Asdfghjkl?……..O_o? …… Derp?

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It seems that while I was out, somebody has been busy. Not only was this person very busy, but they also spent their time writing posts. Which wouldn’t  be a problem if said posts weren’t bordering only defamatory libel.

Somehow, and in some way, people ( and I mean plural) have had a problem with the last two posts that I said. Which would have been *whatevs* if  people were getting their facts straight but it seems that some people have failed to learn reading comprehension, and are now mis representing my posts and what I’ve been talking about.

http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/mad-black-women-still-want-watch-tv/

For the readers who don’t frequent or lurk on BB&W it seems that Jamila Akil has written a post , claiming that I said, and I quote, “[…]that all black women who like Scandal and the main character are self-flagellating know-nothings who are, as she so eloquently wrote, “happily adrift in their own demise.””

It seems that Jamila Akil and those who have a processing deficiency in which they’re one synapse short of a working brain ( and Yes, You CAN quote me on that)  have decided to piece together a post title on completely different topic and then put words in my mouth.

 

Dunno

That, in itself libel, defamation, and slander, all of which are Just. Plain. Tacky.

So since people failed to hear me the first time let me reiterate what I have been actually saying in my last two posts and what I actually meant.

*Note: I don’t usually care about doing response posts, except in this case there is blatant dishonesty going on and quoting that has been taken out of context. Call me out all you want, don’t lie on me. This will be my first and last post on the issue.

 

1.  The first post…  A is for Anger was never, and I mean never about the show scandal. My post was about black women and the things they were angry about, in this post I named a few of them, and one of them was “Lousy media representation.”

In this post, I decided it would be a good time to address a question that someone had asked me months ago on what I thought about the show Scandal.  Before I ever answered this question, I wrote a post (In February of this year)  talking about how hypocritical some people were concerning the character Olivia Pope being in adulterous/immoral relationship when most everything on TV in itself is immoral.

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/02/10/what-do-honey-boo-boo-olivia-pope-have-in-common/

That was as far as I ever wrote (or cared for that matter) about the show Scandal.  When said commenter asked me about Scandal again, these months later, I still had no real answer about the show either way and refrained from answering until  recently.

This was in the post A IS FOR ANGER. In this post I said this.

Someone once asked me what I thought about Scandal and I declined to answer the question because at the time I wasn’t sure, but something in the back of my mind has always nagged at me about that show and I finally was able to put into words why I don’t like it or at the very least mistrust the hope of a Happily Ever After for the character:

The show goes out of its way to show this black woman in dysfunctional INTERRACIAL relationship.  Which if you look at almost any show or movie with a black woman in it, that trope is used  ad nauseum.  Aside from the usual **** block trope that is used to keep black women from effectively being put in the OTP  the writers make sure to put black women in shows that either have a LOVE TRIANGLE ( always with a white woman who “wins”)  put them in shows that don’t encourage shipping ( a la  person of interest) or they put them in a relationship that is MORALLY OBJECTIONABLE (For example the man is committing adultery on  Scandal and the man is married on Sleepy Hollow) so that by the end of the show , fans don’t expect them to actually get together.

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/10/08/a-is-for-anger-and-why-i-write-what-i-write/

Now,  somebody somewhere got it into their heads that I have it for black women who watch the show, and think that Olivia Pope is a dumb whore who needs  to shove a cork up her legs.

In fact let me break down what I meant, since it’s so complicated.

I think Scandal in itself is no worse than any of the other shows on television re her having an affair or considering “morals” (whatever that means on television). What I pointed out in my Olivia Pope, Honey Boo Boo, post  (or tried to) was that people have randomly picked this show as the MOST IMMORAL OF ALL the shows simply because the she was sleeping with a married man.

We all know, are not green behind the ears, can see clearly that black women’s sexuality is a double standard. ( I also wrote about this same thing with Beyonce and her Feminism or lack thereof) So, because of the fact that black women have a sexuality double standard in which they can’t do anything with out being assumed to be a whore,  I said that shows like Scandal don’t do black women any favors in the image department.

Concerning  “shippers” these people ( and I mean mostly non black women viewers)  usually don’t ‘like having black women as love interests to begin with.  Usually the writers put black women characters in situations in which the audience and their oh so faux delicate sensibilities couldn’t possibly “ship” the black female character with the main love interests, especially since he has a wife. See the same reaction from the concern trolls for the show sleepy hollow.

What I said about this show was that the women who show up for shipping purposes are going to get screwed because they don’t realize the writers intent was to purposely put them in situations that would not call for shipping.

I said nothing more, nothing less on the subject of Scandal.  In fact the main purpose of bringing up scandal at all was about Hollywood’s tendency to put black women into interracial relationships on screen that always #fail  and they were clearly set up like that to begin with. Though they do a very good job of wanking the black women watching the show.

Now let’s talk about who I was speaking of when I said some women “happily adrift in their own demise.”

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/10/18/houston-we-have-a-problem-happily-adrift-in-our-own-demise-and-other-little-sticky-wickets-2/

Responses to A is for Anger were varied, and some people (and I’ve seen black women that aren’t on this blog say the same thing) thought that black women should be watching any of these shows for romantic relationships because as long as the character is “well rounded” in everything else it’s fine.

What I said was and you can read my comments on both posts since they are public, was that black women who watch mainstream media shouldn’t settle for this because black women only being shown with a good career and no (successful love life ) is par for the course. Been there done that bought the t-shirt. I said for those who insist on watching / buying mainstream media,  they should want to see black women in the relationships because this is the way to break the idea that black women “don’t need no man” see the gifs in the previous post.

