To the Question of Why… And, How to Remain Blissfully Neutral


This is a post that is long in coming because as I surf the web  I notice more and more black women continually perplexed by the phenomenon’s that they see, but what really had me ready to write this post was a post on a very good blog that I frequent

About a recent debacle on another site ( I won’t name it because it is a PUA /GAME site) in which groups of pathetic and very lame beta white men came out to give a verbal lashing to black women for simply…. Existing.

Now, this post isn’t to argue about the blatant racism and general winyness littered throughout the post and the comments section this is about some of the comments that I read on Neecy Nest’s post.

One of the commenters was having a very difficult time dealing with all of the negative and downright hate filled comments and appeared to be struggling with not only how to handle groups like this who seemed determined and destined to drag black women in the mud and the conundrum of why black women are not readily defended by the black men (and anyone else) who see black women getting degraded.

Finally I’d like to talk about some ways that black women can remain blissfully neutral so that when crap like this pops up (if they find themselves in these sorts of situations unwittingly can put their best foots forwards)

Neecy( the blog owner of the link above) was already responding to this commenter but I thought I’d put my own spin on it.

…… SO let’s get right into it….

For starters as I said I notice that many black women continually find themselves on blogs like the one I shall not name or mention and their immediate response is to try and defend themselves or prove the people on the blog wrong.  These women think that the only way to  “defend their honor” is to come in and try and verbally spar with these people.

This doesn’t work and leaves many women confused, and here’s why.  For starters I have said numerous times that black women should remain neutral, not because the things that people say ( like the freaks on that PUA website) were right,  but because I simply can’t see a way for black women to come out unscathed.

In the case of these white men on this PUA blog, these men already have their minds made up full of their illogical irrational thoughts. These men are not going to change. They are not going to see the “error of their ways” .  They do not care. In the case of the men on this site who were clearly racist and sexist they are exercising their privilege by picking on the only class of people who are not protected by either race or gender.

And notice that even through the good deal of hate white women and black men receive on the blog they were still adequately protected enough not to have an entire post DEDICATED to how much of a suck sorry soul and existence black women are as a whole.

These men are not going to feel sorry, as Neecy pointed out in her comments these men are in their OWN DOMAIN and they can say what they want.

But what’s a girl to do?

Well for starters the first thing to recognize that these people have no hope. Like, totally, none.  These people are the fecal matter in the petri dish of life.  They cannot be reasoned with. They do not WANT to be reasoned with.  Consider people/ websites/ entities like this similar to those who frequent stormfront etc. You wouldn’t reason with them would you? You wouldn’t listen to them/ take them to heart would you? These men have pathetic lives with pathetic hopes, and will live out a pathetic existence.

Secondly these people, if they were ever to have some magical epiphany would not be listening to BLACK WOMEN to find it.   Because black women have neither racial nor gender privilege so people like those are simply not going to listen. Case closed.

The best way to protect black women who happen upon blogs like this is to recognize and teach others that these people are psychopaths. They are pestiferous warts, they are the gunk on the bottom of your shoe. Wipe it off and keep moving. They may be annoying but we all know that their opinion doesn’t matter.

They are the insignificants.

Let’s talk a little bit about the Whatfor’s and Why’s that black men don’t take up their duties (and white women mind you) and defend black women when they are attacked by people from ALL THREE GROUPS.

As I said earlier I see this time and time again. Black women get disemboweled publicly and instead of retreating away from such lunatics, like they should, the instead get their hopes up that black men are going to come to defend their honor.

There are a couple of common characteristics that come to mind when I think about the women who are always hurt when these black knights never arrive on their steed.

  • These women believe firmly that black love is still alive.
  • These women don’t see that/ never realize/ go their whole life blind to the fact that these black men ( and white women) who complain about white MEN having race and gender privilege are the same MEN ( or women) who have gender privilege. ( or racial )
  • By negating these things ( that black women have been tricked into being blind to) these black women don’t realize that again to remain with one privilege someone has to be on the bottom. As usual in most situations it is black women.
  • These women don’t realize that because they have even 1 privilege they are NOT going to waste their time defending black women.
  • Remember I said before that black men need gender privilege to remain above black women ( same goes for white women) so it is not in THEIR best interest to defend black women.
  • These black women don’t realize that they’ve been had.

As I was saying these women have bought the hype that the only people who benefit from privilege are white men and that black men and white women are suffering completely at the hands of white men.

If these women looked closer you would see that these black men are in fact exercising their privilege to distance themselves and protect themselves from being totally ripped to shreds with complete calm by masses of people. This is why is many situations you will never hear any sympathy for black women who have been victimized brutalized or hurt physically, mentally, digitally, spiritually etc. Or why (in the case of the PUA some of the white women commenters even go along with posts like the recent one.) They need to KEEP THEIR PRIVILEGE.


