The Chronicles of Derailment: The Saboteur, The Sad Sack, and the Sycophant. (A pondering of the psychoanalytic Variety)

Let’s Talk About Derailment, Eh?

I haven’t written in a while but I believe that this post is important in light of current events.

Note: Somebody left a comment asking me to do a better job proofreading. Apparently my previous editing jobs have caused them to have to “reread” my posts to piece together my sentences.   I already proofread but usually I’m in a rush which means I don’t have the time to do more than a cursory glance.   I’ve said before to excuse the typos, and I can’t offer much more than that disclaimer so… *shrugs* sorry.

Today I wanted to write about the derailment and the trends I’ve noticed when black women are having important conversations. Usually these conversations, which have to do with the quality of black women’s lives are quickly and sufficiently  stifled before any meaningful solutions can be had.  As a tactic derailment does its job, pushing black women to the back of the podium so others may remain benefiting from the current status quo.

The Sad Sack:

No matter what race, gender or sexual orientation, the Sad Sack absolutely loves to talk about their emotions. You see rather than getting angry, or simply exiting a conversation they don’t like,  the Sad Sack like all good derailers wants you to know that their feelings are hurt by your hurt feelings.  They want you to know how much they grieve for their lost sisterhood/ brotherhood, how much they grieve for their lost unity, how hurtful it is that you’re not mirroring the emotions that they want to give you. The Sad Sack, like ALL derailers, are simply narcissists who want the conversation to revert back to THEM.  NO matter how much it hurts you.  For example, see Perez Hilton’s wack ass response to his offensive comments about “ a fierce black women inside every gay man” comment.  He’s hurt he’s suffering. Forget how offensive, racist, rude and downright shameful he is. It’s easy to get the attention off his own jack assery if he’s talking about his feelings and what you’ve done to him.

How to deal: Ignore, the sad sack is a drama queen narcissist. They feed off attention, and ensuring you don’t do what you need to do.  Back slowly away.

The Saboteur: Is another fun one. The saboteur,  claims to be on your side,  all the while they silently pick at the solutions that couldn’t possibly work, and simply  aren’t feasible to the majority of the population. In the guise of giving a damn, they’re mostly just sitting by while you dismantle all of your  progress by yourself. Does the saboteur have any other bright ideas?  Nope, because the point of a Saboteur isn’t to be on your side, the point of the saboteur is to well… sabotage.  So if that means spending hours upon hours in spaces not designed for them pretending to be a good Samaritan, well then that’s what they’ll do, as long as, at the end of the  day, you #FAIL.

The Sycophant: Is your personal friend. This particular brand of derailer knows that you get more bees with honey. They know that you’re probably not that bright. They know that you’re insecure, and they know that you’re looking for any sort of recognition.( Because it has been such a lacking force in your life).  The Sycophant knows that easiest way to make you stop complaining is to make you think that there’s nothing to complain about at all. For example when black women are angered about having characters who are physically as far away from the status quo of attractive ie.  Fit, pretty, and feminine represent them (like all groups do), These sycophants will compliment you because you don’t fit the status quo. (Even though it’s not to your benefit to do otherwise.)

Example:

See the downright bizarre flipping and fawning over,  Retta from Parks and Rec and Gabore Sidebe , both of which typify almost every  stereotype of black women currently in America.

But to hear *certain* groups of sycophants tell it,  “She so awesome,”  “So Funny” and courageous to break molds and traditions.

And like the master manipulator that these groups are, you’ll believe it every time. Because this brand of narcissists know exactly how you tick.  They’re banking on it.   And you swallow it like a pill.  You were always going to.

How to deal:  Recognize that the Sycophant along with the Saboteur will ALWAYS play Brutus to your Caesar.  They will be waiting after you get comfortable to pounce.   Always, Always be wary of people like this. Or better yet avoid letting these types into your life at all. Be selective of people who come near this behavior.

The Reasonable:  Derailers of the reasonable sort are the kind that fancy themselves fair and just. If only you could give them a good reason. They need to know, despite the evidence why they should support you. They want you to lay it out again and again, why they should give a damn. Because they can’t be seen supporting something that doesn’t benefit them if they don’t have logic behind their choices.  But the truth is everything that you say is unreasonable. No matter how much proof you present, how much you balance the books, you’re never going to get through, Because in their lost minds only their way makes any sense.  