I said that those who don’t think that black women shown in healthy, relationships (especially interracial relationships) those who don’t think it’s important to show black women as normal functioning, fleshed out women who have love lives (and I don’t mean the failing ships writers like to put black women in re Bonnie on Vampire diaries) are adrift in their own demise simply because in a world that is both sexist and racist black women don’t have the privilege of being seen that way regardless of the role.

I also said that the women who are shipping these shows couples are heading for disappointment, (although it shouldn’t be too much to expect and it doesn’t make you wrong to want) because the writers aren’t going to do that on mainstream media.

I was in fact directing my words to women who “ship “couples.( and I go on forums, tumbler, TWOP, IMDB, FANFORUM and read reviews of almost all of these shows to know these women are out there) II was NOT  to people who like the show Scandal (and other shows with black women fandoms) for other reasons  I said these women are going to e disappointed if they didn’t create their own media and continued to wait for Hollywood to give handouts.

I said the least black women could do when watching shows like Scandal is have their eyes open or watch for other purposes.

I said nothing about the people who choose to watch scandal for whatever other reasons. What I said was that these people shouldn’t shame those who want to watch shows with black women as love interests as only “living vicariously”(and I’ve heard this on multiple sites throughout the years) because wanting to be shown in a positive relationship (i.e. not one designed to fail by the writers or purposely turn off the concern troll black and non black audience alike from shipping) because that is not too much to ask.

I said nothing more and nothing less.

I never spoke about people who continue to watch mainstream media. I said if you don’t like it (Which is what I addressed in A is For Anger) the CHANGE IT. and I subsequently gave ways to do so. Which led to other commenters talking about the plausibility of such suggestions.

Ironically, both scandal and mainstream media, were small fractions of a cumulative twelve pages of words between both posts and yet that is was people are continually harping  focusing on.

As Muslim Bushido, just recently said, http://muslimbushido.blogspot.ca/2013/10/points-of-frictiona-peek-behind-scenes.html  I am not your mother, I do not care about you watching whatever you want to watch. “I’m not a parent trying to keep rebellious teenagers in check […]. Despite what some may believe, I am getting no money for this blog, no advertisements are getting paid to me, I am not benefiting in any way whether you listen to my blog or not. I am one person with one voice who writes to other people who I think may possibly feel the same as I do. If not….. you’re free to walk away. You are not chained at the foot. You have no shackles placed by me.  You are FREE.

CALM DOWN.

Until Next Time,

Stay Neutral

Oh yah and when quoting my blog, feel free to actually quote the blog and not simply take a title that you’ve skimmed from an article that was part of a series.

First rule on NYGF is to read more than one post  before making accusations.

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/policy/

  1.  Do not post comments summing up my blog if it is the first post you have ever read.  I have had a few commenters come on and tell me what they think my blog is all about and generally these people have either skimmed my posts or only read one post while not reading any others. I will not re explain myself on things that are perfectly obvious to others. I will probably assume you are a troll and delete your comments. (most of which are usually nasty)

 The next time fodder, is needed for a post find another blog to do it. Don’t resort to besmirching the name of NYGF. I don’t play that.

-OLS

 

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51 thoughts on “Asdfghjkl?……..O_o? …… Derp?

  1. Outstanding article, people like “Jamila Akil” need to feed their vanity. She made a choice to come on your blog without reading your previous post. Basically she wants attention and you slap her down. I believe she should stay on the blog she came from, because she has snowflake tendency. Thank you for taking time from your busy schedule write this article.

  2. BB&W are good, GREAT at throwing shade. They are also great at jumping to conclusions before having all the facts. I read the post and thought, “hmmm that’s not EXACTLY what she said…”

    But your response, LOL…now Christelyn will be circling the protection wagons around Jamila, ranting about the “haters,” and seeking
    sympathy, and her non-thinking sycophants will run to her “aid.” She never seems to understand the BB&W is her site, and the posts on there are a reflection of her, whether she wrote them or
    not.

    I mean how many times is she gonna let her “staff” disrespect a main blogger in the BWE community then run and cry victim? More importantly how many times is the BWE community gonna let her?

    • YES TO EVERYTHING YOU SAID!

      Does she honestly think anyone with half a brain who visits and reads the articles on this blog and who knows her history would believe anything she says??

      That site had lost so many regulars because of Jamila and her stupid articles insulting the intelligence of the black women with common sense there.

      She us why I left that site! I couldn’t take anymore of her nonsense articles insulting my intelligence.

      I’m not shocked mrs. Desperate lied. She’s just pathetic!

  3. Ugh Jamila strikes again! She’s the main reason why I left BB&W because of her asinine and idiotic articles that were insulting to black women.

    Please don’t allow anything that person says work you up.

    I cannot for the life of me understand why she’s an editor on that site. She’s turned a lot of people off.

    But that is how she works. She creates asinine idiotic articles to get comments – including LYING on other respectable bloggers.

    She’s not even in your league and I am not shocked she’s stooped to the level she has.

    But desperation for comments will make one do that!

    Any black woman who couldn’t read and comprehend what your articles and that one in particular was saying needs to keep it moving and let GROWN FOLKS Converse.

    She needs to stop trying to twist things because she obviously had nothing else of value to write about.

    She’s just a troublemaker doing what desperate troublemakers do.

    • wow i was wondering where you went. you were one of my fave posters. i was more of a lurker but then it got too crazy over there.

      • Yeah I had to leave because of the Jamila posts and some others that I felt were not very progressive for Black women. I still have a kinda soft spot for Christelyn, but I just couldn’t jobs with a lot of the articles, some of the editors and some of the posters there anymore.

        I do love Toni and Brenda though.

