Bad News, It’s Terminal: Time to cut your losses once and for all.


This post comes on the tail end of many breaking news stories concerning black women that I’ve noticed in the past couple of weeks.  (Yes even when I’m not posting I am keeping a look out.)

While there were many different news events that triggered this article for me. What specifically triggered this event was the release of one thing in particular.

It seems that black women still haven’t gotten down pat the idea that they don’t have to jump every time someone barks. That they don’t have to cosign, agree, take sides, disagree etc.  I see that many women in many cases are still falling for old troll face who’s making them think that everything has changed when really nothing has changed a damn inch.

I didn’t initially even want to see the documentary Dark Girls. I simply wasn’t interested. And then I heard about the conversations surrounding the documentary.  While many people were impressed and others were equally unimpressed, I wondered why this same conversation was being rehashed AGAIN.

Look,  Troll face may have gotten you good, he may have led you to believe that this movie was *somehow* going to change the plight of dark black women everywhere (and don’t even start with me I am dark skinned too) but the truth is that you’ve been had.  Amazingly.

In fact, I think the deliverance of the documentary  Dark Girls will be one of the single most awesome hoodwinks. It’s runner up right behind the black women who take the first place prize for supporting their own degradation in hip hop.

But that’s another lecture story.

Instead let’s stick with why I should be celebrating and salivating over a movie that actually didn’t do a damn thing except maybe compile what millions of black women in existence have been living breathing and talking about for hundreds of years.

First let’s talk about how the movie

  1. Basically is a redundant.
  2. Is unilateral and doesn’t talk AT ALL about SEXISM
  3. Doesn’t offer any solutions to any of these problems
  4.  Had to be created by two black MEN before anyone even other black women gave a dam about it
  5. Ignores the basic tenets of privilege that I have been discussing for the past almost two years on my blog.

Yes, I’ll go right on down the list and start with A).

This documentary is redundant. This movie was actually unnecessary. I know some black women will say that black women needed to “talk about it” and “heal” but if you go to any Forum and website,  read any book about black women this issue has come up ad nauseum. This debate had been debated, debating other debates.  The dead horse had been kicked and stomped and obliterated and now its soup like in form.

Black women have been saying this exact damn thing for years. How many times can black women reiterate this conversation?
I know the answer to that. Until they get some sort of validation in which the people with privilege can admit that they’ve done wrong and agree to give up said privilege. When the women like Zoe Saldana and Lolo Jones learn their lesson when Lil Wayne and co stops worshipping “red bones”

The problem with this hope, that the privilege will give up privilege and black women will only then  be at peace is what keeps black women PERPETUALLY trying to make/ support  movies like this in which they try to “heal”.

Since this is never going to happen black women will need movies like this to “heal” until the end of the world.

And speaking of the end of the world, I guess it will take about that long, probably more for black women to notice the ole bait and switch. In all of the conversation, the most important aspect of black female shaming based on skin tone not one person mentioned the big assed horse eating hay at the dining room table. That is, nobody, not one soul mentioned the privilege that black men have over black women for simply being male. I heard about “racism” as a reason why. I heard about slavery, but there was never any talk any mention to why these things are still  perpetuated in this day and age  and why it only happens with half of the population of black people.  There were never any fingers pointed at who in the black community perpetuate it. No responsibility taken. Though there were some black women talking about “unity”  amongst blacks.

But unlike many black women watching this documentary, I don’t  think they realized that this is why essentially this will never help black women at all. Because the key ingredient is missing. It’s like trying to make bread without yeast. It will not be successful.

Of course I could tell the black women think that this video will lead them into the promise land that this will not be the case. Because the whole tragic point is that they privilege will never be  admitted or given up by the people who are standing in the same group with black women while claiming to be allies. And since that is impossible documentaries like this are moot. This video didn’t even attempt, if nothing else to even call out sexism. Instead it pointed to the flaws of “society” and recounted anecdotes of times when black women felt like shit about themselves.  While having a giant group therapy can be soothing for a time sooner or later when black women get away from the highs of “talking about it”  and letting it all out, these women will essentially hit a low because they will realize (very quickly ) that troll face struck again, and they are truly, well and still empty handed.

Further, and the most disturbing things that I noticed was the way that some of these black women put too much emphasis on being “black”. What do I mean? I mean to hear some of these black women talk their entire identity is wrapped up with being “black” as if “blackness” is the sum of their existence. Need an example? How about the young black women at the end of video quoting the minister who said that “ blackness was not just a color but an essence of who you are and who you will become.”  This same young lady said that she took her color for “gold.”

Maybe some of you find this sort of speech inspiring.

 I don’t.

In fact I find this to be the opposite.  I don’t know about you but as much as I love my skin color, I no way shape or form do I find this to be my “essence.”   Or who I will become.  There are many things that create my essence.  I love to write, I enjoy reading books, I like to crotchet. There are plenty of things that create the sum of ME. And my skin color is a minute,  modicum of the person that I am or who I can be. This person , the person that I will be has nothing to do with what my skin color is. It has to do with my skills attributes and hopes and dream.

In essence I do not equate my worth and personality with skin color.

I find it outrageous actually.

There is a theory in psychology created by fellow psychologist George Kelley in his theory, that people have their own self perceptions, their own self schemas that color the way they see the world. According to this theory,  when people experience things that go against  their self schema, that creates anxiety.

This is what I see in this women. These women have been taught that their essence  is being “ black”  looking black “ talking black”  “ identifying as black” and the “ authentic black experience”  These women have set their self schema around their skin color and when things go against this… well we can see the catastrophic results of this anxiety.