They KNOW this. But you don’t. Which means all the time an explanations playing “logic accountant” is time away from being productive on your own. And they can’t have that.

For example, if you say, Black Women should leave dangerous neighborhoods; they’ll ask you for a list of reasons why.   They need a rundown of how many rapes happen to black women and children, how many lives are lost in stay gunshots, how much and how many of everything to catalog until they find your answer reasonable.

Here a hint: No matter how much qualitative and quantitative data is shared with the “Reasonable” it will never amount to anything. But it did keep you from having important conversations.

How to deal: Avoid playing “logic accountant” a losing game where you try and scoop water from the sea with a bucket. Or in other words, provide proof to clueless people.  Don’t waste time. They have all the proof they need but they don’t want you to have it.  That would be mean you might do better than them.

Holy Sanctimony:

Like the sad sack who is just so EMOTIONAL, and loves to emotionally emote all over the emotionally charged place; Sanctimony loves “righteous anger” as a way to get out of a sticky situation. They also know that it helps avoid a confrontation and keep you from having your conversations/ going about your business. They use their “righteous “anger purely as a distraction like a filibuster in congress, simply waiting for time to run out before a new bill proposal becomes obsolete.  More so they shut down the conversation by diverting attention to themselves while you defend yourself. It always works. Leaving them smugly satisfied and you with… well… nothing.

The misunderstood:  The misunderstood love to be… misunderstood.  Simply because in feigning stupidity it takes you away from what you’re actually doing to waste time and you momentarily forget what you were doing, and places importance on “helping” the misunderstood understand what you’re trying to say.   The misunderstood, whether they are aware of what they are doing or not are effectively keeping you from using your time in well spent ways.

How to deal:  Keep it moving. Don’t waste time in conversations, justifications, etc.  They feed on your attention, and your good will. Stomp them into dust and keep moving.  Remember it’s simply an act.

Give me one good reason AKA “Stubborn Ass”:  They stubborn ass need like the reasonable needs “one good reason” to move.  The one good reason has easily tricked their victims into believe that progress is not attainable without them. And you’d better get into shape and prove to them why they should come along.  Really they don’t want to come but they don’t want you to leave. You might be successful. And the Stubborn Ass doesn’t want that. They don’t want change, they are afraid of change.  And if they can’t be happy neither can you, so if it means stopping in one place and not moving while elevating their own importance, well… so be it.

How to deal: Adopt the stance “You’re either with me or against me” and otherwise ignore. You don’t need dead weight.

More Bark Than Bite:  MBTB loves to use threats, fear tactics, shame, anything to get you to shut up and stop talking. Because they’re threatened by you doing well they must put a stop to it. And these losers, with little resources, brains and hope love to use guerrilla warfare to get you to keep your mouth shut. See commenters who come to websites with guilt tactics/ shaming (See black women shaming 101 post), threatening biblical punishment, rape murder, etc.  Funnily enough most of these probably wouldn’t have the balls to do/ say any of this in real life.

How to deal:  Instantly Ignore, delete, distance.  They are amoebas. But if all else fails the FBI would love to add someone knew to their wanted lists. Get law enforcement involved.

I AM NOT JOKING.

You may think I’m only identifying derailing techniques in conversations. I’m talking about lifestyle derailment too; these people suck the life out of you and pull you in like quicksand. It would be wise to watch out for any and all of these types. These people are sick, twisted, and need to be involved in tearing other people down. This is one of the reasons why many bwe writers have discussed planning in stealth, because some people when given the chance will happily rip apart your plans at the seams.

Don’t let them destroy what you’ve built.

Until Next Time,

Stay Neutral

PS. I know I’ve been away a long time, I’m currently writing a slew of posts that will be up soon. Forgive me for the absence.

Love ya all.

OLS

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17 thoughts on “The Chronicles of Derailment: The Saboteur, The Sad Sack, and the Sycophant. (A pondering of the psychoanalytic Variety)

  1. This kind of awareness post is what BW need to hear. I love that you’ve outlined the many variants of derailment strategy and made it plain, since so many BW seem to be completely oblivious to nuance and “shades” of sabotage.

  2. This post is a fantastic resource for all BW looking to make a difference in their own lives and/or the lives of others and I’m hoping that many BWE related bloggers and those on facebook can link to this post. People need this information right now.

    It’s so necessary as right now a real war is being fought all over the internet using these very tactics. I observe these derailers/sabateurs working each and every angle every single day.