    • Hi Neecy,
      I’m not going to call Jamilla names anymore. It just doesn’t feel right to do that since she hasn’t attacked me in a long time and I don’t want to think of myself as someone who calls names just because I don’t agree with them. It’s just not empathetic because I don’t like it when it happens to me. I don’t read her posts or comment on them (except for the one linked to this blog). I still don’t agree with her stance on self-sacrificing with no reciprocity and feminism so I’m not doing a 180. I think I’ll just accept that many women think like her but that is not all there is to them as women and it doesn’t make them inferior to others. They are just different. My thinking is different from many others but I am not inferior.

      However, the femininity and manners stuff I wrote about seemed to make people think they can just attack me and I have to sit there and take it and that they “know me”. Or it made them think I can’t dislike anything or anyone and be open to anything and everyone. But that’s not me and I’m not going to force myself to conform to the doormat stereotype just because it’s what other people expect.

      I guess what I’m trying to say is that my experience with different people online has shown me that not everyone thinks like me, not everyone agrees with me, things bother me that don’t bug others, and things are serious problems to some but not to others. People will interpret the same thing very differently and pick out different things as being important. It doesn’t mean they are stupid, brainwashed, mammies, dull, or simple, they are just different. I’m trying to not get upset by it but I will give someone a piece of my mind and then ignore them if necessary and go on with what I was doing. No need to get upset over advice or opinions on the internet. BB&W is a mix of things people like and dislike, other than Clutch I don’t know of other sites that have BW writing daily content from different writers. Other sites have their own problems like infrequent posts, lack of variety, and only one voice being heard etc. There isn’t much choice if you ask me.

      • Elegance,

        As I said, and many other BWE women, Black women are not a monolith. BWE is a subset of progressive thinking Black women who are tired of the same ole same ole and want to discuss and hash out ways in which we can improve our plights as Black women. We are not trying to change all Black women because we already are aware that a lot of Black women are comfy in where they are.

        You basically said on my blog you were “apathetic” about being a Black women. i think that was a very rude thing to post on a BWE blog and very negative. Considering my blog focuses on the upliftment of Black women, for your to write something like that was very selfish and rude. I left up your comment and remained cordial but i was offended by that. i didn’t make a big deal about it but it seems you are blowing this way out of proportion because you are sensitive to people having opinions that may not jive with what your choices may be.

        Sometimes saying nothing is best and moving on with your life instead of venturing places where you feel attacked for your choices (although no one attacked anyone other than making OPINIONS).

        What I do not understand is why Black women who are not on that page continue to venture to BWE sites where we are having these discussions where you feel you are being put down. I think you are taking this away out of portion just like Jamila did.

        LIVE YOUR LIFE the way you see fit. however, making straw man arguments because you feel sensitive about a topic isn’t going to resolve anything.

        The post OLS made was simply trying to point out why Back women need to take a step back and look at what we are internalizing and question what happens when we continue to support these things.

        it was not an attack on anyone who likes watching scandal or televisionetc.

        Black women who are sensitive to these kinds of articles would do best simply not posting or going to BWE blogs or finding other places where they feel other share the same views as they do..

  4. Looks like someone didn’t do their homework before posting that comment. But then again that’s how they are over there. In true fashion they will coddle Jamila. and of course that one chick Toni will be defensive and angry to every single comment about it because that’s her writing nature.

  5. I find it very hard to take BBW seriously. Jamil and Chrystelyn (sp) are to me shock jocks who like to blow things out of proportion to get clicks and Brenda is the great warden of all that bull. They are not a BWE site and quite frankly make themselves look like fools with half of the things that they post. It is a shame really because I sometimes feel like they have good intentions and have posted a few articles that are meant to uplift black women, but the vibe that I get from them is that they like to start stuff then go crying about how everyone is picking on them because they promote IR.
    I will admit that I am a bit confused about the relationship that you have with them because it looks like Toni, Brenda and Elegance follow this site, so why they allowed that article is really beyond me. I’m buying popcorn because I’m sure things will get interesting (at least on their site when they find about this post).

  6. Onelesssoldier, this is your house. You built it. And you can and should be able to write whatever it is you want to write about. If you feel you don’t like a show or can’t endorse a show, that’s your business. I went through this with “Twisted” and it burned me so I know how it goes for myself about recommending shows to black women for a reason only to witness a cruel okey-doke. Having learned my lesson, I’ve simply bowed out of that.

    As for this particular tête-à-tête, I don’t know why anyone’s expecting the membership of BBW to get caught up in it. Pretty much everyone respects onelesssoldier as a blogger and writer on various BWE issues. Though Jamila singled out this article as an example, not a single person went in on her. Even AFTER the rebuttal was acknowledged. The only criticism I saw was detractors being “intellectually lazy”. I know you’re not that and you certainly know that you’re not that. So it’s safe to say generalizations and other other people’s opinions can be very wrong. Which of course, you already know. And that’s pretty much it. Any pressed individuals expecting OLS to be roasted over the flames…not sorry to disappoint you.

    And as for me, I think it’s rather hilarious anyone expects me to be emotionally involved to point of anger or dragging either author in question. I don’t have a dog in this hunt. Nor am I going to bash anyone to gain brownie points or make myself look good “to the cool kids”. You clearly don’t me or understand my policy on validation-seeking behaviors if you expect something different.

    Oh, and speaking of which, onelesssoldier, THAT is why people were in your comments section freaking out regarding your opinion on black women television characters. Because your good opinion is so sought by some women, they don’t know how to cope with you telling them something that goes against what they personally enjoy. Even though you are not physically there watching television with them, they feel guilty if they partake in activities that aren’t approved of by certain BWE bloggers. They allow themselves to feel psychologically beholden to the opinions of others regarding how they live their lives.

    They feel they need “your blessing” in order to be able live a certain way. Some people REALLY DO expect BWE and other authors to give them permission to think and believe certain things. A good portion of people who respond to writers aren’t necessarily feeling co-signed; they’re trying to get you to validate them. :/ Which is another, sadder, darker kettle of fish.

