To the Question of Why… And, How to Remain Blissfully Neutral


This is a post that is long in coming because as I surf the web  I notice more and more black women continually perplexed by the phenomenon’s that they see, but what really had me ready to write this post was a post on a very good blog that I frequent

About a recent debacle on another site ( I won’t name it because it is a PUA /GAME site) in which groups of pathetic and very lame beta white men came out to give a verbal lashing to black women for simply…. Existing.

Now, this post isn’t to argue about the blatant racism and general winyness littered throughout the post and the comments section this is about some of the comments that I read on Neecy Nest’s post.

One of the commenters was having a very difficult time dealing with all of the negative and downright hate filled comments and appeared to be struggling with not only how to handle groups like this who seemed determined and destined to drag black women in the mud and the conundrum of why black women are not readily defended by the black men (and anyone else) who see black women getting degraded.

Finally I’d like to talk about some ways that black women can remain blissfully neutral so that when crap like this pops up (if they find themselves in these sorts of situations unwittingly can put their best foots forwards)

Neecy( the blog owner of the link above) was already responding to this commenter but I thought I’d put my own spin on it.

…… SO let’s get right into it….

For starters as I said I notice that many black women continually find themselves on blogs like the one I shall not name or mention and their immediate response is to try and defend themselves or prove the people on the blog wrong.  These women think that the only way to  “defend their honor” is to come in and try and verbally spar with these people.

This doesn’t work and leaves many women confused, and here’s why.  For starters I have said numerous times that black women should remain neutral, not because the things that people say ( like the freaks on that PUA website) were right,  but because I simply can’t see a way for black women to come out unscathed.

In the case of these white men on this PUA blog, these men already have their minds made up full of their illogical irrational thoughts. These men are not going to change. They are not going to see the “error of their ways” .  They do not care. In the case of the men on this site who were clearly racist and sexist they are exercising their privilege by picking on the only class of people who are not protected by either race or gender.

And notice that even through the good deal of hate white women and black men receive on the blog they were still adequately protected enough not to have an entire post DEDICATED to how much of a suck sorry soul and existence black women are as a whole.

These men are not going to feel sorry, as Neecy pointed out in her comments these men are in their OWN DOMAIN and they can say what they want.

But what’s a girl to do?

Well for starters the first thing to recognize that these people have no hope. Like, totally, none.  These people are the fecal matter in the petri dish of life.  They cannot be reasoned with. They do not WANT to be reasoned with.  Consider people/ websites/ entities like this similar to those who frequent stormfront etc. You wouldn’t reason with them would you? You wouldn’t listen to them/ take them to heart would you? These men have pathetic lives with pathetic hopes, and will live out a pathetic existence.

Secondly these people, if they were ever to have some magical epiphany would not be listening to BLACK WOMEN to find it.   Because black women have neither racial nor gender privilege so people like those are simply not going to listen. Case closed.

The best way to protect black women who happen upon blogs like this is to recognize and teach others that these people are psychopaths. They are pestiferous warts, they are the gunk on the bottom of your shoe. Wipe it off and keep moving. They may be annoying but we all know that their opinion doesn’t matter.

They are the insignificants.

Let’s talk a little bit about the Whatfor’s and Why’s that black men don’t take up their duties (and white women mind you) and defend black women when they are attacked by people from ALL THREE GROUPS.

As I said earlier I see this time and time again. Black women get disemboweled publicly and instead of retreating away from such lunatics, like they should, the instead get their hopes up that black men are going to come to defend their honor.

There are a couple of common characteristics that come to mind when I think about the women who are always hurt when these black knights never arrive on their steed.