To do so would be insane.

Simply put it is easy for them because of race/ gender privilege ( which again both groups share one of these characteristics with white men) to brandish the same pitchforks and mob black women.

Simply put black these black women don’t realize that ‘unity’only goes so far as how far black women can carry them. See Trayvon Martin Rally’s and the subsequent and usual lack of response for anything that has to do with black women being victims.  Or Even the joining in.

Simply put these people are hypocrites.

The only reason why the have a problem with white men is because they don’t have BOTH privileges not because they care about INJUSTICE.

Unfortunately many black women just don’t see that they were fed the  Superman “truth justice and the American way” shtick, to get black women to ante up their money time, good, services.

These women may wonder why black men are willing to protect white women or why white feminists will throw black women under the bus for black men or wonder why they get along so well….

Simply put both groups have 1 privilege each. Race/ Gender. They can’t pull white men down, because they have both privileges. They can’t pull each other down because they would cancel each other out.  For instance a black man being sexist to a white woman will easily be protected simply because she is white.  (read my posts you may want to read first tab for more in depth explanations… look for the posts all the women are white all the blacks are men black women get screwed post)

And white women can’t rip black men’s manhood apart because they have gender privilege.

And unfortunately black women lost that.  These black men are not going to forgo the gender privilege that is involved in joining in on beating up black women simply because the would have to give up privilege and protect a group that is “lower” (ie not protected by race and gender ) than them.

It ain’t happening

So to the black women who can’t fathom why these black men are never out in droves, simply put these men like their privilege and they will keep it. White women like their privilege and they will keep it.

Black women just don’t know what time it is. So wasting/ wishing/ wanting black men to protect black women and their image isn’t going to happen because they have too much to lose. (They have nothing to lose by protecting/ defending white women who they are on equal footing with)

Once black women recognize the game and how black women are the ones GETTING PLAYED posts like the ones that bash black women and the posts where no black men come to black women’s rescue start to make sense. As it makes sense there is NOTHING to say. Once you realize that there is NOTHING TO SAY, you can watch things unfold with a neutral eye from the protection of DISTANCE.

And really that is the best safety of all.

In one post, I told you to imagine that you were Switzerland. During WW2 one of the reasons why they were able to stay neutral was because of the geography of the country. Simply put, Switzerland is surrounded by mountains. That dangerous terrain (and a bunch of different factors) would have been pretty hard to overcome ( not to mention it would have been a waste of money).

Black women, by realizing that they need distance and to separate themselves, can avoid the ultimate collision where they end up the sacrificial lamb/scapegoat. When they accidentally find themselves on these blogs/ videos/ can avoid these things.

Simply put these people simply have more privilege so fighting/ verbal sparring simply will only put you in the line of fire and get you destroyed. Your best bet is to avoid that protect yourself all together.

That leads to the rest of my post.

How to Remain Neutral…

  • Acknowledge that although black men and white women have only one privilege they can and still align with the ( white men they CLAIM to hate)
  • Acknowledge the fact that unity is only as good as black women can DO/ PROVIDE their valuable resources without having to give anything back.
  • Acknowledge the fact that you are outgunned and outmatched. It will only end in YOUR BLOODSHED
  • Acknowledge the fact that ‘black unity’ isn’t afforded to black women because they are women and ‘feminist unity’ isn’t afforded to black women because they are black.
  • Acknowledge that because both groups have at least 1 privilege they are protected from the full barrage of injustice.
  • Acknowledge the fact that these groups will use this against black women to keep themselves a cut above.
  • Acknowledge that because of these privileges black women can live guilt free because THEY CAN AND WILL PROTECT THEMSELVES. That is simply historical fact.
  • Avoid getting into confrontations online or offline with people who feel the need to bash black women. Your silence/ your withdrawal and avoidance will speak for themselves.
  • Acknowledge that privilege by these groups will not be given up.
  • Avoid falling for guilt/ lies about unity because historically black women have gotten little to nothing out of DIRECT EFFORT TO ACTUALLY HELP BLACK WOMEN. The things that black women have gained from civil rights/ feminism ( despite their involvement) was DESPITE the fact that black women were black or a woman. Simply put they ‘happened to fit into one of these groups and were given it. Other than that black women were/ are overlooked because the groups get to keep their privilege. Any privilege you get from these groups will be accidental. You can remain impartial to both sides and avoid involving yourself. Putting yourself out won’t get you anything but heartbreak.
  • Avoid giving resources/ support to groups that have given nothing. Black women are in the worst position to give away support/ resources because it is quite hard to get them back.
  • Avoid civil rights/ feminist bating in which black women are used to mule for causes.  You will be turned on.
  • Avoid ‘conversations’ that have to do with feminism/ black unity because you wont’ receive any.
  • Realize that despite common claims of what black men and white women and what they  say,  they ARE willing to side with a group of people they claim OPPRESS everyone. They WILL OPPRESS When given the chance. They’re just angry they can’t do it FULLY.
  • Pull Support from these groups who are willing to sacrifice black women on the guillotine.  The best way to even the playing field is to pull resources/ support. Let them flounder.  Remember you won’t get anything anyway. Let them pull the noose around their own neck. And they will realize they’ve done this once black women stop letting these groups step on them. Ask yourself when either group as put themselves out specifically to help black women. You will not be able to answer. Now you know why.
  • Don’t fall for the black women shaming that is likely to occur once you pull support.
  • Avoid black women who continually want to pull you back in.
  • Arm yourself by creating spaces like Neecy’s Nest were black women have a safe haven.
  • Live your life for you.
  • Sit back, remain neutral and watch the feathers fly… as they inevitably do….. and be grateful you avoided being the sacrifice.

