This post is going to sound harsh to many people. I know that because most people don’t like what they perceive to be criticism of themselves and they certainly don’t like to be told that *they* could potentially change their lot in lives by themselves. But I consider this post to be important so I’m prepared to incur the wrath of those who are too fragile to handle reality.
(Note: I’ve said before that I *detest* disclaimers but for the sake of fools, idiots, morons, and those who are too stupid to live, or too fragile to listen then please direct yourself away from this post. OLS)
Anyhow let’s talk about why you could be doing but you aren’t.
This is probably going to hurt your feelings if this applies to you but be honest you may have very low standards. If your life isn’t where you want it to be it could be because you’re too permissive about the things that you want in life and you have a faulty edit button that doesn’t eradicate things that you *know* shouldn’t be in your life. ( I will be writing a post on a topic very close to this soon) For example you know that you probably shouldn’t be hanging out with that guy that every instinct is telling you is no good. You know that the guy you’re dating, you’re not really interested in, you know hanging out in the bars and clubs aren’t going to find you a quality man and yet, you do it anyway. You know that the music that degrades every bone in your body is terrible but you buy it anyway, always making excuses for it and ultimately for yourself. If you feel you could be doing better, chances are this is one of those reasons.
Nobody wants to admit that they have baggage but everyone is walking around with some sort of baggage. What baggage do I see a lot of black women carrying? Usually it has something to do with the strict need to keep on keeping on fighting for causes that do NOT benefit them unless it is decidedly unintentional. These women feel the baggage of the racism and sexism bandwagon and feel the need to carry on the torch for “justice” (I put this in quotations because the justice black women have been taught to fight for are other groups’ ideas of justice). These women maybe you won’t give up the baggage. They still are trying to claim it. These women, yes maybe you, won’t admit that the dance is over. They still want to fight and hold out hope that someday the people who don’t give a damn about you will suddenly start. For those with baggage because they can’t move on it claims the rest of their life and pulls them down.
Think hard if you don’t know where this one comes in. Because for some people this is going to be the thing that kicks them up every time .You’re probably too prideful. No I don’t mean because you think that you deserve a guy better than the dirt bag you’re dating. I mean because for some people, they won’t let go of the baggage that I mentioned in the above number because they are to prideful. There are so many black women who have dedicated their lives to fighting the “injustice” (again the injustice that other groups have decided for black women to fight) they have been told that someday they are going to get a payoff. They may have been told that if they wait and wait that a perfect black man may appear. They are told that if they keep “fighting” that in their lifetime they’ll benefit from any gains if they continue to support movements that drain there life force. These women have dedicated there money time, protests, blogs, etc. for the cause and they want a payout. They won’t give up the ghost and admit that it’s over. They won’t believe it’s over. To admit it’s over is to admit that they got P-L-A-Y-E-D. And who wants to admit it. ( don’t think I didn’t have to admit that either, because I had to give up my pride and realize I was getting tricked by troll face in relation to certain movements that called me to sell my soul) Yes, many black women don’t want to admit that the black man they waited for isn’t coming or that they could have been happier with someone of another race. They don’t want to admit that they could have been happy if only they hadn’t spent their twenties pretending their career was everything instead of having a family that they wanted. Or they’re too prideful to admit that they wanted to be feminine instead of falling in line but now it’s too late or they can’t say they were wrong. So these women, will be perpetually miserable because they won’t rescue themselves from their own misery by admitting to the flaw of being human.
Like a baby lamb some may be afraid to venture out simply because they are afraid of the unknown. Some black women (not even through any fault of their own) may have been engrained for so long on certain ideas that it simply disconcerts them to think about anything else different. These black women know they are unhappy, they know it’s just not working but they may never get better because they don’t want to leap. These black women will always be stuck because they’re simply afraid of the unknown.
Entitlement & Anger
I see this a lot from black women who simply Can NOT stop debating with people who have proven that no matter what black women say or do they do not care. These women, I find, are the most miserable. These women are living in a dream world. Like the prideful ones who won’t leave movements that have done them dirty, these won’t leave because they feel that they are entitled to get their money’s worth.
Look, it’s not to say that I don’t think that black women should accept non reciprocity or not be upset when they don’t get it. But I think that at some point black women need to cut their losses so that they can move on with their lives. For example some black women feel angry they are not having their plight listened to in the black community or the feminist community. These women feel that they deserve for them to listen to black women. And while this may be true, It ain’t gong to happen. I think most can see that after 60+ years in two movements that yielded very little positive results for black women we know that. But these women still think they should get their money’s worth. It’s simply too hard for them to accept that the fly by night circus tricked them. For these people while they may be right in the fact that they do deserve their money back they don’t realize that at this point it’s not productive. And the ways the try to go about getting their interests known are just all wrong. And then they get angry. Once angry these women have to shout it from the rooftops. Instead of pulling back, they because they know that they deserve better treatment, they angrily try and “confront” (this never works because these “friends” quickly turn on them) these people through whatever means necessary. They may take to feminist/womanist/ black community/ blogs and websites to denounce bad treatment and indict people who have spurned them. They think that anger will change things that have shown no signs of being changed instead of just leaving and serving their own best interests.
If you truly believe that we’re all in this together, or that, with a bit of conversation all the misunderstandings will suddenly straighten themselves out, you may be a delusoid. I’m sorry to tell you this, I don’t know if you were tricked or you’re simply one of those people who like to believe the *best* in every situation but you’re a delusoid. What is that? A delusiod is somebody who has been sipping the coo laid. See unlike the others who know things are wrong and won’t leave for the stated above reasons these people won’t give up the High School Musical song and dance that if they just stick it out in whatever crappy thing their hanging on to that the world will finally give black women back what they put in. So they keep putting out. They may try and be logical and say they are doing “Their part” because they people won’t admit that the people they are working with won’t ever give up their PRIVILEGE to make those things happen.
These people believe that as long as they keep putting themselves out, draining themselves that everything will be fine. Or even worse they don’t even notice that they are getting screwed. They simply well and truly believe (or have been tricked to believe) that these people are their friends. For some delusoids it’s simply too harsh a reality to admit that they are on their own and guard themselves accordingly. Simply put these people are in massive and major protective DENIAL.
I hear this also from many other black women blog writers. Many people simply do not have the thinking skills to discern from practicality and ideology. For example these people may hear the ideology that it’s great to have casual sex but don’t realize how that actually *applies* to real life or the risks involved. These people may hear the ideology of being independent and spend their youth in a career that they weren’t wild about so they can keep their “feminist card” but in actuality they wasted the best years they had looking for a spouse. Unfortunately for these now the dating market may be sparse. If you find you find yourself being “fooled by the rocks that they got” (I’m writing a post on this soon) in relation to ideology this may be you.
Simply put these women simply don’t know who to separate themselves from the pack. These women know that the life choices that they align themselves with are going to send them straight to slaughter but they do it anyway. Because they don’t want to upset those around them or because they’re too ‘nice’ to cut the people dragging them down out of their lives. So they get swept up and then they’re miserable. These people have instincts that are telling them that they don’t like what the people around them are saying but they may go along with the loudest mouth because of fear.
I’m going to end the post here.
This post part 1 of 2. The next post will be
How you can do better if you probably aren’t.
Until Next Time,