    Anyway have a great weekend! o/

    *exits stage right*

  7. Weak minds can’t bear hard truths and for those who are sucking down hard on the hollywood opium pipe, any criticisms of their addiction are ‘fighting words’.

    What’s funny about all this when reading back those articles, is how clear, concise, detailed and even gentle a critique you make. So it’s not about someone taking affront at an aggressive or excessively condemnatory tone. Nope. It’s simply a case of hit dogs hollering.

    These people know you’re right, because all the evidence is in their face EVERY DAY OF THEIR LIVES. They just want to stay in La la land and can’t bear being jolted awake to the painful reality of what’s really behind the Wizard of Oz’s magic curtain.

    I’ll repeat, weak minds can’t bear hard truths. So this blog isn’t for those addicted to shiny illusions.
    It’s for those with the mental strength and emotional fortitude to follow NYGF in peeling back the layers of lies, denial and obfuscation to reveal the essential realities of power and privilege as they pertain to BW; and the media is a big part of that story.

  8. This is Christelyn Karazin, publisher of Beyond Black & White. As the person who keeps the lights on, understand I have no interest in ongoing wars with BWE bloggers. Drama like this is is an unnecessary distraction. It is for that reason I’ve decided to remove the post in question, and we have a new policy in place moving forward.

    Best,

    Christelyn D. Karazin

    • But see post like this:
      http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/white-guys-honest-opinion-black-women-and-weight/

      Is what detours me, as a black woman as well as TONS of other black women away from your blog. I understand yes, there is a problem with weight in the AA community. But letting a white man and lauding his disgusting speech of entitlement to tell black women what to do with their bodies, is uncalled for. What is gorgeous about a white man, who had the nerve to tell black women what they should do with their bodies. He was looking out for his best interest. I see several articles on that blog that makes me cringe. And I am all for interracial dating. We as black women should be caring about white opinions because? I should have to change who I am culturally because some white man said I should? More black women would have more respect for your blog, and absorb information and be grateful if you didn’t let white men set the standards for black women, when in reality that not their place. They need to be told that. Black women should change themselves for themselves, not for white/asian men. Black women have white culture thrown and forced on us daily.

      I know several black women online and more who’d love to support your ideas and views. But with articles such as the one listed about reciprocating at a white male opinion on black bodies, it’s not going to happen.

  9. So far from the COMMENTS here people who write for BB&W, read and comment on BB&W, or disagree about never watching television again have been called: “Weak minds”, “trouble makers”, “desperation for comments”, “shock jocks”, “crying victim”, “hit dogs hollering”, “defensive and angry”, “desperate”, “pathetic”, “non-thinking sycophants”,

    Versus those who read NYGF and have abandoned TV or certain shows as recommended by OLS have called themselves “those with mental strength and fortitude” and “grown folks”.

    This is part of the reason why this bothers me. No one wants to think of themselves using the first set of terms and the implication that those terms apply just because we watch TV like the rest of the planet or don’t agree with a blog post doesn’t sit well with people! After a tiring day at work some of us just want to tune out by watching TV, our eyes hurt from reading all day so we don’t want to read a book, don’t want to talk on the phone, volunteer, or write something, and have already exercised…we just want to veg. Like Toni said, reading your post made some of us feel guilty for enjoying something we paid for that makes us happy as if it means we are lesser human beings because of it. The posts made it seem like the mere act of watching TV is hurting BW and we have to abandon something we have enjoyed since childhood while everyone else can watch as much as they want. I agree with Toni though and I’m going to do what’s right for me and choose to disagree on the matter. OLS and BWE writers are not Gods, they may be wrong or extreme in their views and solutions just like anyone else and it would be good for you to realize that lest you fall into groupthink or prophets.

    Some of us also don’t think the world reacts to the TV shows mentioned (e.g., Scandal, Vampire Diaries, Twisted) the way that OLS and commentators have described. I think people react negatively to BW on reality-shows and hip hop music for sure but not the dramas mentioned. I think that showing BW as impossible to tolerate and obnoxious has a much worse impact than just showing them cheating and single like non-Black women on TV. We just don’t agree but we are all complex individuals and before you call us “weak minds” just because we watch TV you should know that many of us are highly intelligent, making good choices in our lives, and being great role models for BW. If watching TV is my flaw so be it. We just do not think it’s fair to categorize us as “weak minds” based on one thing we like to do in our spare time. People like me will also never be satisfied by watching hair videos, makeup videos, people answering questions, or sketch comedies on YouTube when we love special effects, sci-fi, and big budget shows. For people like me YT is like trading an X-Box for tic tac toe.

    • Elegance, this is not. about. you. watching. tv.
      OLS has already said she is not ANYONE’S MOMMA, and that you or whoever is free to watch whatever you please, (I have an opinion on that but don’t have the time to go into that now).

      This is about BB&W misquoting NYGF, which also brought to light that SOME women feel like BB&W or the writer of the post Jamila, are more about sustaining an audience than standing for the principles of BWE, or apparently making sure they quote their sources correctly before throwing out their opinions.

      I understand that you are a writer for BB&W. I also used to keep up with your blog. I wish you were still posting there, but I digress, OLS has every right to be upset and the comments have some valid points regarding the way BB&W operates.

      • Thank you Beauty in Grace 🙂 I do understand that OLS is not anyone’s mama for sure. Okay, I read the quote, I think the post has been removed. That was a minor part of the post which was about the TV show Scandal, so yes the BB&W post was about TV.

