A Lesson in Neutrality: #STAYINGOUTOFIT

The storm has arrived everyone. And While I have been done been prepared for this sort of thing, I knew it was coming so many black women are still left out in the cluster fuck. If you don’t know what I’m talking about there has been two big blow ups in the “activist” world that has to do with the feminist and black power movements.  If you want to know more look under the hashtags #solidarityisforwhitewomen and #blackpowerisforblackmen.

These recent blow ups have to do with feminists betrayal of “women of color” feminists by the support of a sleezbag male ‘feminist’ who admitted to purposely trying to quiet WOC feminists and the Lack of black male support for black feminists issues.

I want black women to know, I’m here to tell them, # Stayoutofit.

Remember this. Because while the desperate black women fight to keep these ailing movments together, and the white women and black men  desperately try and placate black women with “apologies” like this one on Feministe

Black women need to remember to keep calm and keep heading towards the exits. If you already got to safety, ie you were never involved in the beginning remember to stay out of it like always.

Do not be fooled by the “conversations” floating in the cyberspace.

We already know from numerous BWE writers that all of this is simply talk. This talk is designed to pull black women back into the thoroughfare and keep their resources, time and sanity drained for whatever benefit.

Ignore the apologies.

There may or may not be a number of apologies from “feminists” or “black men activists” or these people may want to engage you in conversations to find out how they can “do better”

Remember that they can not and will not give up their privilege. They NEED this privilege. If they had wanted to give it up they would have done it 100 YEARS AGO!

They did not because they need it. I won’t got through a rundown of the faults of both movements because we all know what it is and I have written about the need to keep privilege extensively.




These “apologies” and moments of introspection are designed to make you  think  that things will change. Or that they were only trying to help you.



But I want black women to remember that the dance is over.


I’ve said before that anything that was going to be gotten was already claimed long before black women had a chance. And these people aren’t going to help. Further. These people need  black women to prop up there ailing movements because even smart white women have gotten fed up with the entire thing. In the case of the civil rights movement these blacks need willing black women to mule themselves for causes that won’t benefit them similar to the response in the Trayvon Martin case.

These people need scapegoats and whipping posts do not be that person.  Remember that you don’t owe these people a thing. And you never did.

Don’t be shamed.

Ignore the people who may call you out in both movements for “abandoning” them when they need to get “help”. Ignore the guilt ignore the “solidarity” claims. You don’t owe these people anything.   Do not look back.



Remember that you can’t win and watch as people find their true alignments.

If you’ve ever seen the show Survivor you know how cutthroat that game can be. People are always backstabbing.  If you watch the game people are always  making “alliances” who can help them get farther. These alliances are always tested or proven false by how people vote when it comes time to kick somebody off the island.

That is what is going on now. I want you to watch as the white women hang  on to their white privilege and side with the racist feminist. So that they can stay on the island.  I want you to watch how black men actively avoid black women’s issues and keep their male privilege so that they can stay on the island.

These are there true alignments. Despite the sweet words, the pillow talk, the lies, and the downright shaming. This is what it will come down to. They want to hang on to their privilege. So they can be sole survivor. Unfortunately that means blindsiding unprepared black women in the process.

Don’t be one of these people.


All the women are white and all the blacks are men.

If you haven’t read the tweets from supposed “anti racism”/ “anti sexism”  “activist” Tim Wise. You will see that black women who are in a tizzy are getting kicked back into place.  This man is famous for claiming to care about race/ sex. And yet now he’s basically telling black women to screw themselves. Remember in unilateral world you can care about these things it’s an either or issue.  People like this man only care about race or gender. But not both and NOT for black women.

His tweet was this in response to #solidarityisforwhitewomen trending

Apparently a handful of irrelevant self-professed radicals think twitter wars are activism. Uh, no. You are fighting w/yourselves. Have fun


Sit back and watch the feathers fly.

 The good thing about remaining neutral is that you can see things for what they are.  So sit back and watch the feminists and black male  activists try and lasso as many people as possible back onto the titanic. Sit back and watch them have circular conversations and thank your stars you don’t engage with them any more.  Once you get out of the crossfire and disengage they will have no power over you.  I once said that feminists or black activists wouldn’t know what to do if black women talked back you are seeing the fear and anger now.

Remember to align yourself with people who reciprocate. These groups have done none of that.

Remember above all,


Until Next Time,


More links to read if you haven’t yet decided that neutrality is the best way.













31 thoughts on “A Lesson in Neutrality: #STAYINGOUTOFIT

  1. I have been waiting for this post because I knew you were going to say everything I already feel at this point.

    I will not lie and say that there wasn’t a small moment where I sincerely hoped that this would be a “WE’RE HERE!” moment like in Horton Hears A Who. But then reality kicked in, my common sense came back to me and I remembered that this is just the latest in a history of talking about hurt feelings.

