial to them, I think that AAs need to do the same thing. Some AAs are NOT beneficial to the group. For ex., IMO, ALL AAs who fit the description of AA HATERS (based on a pattern of certain behaviors) should be purged from the group. Also, I’d be personally opposed to forcing anyone to be in the group just based on skin shade or biology (their mama was an AA.) or simply because their ancestor was enslaved. So, this would be a great way for those who don’t really want to be a black American to get out–once and for all–and attach themselves to whichever other group they’d choose.

    • @Evia and Khadeja

      I started noticing changes a few years ago in the publishing world and which Black writers were getting “mainstreamed” in women’s mags. Being featured in a top women’s mag like Vogue or Elle is a great way to exposepeople to your book( or brand). I would be so happy when I saw a Black face only to notice when I got down to the name, if the author was a BW, she 90% of the time isn’t AABW.

      I notice that most Black models who get plenty of work are not AABW. I can only think of one AABW Riley Montana who is doing very well.

      We really need to open our eyes. We are in a dire situation of being erased.

      I can think of one BWAA author who got the mainstream push that Adichie,Oyeyemi or Salasi have received.

      Even the two most photograped Black women at fadhion week streetstyle aren’t AA (julia and Shala).

      As I’m typing this, I’m realizing how few AABW I see in popular culture now. Things sure have changed since the 80’s.

    • @Evia & Chicnoir,

      You said, “. . . the question of IDENTITY must be resolved. WHO exactly is in the AA group? On what basis? And just like whites and other groups enlarge or contract their group when it’s beneficial to them, I think that AAs need to do the same thing.”

      Yep. And the moment more of us AABW start drawing clear lines to identify who IS and who IS NOT an African-American Black person, then the howling will begin. The other day I followed links to an excellent Facebook page called The Black Woman Think Tank that outlined exactly what happens when we start clearly defining membership in our group. The writer said:

      “Many people have resisted DEFINING for once and for all, what ‘Black’ means because they don’t want to give up their PRIVILEGE within the hierarchy. If I am a light skinned woman, or a Sista with “Good Hair’, I may prefer to be at the top of the pyramid in the black world, rather than just another n@gger bitch, in the white one. Lighter skinned/mixed race BW have enjoyed greater access, more resources, the status of being the “Chosen Girl’ of Black Men and the honor of being the accepted FACE of black beauty, for hundreds of years. Lena Horny, Dorothy Dandridge, Eartha Kitt….Hell! Even Rosa Parks was chosen to be the face of Passive Resistance, because she was lighter and ‘easier on the eyes’. If I am a Black Male, with a ‘preference’ for lighter skinned women, but I dont want to be revealed as a Self Hating, Back Stabbing, White Supremacist Supporting Negro Coon that I am, then I too, will not support the idea of changing the rules. I mean, how else will I be able to go to Brazil and Dominican Republic and screw and marry those fine ass ‘Spanish Sistas” with the big asses and thinner noses, sans all the offending nappiness and Africaness, of the average Black American Chic – and not feel like the self hating, white man worshipping, Treacherous Leach that I am? I want to think white, but choose ‘Black’. And changing the rules about what ‘Black’ is, might blow my cover!

      And of course, we cant forget the dark skinned Black Woman, Herself. How can SHE live vicariously through her mixed race, lighter skin, or racially ambiguous Sistren, if they are no longer considered ‘sistren’, at all? I mean, who’s hair could she covet and who’s image can she fantasize about one day looking like, when she sees it on the arms of all them juicy black male athletes, and ballers? And who’s image could she use, to make herself feel like shit, when she compares beauty traits – without having to openly admit to herself, that yes, she DOES want to have hair like a white woman and yes, she DOES envy all the advantages and privileges that white women enjoy; yes, she DOES covet the POWER that accompanies being THE most protected, revered and celebrated Woman on the planet? Like the black male, how can the Dark Skinned Black Woman, hide her hatred of herself, if she is forced into a category of her own? If she has to separate herself from the Mixed Chics, then she juuuuust might have to admit that all this supposed ‘love’ for “natural” hair and celebration of the 52 Shades of Black, is nothing more than a smoke screen for her own desire to be anything but what and who she is? Black peoples cover will be blown, if you start changing the rules, yall. And we all know, that for Black Folk, being outed as the self hating, white people loving, Black Woman hating people that we are, is the WORST thing imaginable. (rolls eyes).

      From this page:

      Yep, and as a light-skinned AABW, I agree with the writer. I’ve spoken out against the colorism/light-skin privilege among AAs since high school (30 or so years ago). Even as a teenager, I could see that when AA Blacks buy into that “lighter = better” mess, Becky is the ultimate winner who ends up reaping the lion’s share of the benefit of any resources that pass through AAs’ hands. Which is exactly how things have played out during the past 3 decades. Becky reaps the benefits of whatever monies pass through most upwardly mobile AABM’s hands. Becky also reaps the ultimate benefit of the money that passes through many AABW’s hand. For just one example, 2 Beckys apparently own and reap the benefits of the Curly Nikki brand. As things currently stand, it’s been non-stop game-set-match to Becky. It doesn’t have to stay like this.

  35. Black women have spent DECADES and I’m not sure when it truly started building up the black man and making sure he was comfortable. Sometimes when I see a tv program or movie or commercial, I noticed that they will have a black man mingling with white or non-black friends. If they show the black women, it is usually in some form of her being loud and twisting her neck. I have often wondered if black men could have dated white women at the time of the 1920’s and beyond, how will the black family turn out? When did black women fall asleep at the gate? Black women need to do a self check list and just write down how we spend our time and money and if any of the things we do give us value and return on our investment.
    It is high time for pruning and purging because if we don’t tell OUR HISTORY FROM OUR MOUTHS, then other people will start to twist and distort and they won’t know what the truth is that the foreign blacks are not only riding the backs of blacks, but a strong dilution will go forth and to quote Winston Churchill “that a lie will spread around the world before the truth can put its pants on.” Sorry if it is not the correct quote but that is how lies spread and we will believe a lie before we will believe the truth.

    • About five years ago, I was watching television. A “Visit West Virginia” commercial came on. The Black slaves were labeled endentured servants”. Now we damn well 99.9%of Black slaves were not indentured servants.

      I mention this because our history and stories are being rewritten by outsiders. I recall both Olaudah Equiano and Harriet Tubman both having books written by outsiders denying their accomplishments.