        BB&W also is not a BWE blog. Writers just put up what they want, no one reads them first or approves them. I don’t read Jamilla’s posts because I don’t tend to agree with her. Jamilla is not BWE and since the site isn’t BWE, and there is also Toni who writes about thriving, I think that there are varied opinions on the site just as there are varied BW. Some BW like Jamilla’s stuff, should they not have content to read just because they are not BWE?

        I read this recent post because it was linked here. I agreed with Jamila’s post this time. It’s also a blog meant for a wide audience, not just those into BWE so that includes, men who like BW, and BW who like TV, and BW who live in Blakistan and don’t read blogs for the purpose of changing their behaviour. I like some stuff, don’t like other things. I’ve cut down on my blogging because I tend to write to send a message but my messages are sometimes reacted to very negatively and it isn’t the right audience. My writing appeals to a smaller audience. Unfortunately I’m tired of writing about femininity and giving advice period. Tired of activism stuff too.

        I don’t know if OLS was misquoted or not so I can’t say anything about that, but the post didn’t seem to be about OLS, it seemed to be about critics of Scandal.

        • I think it’s funny that BB&W is not a BWE blog, but makes sure to stand on the back of many BWE blogs and bloggers. How convenient, as someone stated before Christelyn is an opportunist.

          The reason why television is so important is because that is how many people judge other groups that they have never met. There are places in the world where the only contact someone will ever have of a bw in their entire life is through tv, do you really want your representation to come from Basketball Wives? This can potentially begin to affect the way we are seen world wide. I don’t want that.

          I think tv is part of the reason why White man, Black women relations have been so stunted in the past. It is common knowledge that many men are heavily influenced by what they see in ads and by the entertainment industry in general. This affects how Black women are perceived, even if its just on a subconscious level.

        • No one wants to get with the stereotypical [black] ghetto girl, not even the stereotypical [black] ghetto guys. Black ghetto guys want the college girls. What I am seeing nowadays are well dressed seemingly “glamourous” black women on tv who dissolve into rat behavior after the slightest disagreement. In my mind this sends out the message that even if bw are educated and seem cultured there is a hood rat waiting to come out so beware! This will definitely deter people from wanting to get close to even the most classy, cultured, educated bw because there has to be that rat lurking. And when people think like this it keeps the bw socially isolated.

          Negative images on tv affect bw being taken seriously while on the job, and definitely while being considered for a relationship. Men of quality take finding a woman of quality very seriously. I also think that Asian women have an easier time being taken seriously because they don’t have a negative media campaign going against them. They have negative images, but not the way that bw do and not supported by themselves, the way the negative images of bw are supported by bw, bm, and our society at large. Bw need a new image. It would make our lives so much easier. And media is a great way to do that, but we don’t control the media, but we can control what we give our support to. So we definitely shouldn’t “sleep watch” through the issues just because we need a way to de-stress after work.

    • So what are you doing here @Elegance? Are there no other blogs in the internet, that you can read without feeling attacked? Why keep coming back to whine?
      Toni is right, you need to stop the validation seeking. NYGF is not your mother. I am not your mother. Noone here is. Our approval isn’t necessary for you to be O.K.

      What’s being discussed here is the truth as the blogger and commenters see it. If it’s not ‘your truth’, then hang out with the other 99.99% of the world who see things your way.

      To purposely seek out the few people on the internet, that don’t agree with your worldview in order to feel victimised is masochistic to the extreme.

      Sort out your issues and stop projecting onto random bloggers that you have never met.

      • You are sick in the head Sibyl. Get some help for your narcissism. I’ve been reading this blog for a long time. Why the hell are you really BB&W if you have such contempt for it? I don’t have contempt for OLS, I just don’t agree on the TV thing. Relax sheesh…Hysterical much?

        • You’ve really revealed yourself for the emotionally stunted malevolent snake that you are in that comment.
          Nothing here or on any blog can help you only psychiatric assistance can ease your truly deep seated mental agony. I pray you avail yourself of some in the near future.

          Reading through the typical dozens of crazed comments from you on each post that NYGF writes on this blog is enough to reveal to anyone that you’ve taken your mental disorders online and are using the commenters here as whipping boys for your own sense of inferiority and low self esteem.

          I don’t care how long you’ve been reading this blog, because it’s clearly doing you no good.

          SORT OUT YOUR ISSUES AND STOP PROJECTING ONTO RANDOM BLOGGERS YOU’VE NEVER MET.

        • Sybil is HILARIOUS!!! She’s getting so worked up over this. Yeah, I read the blog but I don’t comment on every post lol so you are just making things up you troll. This is one of the few posts I recall disagreeing with so again you are just making things up. I think anyone can see I’m calm and collected and you are the one acting hysterical. The original BB&W post has been removed so relax.

          Well I guess we can all learn that when you depend on the internet for entertainment things will vary in quality and you might not like what you see. There are times when I’ve needed a break from the internet because things were so offensive, contrary to my views, or got me angry, it has it’s drawbacks but hopefully there are enough things for people to enjoy 🙂

    • Elegance I have to agree with you 100%. But I have to admit I don’t like tv that much but I have a couple of shows I can’t live without. The Originals and Supernatural. I’m not concerned if there are any black women on the show I just like the special effects and action. I deal with enough racism in my life and don’t care to think about if there is enough representation of bw on tv. Like I said I don’t watch much tv and if something bothers me I simply don’t watch it.
      I also have to agree about people that need validation from other bloggers. That’s why I don’t go to many so called bwe sites. If you don’t agree with them you are a mammy, brain dead and sista soldier. I don’t have any loyalty to anyone but myself,and my daughter. I love how you stress how to think for yourself.