    Venting is natural and necessary, but that is usually where the solution ends and begins with women of color and the feminist movement. Women of color blow out a lot of hot air, white women pretend to have no idea what in the blue hell they’re talking about and that’s it…until feminism screws up again and hurts more women of color.

    We’ve had centuries to “vent” and it’s clear that as feminism has gotten even more exclusive to upwardly mobile white women that no one has listened to a single, solitary thing that women of color have said.

    “Solidarity is for white women”, and that’s all she wrote. So at what point does a black woman catch a clue and move on and be about herself and her best interests?

    I’m asking as an outsider because I would think that seeing it spelled out in black and white like that would have been the biggest sign ever if someone was looking for one. :/

  2. Another thing that’s been puzzling me: Why, why do black women who seem like they’ve caught on to the okey doke of the black community act brand new when it comes to feminism?

    It’s the same series of derailment and scare tactics and gaslighting. I dare say it came out of the same handbook.

    So why is this something that black women simply can’t walk away from because the people in question aren’t black men?

    • Why do they act brand new? Because they don’t realize it’s two sides of the same coin. They don’t realize that black men and white women pretty much cancel eachother out because they both have one privilege. And they think that, and have been lied to to believe that white women are any more willing than black men to give up privilege.
      They don’t realize that they are both EXACTLY THE SAME. I would say that even more than black men white feminists have the ” sad panda” thing down in which they can *pretend* even better that they simply don’t know what’s going on. So it’s easier for them to make black women feel guilty i guess.
      idk maybe some other readers here have some insight.
      it’s sad really

      to your question of when black women are going to take a hint. I think its probably going to be when black women hit rock bottom more. Idk. I’ve always wondered the same thing. To be honest it’s a little baffling.

      • The only thing I can think of is that somehow black women have convinced themselves that because white women are women, they can’t do as much damage as black men can do as men.

        This is a VERY dangerous belief system. There’s no such thing as harmless indoctrination where black women are being manipulated into acting against their best interest.

        This is why I have no interest in weighing black and woman to see which is “heavier. When you start trying to weigh one over the over, you open the door to being talked into an insane and impossible balancing act where you’re the loser in the end.

    • I think it’s because feminism may have been seen as the saving alternative to the hurtful misogyny of the black patriarchal movement.

      Agree with Toni, though. Was waiting on tenterhooks to see your response. Ever since I found and read your thoughts, the scales fell from my eyes… it’s refreshing to be #stayingoutofit and watching how intersectionality explains and predicts everything we’re seeing here.

    • Why can Black women not walk away from that? It is very simple, because Black men have made White women “honorary” Blacks now. That is why. If a Black woman wants to get a sure-fire 100% GUARANTEED angry, anti-Black female reaction from a Black male, all she has to do is point out anti-Black female racism in White females, or how privelegead/protected/entitled White females are. They will react that way EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.

      Honestly, since Black males & White females are now such bosom allies, partners, buddies, pals, BFFs, and are (according to these fool Black males) part of the “same race”, and since White females (in their own delusional minds) are such an “oppressed minority”, I wish they would both just fight their own battles and stay OUT of Black women/girl’s faces nd KEEP Black women/girl’s names out of their stupid, hipocritical racist/sexist mouths. They both have power, and they need to I repeat, fight their own damn battles themselves and LEAVE BLACK WOMEN/GIRLS ALONE!

  3. I’m so out of the online feminist/black activist worlds nowadays, I barely even know what clusterfuck you’re referring to, and that’s the way I want to keep it.

    I don’t give these movements the oxygen of my awareness anymore cos I’m solely for me and BW like me.

    And I’ve added a corollory to that ATWAWAATBAM statement, which is that ‘And All the black women are goddesses’.

    That’s my new reality, and believing that means,I’m happy to let them scheme and scrap to stay on the island cos eventually WE are going to OWN that effing island.

  4. Black women need to seek their own bliss. Everyone has told us in the most bold way to kiss their a**** and go to h***. I will never put any one else first and foremost. Black women recognize that no one gives a d*** about you. SEEK YOUR EXOUDUS STAGE LEFT.
    The Black construct has spoken and abondon ship ASAP or yo will get left behind.
    All they did was state on the internet what was in their hearts.

  5. Wise is the typical, two-faced, White-female supporting/anti-Black female Black male FOOL. The type that has and continues to cause nothing but trouble and turmoil in the lives of so many Black women & girls, he, his White female cronies, and anyone else of their ilk need to go have a bigger than the Rose Bowl, Colesium in Rome, & Soldier Field COMBINED stadium full of seats! OLS this is another brilliant anaylis of why Black women need to steer clear of these trifling feminist/Black power civil rights groups, because they are NOTHING but organizations designed 100% for White Females & Black males going by another name!