  36. I was thinking and if I am wrong please correct me but I was thinking how the AABm is a drain on black women first and society as a whole. I know many individuals who have sent money to their criminal relatives. I know 4 or them send each $25.00 to their bm relative. 25 x4 = 100. They send this faithfully. He really racks up on his birthday and Christmas. They never see this money and I can bet that he and his cohorts in prison brag about those b*****s sending them money. I think that Black women need to sit down and just make a list of all the monies and time they are spending and for every 100.00 they spend they get 1.00 back. People have bragged about having return home from jail parties and since the summer is here, I have seen more pink and blue balloons on the gates. I am still looking for congratulations on your pending nuptials. I have seen those banners yet. Not to get off topic, but I was watching how those protest going on at the border lines. I see how white people were calling the children illegal aliens and not immigrants. They are quick to place a boundary around the borders. I was using this as an example on how Black women and more so the leaders were so quick to just let anyone in their house and then when they turn on you we have this silly look on our faces. It used it be a time that Black women would put their foot down and that was that. We need to get back to that. I don’t know much about the Curly Nikki situation, but some one got into her forum under the guise of “helping” and it causing problems. That is like you holding a snake and you know it is has poison in it and you “hope and Pray’ it does bite. I have to ask myself who is REALLY BENEFITING FROM THIS AND HOW WILLTHIS MAKE BLACK WOMEN LOOK IN THE LONG RUN? If the answer is not good, then I’ll keep it moving until I know that my money and time will benefit us for the greater good.

  37. @Khadija–

    the moment more of us AABW start drawing clear lines to identify who IS and who IS NOT an African-American Black person, then the howling will begin.

    I can’t suggest any other label or identify all who exactly are or are not AAbw. But I know that I would vote to purge a lot of the women who claim they’re AAbw now (lol). However, I can easily ignore howling. LOL! For the howlers, AA women simply must make it PLAIN that if any person (man, woman, child, sister, cousin, daddy, etc.) is not providing PROOF that they’re supporting AA women’s interests on-par, they can howl until their tongue falls out. In other words: SHOW their support or NO support of any type is coming to them. And if in doubt, do as OLS brilliantly advised:STAY NEUTRAL.

    Aside from that, I coined the phrase “RECIPROCITY or nothing” to handle ALL howlers. Case closed. But it’s usually ONLY AA women who WILL keep re-opening the case and giving to the howlers. My professional specialty was in behavior modification. If ANY behavior is rewarded, it will continue. This is why I can’t blame foreign folks, AA men, ww, or anyone. If AA women are going to keep giving themselves and all they’ve got to other folks without reciprocity, then I’m not going to waste my time blaming others for taking what’s being freely given to them. They’re being rewarded for howling. These other folks are NOT the problem; AA women are the biggest part of the problem for themselves and all other AA women, whether it’s the way they reward others or mishandle situations with AA men or anyone else.

    So, the biggest and most critical part of the sound infrastructure needed that I referenced in my comment above is re-configuring the MENTALITY of AA women. This is the work we’re doing.

    I will point out that if AA women mammy mules at this point have such a hard time shutting the door in folks’ face, they should HIRE me to do it. LOL! I can assure y’all that if someone is coming to my door emptyhanded or without sufficient reciprocity, they won’t be leaving with anything from me. It would make me feel good to shut the door on people like that who think I’m a fool. The point is that if an AA woman says “NO” and means it, other folks will get the message and leave her alone.

    But I realize that many are attached to the black label (for historical reasons and since we haven’t had a chance to define it ourselves or figure out another label that might serve us better). However, the KEY way that so many AA women are manipulated is through that label, whether it’s done by AA males, any politician, certain whites, Rev. So-and-So, lapdog bw, mammy-mule bw, Someone else has defined who/what a black American/AA woman is and who/what she is not, and impressionable, naive, trusting or unsuspecting bw then just accept that loaded definition of what a BLACK woman is and try to BE what these self-serving others want them to be and they also impose it on their daughters and other bw.

    Decades ago, this is why I departed from that label that others IMPOSED on women like me. “Black woman” is a very loaded label that is loaded AGAINST AA women.

    I’m PAB (passing as black). I realize that many don’t understand why I seriously define in that way. I saw that the IDENTITY confusion among AA women is the biggest bad boy in the bunch. AA women have never convened, discussed, defined, or DECIDED who or what an AA or black American woman is. They just inherited this label. If you don’t know what something is; you also don’t know what it is NOT. Therefore, through the skillful manipulating of that label by others, they have targeted AA women, corralled them together, poisoned them, burdened them, kept them under control, smeared them, feasted on them, kept them chasing their tail, and either kept them away from the best resources or easily out-competed them, and this is mainly and easily done by manipulating the bw label. Trust me. It enables others to very precisely identify AA/black American women and make a target out of them since they know she doesn’t know her IDENTITY. And they know she’s predictable. They already know there’s a very high probability that she will conform to that IDENTITY given to her by others who are benefiting at her expense.

    For ex., Obama KNEW he could count on the AA/black American woman’s vote. That was the easiest prediction. Even if he could run for a 3rd term, I predict he would still get the overwhelming most of the AA woman vote. Hillary knows she can count on it too–for the most part. I’ve stated that the ONLY reason I voted for Obama was because he was married to Michelle and I wanted little black girls and my hoped-for granddaughter to one day see that a President of the U.S. had chosen to MARRY a woman like Michelle and declared her the ‘fairest of them all.’ So, Obama hasn’t disappointed me at all.

    IDENTITY is the most critical aspect of these discussions, and for me, an AA woman’s skin shade or having had enslaved ancestors or an AA mama doesn’t make her a part of my identity group (IDG). That’s a lesson I hope we’ve all learned by now. To be included in my IDG, she has to share critical portions of my MENTALITY that is always being modified towards insuring that me and mine move on up. I constantly evaluate and tweak.

    When a person encounters a PAB woman, they don’t know exactly what they’re dealing with. Some people who know me offline know that most people I mingle with are not exactly comfortable around me for a while (if ever) and this is because they can’t neatly put me in a box.
    For ex., Hillary would know that she would have to guarantee me and/or women with my mentality something to secure my vote and she would have to keep courting me–because I’m an UNknown SUbject (UnSub) LOL

  38. @chicnoir–

    “I started noticing changes a few years ago in the publishing world and which Black writers were getting “mainstreamed” in women’s mags. Being featured in a top women’s mag like Vogue . . .”

    All of these things that we talk about ARE very closely connected. So, I hear what you’re saying but the word is out now that AA women don’t behave like they’re smart, and don’t support each other or only give lip service about supporting each other. And everyone clearly sees and hears that the bulk of AA men don’t even try to morally support bw and, don’t choose bw as mates (when they have their choice), or even like AA women. As Khadija pointed out in her current article, after the Civil Rights movement, there’ve been more than enough racist whites who would deprive blacks of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, or would smear our image just because, etc. but what kept them in check was that they THOUGHT we supported each other. Now, that AA men with the help of their AA female supporters have spread the word that AAs don’t give a rat’s butt about each other, the floodgate has been opened!