Until Next Time,

Stay Neutral

For newcomers please read this posts that are at this link (they are also in the ” posts you may want to read first” It will explain everything.

note this photo obviously doesn’t belong to me.

When You Let The Cockerel In Your Hen house, Don’t Be Surprised When They Rule The Roost


Note this post is probably going to be long and in sections.

I.  For those who watched the VMA’s (or didn’t) (I watched for the Nsync performance) you may have heard the very public outrage at Miley Cyrus very racy “performance”.  Even in the past twenty four hours I have noticed that there are plenty a tittering about Miley Cyrus and how raunchy behavior. Some people are disgusted that this young woman would get on national television ( see the numerous yahoo articles) or some are busy venting about cultural misappropriation ( see the cyber mess  magazine that is Clutch), I took the time after the  let down of an Nsync performance to reflect on the greater issues ( yes they are there) at play.
The first thing I immediately noticed was the way hip hop won the majority of awards for the night. And many of the artists who were in these genres were not black people. Now I’m sure that some very *blind* people are going to have two very obvious reactions. The first will be that they will be thinking, “Yay finally hip hop has reached the mainstream!”  or they are thinking ( and I heard this one the most frequently on a number of very stupid sites) “I’m so sick and tired of the “cultural misappropriation”.  Unfortunately these black women haven’t had the appropriate response.

If you’re wondering what that is I’ll tell you:


For starters (before I get into why you should be terrified) I’ll tell you that that I do not consider Hip Hop to  be “black culture”.  Until thirty years ago “hip hop” was nowhere to be found.  Further, and more importantly the deviant behavior of a the MINIORITY of blacks has been thrust on to the rest of us.

Now. There are several reasons why black women should be terrified.   As I was saying before the majority of the winners of the VMA’s had some sort of hip hop element. If you noticed most of these elements had some sort of deviant, sexist, overly sexual and blatant tone to them.

I’m sure that there are a few readers that don’t see the problem. Even a few ones that don’t realize why this spells trouble.  For those smart enough to see in front of them, they know how hip hop as created carnage black women’s  image in the media and how this dysfunctional behavior has been peddled AD NAUSEUM to until black women consider degradation the norm.

Black women should be terrified because this deviant trend Hip Hop degrading black women hasn’t stayed in the “black community” from the performances by artists at the VMA’s it is easy to see that this behavior (or degrading black women and their sexuality) has now become acceptable even lauded by the rest of the world.

Indeed black women need to be worried that the rest of the world has so willingly embraced this  and it has now become a pastime to have black women as the course  du jour in which they are only in the spotlight to do (what most people consider) “deviant” sexual acts, laughed at, and then put away again.

II. On another note black women should be worried that the music, which has been peddled in the black community, and highlights black women being called bitches and ho’s in now acceptable  full stop by the rest of society to enjoy.

These artists like Lil Wayne, Drake, 2 Chainz etc who all built their careers on this have now been invited into public spheres and as some other bloggers have said have now been given a “platform” to spew their venom and hatred

I wrote about this phenomenon in my post  Beware of Two Faced Harvey.

It is also important to note in this post the inner workings of interesectionality at play here.  Two groups of people both black men and white women who usually complain about mass degradation by white men were the biggest groups of the night engaging in such behavior.

If you don’t believe me look up the lyrics to those 2 chainz songs that were being sung. You may have forgotten that these  “squeaky wheels”  enjoyed a  night at the VMA’s using black women’s faces, images, likeness, and bodies as a way of maintaining their own privileged standing.

For those readers who don’t understand the title of my post it is simple. The “cockerel” namely the hip hop vehicle that has been used for decades as a way to torment and embarrass black women has been let into the “hen house”  and now it has reached mainstream and it is impossible to eradicate it.