  • These women believe firmly that black love is still alive.
  • These women don’t see that/ never realize/ go their whole life blind to the fact that these black men ( and white women) who complain about white MEN having race and gender privilege are the same MEN ( or women) who have gender privilege. ( or racial )
  • By negating these things ( that black women have been tricked into being blind to) these black women don’t realize that again to remain with one privilege someone has to be on the bottom. As usual in most situations it is black women.
  • These women don’t realize that because they have even 1 privilege they are NOT going to waste their time defending black women.
  • Remember I said before that black men need gender privilege to remain above black women ( same goes for white women) so it is not in THEIR best interest to defend black women.
  • These black women don’t realize that they’ve been had.

As I was saying these women have bought the hype that the only people who benefit from privilege are white men and that black men and white women are suffering completely at the hands of white men.

If these women looked closer you would see that these black men are in fact exercising their privilege to distance themselves and protect themselves from being totally ripped to shreds with complete calm by masses of people. This is why is many situations you will never hear any sympathy for black women who have been victimized brutalized or hurt physically, mentally, digitally, spiritually etc. Or why (in the case of the PUA some of the white women commenters even go along with posts like the recent one.) They need to KEEP THEIR PRIVILEGE.


To do so would be insane.

Simply put it is easy for them because of race/ gender privilege ( which again both groups share one of these characteristics with white men) to brandish the same pitchforks and mob black women.

Simply put black these black women don’t realize that ‘unity’only goes so far as how far black women can carry them. See Trayvon Martin Rally’s and the subsequent and usual lack of response for anything that has to do with black women being victims.  Or Even the joining in.

Simply put these people are hypocrites.

The only reason why the have a problem with white men is because they don’t have BOTH privileges not because they care about INJUSTICE.

Unfortunately many black women just don’t see that they were fed the  Superman “truth justice and the American way” shtick, to get black women to ante up their money time, good, services.

These women may wonder why black men are willing to protect white women or why white feminists will throw black women under the bus for black men or wonder why they get along so well….

Simply put both groups have 1 privilege each. Race/ Gender. They can’t pull white men down, because they have both privileges. They can’t pull each other down because they would cancel each other out.  For instance a black man being sexist to a white woman will easily be protected simply because she is white.  (read my posts you may want to read first tab for more in depth explanations… look for the posts all the women are white all the blacks are men black women get screwed post)

And white women can’t rip black men’s manhood apart because they have gender privilege.

And unfortunately black women lost that.  These black men are not going to forgo the gender privilege that is involved in joining in on beating up black women simply because the would have to give up privilege and protect a group that is “lower” (ie not protected by race and gender ) than them.

It ain’t happening

So to the black women who can’t fathom why these black men are never out in droves, simply put these men like their privilege and they will keep it. White women like their privilege and they will keep it.

Black women just don’t know what time it is. So wasting/ wishing/ wanting black men to protect black women and their image isn’t going to happen because they have too much to lose. (They have nothing to lose by protecting/ defending white women who they are on equal footing with)

Once black women recognize the game and how black women are the ones GETTING PLAYED posts like the ones that bash black women and the posts where no black men come to black women’s rescue start to make sense. As it makes sense there is NOTHING to say. Once you realize that there is NOTHING TO SAY, you can watch things unfold with a neutral eye from the protection of DISTANCE.

And really that is the best safety of all.

In one post, I told you to imagine that you were Switzerland. During WW2 one of the reasons why they were able to stay neutral was because of the geography of the country. Simply put, Switzerland is surrounded by mountains. That dangerous terrain (and a bunch of different factors) would have been pretty hard to overcome ( not to mention it would have been a waste of money).

Black women, by realizing that they need distance and to separate themselves, can avoid the ultimate collision where they end up the sacrificial lamb/scapegoat. When they accidentally find themselves on these blogs/ videos/ can avoid these things.

Simply put these people simply have more privilege so fighting/ verbal sparring simply will only put you in the line of fire and get you destroyed. Your best bet is to avoid that protect yourself all together.

That leads to the rest of my post.