    I know a lot of blacks are disappointed in Obama now–just like some blacks didn’t like Dr. King, Malcolm, or even Jesse and Al, but those men (although misleaders) stopped a lot of that flood that would have come at blacks. Once the Obamas are out of the White House, watch out! I believe this is why so many AA males are willing to risk offending large numbers of AA women to curry favor with ww. Will that strategy work for them? We’ll see. But rather it does or doesn’t work, AA women should NEVER give AA men a chance to turn on them again because it’s been proven many times that if someone turns on you once, they’ll do it again.

    But the real question is: What is AA women’s strategy? AA women shouldn’t think they can fly SOLO in a world in which people (even countries) band together. Aside from urging y’all to marry out and escape Blackistan areas, I can’t suggest anything else for most of y’all because younger AA women (or the “new school” ones), in particular, have proven to be a mystery to me. Unfortunately, some of them clearly have a death wish. Other than that, most of the rest are just TOO hardheaded. 🙂

    • Evia,
      It’s already been shown that some support of sisterhood is in order. Perhaps, these discussion are the start.

    • I think AA men will find WW are not in a position to help much when s- – – hits the fan.

      You are absolutely right that AA women should not give AA BM a chance to mistreat them again. Burn me once shame on you, burn me twice shame on me. As you said, one of the major reasons the Civil Rights movement was successful was because to outsiders, Black people were united.

      During the 60’s the one drop rule was fully in effect. We were able to use this to our favor. I believe this is one reason Blacks in America were able to achieve so much collectively in comparison to Blacks in other lands( Brazil comes to mind) because even if a Black person was color struck, they knew to Whites we are all Black so don’t waste your breath trying to convince Whites otherwise.

      Now with Whites becoming a smaller number in this country they are going to use biracials as a buffer race between the two of us. In the same manner as the White South Africans used the coloureds.

      Sometimes I wonder what those Civil Rights activist who sacrificed so much must be thinking when the look at rank and file AAs. Particularly the lower tier who are very troubled.

      One of the issues facing younger Black women( those under 20) is that many of them are now fourth generation birthed out of wedlock. Many of these young girls can’t look at any close family member who has a functional marriage much less a successful marriage. So I believe this leads many of them to model their relationships with men from the dysfunctional relationships around them the trash they see on TV.

      • I agree. We are moving from the typical USA racism model to the Latin American colorism model. Despite many people who say it’s a good thing, as a dark-skinned AABW I do not care for it. It would be different if AAs were not color struck and were willing to participate in collective institution-building, but that is clearly not the case.

  39. I think the whole curly Nikkei thing is a great lesson for those paying attention. 1 our thoughts and opinions are worth something millions in fact. 2. Other people want what we have, our thoughts, money, time, and creativity. 3. Vetting everyone is important. While a long while ago she did say her site was for black women No one should be too surprised by her deception. She got vague fast and had a bad habit of takings ideas from other sites without giving credit. 4 her name and association is on a site that is associated with white deception now. If, people follow the money trail you can avoid her and the two white girls trying to sell you stuff using black face techniques. 5 history says we should expect this and be on guard. Does anyone remember the white whaling of Harlem where white merchants during the great depression set up store fronts in the black community to make money off of unsuspecting black folks. Well when black folks found out it was burned to the ground. 6 they need us we don’t need them. We can and should build our own. black women in businesses is thriving join up and stop depending on a job. Working on this myself. 7. Cut back on buying stuff you can easily make. I spend very little on my hair as I use the water method with oil cleansing and herbal viniger rinse. No more supporting tricky hair companies and I’m using things I use in other ways anyway. 8. Use what is already there. I use the library to check out books, music, movies, and more all for free and I’m not supporting people I have yet to vet with my dollars. 9. Find free stuff in your area I found a free wine tasting class open every Wednesday evening in a posh hotel. I spend nothing and get information and culture for free drinking high end wines with the wealthy. 10. Always make sure you are getting out of a situation as much as you are putting in. Obviously a lot didn’t. Learn from this and stay away from those that are okay with getting shafted, and capping for others. 11. When you find out that you’ve been ambushed take stock and move on no notice necessary. Instead of disagreeing with them on the curly Nikkei site since she erases everything or sets it up to make black women look bad cut out tell others and don’t go back and close your wallets. 12. Look for or consider making your own blog dealing with the audience you want.

    • @Chicnoir,

      Thanks for sharing. {side eye at the opinions expressed in the article and the comment section} The bottom line is that the AA Civil Rights Movement led to, and influenced, the Immigration and Nationality Act of 1965. Prior to the AA civil rights martyrs’ sacrifices, White Americans were very clear about keeping nonwhite immigrants OUT of the U.S.

      But at the end of the day, this isn’t about foreign Blacks or any of these other people. It’s about the gullible and thirsty for acceptance mass AA behavior pattern of caping for other people. I’m reminded of the old saying, “Find a fool, bump their head.” I recently heard Rev. Jesse “Baby Daddy” Jackson on the local Black talk radio station still advocating open doors for more foreign Black immigrants. I almost couldn’t believe my ears. More immigrants (of any kind or category) does not help native AAs’ employment prospects. Rev. Baby Daddy is crazy, and probably trying to live in a 1960s time-warp to take his mind off his imprisoned son.

      Anyhoo—Since this pattern has been repeated over and over again with the various groups that [straight] AABW have caped for [BM, foreign Blacks, Latinos, other so-called “people of color,” gays, lesbians and cross-dressing/transgender men, etc.], AABW should be on notice by now that these contempt-filled “head bumps” are what they’ve earned with their caping. Ladies, a large part of why these various groups hate and disrespect AABW is because AABW cape for them.

      Even though it’s typically wrapped up in faux-sophisticated political jargon, that caping behavior shows mental weakness and a lack of basic common sense. Unsolicited and unreciprocated caping invites disrespect and contempt. I just wonder how many different groups of “others” that AABW have caped for/are still caping for have to keep dissing us before more of us catch a clue.

      As I recently discovered by following links, even some cross-dressing BM transgender “women” have joined the Let’s Publicly Diss AABW Party and are spewing public disrespect of AABW. As discussed in this post:

      Keep in mind these cross-dressing, transgender BM “women” are extremely vulnerable. And many of them HATE real women (as discussed in the above post). These cross-dressing, transgender male “women” would love to spew hatred about Becky, Mei Ling and other nonblack and non-AA women. But these cross-dressing men dare not do that. Because Becky, Mei Ling and other nonblack/non-AA women are protected by the straight men from their groups. And ALSO because Becky, Mei Ling and other nonblack/non-AA women don’t and won’t cape for these cross-dressing transgender male “women.”