    I too hate the term “WOC”. I frankly feel that stupid term was nothing but a ploy by colorist, anti-Black female Black males who wanted to justify their stupid penchant for/obsession with ANY non-Black woman before they had as much access to dating White women as they do now, and that it is STILL used for thet sneaky purpose by the ones now who focus on dating non-Black women who are not White (Asian, Latina, etc). BLACK WOMEN. Hear that haters? I’ll say it again, BLACK WOMEN! (this is not directed at you OLS, don’t get me
    wrong, it is just that that term REALLY rubs me the wrong way whenever I see it!)


    • Tim Wise is actually a white man. He’s one the “liberal” “i’m fair to blacks and women” as long as it’s not the person is not black AND women type men that I can’t stand that give both groups excuses for why the can be absolute dangerous to black women and passes for them when they F black women over. I think another thing that can be pointed out and i should have especially put in the post is how these same white women and black men who claim that they hate “the white man” are now more than willing to align with them with all is said and done. Which really only further proves that they don’t have as much disdain for white men nearly as much as they like to play up.

      • I stand corrected then OLS. I must have been thinking of some Black male “intellectual” who is anti-Black female/pro-White female (there are so many of them after all, SMH) I had heard of Wise before, and something always made me think he was Black, but since whatever I heard about him did not impress/interest me (and maybe had a hint of what has been confirmed about him here) I did not bother to examine the fool any further.

  6. I agree the term ” women of color” was coined for all of groups of women to again get the Black woman to do the dirty work and then when it is all over, she is crapped on and they are laughing at us. Every time any other group of women are marching for this and that , Black women please stay out of it. I live in Chicago and when Jesse Jackson Jr. and his wife Sandi was sentenced, the wanted Sandi to be thrown under the bus, I mean send her to jail first. I hope when this is over , she regroup and leave him. They was coddling him talking about him becoming a minister after this is over with. If all bm can do is start churches and now get jobs that have something to do with the STEM science, technology, engineer, and math then that is sad state of affairs. I am BLACK WOMAN. My needs and issues are different because white, Latinas, Asians all are deemed white when things are going good and women of color when they need Black women to do the mule work and then when there is the victory, they get the spoils and we get the shaft. I know that sometimes as Black women we want allies because that is normal. We have to pick and chose our allies like we have to pick and choose our battles. Only and only if a progressive Black women will benefit and uplift other Black women, then she will have my support hands down.

  7. I totally agree with you. Black women stay out of it. We have to SEEK OUR OWN BLISS.
    We need to write down our desires.
    1. Write down your desires
    2. Sit still for 10 to 20 minutes. I say this because sometimes and myself included can run around like a chicken with our heads cut off. I have gotten better with the help of BWE blogs like this and other ones.
    3. use any side business money to treat ourselves and enjoy the hot weather while we can.
    4. Take care of your children if you have some and make sure they can enjoy the summer before school season is upon us.
    5. Volunteer only for something you can benefit from. I will volunteer at a music store and in return they will let me sign up for classes. So I am giving my time but I am being reciprocated with free classes. Not muling just using wisdom and making sure I benefit and not being used as a mule and fool.
    6. Support not your girl Friday in the form of $$$ because blogs take time and money and
    every little bit goes a long way. We want to show our appreciation to your wisdom and know that you are not only helping us but generations to come.
    7. Share the blog. At one point every Black women will realize that she has been gas lighted and I hope and pray that she seek help before it is too late.

    • Love these steps! I think that it is a good idea for black women to volunteer for things that they can get a return on. And I love the idea of writing down what THEY want and what THEY desire out of life.

  8. After finishing reading this article, the first thing that came into my head. The song by the Staples singers “Smiling Faces tell Lies”. I learn from my father at a very early age that people will pretend to be concern about you, in order to advantage their agenda. I hoping black women will stay neutral and learn from this.

  9. I thought of your tagline (…until next time, stay neutral) when I first saw the hoopla, and I did just that, stayed neutral, and will continue to do so.

    So how’s your weekend thus far?

  10. What is sad is that after all the twitter talk, a white man created a woman’s blog, and a writer on Clutch wanted black women to join the boycott.
    Nevermind that the new site actually interviewed the woman who started the hashtag while the other white blogs ignored her, like good mice in the pied piper story, they joined the boycott. The saddest thing is that the article urging them to boycott when mentioning great women blogs, didn’t even mention Clutch!!
    We will never be taken seriously because we don’t take ourselves seriously.

  11. Pingback: GET YOUR LIFE! | Not Your Girl Friday

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