How to Remain Neutral…

  • Acknowledge that although black men and white women have only one privilege they can and still align with the ( white men they CLAIM to hate)
  • Acknowledge the fact that unity is only as good as black women can DO/ PROVIDE their valuable resources without having to give anything back.
  • Acknowledge the fact that you are outgunned and outmatched. It will only end in YOUR BLOODSHED
  • Acknowledge the fact that ‘black unity’ isn’t afforded to black women because they are women and ‘feminist unity’ isn’t afforded to black women because they are black.
  • Acknowledge that because both groups have at least 1 privilege they are protected from the full barrage of injustice.
  • Acknowledge the fact that these groups will use this against black women to keep themselves a cut above.
  • Acknowledge that because of these privileges black women can live guilt free because THEY CAN AND WILL PROTECT THEMSELVES. That is simply historical fact.
  • Avoid getting into confrontations online or offline with people who feel the need to bash black women. Your silence/ your withdrawal and avoidance will speak for themselves.
  • Acknowledge that privilege by these groups will not be given up.
  • Avoid falling for guilt/ lies about unity because historically black women have gotten little to nothing out of DIRECT EFFORT TO ACTUALLY HELP BLACK WOMEN. The things that black women have gained from civil rights/ feminism ( despite their involvement) was DESPITE the fact that black women were black or a woman. Simply put they ‘happened to fit into one of these groups and were given it. Other than that black women were/ are overlooked because the groups get to keep their privilege. Any privilege you get from these groups will be accidental. You can remain impartial to both sides and avoid involving yourself. Putting yourself out won’t get you anything but heartbreak.
  • Avoid giving resources/ support to groups that have given nothing. Black women are in the worst position to give away support/ resources because it is quite hard to get them back.
  • Avoid civil rights/ feminist bating in which black women are used to mule for causes.  You will be turned on.
  • Avoid ‘conversations’ that have to do with feminism/ black unity because you wont’ receive any.
  • Realize that despite common claims of what black men and white women and what they  say,  they ARE willing to side with a group of people they claim OPPRESS everyone. They WILL OPPRESS When given the chance. They’re just angry they can’t do it FULLY.
  • Pull Support from these groups who are willing to sacrifice black women on the guillotine.  The best way to even the playing field is to pull resources/ support. Let them flounder.  Remember you won’t get anything anyway. Let them pull the noose around their own neck. And they will realize they’ve done this once black women stop letting these groups step on them. Ask yourself when either group as put themselves out specifically to help black women. You will not be able to answer. Now you know why.
  • Don’t fall for the black women shaming that is likely to occur once you pull support.
  • Avoid black women who continually want to pull you back in.
  • Arm yourself by creating spaces like Neecy’s Nest were black women have a safe haven.
  • Live your life for you.
  • Sit back, remain neutral and watch the feathers fly… as they inevitably do….. and be grateful you avoided being the sacrifice.

Until Next Time,

Stay Neutral

For newcomers please read this posts that are at this link (they are also in the ” posts you may want to read first” It will explain everything.

note this photo obviously doesn’t belong to me.


24 thoughts on “To the Question of Why… And, How to Remain Blissfully Neutral

  1. Black women stop supporting those things and people who do not support you. The white women will always have the “white male establishment” to go because when it is all said and done, she will get protected. I can sit back and relax to know that I will not support anything that does not support me. Here is another thing Black women need to stop doing. Stop shopping for any children that are not yours. Stop giving away your money because so and so kid is cute. I know that we will never get the protection from the community so I don’t give s*** towards it. I only do things to cause me to live well and help those who I know are like minded and to many Black women still have some hope that the bm will come in a save the say like underdog. Nope, think again! It feels good to detach myself from the black community and also relatives that are some how hell bent that pookie and ray ray will get it together. Nope, don’t give a f***k about pookie. If we take the same anger towards the white man and I am not saying be angry at him, but if Black women can see that being neutral brings about a piece a mind and a full pocketbook, I like that choice a whole lot better.