      • The disrespect in your comment is appalling.Why would you even come to a site where people discuss practical ways to improve their lot in life when it is not something that you care about?Most of these blogs tend to be somewhat self help.You have people here who see certain things as an issue and they would like to improve these issues and they discuss ways to do so.If you don’t agree that there even is an issue,which is fine, then why would you be on this or those other sites?You seem very content to do whatever you want.You have stated that you have no loyalty towards any one except yourself and your daughter.Why do you browse these sites at all?And also why comment?

        Somewhere, on some blog, somebody is discussing male pattern baldness and how it affects the lives of male actors who want to act on tv without wearing toupees.This is not a particular issue that I really care about.I can watch tv without seeing bald guys getting the opportunity to play Superman but I would never go to a site with bald guys talking about their issues and hardships, and tell them IDGAF about them and that I’m going to watch tv whether they are in movies or not.That is just cruel. I can see why you were called names.

  10. “Oh yah and when quoting my blog, feel free to actually quote the blog and not simply take a title that you’ve skimmed from an article that was part of a series.”

    Judging by the comments already, these fools from BB&W seemed to have missing that point, like every other point you’ve brought up in previous posts. Like I said previously, I CAN’T STAND people who act obtuse….people who LOVE playing dumb. At least acknowledge you don’t give a darn about improving your standing in the world and are content with crumbs.

    This goes without saying…..BB&W and its “writers” are NOT to be trusted. The folks with common sense have long since fled that gossip site and they are left with the stupid, lazy and the emotionally stunted/immature leading the…….stupid, lazy and the emotionally stunted/immature. No need to waste time talking about that. *backs away from the poison*

    You have every right to defend yourself and BW who visit these blogs KNOW your true intentions are to uplift black women which I can’t say for BB&W. Evia “queen of common sense” cut her ties, Khadija cut her ties, Faith cut her ties, etc. If her “writers” aren’t attacking you, they are attacking and slandering someone else. It must be embarrassing for that whole crew that no one takes them seriously. OH WELL. carry on y’all!! 😀

    and Happy November!!! Let us all finish the year on a high note!!!!!!

  11. As Beauty_In_Grace simply stated, this latest post from OLS was not about black women’s viewing TV habits and their relationship to Hollywood media in general, particularly black women who enjoy watching the show Scandal. OLS already made her thoughts known on that subject.This was simply to set the record straight that Jamila misinterpreted OLS’s work by her latest blog entry over at BB&W, and took a cheap shot, in my opinion, about OLS herself.

    I am truly baffled by the bombardment of knee-jerk reactionary responses that some BB&W members are engaging in. Not everyone is going to agree with you. Can you please be an adult and deal with dissent instead of writing at ad nauseam these multiple replies defending your position? I really feel Khadija Nassif’s latest post was very insightful. Some women are looking for approval and don’t want to be picked on for their personal choices from bloggers they respect. It’s like projecting either a parent/child or mentor/mentee type of relationship. That was never the agenda of BWE bloggers. Everyone is responsible for their own life and the choices they make. Whatever information you find useful, you can use or not. Whatever you don’t find useful, ignore it and move on. I think Toni was the most honest out of all them when she wrote that some women felt guilty for enjoying TV shows, like Scandal. Basically, their feelings are hurt and their feathers are ruffled because they respect bloggers like OLS and Khadijia so much. However, that’s not the bloggers’ problem. The women suffering from guilt and looking for approval is their own baggage that they have to take full responsibility for.

    Everyone has to remember that Christelyn had a falling out with a couple of veteran BWE bloggers a while ago, and she officially stated she is not a BWE blogger, and BB&W is not a BWE blog.

  12. Speaking for myself, unless Jamilla does not have to run her stories up the flag pole so to speak, then, the other editors do have a dog in this fight because no one told her not to publish her piece (as is). Having a dissenting opinion is fine, as someone who loves to debate, that is your right, but stretching the truth (aka lying) is not cool, which is what she did, and why some of us expected those of you who respect OLS to advise that she should change the tone of her story.

    This is not about acting AFTER the fact, as in publicly taking a side to ‘look like one of the cool kids’, this is about integrity, because quite frankly, the story is no longer on the site and BBW once again gave FOX news a run for their money. Had someone simply advised this young lady to change the slant of her story, you (BBW) could have had an honest discussion about why some of you like and will continue to watch the show (again, not that OLS told you not to and was expecting a challenge to her post).

    Lastly, BBW has the slogan BWE all over their site, and now they are stating that they are not trying to be one? 0_o

    • @SAYWHAT

      BB&W leave off “Infiltrators” part of the BWE slogan they paste everywhere on that blog. Christlyn saw a chance to make a major profit off the rising popularity of BWE and she went for it. I stopped reading her raggedy blog over a year ago. I would never buy any of her books or go to any event she’s being paid to show up to. Since then, I hear via other blogs all sorts of poisonous ‘advice’ given to BW such as:

      Put other ethnicities down on your online profile in addition to Black (i.e. being Black is not good enough)

      Marrying a mobster is a good thing for BW (self-explanatory)

      Let’s support Red Tails! (a movie that erases BW from history)

      And these are just a few of the outrageous articles she allows there. Christlyn is an opportunist, plain and simple; making a buck off BW who are desperate for validation and looking for it in the wrong places (Scandal). The few nuggets of truth written there are not worth the lake of poison you have to swallow to get to them!

      This is only my second time commenting on this site, but I read it all the time along with other BWE sites. OLS, I’m sorry that you had to go through the cyber mud-slinging BB&W is attempting, but know that the quality and meaningful content of your site is so much higher than BB&W and this is probably why they’re trying to take a swipe on it. Let’s be real: not everyone can write great, relevant material like you do and those chicks at BB&W know it. So I give you your props, and also heartfelt encouragement to continue!

      • “Put other ethnicities down on your dating profile”

        Oh God that is horrible and comes across as self hating if you look identifiably Black. Thats a good way to draw opportunists who are only looking for a roll in the hay with a low self esteem having girl.