      Only gullible groups in a weak position do that Kumbaya-My-Lord caping. Caping is a proxy for weakness, and invites contempt and mistreatment.

      AABW: Just. Stop. Caping. Period.

      • Khadija you are so right about Jessie Jackson and Sharpton, Al Sharpton came out here to AZ and wanted to march for Mexican rights. He even had the black church caping for them. What for? My nephew could not even get a fast food job out here. Some Mexican telling him that they only have applications in Spanish. He went back to MS and got a job the same day. There is no helping black people. These same people we are caping for are gonna replace in the workforce.

        • It makes no sense to keep bringing people here when we don’t have enough jobs to begin with. Even President Obama admitted that we will have racial unrest if the economy doesn’t improve.

      • Amen!

        I’ve seen Black trans women attempting to get Black women to cap for them. I just shake my head at the sista soulja types. Wasting their time trying to save everyone when no one is trying to save the saviour.

        I believe in live and let live but the MSM would love to replace Black women with the L.ev.ene Cox *of the world because that would be the ultimate way to get rid of Black women.

        Replace Black women with Trans gendered male to female Black women, who can’t reproduce and game set match. If we dare complain well then we are homophobic and evil cis gendered people.

        *Please note how much attention Miss Co.x is getting in the MSM and compare that to the amount of publicity AABW actresses are receiving.

        Whatever… I’m looking out for me and other Black women first!

      • Wow I wrote that bit about C.ox before I read your latest post. I thought I was the only one who picked up the newest form of replacement and erasure. I really hope Black women don’t start capping for Miss Cox.

        *Shaking my head*

        • Let us be clear, the person in question is a “Mr. Cox” who is genetically and biologically a MAN.

          There should be no confusion when one remembers this point plus the fact that all to many if not most do not have their male sexual organs removed. They have no business in women only spaces….PERIOD.

        • Chicnoir,

          I 100% co-sign! I have to admit that at this point, I’m totally flabbergasted at AABW. It’s not just the caping for all these others who hate us. It’s also the AABW behavior pattern of policing other BW’s statements on behalf of all these other who hate us.

          That video I linked to in my recent post was the last straw. I mean, really now—the spectacle of seeing more than a few actual BW’s comments cheering on a lacefront wig-wearing, transgender/cross-dressing negro male verbally bashing AABW was Just. Too. Much.

          I’m not going to cooperate with anybody putting a prefix in front of me (the “cis gender” nonsense). I don’t care if anybody tries to flap these “-phobic” labels on me. I was around and speaking out for actual basic justice for everybody before some of these gullible Sista Soldiers were born. Before it became acceptable. At a point in time when it took courage to do so.

          What the L.averne C.ox-type of men are demanding at this point is not basic justice. They’re demanding to displace and replace actual AABW. They’re demanding more male privilege, only this time packaged in a lacefront wig and fishnet stockings. NO. Just no to all of that.

  40. @Evia
    I just read your latest post. So much rings true. Especially about lone sisters trying to go up against White men. I would add Sista Soulja to the list. Bill Clinton put her on his beep list. I was very young but I have vague memories of his holding one of her speeches and a press conference and letting it rip. Did the men from Public Enemy shelter her?

    I also recall reading in Message To The Black Man Elijah Muhammad warning Black men not challenge the White race to a race war because we can not win. This was written during a period when Blacks were united.

  41. Ladies,

    I’m just so outdone by this that I feel compelled to mention the following article from earlier today. Please mention this travesty to the next person who assumes that you’re a Girl Who Believes Anything At Face Value; and comes to you with a sob story about male transgender “women” (the bulk of whom choose to keep their penises):

    “Ultra Violent” Transgender Teen “Jane Doe” transferred to male facility after assaulting another female victim

    “The transgender male Connecticut teen being called “Jane Doe” has been transferred to a juvenile male facility today after committing another assault on a teenage girl and a staffer on Saturday night in the all-female psychiatric facility where he had been housed.

    Readers will recall that the young man, with a history of serial violence against women and girls, had been transferred in April from the custody of the Department of Children and Families to the Department of Corrections, and placed in a private cottage at an adult female prison facility because no juvenile female space was equipped to accommodate violent male offenders. Connecticut State Gender Identity laws prevented the male teen from being transferred to any one of the many appropriate juvenile units because the law makes a distinction between those male teens who may have special vulnerabilities or needs, are gay, are “feminine” or sex-role nonconforming, and those who believe they are “female brained” and identify themselves as transgender. Male teens who declare gender beliefs are offered special dispensation to be housed with juvenile females on the basis of that belief.

    Connecticut state juvenile authorities began administering cross-sex female hormone treatments to the troubled young man at the age of 16 in an effort to make him appear more female.

    Transgender and gay male activists rallied around the violent teen on the basis of their claim that incarcerated female minors should have no right to safety from his serial assaults. Demonstrations were held in multiple cities calling for the young man’s release back into a general population of potential female victims. Protesters urged authorities to disregard the safety of girls, claiming that the young man’s feelings of wishing he was female would be hurt if he was placed in an appropriate juvenile male facility -and that one violent male teen’s feelings were more important than the physical safety of female teens and staffers. Connecticut resident and gay male activist Harvey Fierstein wrote an OpEd published by the New York Times calling on authorities to prioritize “Jane Doe’s” feelings about his sexual identity over the rights of juvenile females to be incarcerated free from violent male assault. Male activists defended the youth by proposing that targeting women and girls for violence is a natural response for males who have survived abuse by other males. The teen’s previous assaults include multiple acts of battery against juvenile females, stabbing a female juvenile with a fork, breaking a female staffer’s jaw, blinding a female staffer by repeated kicks to the head, and smearing his feces. . .

    . . . None of the news agencies have yet reported on the status of the injured female victims.”

    From this post, dated 7/14/14:

    THIS mess is the bandwagon that male so-called “transwomen” like Janet Mock want you to jump on.

    • OMG


      Even with hormone replacement therapy, she is so much stronger than the average woman. Anyone who has seen a few of the many trans woman vs Male fights can clearly see there is a major difference between women and trans woman.

      There was a boxing match a year or two ago between a woman and a trans woman. OMG I will not link but it was brutal. Guess who got the worse end of the stick?

      • I have seen a couple of video where trans people want to fight natural women. However, at the end of the day a trans woman is still a MAN physically speaking.

    • I made a phone call about that boy.

      These MEN are using the same game plan that everyone else has used against AA BW but this one is just so scary because these are MEN who HATE women and want to be free to live their fetish at the expense of everyone else. They want to be women with penises who have sex with other women and I wouldn’t be surprised if there are quite a few pedophiles in this movement. I don’t understand why WW feminists are so accepting of them, they are going to devour them when they are done devouring the stupid AA BW who cosign their mess.

