Along with the Black Women Shaming Phenomenon that I continually keep seeing. I also have observed another phenomenon, in the way of communications that is. This phenomenon involves black women and the other groups of people that black women come into contact with. The following list are the ways that any good fool talks to black women.
- 1. Talk Around her.
That is when talking to black women make sure to talk other people about black women. For example to be a very good in discourse with black women publish studies about black women that talk to the general population of black women without actually directly addressing them. That way you can say whatever you want about black women without being true or false without actually incurring the wrath of said black women because you’re simply “putting the information out there.”
- 2. Make sure to generalize.
If you want to be a great conversationalist with black women make sure to generalize. In fact black women love to be generalized. For example when talking about black women (and this especially works when talking around her) make sure to say phrases like “all black women” or “black women don’t like” “most black women” and if you’re really clever you can spice things up a bit with phrases like “I’m not saying all black women are … but the vast majority are…. “ Black women never notice this.
- 3. Remember: All the women are white, all the black are men.
It wouldn’t be a successful conversation with black women if you don’t remember this phrase. Make sure that when you talk about black women and categorize them, pretend that black women aren’t their own entity. Make sure to mesh black women into the “woman” or “blacks” category. Once they’re in these categories ignore them during the actually conversations and talk to black men and white women. And when it’s time to talk about the negatives in both groups throw the black women under the bus. That’s what black women are there for right? Further it’s even more fun when pretending that AWAWABAM when you pretend that you are the only victims and that there is ya’know… nobody below you…
- 4. Constructive criticism is always welcome.
Can we fix it? Yes we can! A great conversation piece for black women is what they need to fix about themselves. Those “studies” mentioned before come and handy here you can use any ole’ not scientific study like the great one about black women being the “least feminine” to “prove” that black women need to fix themselves. (Don’t forget to generalize, that’s also key) Note: It can also be what other groups of women are doing that you criticize black women for or what larger society actually finds normal. Whatever works, ya’know? Make sure to post these “studies” and findings to large public forums like the New York Times or the Huffington Post that way the rest of the world can enjoy the fun of talk about black women as if they aren’t living. Breathing. Human beings.
- 5. Talk OVER black women.
If this is confuses you basically “yell” (virtually) over black women’s thoughts while they’re speaking. A good example was the piece on a feminist site in which black women commenters explained the offense of Zoe Saldana and her offensive speech towards American black women and the Nina Simone casting, when they were told to pipe down and let Zoe Saldana speak and have her opinion. Don’t actually listen to black women’s criticisms. Make sure to put your own needs first or those of people who aren’t even black women.
- 6. Others Know Best
Take an example from Jim Burns resident black man here at NYGF and tell black women what black women need and like and don’t like. Black women don’t have their own competent mind. Make sure that you take charge and tell black women what they themselves need. Black women *surely* don’t know.
- 7. If Number 5 doesn’t work…
If talking over black women doesn’t work make sure that you simply as them to shut up for the “good of the play” and if you have difficulty makes sure that you use shame. Because that always works when black women don’t fall for the lines.
- 8. Insult, Insult, Insult!
If you can’t get your point across make sure that you use a few “sentence enhancers” . Insults, about black women being “slut buckets” and “white men’s whore” “feminist/ civil rights sellouts” are some popular enhancers that have been timeless. What is a good pair for insults are guilt. That way when you inevitably throw black women under the bus they will be too stunned to notice or to shamed to speak out.
- 9. Present Your Terms & Conditions
When talking to black women, make sure that you present what you want black women to do and how they can serve you. Don’t bother with reciprocity, remember the thought that AWAWABAM because black women don’t have an expectations of reciprocity. Make sure that when you present these expectations that you use blackmail, shame, guilt, and insults to show what will happen if they don’t let you traipse all over them. Never ask black women what their T&C are. We all know they don’t have any, amiright?
- 10. Never Forget…
This is the most important. Do not under any circumstances speak to black women as if they are a full blooded woman who has an opinion of their own. Do not show the respect. Do not let them have a mind of their own. And do not bother considering their hopes, needs, or wishes.
Until Next Time…