Unfortunately the people who had been warned that hip hop would ultimately destroy black women and men because of its roots in the most degenerate of black society was ignored and instead of being crushed it was coddled and allowed to flourish.

The black women and men who did and continue to live under the impression that “live and let live” was and is a good policy don’t seem to understand the concept that this never works because sooner or later one thing will overtake another.

In this case the cockerel  to black women’s image before it had a chance to be salvaged.


Speaking of black women’s image, let’s talk for a moment about the fact that I still see a large majority of black women still playing Russian roulette and allowing other people to draw them in with a bit of fluff advertising and strategic interviews and “promises “ that this time will be the savior of all black women kind’s image.

What am I talking about?

When the show Twisted on ABC Family came out many black women pledged their loyalty to the show, because they believed that the black women on the show would be one of the major characters. Amusingly, if not  a bit sadly these women fell old troll face and thought that they would be getting something.

As usual this didn’t happen and within episodes the black character was relegated back to being last string.

I have written about this in detail in  my Black Women in Fandoms Series (check the my series’ tab at the top of the page to read).

Unfortunately these black women wasted their resources to give free  promotions in the way of tumblrs, tweets, Facebook likes, articles, and blog posts which was able to catapult this show enough that it received more episodes in extension.

In this case black some of these black women weren’t very careful or critical before they started freely helping with promotion and now feel that they have been cheated.

In this case the cockerel ( a show that used black women to help maintain its popularity) was allowed  onto tv without actually putting their money where their mouth was and black women who didn’t immediately pull their support, and now the show has a following.

These women are still pleading with the powers that be to be understood and given a chance and simply DO NOT GET  why they are being overlooked. They simply won’t accept that this was always the plan, that the people running these shows will not change,  they will not let go and move on to greener pastures and take their money/ resources with them.


So where does that this leave black women? Well for starters I’d like to give black women  a few reminders.

  1. Stay out of the conversations that have to do with Miley Cyrus and the debacle that was her performance.  Be sure that connecting yourself with the behaviors connected with the women  at the VMA’s and their “twerking” can prove  to be nothing short of disastrous. If I were you I would hesitate before claiming such negative behaviors as “from black women”. Distance yourself.
  2.  Be careful and make sure to  note the people/ collaborations that are making mainstream hip hop popular through the degradation of black women. Distance yourself and take your money elsewhere.
  3.  Rethink the shows you  are currently supporting.  In the instance of Twisted the show hasn’t been on that long and there is enough time for black women to pull their support and get their message across.  Remember… Reciprocity. No excuses, no explanations.
  4. Be careful about attaching your name to things that may bring down the image of black women even more. Let Miley Cyrus and her ratchet cohorts live our her phase (because ultimately that is what it is) sticking your neck out or getting involved will only hurt you ultimately. I can’t see that going any other direction.

Finally, and it is unfortunate there is one unpleasant matter to discuss.  This blog has a shelf life. At some point (not in the near future) I will be hanging up the pen.  At the same time I want to keep the purity of this blog so black women in the future may find it.  Unfortunately there are some readers who have NOT read my policy. I will quote it now.

  1. Please avoid linking my blog to “black”sites “feminist” sites and “mainstream” sites if possible. I purposely avoid linking certain sites in my posts because I don’t want the pingback. Nor do I want fools, idiots, morons, and those who are too stupid to live littering my blog. I do not want the views from these people who will feel the need to troll or worse “debate” there is nothing to debate. I want to protect the integrity of my blog, which is why I didn’t announce my presence to begin with and am delicate about who is on my blog. If people want to find me they will find me I do Not feel the need to advertise or link. Too many stragglers will try and find a home. Most black women’s sites are alright. But please before doing a trackback or reblogging please ask.

I have said this numerous times, that I PURPOSELY Do not link my blog posts to feminist blogs/ “black” media sites/ “mainstream sites” because I do not want the viewers. I don’t want their pingbacks and I don’t want their traffic. This site is not for these people who feel the need to shame/ engage in meaningless debates. This is a safe place for Black women.  UNFORTUNATELY  somebody/ person/ persons has on more than one occasion linked my blog and created an amount of traffic from a number of sites that I did not approve of or cosign.

These are


The Good men project

The feminist wire

Television without Pity forums


Whoever has been linking me to these places  PLEASE REFRAIN.

If black women want to find me they will find me.   ( Note I am alright with being linked on other  sites specifically for black women)

For the others do not link me to sites that will draw people who want to engage in debate.

I have said before I do not want to debate.

I do not want to make the blog private but I do not want to be overrun by stool pigeons that are going to find a stoop on my blog.


Until Next Time

Stay Neutral.