      I’ve become better at staying neutral but whenever I see AA BW loving that sick prison show and other poison, I become so sad for the future. I’m starting to give up the hope that there will be more than 10% saved from what is coming because one step forward, five steps back.

      • @IamKM,

        I’ll be happy if 10% of AABW are saved; because pre-BWE movement we were on track to have maybe around 2-3% survive and thrive. At most.

        Thanks for making the call about this violent transgender boy. Ever since I heard about this story, I’ve been looking into the transgender thing (which is dominated by men); and what I’m finding is a very ugly situation that’s extremely dangerous for actual women and girls. Just look at all the criminality detailed in the links given in this post:

        From the above post:

        “Transgender fetish is the largest sexual disorder reported in convicted sex offenders.(4) Almost 100% of convicted sex offenders have a documented history of transvestism, crossdressing, free-dressing, Autogynephilia, transsexualism – in other words: TRANSGENDER.

        60% of convicted sex offenders have transgender fetish as their primary paraphillia (a parapillia is a psychological sex disorder). Of the remaining fetishists, such as pedophiles, rapists, etc., 60% of those sex offenders have transgender fetish as their secondary parapillia, in addition to their primary disorder. Finally, 40% of convicted sex offenders have transgender fetish as their tertiary (3rd) fetish among multiple disorders.

        (4) , Bull Am Acad Psychiatry Law, vol. 16″

        Like Roslyn says in her post, more of us need to actually look into things before blindly jumping onto bandwagons that sound like they’re progressive. From what I’m looking at, there’s NOTHING nice about the vast majority of this transgender mess. Instead, there seems to be a multiplicity of [not infrequently dangerous] dysfunctions underlying this phenomenon. With a large dose of male privilege.

  42. I tried to explain to my brother who is a closeted gay male that this transgender nonsense was more assertion of men’s rights over the needs and wants of actual women.

    True to form, he “couldn’t” and “didn’t” understand what I was getting at.

    Black women have been guilted and shamed into now supporting anything that will hasten their deaths. Perhaps the wrong programming came about after Blacks and Black women in particular caused Prop 8 out in California not to pass, has allowed for Black women caping for gay/trans rights in a bid to not seem like they hate anyone and are on board and “progressive”.

    Leave them and their fights alone, they have achieved all they can except for complete removal and erasure of actual women which is now the end-goal.

    These trans-folks now no longer want to be a PART of the LGBT movement, they want to be THE movement. Please watch the video below.

    Illuminating comment begins at the :28 second mark. And I quote “… at the front of the parade where we belong”

    I have been watching this takeover and have been slowly lowering my rainbow flag and being very clear who I am here for. These types are not and never have been our allies. You may find one or two worth something, but as a collective no. They are not about us and conversely we cannot and will not be about them.

    • Soul Alive,

      I 100% co-sign. Like you, I’ve also been “watching this takeover and have been slowly lowering my rainbow flag and being very clear who I am here for.” Thanks for sharing video and other links.

      I know more than a few people are tired of my frequent references to “Mei Ling,” but the differences in expectations are stark. And informative for those AABW who pay attention. All sorts of people feel free and comfortable coming to AABW—HARD—with mess they never bring to American Mei Ling. I can’t even imagine anybody trying to guilt and shame American Mei Ling into supporting gays, lesbians and trannies. Much less getting belligerent and verbally abusive with her while demanding that she support these groups. But somehow, that sort of hectoring and verbal abuse is A-Okay with far too many straight AABW.

      It’s all crazy. {smh}

  43. Correction* Were blamed for Prop 8 not passing. Black women had nothing to do with it actually and Black support was hugely in favor of Prop 8 passing.

  44. ved Anything:

    I just read your latest post. So much rings true. Especially about lone sisters trying to go up against White men. I would add Sista Soulja to the list. Bill Clinton put her on his beep list.

    What that lone young bw is doing (ridiculing Ivy League wm) is the height of foolishness. It approaches suicidal. The blacks on that site were instigating, egging her on, and applauding her for going up against white males who will one day sit on the throne of white hegemony. Their names are already written on the chair. So while the black folks on that site were getting their “feel good” on, telling her that she “done good,” she’s already been chopped up and doesn’t know it because she’ll be seeking a job or advancement from the same circle that she’s ridiculing, and they won’t forget. Meanwhile the blacks who’re now telling her how “strong” she is will have forgotten about her. When she gets professional doors slammed in her face, those same blacks won’t have a job to offer her, won’t help her to pay her rent or buy food and will even criticize her for being depressed.

    SMH More bw need to buy some common sense, read Machiavelli and other strategists, and do what OLS says: STAY NEUTRAL. A MUCH smarter move would have been for her to marry one of those wm. After all, she’s young, attractive, a FEMALE and right there with them. Pillow talk is a powerful strategy. LOL!

    What many AAbw of today don’t realize is that the bw who fought the powers-that-be in the 60s and 70s did NOT fight solo. No one then was trying to turn bw into soldiers and martyrs. There were still MEN in the AA populace at that time and common sense was very common among AAbw. For ex. Voting rights activist Fannie Lou Hamer (who coined the phrase: “sick and tired of being sick and tired”) had a massive amount of moral and material support from other bw, especially AND bm because in those days, blacks had NO choice but to morally support other blacks, buy from other blacks, marry other blacks, etc. Rosa Parks may have been the lone black who refused to give up her seat on the bus, but she had a mountain of support behind her. I was very young but i can remember the tone of the talk around me. The blacks there knew an apocalypse could happen to them at any second. So bw who stuck their head out there KNEW that other black folks had their back. Can this young bw at Yale or Princeton (can’t remember which) count on AA blacks to have her back–aside from just lip service? / credentials can be used.

    • Her career death is already written and she doesn’t even know it yet. Only way she can save herself is if she wakes up enough to marry a WM who may not be Ivy League but is well connected enough to make up for her foolishness.

      Any high school or college aged BW in the audience: The worst thing you can do when you are in college is anger the white people, especially WM, by being not just a race woman but the outspoken and loud sista soldier. It won’t help you, even if you plan to be an AA and African Studies major and/or professor because connected WM fund those programs and can and will pull the plug on those who offend them. STAY NEUTRAL, work on yourself, and forge your own path (including dating WM… like Evia said, pillow talk is very very powerful.)

    • @EVIA

      LOL at “pillow talk” it’s so true but funny all the same. It is during that time that O believe men are most vulnerable.