    • Thank you!!! a kazillion Hallelujahs! For the majority of AA Women it seems that common sense is not so common apparently. I’ve never supported anyone or anything that was aimed at degrading me some way and did this even as a child. It makes perfect sense to me to avoid being ‘drawn’ in to these useless debates when you know the source(s) involved.

  2. HEY THERE!!

    I really love the stay neutral concept because I believe this is KEY to BW maintaining their sanity and grace through it all. Especially the BW who simply cannot handle the negativity and whom it tends to affect deep down.

    Its really painful to see so many young Black women still holding onto this dream, hope, idea that Black men are just going to put on their superman cape and come and rescue us in times of need. I mean they NEVER HAVE – so the liklihood is they never will.

    Like you said, they have too much too lose themselves by protecting and standing up for Black women. That may mean having to put some WW and non Black women in their place – can’t do that now can they? WHY? It might mess up their ability to date, sleep with and marry women of other races if they are too busy sticking up for Black women.

    In Hollywood they simply won’t stick up for BW and fight to give Black women equal and desirable role. WHY? Because it might “mess up” what they’ve got going. Can’t do that now?!

    I’m not even fully upset with Black men for looking out for numero uno. In fact, Black women can learn a lot from them in this aspect. But, Black women as a whole simply won’t do it and continue to hold onto this non existent comfort “Black man” blanket.

    Black women will fare best when they realize wholly and completely what is at play and how to (as you say) stand back and remain neutral. I agree (although I do not even follow this myself lol) that sometimes you don’t have to say anything, and that eventually things will clear themselves out and when the dust settles Black women will be sitting on the sidelines with the last laugh. THAT IS, if they learn to understand that there is NO CALVARY coming to save Black women.

    • “Its really painful to see so many young Black women still holding onto this dream, hope, idea that Black men are just going to put on their superman cape and come and rescue us in times of need. I mean they NEVER HAVE – so the liklihood is they never will.”


      The only time I’ve EVER seen black men show up the majority of the time is to look after their own interests. If the group is checking for their interests and not yours as a matter of principle, it’s time to pack it in. This is not fairy tale.

      ” In fact, Black women can learn a lot from them in this aspect. But, Black women as a whole simply won’t do it and continue to hold onto this non existent comfort “Black man” blanket.”

      These women won’t move until they get PERMISSION to do so. They feel they can’t leave until black men say they can leave. And we all know that form of permission isn’t coming. So the alternative is to wait for a fairy tale ending. It’s rather sad.

  3. This post is nothing but the gospel truth.

    I am not aware of the matter in question, as I don’t tend to frequent places that are mentally and emotionally abusive of women, especially black women (which gamer/PUA communities typically are). However seeing what has happened, I think that some black women will continue to waste time and energy seeking validation in sources from which they are not coming rather than MOVING ON.

    I cannot tell you how freeing it was for me to own up to the fact that I am not a feminist and want no part of that or any movement that tries to co-opt and subsequently discard me. I really wish those women could know what it’s like to be able to love yourself and not need to constantly seek validation from people whose best interests are served by keeping black women down.

    Do I see things that upset me or make me shake my head? Absolutely. But I do not have the time or energy to seek out hate-filled people and attempt to explain to them* anything that they probably don’t already know. And as you said, could care less about.

    Power + Privilege + Prejudice

    That’s a combination that black women would do well to know, and know well. When one has the power and the privilege, they are safe to act out their prejudice. And when you lack power and privilege, there is nothing you can do to stop them. The only other people who can make a dent in changing behavior are persons with power and privilege. Since black women have neither of those things, any arguments to get these hate-filled persons to change is a wasted effort.

    *This behavior you are seeing is the result of a CLASSIC okey-doke. You know how some people hide behind their privilege to feign ignorance when accused of an offense (bigotry, sexism, etc.)? They often make the disenfranchised individual or group “educate them” about why what they said was wrong. Therefore, the burden is typically placed on the offended to explain the offense, while the other person maintains their power to ignore the explanation and privilege of pretending to not understand.