  13. I read BB&W articles but I do not read Jamila Akil’s posts, I stopped months ago when she nearly ripped someone a new one for simply stating a different opinion on feminism and what it meant to them and her attacks on other bloggers & commenters with her ‘my way or the highway’ attitude is unconstructive – not my cup of tea.
    Because I do not read her articles, I missed the ‘brouhaha’. Some people like to sensationalize in order to get attention like the fading hollywood celebrity that pulls a public stunt to get a blitz of media attention. I would have said ignore her but she picked this fight. She misrepresented your ideas and thoughts and she lied. So yeah I understand this blog post and GOOD if the article got pulled (although too little, too late).

  14. I agree with Sibyl. I have nothing personally against Elegance or Jamila but their viewpoints are the views of the MAJORITY.The viewpoint of some of the people here are in the minority.So I guess I don’t get what Elegance and Jamila’s issues are?Why they feel so “put upon” or view the people here as trying to control them?I never felt that way? I guess it’s because no one can make me feel that way.

    Toni is one of the few people over at BB&W that has any good sense.Anyone who has read her work knows that Toni constantly has her “eye on the prize” so to speak.By that I mean that Toni is the type of person that will listen to all different kinds of viewpoints and constantly asks questions like “How will this benefit me or the lives of black women and girls” or “what kind of effect with this have me and /or on the lives of black women and girls”. Then she will try to think of solutions to problems.I personally would not mind having someone like Toni as an ally.I think that Toni has tact .I have personally seen Toni correct people that have made false and incorrect assumptions about certain BWE bloggers and black women collectively.She has also gone out of her way to state numerous times how BWE bloggers have helped to improve the lives of black women and girls by providing them with life saving information.I have never seen Toni trash anyone all over the net.I have seen her question/weigh some of the things that people have said and done but never trash anyone.I only question why Toni would stay on that site?As many people over there could care less about improving the lives of African American women and girls.At least two of the white men over there,not all of them,seem to want to make black women new slaves to their desires all over again.Not to mention some of the offensive comments that I saw one particular white guy make about black women time and time again.

    On another note,I have been reconsidering some of the language that I have used against people that I disagree with and even people that are flat out evil towards black women and girls.I’m starting to focus more on simply stating clearly what offensive damaging thing a person may have did instead of calling them names like the N-word (which is not a word I use at all) Mammy,mule etc. I feel that by calling people these names (or even stating that their behavior is n-word like, mammy like etc), even if the descriptor is accurate, it makes it easier for people to refocus their attention on the name that the offender is being called instead of the evil thing they actually did.I also have begun to learn more about some of these labels and have found that historically mammy,the woman that just loves to take care of everyone but herself,may have just been a figment of white and black folks imagination. Mammy was a enslaved and did not have free agency over her own life.She along with Uncle Tom did things that were humiliating and anti-self to survive.I don’t think I want to use these words anymore to describe people that are physically free who do dumb, self depreciating things for scooby snacks and pats on the head.

    I thank you OLS for taking the time out to write giving us some things to consider and also for providing this space
    I thank you for caring about black women’s and girls quality of life.Please do consider getting a tip jar.

    • “Not to mention some of the offensive comments that I saw one particular white guy make about black women time and time again.”

      Yes I know that guy you talking about..the one who goes on and on about his could’ve/would’ve black gf in high school from the ’70’s. Yeah he’s come outta his mouth on several occasions. Rubs me the wrong way as well. But there has been some folks on there who have put him in his place about it…albeit,not as many as there should.

    • I agree with your assessment of Toni. If I’m not mistaken, her website is on the blogroll on the right (flowers), which again is why I was thrown for a loop when I saw the article on BBW because Toni is a ‘senior’ editor. But then again………… maybe she woke up after the fact and went ‘Jamilla wrote what? ! #!^&*’

      As for Christelyn being an opportunist, I read that somewhere else as well and I have to say that that is about right, again, it is a shame because black women have so few advocates that with her popularity, she could have been a very good ally. Oh well.

  15. I just want to say I too am sorry that your words were twisted or you were lied on OLS.I didn’t realize that I didn’t put that in my comment before.I didn’t read her original article at all and I skim read sometimes so that part didn’t initially stick in my head.I assumed that it was just a disagreement and people assuming you are trying to control them or something.I hate to be misunderstood,have my words twisted or lied on because of the unnecessary fall out it causes.It forces you to use energy sticking up for yourself where you shouldn’t even have to.I did not know that to the issue until I just re-read what you wrote.I’m sorry

  16. I mentioned months ago, when this lovely blog was just getting up and running that BB&W was poison to Black women. https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/04/02/another-2013-look-ahead-very-important-announcements/#comments

    I knew of their history and know that they are not BWE. Not in the least. They are just as opportunistic as anyone else. Banking on the insecurities of Black women to make a dollar.

    All of these folks, like Elegance et al who come here to be unhelpful just because must be called out. I dont know why Elegance is here anyhow, on her own blog she clearly states that she is not BWE, so she has no genuine interest in Black women doing well.

    Black women if anything we must learn the art of discernment and understand that even though, sometimes especially, if the person is Black they do not have our best interest at heart. We are all free agents, watch or dont watch what you want. Just dont be all yacking and complaining when it doesn’t go the way you expect.

    Both in faux and actual reality.

    • Look Soul Alive. I am not BWE because I don’t know the originators of the group so I’m not going to just invite myself into their club. They claimed the name and are very protective of it. I saw their whole blow up with Chris and they made it very clear that they own the name, they have to ask you to join, and you have to follow their rules. My blog states I’m not BWE because I’m not a part of their founding group and I don’t think I’ve ever commented on their site. As far as I know there are only about 5 BWE blogs (e.g., Evia’s, WOAD etc.) and everyone is else just appropriating their name. I don’t know how OLS is allowed to even get away with calling herself BWE when she isn’t one of the founding members, but I guess they bend the rules as they please.