      You know I read the autobiography of Malcolhm X’s youngest daughter about ten years ago. One of things that left the biggest impression on me was how Ossie Davies and Ruby Dee stepped up to help her mom, Betty Shabaz after Malcolhm X was murdered. She made it very clear that Ossie and Ruby went out of their way financially to help Betty with whatever was needed.

      IIRC at some point she was in a bad accident where she had to be in the hospitol for a lengthy period of time. All of her “power to the people ” Black friends abandoned her. It was only a few, maybe one White friends who stood by her SMH. It brought back memories from when I read Khadejia’s post on Black revolutionaries getting help from liberal Whites after being abandoned by the very Blacks they helped get ahead.

      All that to say as you and IamKM mentioned, this young woman will be in a ruff place in a few years. The mistake Blacks make is thinking Whites will ever make thing truly evil. Their ancestors fought horrible wars, killed off millions of the native population, enslaved our ancestors to make themselves rich and is currently using corporations to increase their wealth. Any Black person thinking If they just protest enough, Whites will collectively turn over the keys is a fool. The problem we Black people have is we don’t have our own to fall back on when things are ruff in the mainstream. So we continue to hurt. It’s why our unemployment rates esp those for young Black males* are so much higher than the rest of the population.

      * showcasing all of the pathologies of young Black males isn’t helping matters. Those videos would make me weary as hell of young Black American males if I were a business owner.

  45. I am watching the news, as I am sure all of you are, seeing the Israel-Palestine conflict and I am yet again reminded of staying neutral.
    Sure I have my own opinions and thoughts on the matter but I have enough sense to keep it to myself! Now is not the time to engage in social media and shoot yourself in the foot. Black women cannot afford it!
    This is not our battle and we’d do best to stay the hell out of it and keep moving forward and focusing on Self.
    No one is going to thank you for caping for them so turn it off if you must and stay neutral, positive and feminine. Don’t let things harden you and rob you of your innocence and femininity.

  46. I live in Chicago and we have a place BoysTown where the LGBT community resides. I have felt hostility being dispersed towards women and could not figure why. Having reading these post I now understand it better. It seems to me that White gay men are racists. I know not all of them of them but somehow I would sense a mean type of spirit. I have some who are friendly and some are hostile. Not to get off topic but I live in Chicago and a lot of the blacks are mad that President Obama is not doing something to help the black children here but is offering help to the Hispanic immigrants coming across the borders. My niece said she wish Obama could be president forever. My father says “he is doing a good job and the republicans are just mad because he is not paying them any attention”. I hope that this crisis can get some resolution because it is going to become a detriment. The white people are showing their true colors. I was reading on some sites that they think the AABW are being to harsh and mean for not helping them because they too are black women. Well in America, the situations we deal with differ from others. I was reading that Erin Andrews will replace Pamela Green as far as sportscaster. Let the erasing begin. Not to jump all over the place but this is what I suggest AABW should do. Write down 20 things you have caped for the in the last month. See what return on investment, ROI came as a result. Staying neutral is such a peace of mind because I can focus on the things that will benefit me and realize how much money I have in my pocket and not give to this person or cause because all I am doing is feeding the beast and when , not if they turn on me , I will feel the disdain and know I am the only one to blame. STAY NEUTRAL AND REAP THE REWARDS OF PEACE AND HAPPINESS.

  47. Asunción Cummings “Sunny” Hostin a lawyer and tv host. Hostin was born to her Puerto Rican mother, Rosa Beza, and her African-American father, William Cummings. Hostin was raised in the Bronx, New York City and speaks fluent Spanish.

    Sunny was on the View today defending illegal immigrants in Texas. She proudly proclaims to be a Latina. “Yes, I have to speak for them, because I am a proud Latina.” Sherry said you had to bring Latina into it? Then Sunny said, I am Latina and in a low voice an African American. IMO, her voice was not so proud of her AA DNA.
    Well excuse the heck out of me. I thought Sunny was black the whole time. If I am not mistaken
    Sunny is part of the old Jack and Jill Society and a AKA…WTF? She was on national tv trying her best not to claim her father’s heritage, IMO. She looks like a bw. She obviously lighten her skin. Anyway, Sunny continued stating she was a Latina and conveniently leaving the AA part off.

    She and Sherry got into a little argument about illegal people entering into the U.S.
    Sherry believes there are many children/Vets in the U.S. who are having their own personal issues with little to no assistance from the government but, our government will somehow find the money to help support the newly arrived illegals? Obama was asking for 2 to 3 billion dollars. That amount does not include security personnel being paid. My question is he is ducking crazy?

    There is only so much the U.S. can do for the world. Americans are losing their jobs, houses, their pensions are being depleted and so. Where is the help for the every day working person?

    • I have seen her several times on CNN whenever they have some legal case in the news. I’ll be honest with you, all this while, I just assumed she was a mixed-race person (i.e half-white), so she is just following in the footsteps of what most biracials of her ilk do. I haven’t seen the segment of the view you are talking about but I hope Sherry Shepherd, who irritates me, did not do what she normally does and takes a decent argument, then makes her point in the silliest way. I completely agree with her (i.e with the things you said she said), but those arguing against these hordes of illegals have to be careful not to turn them into victims, as that is what the Latinos and white liberals are now trying to do.

      There is a logical (and I think far stronger argument) against these illegals than there is for them, but those in the media who support it will intentionally try to characterise all who oppose it as lacking in compassion, racist etc, when in reality, they are the only ones acting with common sense!

      Many of the Black congress people are supporting these illegals because they see the growing Latino population in their communities (I will note that these Latinos and their illegal alien relatives would not dare to venture into white folks communities and plant themselves there, they are only so bold to encroach into where mostly Black folks live). Instead of these foolish Black politicians to see the writing on the wall and act AHEAD of time, i.e make moves to stealthily remove* these Latinos from the predominantly Black communities while they are still the majority and while they still have a reasonable amount of controlling power/influence in the local councils. Instead, they have thrown their hands up and said that the Latino population will continue to grow, so let me pander to them so that they keep me in office, knowing fully well that their own Black constituents who have been voting for them for years, election after election, are going to get screwed! These foolish Black politicians are also too dumb to realise that the only reason they will even get any of these Latinos’ votes is because the Latinos have no choice. They are too small of a demographic in these Black communities to get ‘one of their own’ into that elected office. Once they grow in numbers, said Black politician is out of a job, and only Latino politicians will then be subsequently elected to fill that post. It has happened like that in every single Latino community. They were previously predominantly Black, now, they are predominantly Hispanic. I don’t know why so many Black folks are just continually stuck on stupid!

      Look how Hispanic gangs have murdered Black teens for no reason other than that they are Black, but the media doesn’t care. It will only get worse.