    When people continually fall for this okey-doke when dealing with privileged groups, they get into the habit of feeling the need to constantly explain what someone did and “educate them” in the hopes of successfully getting them to see what they did wrong…or care that they hurt someone.

    This is why I don’t do disclaimers or bending over backwards for these type of persons and antics. When black women get into a mode of constantly questioning their stances or needing to justify their existence to everyone, it is a habit that is hard to break and works against you.

  4. I’m so happy I found this site. What I hate is how most black women sites always feature news about black men.

    Now, I don’t wish harm on anyone, but so?! I’ve seen them miss stories on black women getting hurt, but they are always the first to report when the men get hurt. I only found you because I was on one of those sites, but what is a black woman who wants to interact with others do do when 9 out of 10 sites are like this?

  5. Black women are at the bottom of the pile in the system as it stands because we are the only group that lacks either race or gender privilege. The first step is acknowledging this vital truth and understanding why those with more privilege continue to use and abuse us and WILL NEVER STOP if they can help it.

    The next step in my opinion is to upend the system. To reverse it. To turn it upside down and place yourself and BW in general back on top. You don’t have to conquer continents to achieve this goal, just change your thinking. Remove the lifetime of brainwashing by the media and the BC and emancipate yourself from giving a shit about BM, WW and in fact any group or individual that doesn’t reciprocate in full.

    Mentally free yourself and reinstate your own image as a BW as the dominant force, icon and ultimate ideal.

    Changing your thinking undermines the system as it stands in the most fundemental way, because real power rests in those who control your beliefs about yourself and the world in general. Reject the drip drip of their poisoned media, music, videos and society’s general narrative. Regain power over your own mind and determine that you and BW like you deserve to be on top.

  6. It appears to me that that poster was the sort looking for permission. That was painful to read. I classify those Black women as willfully obtuse. All the while reading I was thinking “dude, give it up” She was so invested in what Black men don’t do she wasn’t listening to a word Neecy was writing.

    She isnt going to live her best life if she keeps on pining for something that was never there. Where oh where did the majority of Black women get this notion that Black males defend Black women. Since when? Cause seriously its never been available on some grand scale.

    I mind my business and keep it moving. If it doesnt have anything to do with my group, which are Black women, I stay out of it.

    • and also, I wasn’t saying Neecy was wrong. I was just giving my perspective, some of the stuff she said I agreed with. Aren’t I allowed to give my perspective?

  7. I wish that every bw/girl could read this and absorb it. When it comes to knowing and living what is in their/our best interests I wish that all bw could get on the same page immediately. Our climb as a group would happen so much faster that way.

    As for bm defending bw, I can honestly say that when I once ended up on a similar site it was
    Bm saying horrible things about bw. A couple
    of white guys tried to counter what the bm were
    saying, but the bm continued to bash bw.
    And insisted they were correct. I was surprised because no one was even talking about bw until the bm piped in…

  8. I like how Black women are really catching up to their own needs. I know that some may just never come around, but don’t latch on to me and see what I have. STRONG MEN AND CONFIDENT MEN COMPETE WITH MEN. WEAK MEN COMPETE WITH WOMEN. Black men attack women because that is what weak people do. When someone is happy with their life and progressing, then they tend to attract good things because like Evia spoke that even people who are of low value wants to be around someone that has value. Speaking of this, I have noticed from the looks of it that m(essence) mag is losing weight. (LOL)! Even when there is a new show featuring BW/WM coupling, let’s not just jump on the bandwagon. Everyone is still trying to get our money and crap on us. I don’t care if you have this person, they are only trying to keep us tied to some crappy show and in the process bring in Becky to make her the star and then we, Black women will some how be written of the show and since they pulled and okey doke because they feel we would watch anything, then they would have accomplished their mission. The black man didn’t realize that the BWE movement took off faster than he expected. Instead of trying to better his life and the life of all his kids he has scattered, he does what any weak person does, look for another weak being to control since he won’t put in any hard work for himself. He just looks for another host like any parasite does. Black women just keep on being successful and point our future Black women, teenagers because they need to hear this message so the indoctrination won’t set in and our girls who are bombarded with images of Black women being this, this and this to this site and like minded sites where we are uplifted. We owe it to this generation of Black females to become empowered and they will realize that this world is for the taking. THERE IS A BUFFET OF BOUNTIFUL BLESSING WAITING FOR THEM.