    I see these behaviours as a kind of emotional terrorism that is directly targeted at those BW who are finally starting to wake up and smelling the BS.

    And this here post is the anti terrorism strategy clearly set out.

    Excellent!

  3. I have one more, the “friend” who tries to pull you into their drama. To them you say, “Oh,” and keep it moving. So called “friends” will try to pull you into their drama, so much so that you wind up forgetting to take care of yourself. For those drama queens, a simple, “Oh” does the trick.

  4. Glad to see you’re back! If some people have a understanding your message because of the typos then I highly doubt the typos are the problem…

    • No the typos really are an issue…that goes for any blogger with a serious message. For some folks like myself typos take away from the true impact an article/post can have.

      • I agree. I love to read NYGF’s blog, but it takes me a minute to backtrack and understand what is meant when there are so many typos. Maybe OLS could have a trusted friend proofread the posts and edit them? It’s a little paranoid to allege that nobody could possibly be confused by typos.

  5. For those who want a good chuckle, marc hill of huffingtonpost live invited Gina from WOAD, chris from BBW and a Dr. Yabay (?) from Drexel university because he had the audacity to call Lupita a fetish. When they took hum to task for devaluing her, he played The Misunderstood deraile to a T.

    He claimed that he didn’t understand the implications of calling her a fetish, that he didn’t know that his guest lemmont was known to make jokes at the expense of BW, and that the ladies were wrong to call him out because he has a black daughter. Gina did not let him of the hook and because of that she is now being labeled as ‘angry’. I was very proud of those ladies, they WENT IN.

    • Marc Lamont Hill also said the same thing, calling Lupita a “fetish,” and he was promptly schooled. Even I took him to task on that one. I don’t like when black men who themselves are married to white women have an issue when white men like dark skinned black women and say that THEY, the white men, must be into some type of fetish, or something.

  6. The Give me one good reason AKA “Stubborn Ass” is just a very foolish version of The Reasonable, because the former is the fool that is still in the pit of snakes, expecting everyone else to ‘convince’ them that they should get out before they are bitten. The latter is already out (or was never in the pit in the first place), so wants you to waste your time trying to ‘convince’ them to advocate for/support something good for someone else that they are already doing for themselves.

    Most bw who are anti-BWE are the “Stubborn Ass” (literally), they live in these dangerous places, some of which are like war zones, yet still need extra reasons as to why they should get out of dodge. Then you have other bw who either have left, but consider themselves to be what (I think it was Khadija that called them) ‘special butterflies’, so think they are set apart from ‘those’ bw, who as far as they are concerned, deserve whatever they’re getting. Then you have the bm who constantly ask for ‘rape/DV/crime statistics’, to prove that things really are as bad as you say. Meanwhile, they: (1) aren’t doing jack to improve things, (2) got out of dodge themselves, happy to ‘spread the wealth’ to all and sundry except bw, or (3) are the very idiots who are wreaking said havoc on a daily basis in the first place, so are worried that their potential victim pool will dry up.

    I’m glad you are back and I’m looking forward to reading your next post.

  7. If one of my longtime readers would be interested in reading the posts and editing them let me know. As I said, I do try but have very little time. If someone else has the time to proofread that’s alright with me.

  8. People…. can’t leave with them, can’t leave without them.

    After reading a lot of bwe blogs, I am learning daily to keep my cards close to my chest. No need to give detailed information about myself- unless I want anybody to have a say in my life.

    Since I am “a honest to goodness” person, having alternate answers for normal everyday questions helps. I also practice not saying the whole truth – I give partial truths. Like in adverts or contracts, what I say only binds me if people ensure to read the asterisks. And most don’t 😉 Tough for them

    Also, I edit my life. Being mysterious works. I do not let people know what I did X years ago, because I do not want my former self’s issues to haunt me. My solution : burying the issue. With hindsight, I was probably sipping lemonade with someone cool X years ago. And if I see my past positively, others will.

    Sometimes being dumb helps. I change subject or I keep on asking question on any word the other person said. Nosy people lose track because they have no willpower. And if they insist, I have spotted their evil side- more awareness for me about their bad intentions in my regard.

    I make sure that if 5 acquaintance meet & discuss the info they have about me, they realise I am multi dimensional & complex. LESS accurate info about me out there means MORE room for me to expand.

  9. Pingback: Nine People To Avoid Like The Plauge | Not Your Girl Friday

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