      *Stealthily remove = If you have control of the local councils/governments, you can set things up n such a way as to make life so difficult that they have to leave, e.g how the Latinos have done pretty much everywhere they have dominance, by making it a prerequisite that one is a ‘native Spanish speaker‘ before they are even considered for a job. That forces those who are not native speakers (even if they speak Spanish fluently), to eventually move elsewhere with a more favourable job/employment environment.

      • I agree most black politicians wake up it will be to late most of them. Some of the bm will be chasing the Hispanic woman to blind to see what is coming.

        The Mexicans have been creeping into my city and slowly they are building up their economy. Yes, that is what smart people do build up their economy.
        One day I went inside an Hispanic run store because the car wash wasn’t working. I had to wait until the cashier was finish working on something. So, I decided to asked the Hispanic woman fry cook for a napkin to wipe my hands. I was polite and I had to ask twice. She says in a nasty tone that she does not have any napkins. What? You sell food.
        That little moment in time made me think of Khadija and Evia’s warnings about other POC moving in and showing little to no respect for the people who were there when they arrived.
        I thought to myself, “This is why many white people do not want Hispanics in their neighborhoods.” I used to be sympathetic to their plight but, my eyes have been opened.

        • Correction….Most black politicians will not wake up until it is almost too late for them to change events.

  48. @Simplyme–you said:

    “Sunny was on the View today defending illegal immigrants in Texas. She proudly proclaims to be a Latina. “Yes, I have to speak for them, because I am a proud Latina.” Sherry said you had to bring Latina into it? Then Sunny said, I am Latina and in a low voice an African American. IMO, her voice was not so proud of her AA DNA.
    Well excuse the heck out of me. I thought Sunny was black the whole time. If I am not mistaken”

    SIGH!! Once again, we ‘re back at the AABW IDENTITY issue. So Sherry THOUGHT this chick was an AABW. LOL More to the point, SHERRY WANTED this chick to be an AABW because she’s using who the woman’s daddy was/is to hang onto this blood-sucking woman who is “using” the doors that AAs opened (immigration policy that Khadija mentioned) to uplift Latinos. So there she was BEGGING this chick to be an AABW and this woman wasn’t going for it. Smackdown for Sherry. Good! I can’t get mad at this “Sunny” person. Her AA father never taught her to be proud of her AA heritage. DUH!

    *SIGH* This is a clear example of how so many AA women set themselves up to be mentally/spiritually assaulted by their caping and begging behavior. This is why I coined the expression “save alla our people.” What ever would many AABW do if they ran out of people to save?? Why does Sherry consider this chick to be an AABW? It’s because AAs don’t have an actual IDENTITY that they have created for themselves. Therefore, this obviously failed ‘earth mother’ MENTALITY of the bulk of AA women to try to save alla Gods chilluns leads them to desperately want to believe that all POCs are kinfolk–whether close or distant. AND Jesse Jackson spearheaded that “Rainbow Coalition” nonsense. Lusting for power AND a club to use against de evil white man, he embraced all POCs and wanted to believe the power was in the numbers, but the QUALITY of the people in a group and their allegiance to the group are what’s key–NOT quantity. This is why VETTING is the QUEEN of all critical thinking.

    Jesse was a product of an old school background but he departed from that. He overlooked the fact that AAs weren’t benefiting from on-par RECIPROCITY from Hispanics, Asians, and other POCs. These groups have made it clear that this is a one-way relationship. They took what AAs FREELY offered but wanted nothing more than the freebies. They never lied to AAs.

    This is why I said that RE-CONFIGURING the self-sabotaging mentality of AA women must be the primary focus of at least 90% of the effort for establishing any worthwhile infrastructure that will serve to uplift AA women for now and the long-term future. It won’t matter how many AA women get degrees or how much money they make, or how many television or movie roles they get or even how many media projects they create, etc. The confusion will taint ALL of it and pull AA women back to a minus situation. For ex. as Khadija mentioned in her latest article–why would ANY AABW be in support of this ‘Crazy Eyes’ woman in “Orange is the New Black”–if she’s looking or behaving like Buckwheat????? Not Buckwheat y’all–not Buckwheat. Whew! Btw, I’ve never watched that show. I would actually be in physical pain if I watched that. NO-no-no. I try to be kind to myself.

    BTW, a LOT of Sherry Shepard’s behavior has been VERY harmful to the AABW’s image, so left up to me and without any afterthought, I would purge Sherry from any IDENTITY group that I’m in any that I’d support. As I said, the people in my group must share the most basic kernels of my MENTALITY or values-set. Based on Sherry’s public behavior, it’s clear that she does NOT. My first knowledge of Sherry came when I saw her on Rachel Ray’s show years ago blabbing about her sexual promiscuity and her many abortions. I deleted her at that point from any connection with me because I and my female descendants simply cannot afford the Sherry Shepards.

    IF any person (and this also includes any AABW) or group is not bringing something of on-par VALUE, ignore them (no matter how much they holler) and close the door on them. AAbw who plan to thrive cannot afford to do otherwise. Self-preservation is the 1st LAW of nature.

    I apply my thinking about these situations to myself. I’ve even told my children that if I ever start acting in a damaging way, they must purge me ASAP because that behavior proves I’ve been poisoned. And with all my heart and soul, I want them to THRIVE.

    And re these transgender folks or ANY other group or subgroup, I make my life simple with this one credo of on-par: RECIPROCITY OR NOTHING!

    • Whoopie in her own way answered Sunny on the 07/08? show.
      The camera showed Sunny’s facial expression and it was not a nice one. Go Whoopie!

  49. I agree. That character “Crazy Eyes” is horrible. Sherrie should read BWE blogs maybe that might help, maybe. This foolish woman has two bm trying to live on her for the next 10 to 18 years. She needs a great lawyer.

    My favorite quote, “RECIPROCITY or NOTHING!”

  50. BTW, Sherri has been fired from The View. I wonder what she’s going to do now; I wonder who’s going to hire her. I know I wouldn’t.

  51. Also too many AABW are “people pleasers.” People pleasing never works.

    As for staying neutral, those 12 step programs had the simple solution over 70 years ago:

    “We must avoid quick tempered criticism and furious, power-driven argument. The same goes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional booby traps baited with pride and vengefulness. Our first job is to sidestep the traps. When we are tempted by the bait, we should train ourselves to step back and think. For we can neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint has become automatic.”

  52. Speaking of entertainment a former classmate (a BM who I thought of as considerate and well spoken at the time.) I hadn’t seen in some time recomended a new film series that is coming out called hidden colors. I didn’t know anything about it and proceeded to check it out. Don’t waste your time ladies. I was sickened by the pure lack of inclusion of black women in the story of black people and all of the phobia and black woman hating, blaming, dissing, and duping going on. It makes it clear what if, they had their way what would be in store for us and what is really thought of us. I didn’t make it through ten minutes of this before I had to shut it off and give it back. He was so eager to hear what I had to say about it I told him I’d tell him later as I had to be on my way and plan to never say as he is now suspect. Lesson learned!!! even friendly aquantances must be vetted. The producer of the film and those in it are corrosive people I’d never come in contact with and have marked that if, I ever see their name attached to any film project to run not walk the other way.