  9. I read your article earlier this morning. Forgive me if I misinterpret your message but I agree and I don’t agree with it. It’s a great idea to remain neutral because yelling and fighting is not going to get you anywhere and expecting someone to have your back is just…dumb in general especially just because you’re the same race. But the way you put it made it seem like acknowledge what is going on but do nothing. I completely disagree with that because in the end that can really leave you feeling..hopeless or weak.
    The message I would have gave is ignore it, stay strong/above it and do what you have to do if it comes down to it. I’ve been seeing all around the internet about black women, either they love us or they hate us. As black women I don’t feel we need to prove ourselves to ANYONE but we do have the right to be happy whether it be financially, relationship wise or health wise.
    I truly believe the message we need is of love, not how to fight racism or how to act against it although it is helpful and I do love seeing how ladies around the net have literally made online homes for black women to just talk and agree with one another. (I never knew that even existed until a few years ago.) In the end, we’re always going to face racism or some stereotype and we’re not the only ones who face racism but we do get a heck of a lot of it especially in work places. But if you show love and give love…I think it overcomes ALL of that negative energy these internet punks keep trying to spread.

  10. I do understand the general thrust of the argument but I’m sorry perhaps it’s time to stop saying black women are on the bottom of the pile. In our personal spheres most of us have and can exercise our power if we wish. I can assure you I come across many black men, white women and white men who in theory have more privilege than me but in reality do not. Neutrality and stealth are excellent strategies.

    • Yes! I have looked around at people and thought “I know their life is susposed to be better because they have more opportunity, but its not.”

      It all depends on the choices you make. And the opportunities you make for yourself.

      I also agree that it is time for us to stop saying we are at the bottom of the heap. 1st of all that’s not always going to be true. 2nd of alll it is not healthy to acknowledge or repeat that about yourself. Whether is personally or collectively.

      I think bw should bypass negative spaces (pua mainly), Become the best versions of themselves, and not be at the bottom. If every bw did this that positioning would change because too many people would know otherwise. We also have to change our image in the media, that is what is causing us so many problems.

    • Mitsoukou said,

      “it’s time to stop saying black women are on the bottom of the pile”

      I couldn’t agree more. I had to skip over some of the comments because that bottom of the totem pole/pile thing doesn’t sit well with me. I think I understand what people who say that are trying to verbalize, but maybe don’t have the proper words or the right context to do so. I’m giving the benefit of doubt,and I hope BW who say that don’t actually believe that.

      I’m all for neutrality and stealth as well. The more time you lend to people who don’t reciprocate, the less time you have to dedicate to your well-being and finding individuals (a mate, allies, other BW) who do reciprocate. All these entities that are demanding our support will do just fine without us, let them do the heavy lifting now. Always put yourself and the well-being of BW first.

  11. Thank you so much for sharing this article! honestly i couldn’t have read it at a better time. I’m going to attend the first meeting of an Anime/Manga and Video Gaming club at my college and I have high hopes but i’m also nervous. I just gotta keep reminding myself that just as you said, if the environment is toxic for black women, all you can do is leave.

  12. Very interesting!
    I would simply say that there are at least 10 websites EACH dedicated to all sorts of verbal assaults on one group or another. Black women, Black men, white women, white men, fat people, skinny people, smart people, daft people, rich, poor, lazy, industrious, beautiful, ugly, straight, gay, cat-lovers, dog-lovers, Benz versus BMW, blonde, brunette… I mean, if the group exists even marginally, there is a hate campaign for it somewhere: No exceptions! The internet is crawling with sad lonely people who so desperately need to feel some human interaction that they resort to starting trouble just to hear from another human being. These sad fucks are called “Trolls”.