      Of course I care about Black woman doing well…ridiculous and that’s slander in my opinion, a lot of these comments are and people are being fanatical. BB&W isn’t worse for black women than clutch, Bossip, Black voices, Crunk & Disorderly, Media Takeout etc so I don’t know why people act like it’s the devil.

      Anyways, I liked your blog OLS. I’m unsubscribing and won’t return. Please remove my link from your blog and I will do the same on my blog. Fanatical people are dangerous and the groupthink here is pathological.

      • Elegance your blog as well as OLS and the other BWE blogs served a real purpose. Please don’t allow disagreements, heard mentality etc.. To run you away.

        I assume that you are a sensitive person. Do not stress yourself out responding to every comment made to and about you. Your blog speaks for you.

      • “They claimed the name and are very protective of it.”
        They’re protective of their values. The BWE movement was to do just that: empower Black women. So the discourse and ideas were framed around if events, media, attitudes, life choices, etc. were uplifting Black women. And if they weren’t, then how could those things be changed to help BW or just avoided altogether.

        There are people who put out an idea, and say that they’re about empowerment, but the things they discuss or the environment that they host isn’t really talking about those issues, per se. For example, a blog may talking about behaviors that BW in the US commonly adopt and how to determine if it’s helpful or not. Another blog may discuss the challenges of being a stay-at-home-mom and rearing Black children. Both are important discussions, but they are framing different issues. It’s not wrong to say that the former is not a blog about motherhood, and the latter is not a blog about empowerment.

        Then there were the blogs that said that they were there to empower BW, but then continued to put out ideas that weren’t supporting BW. So those blogs that weren’t policing their own boundaries were being critiqued by other bloggers. This is completely appropriate: if you’re going to call yourself part of something, then conduct yourself in ways that go against the group then the group should be able to hold you accountable, or exclude you if you won’t/can’t be accountable. That’s how BB&W got critiqued: because they saying they were BWE, but then were allowing their platform to be used by people (bloggers and commenters) who were actively denigrating BWE bloggers (like what sparked the main post here.) If you’re going to be part of something while taking potshots at it, people who are also part of that thing aren’t going to want to associate what they do with what you do.

        Regarding agreement of ideas: people have different opinions on what is uplifting, and what it means to uplift. AFAIK, the bloggers have disagreed with each other on certain topics or strategies. But it’s the values that are the cornerstones of agreement. A lot of the bloggers (IMO) made a conscious decision to not refrain from arguing over an idea, even if it means arguing with someone they agree with on another topic. Because if the values are still shared, then disagreement over tactics can help prune away strategies that sound good, but aren’t viable.

        It’s necessary to be able to be able to hear and respond to critique. Otherwise, ideas stagnate and can’t be responsive to situational needs. So the readers have got to be willing (and hopefully able) to engage in the questions “what does it mean to uplift, and does this thing actually do that for me?” These are extremely hard questions that touch on people’s past choices and even their identities (like “strong Black woman” might not be so great for you in dating, but maybe really great for you in the workplace).
        But in order to engage in the questions, there are really no sacred cows.

        And if a reader can’t stand to have her ideas challenged, she’s going to have a hard time with the process of being uplifted even if she agrees with the goal. I’ve had my hands swatted a few times myself, some times I agreed with (later) and other times I didn’t. But in the current situation in the USA where groups of BW are literally being preyed upon, marginalized out of their own existence and falling lower on the socioeconomic ladder, it doesn’t make sense to strategize in an echo chamber.

        On the blogger’s side, it’s not fanatical to take your ideas seriously, and be deeply engaged with the work youdo. Especially when other people are benefiting from it and the work is being done for free. There’s nothing wrong with people choosing to write about their own issues and concerns, and not really being interested in diverting from that, especially before their issues have been resolved.

  17. @OLS, sorry you got lied on and proud that you stood up for yourself immeddiately The post has been taken down, which I would personally view as a major victory. Ignore all of those with deliberate self-induced confusion and save yourself!

  18. I do not understand why people have to make announcements that they are leaving a blog. LOL Just GO! Its ok. No need for the announcements.

    Also, i do not understand why BW not interested in collective BWE venture to these kinds of Blogs where they KNOW what the discussions will be about. Everyone needs to stay in their lane and stick to the places that best suite them if they cannot handle being challenged or people having a differing opinion.

    GEEZ!

  19. I totally agree, Neecy. If you’re going to leave just go. Be an adult without the self-pity. And these accusations of group think is laughable at best.

  20. Every site with a black woman blogger is not BWE, but you don’t necessarily have to be a BWE blogger or site to discuss matters of importance in elevating black women. There are now conversations being held across all social platforms where tools for self-actualization are happening. Everyone has their own path and bridges are useful from getting to the next stop of a journey. It’s important that there are more spaces online (and in person if possible) where someone can point out who the leeches are that take advantage of other black women for their own selfish purposes. Or to offer viewpoints that encourage black women to adopt healthier choices and realize they have options. The cesspool sites are obvious by their topics and tactics. Now is the time to follow up that increasing knowledge base with action. And for those who still like to wade through cesspool sites, who knew about these cesspools as long as two years ago and still frequented the dead zones it’s indicative of their failure to change and willingness to compromise because for some black women online being hypocritical is par for the course.

  21. Pingback: Black Women in Fandoms 106: The Trick Is To Make You Think We’re In This Together, When Really They’re Dancing On Your Bloodied Corpse | Not Your Girl Friday

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