    This Tariq Nasheed is to be avoided as any grown man with a book called Mack Lessons is to be avoided without questions. I’m sure some of you here have had the misfortune of running into this bm and his groupies. Yet, another reason to screen all entertainment.

    • I did a bit of investigation, and it would seem, rather unsurprisingly, that this ‘Hidden Colors’ film is a not particularly sophisticated attempt to lionize BM, but make them victims as well. There was a litany of ‘Black invention myths’, conspiracies (just as an example, in part 2 (this is part 3), there was a ‘metaphysician’ called Dr. Phil Valentine, who had a segment about AIDS in which he talked about “the so-called immunity system of the homosexual”. That should give you an indication of the caliber and credibility of the director (Tariq Nasheed). This film should come with its very own tin-foil hat!

      The saddest thing is that the films were all funded by crowd-sourcing using Kickstarter. I would bet top dollar that a good chunk of the donations came from BW who were given the false impression that they were going to show real Black history and achievements, but once again, they were excluded!

      • @ JaliliMaster LoL “tin foil hat” that is exactly how I felt. Pure madness. Didn’t know much about Dr. Phil Valentine either I looked him up and saw some of his youtube stuff after you mentioned it. Total woman hate and admitted sexist!!! Wow he’s married and I can’t believe she puts up with that. We must get far away from them for our own safety.

  53. Hello Ladies

    So I want to post this article about a young Black woman from the hood who is now a college professor. Pay very close attention to what she says about her grandmother and mom when it came to her schooling. It is so very important that we get our kids in the best learning environments period. Always have positive reading materials in your home.

    REALTALK I would not sleep with a man who has 0 books in his home.


    Just remove the question marks.

    • @Chic noir thank you so much for sharing all of the wonderful info. Yes, handmaids tell is a very informative read. Just as it was finding out what that BM in my class really supported. I make it a habit especially with BM s to say and give as little info as possible until I know their agenda and thoughts better. So, glad he doesn’t have my information and I can easily avoid as I go by another name in most of my classes.

      Anyway you are most likely right who is supplying the money for this carp and their own destruction. It’s crazy because these are the same men who will abandon them, only want them if, their light shinned, with long straight hair and or close to whiteness. So, these nothing but a BM black women are dying out due to the hatered of the very men they support. Add on to that the fact that black women who marry out and have children, with men who take care of things and lead more and more functional lives are ostracized for doing and wanting the very thing these dbrbm accuse bw of destroying and no wonder more be are starting to run away or die alone. The ironic thing is my cousins who have married out meet with BM scorn but, BM covet these couples daughters and are threatened by their sons.

  54. Wow! The comments section has exploded since I last checked the site.

    I co-sign what a lot of the other ladies have been saying about the transgender/LGBT movement. Lately, I have been noticing the sexist and racists attitudes that a lot of gay and/or transgender people have, and it’s not only white men either. A lot of gay minorities hate women and are just as bad as a lot of self-hating black men regarding how they interact with racial minorities. In interacting with some of them, I have noticed that many of them are deeply insecure and also extremely bitter about the fact that they do not get to exercise their male privilege as much as heterosexual men. Rather than deal with those insecurities and learn to truly love and accept themselves, they often choose to project their bitterness and insecurities on to women at opportune times, which is what the transgendered male did to the AABW blogger. While I support their right to marry and do whatever the h*ll they want, I refuse to become a foot soldier or mouthpiece for their movement because I can’t cape for anyone who hates me. The only support that they will get from me will be a yes vote if the issue of gay marriage makes it on to the ballot again in my state.

    The discussion about AAs caping for other racial minorities reminded me of a trend that I’ve been noticing while in professional school. For years, Asian-Americans and Asians have complained about not having the same “privileges” as AAs/Hispanics/Native Americans is college, graduate school, and professional school admissions, but nobody listened, so now they are forcing the issue by self-identifying as minorities on applications and then joining and actively participating in minority organizations once they get to campus, which technically should be okay. However, these students are actively campaigning for and getting leadership positions in order to change the original aim and goal of these organizations. It is now no longer politically correct to refer to these organizations as chiefly being AA or Hispanic organizations because it would be offensive to other minorities who have joined. In addition, these traditional minority organizations can no longer exclusively focus on advancing the careers of AAs/Hispanics/Native Americans because as you know we are all minorities, ignoring the fact that Asian-Americans are well-represented in higher education and have their own organizations that push their interests ONLY. It has gotten so bad that when admissions wanted to hold a focus group on how they could recruit more AAs they made point of inviting one of these self-identified minorities even though the conversation had nothing to do with them! In fact, this same person regularly interfaces with admissions, is a point person for diversity issues, and is the president of our AA-founded organization. This person also talks about wanting to get more of the white students involved in our organization. Initially, I wasn’t active in our minority organization, but now I am actively applying for any and all school, regional, and national leadership positions that are open because I don’t want to see us pushed out of our own organizations by people with selfish aims. The end game is to have admissions view Asian-Americans as being equivalent to AAs/Hispanics/Native Americans when it comes to diversity. They want to snatch the few benefits that AAs/Hispanics/Native Americans have. If this continues, there will be fewer black people in higher education in the years to come, and Asian-Americans will take the majority of scholarships initially designated for traditional minorities.

    So not only is it important for AABW to remain neutral, but we need to actively campaign for leadership positions that make us visible and ensure that our voices will be heard. If there are committees, boards, or leadership positions at your job, organizations where you volunteer, church, etc., please try to participate. Too many people who hate us or don’t care about us are making decisions for us. Also, greater visibility means that we control our image. With more AABW in leadership positions, people will not have to depend on reality TV, black men, stereotypes, etc. to tell them how AABW think, feel, or act. Right now, a lot people are basing their opinions of AABW on second hand information gotten from people who hate us (i.e. black men, mainstream media, etc.).

  55. That is a good idea to join as many organizations that have openings. Because when we do not apply it only makes it easier for another minority to run for office. No other culture of people should head an AA organization. I realize it is not easy for some bw to run for an office when they may have children. Many of us AAs are so excited when another culture person wants to join our organizations, as if he or she will bring some type of honor with them. We should ask ourselves why would another culture woman want to join a bw’s sorority. Are they any bw who have joined a ww’s sorority? Yes, we are already losing scholarships that were intended for AA people.

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