    I am a fan of Sistas (see my article: and while I will agree that African American women have had quite a raw deal in general, I maintain that there is NO ONE with the power to hold a Sista down in any unique way.

    So when the trash-talking starts, don’t suffer fools. It would be extremely stupid of you to attack the ignorant when it is so much more effective (not to mention entertaining) to just let them see how wrong they are by your actions. If you will not be emotionally provoked by a child calling you a tree, why would you even dignify the untrue words of the ignorant with a reaction? Besides, even if you indeed were all the bad things they say you are, who made them judge over you? Silence, the wise say, is the best response to the words of a fool.

  13. Interesting. I’m not American (still a black woman though) and I’ve already learned my lesson on internet discussions. I don’t bother anymore. These days I mainly read ignorant PUA shit or cliches about black women from netizens to keep in mind the way this type of people think to not go back to my old “naive” mode, a way to sharpen my critical thinking skills as well.

    I wonder where you position Asian, Latino or Arab men in all this. Do you consider that Asian men also have a priviliege (gender) or that they are actually emasculated in the US? They (many not all) kinda have a bitter relationship with Asian women when it comes to white men: according to some of them, Asian women are crazy about white men and favour them (bad generalization but it’s not from me) over Asian men.
    Have you been following any sites where you could see what Asians say about black women? Is it similar to what whites and black men do? I tend to think it’s similar, but I’m 50-50 on this…don’t know if the reasons behind it are similar as in are they mainly picking up what they see in the Western media.

  14. i just came across a very mean/ignorant article that i wasn’t searching for about black women. i didn’t go on there and comment, i didn’t read through the articles, i clicked out of the box and came here and read through these and i feel much better…now i know to stay away from that site…

  15. The truth and well written. I excepted Jesus, as he has my back, the reason many BW have depened on him for years to get through this life. Life without Jesus for me, would be scary.
    BW should continue to open up their options in a mate when it comes to dating/marriage.

  16. This post resonated with me on so many levels. And I am so encouraged by reading all of these comments!! I especially love the fact that over the past few years bw have been slowly waking up and realising that no-one cares about us, so we have to care about ourselves – as difficult that is to admit. I think there is something so healing and wholesome about bw of all colours and backgrounds uplifting and praising and loving each other, I just wish there was so so much more of it!! I am in a heartbreaking situation at the moment where my little 3 yo niece told me she didn’t know black women could be pretty princesses because she didn’t see any on tv and her daddy had left her mum (bw) for a ww (who she seemed to think was the princess because she has blonde hair and light skin). It doesn’t help the fact that she has no idea how to do her hair so she ends up feeling ugly because it is not being looked after properly. I felt that pain so deeply and with tears in my eyes I sat her down and told her that it didn’t matter that daddy had “chosen” a ww over her and mummy and that she was beautiful and loved and that black women CAN AND ARE ACTIVELY BEING PRETTY PRINCESSES EVERY. DAMN. DAY. I have been seriously challenged by this because looking at my life I am slowly realising that this is something that I have not been living out, because on some level I didn’t believe it either. Well that sh*t is going to change, I am determined to wear heels, and dresses, and do my hair and wear perfume and ENJOY MY FEMININITY without asking for permission or double checking for the approval of the bm/ww/wm or even other bw around me. And I am going to MAKE SURE my niece sees me doing all of this. Because God only knows she is going to need some kind of frame of reference for being a black woman in this world other than the one her immediate circumstances are providing for her. I didn’t realise until now how important it for black women to not only TALK about being and feeling beautiful independent of any one else BUT FOR US TO BE SEEN DOING IT. I think it’s time for us all to put our money where our mouths are ladies. Read this blog, and go live it. Because I sure as hell know I am.


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