I understand the fact that words hurt. I myself being dark skinned have been mocked by certain segments of the black community. It was hurtful. But I NEVER had my entire existence wrapped up in my skin to where I felt that my existence was crushed by the losers who didn’t think I was beautiful. Further my mother and father kept me distance from the black community so I experience minimal damaged from said dead “ community”

Basically my self schema was created on a faulty foundation.

These women I blame their parents, for not putting the psychological safety of their children. I blame the makers of this video for continuing to perpetuate this stupidity. This video never thought about mentioned that may black people should stop putting so much importance, because it ISN’T the essence of black women or the identifier of people as a person.

. I’d also like to point out how videos like this don’t even offer any solutions. This is why I say that situations like this are terminal. There aren’t any solutions and the ones that could be used to help ease black women’s pain  or promote true happiness are never spoken of.

You see, black women won’t accept the fact that some issues are just terminal. They won’t accept that some issues won’t end with happiness, and “discussions” amongst black men and black women, (hell or even black women and white women) where ( black women) end up gaining something.  These black women don’t realize that some issues in our lives our terminal and that there is no “cure” that has been found at this point in time. These women don’t realize that they simply have to cut their losses so they can live the rest of their lives out happily and comfortably.

You see this documentary could have gone a lot differently. This video didn’t suggest that black women separate themselves from the rest of the black community which is (as the video itself pointed the majority of the people who shame dark black women) this documentary did nothing to suggest that black women turn off their televisions and not subscribe to people and entities that have shamed black women . (I.e. the entire media machine)  They did nothing to that affect. Basically after all the redundant conversation there was nothing proactive  about the situation for black women to achieve long term happiness that goes beyond simply getting things off their chest. When the video winds down black women will go home to the SAME CONDITIONS AS BEFORE. The happiness that black women could get from being proactive is never even mentioned.  And of course I  don’t have to ask why because this is what Halima would call that perpetual talking circle in which black women are drawn in and engaged in conversations to “let it out”  without EVER pointing fingers or finding solutions.

This video, which ironically people will not even notice, or if they do will let it go over their head, that documentary that was created by black men ( and don’t get me started about the clear bm privilege that allows Black Men to now speak for black women and create documentaries on black women’s behalf.) leaves black women as poor because it never gives black women anything to make themselves strong.   The simple suggestions could have been given were not. The formation of privilege in which black men are still on top in this situation is never deconstructed or even touched on.

Finally, I’m still a bit confused about this video because I don’t get its purpose. If it doesn’t call out any people, if it doesn’t offer solutions , If it is repetitive to what black women have been saying for decades what new purpose has it given?

All I saw was the usual begging the media and people who have proven to be enemies of black women accept them. Or on the opposite I saw women talking about loving themselves without actually giving practical solutions to change their life. Basically it was a reiteration of keeping black women begging and dependent on the hope that this documentary will incite “dialogue” instead of action.  I also heard the suggestion that black women “ need”  reinforcement that is positive for black women but not once did I hear that black women would be empowered if they were to turn off the tv’s and movies  and stop supporting the people/ buying into the system that is crushing them to begin with. That would be the most Positive reinforcement of all but it was never mentioned. They also didn’t mention of course wouldn’t dare tell black women to cut ties with the black “ community”. Though one black man in the documentary mentioned (in relation to black women dating white men) that black women should not expect black men to validate black women’s beauty.

All in all,

This blogger is not impressed.

Though the sad part is many women think this video is revolutionary.

Looks like troll face struck again.

And so many black women don‘t even realize it.

Until Next Time,

Stay neutral.


Yes I am aware that this month was supposed to be black women’s history and achievement month but I had writing deadlines and didn’t have enough time so my schedule is skewed. I hope that July will be better.



27 thoughts on “Bad News, It’s Terminal: Time to cut your losses once and for all.

  1. Another excellent analysis! I did not watch the documentary in full, but I did peep my head in at different points. From what I did see, it was just as you said- no solutions, no discussion of how sexism and privilege are at the root of color bias, just lots of handwringing and painful experiences being relayed.
    I also heard that part that you mentioned, about the young woman who was so wrapped up in Blackness that she had no identity outside of her color. I actually thought that was very sad. I’ve never heard anyone else describe themselves in such a way, and I guess it’s because normal, healthy people recognize that they are a composite of many things and their skin tone is superficial when it comes to what kind of person they are. I suppose that when someone asks her describe herself, she probably babbles, “I’m a strong Black woman/female/girl” and that is what she identifies with most. Again, I think it’s sad, because color doesn’t dictate how you choose to furnish your inner temple (the things that form the essence of who you are_, UNLESS you let it.

  2. I totally I agree with you. I have not seen this “documentary” nor to I plan on ever watching it. All I have noticed is that black men have discovered a way to make lots of money off of black women’s insecurities. They make “serious” “documentaries” about us and then turn around and make fun of us on comedy central. But every time we pay into the gimmick.

    I honestly think many black women are desperate to see anything positive about themselves. I know that I am guilty of it. I am slowly, but surely learning to undo the damage. I am doing this all by myself with the exception of blogs like this one. I have no help from my family member, who are die hard pro black men, to the point that it is hostile. I have few black women friends (well just two). However, I believe that I have damaged my relationships with them during the days that I too was pro “black unity,” “black love,” “black men,” etc. I want to share my new found thoughts and experiences with them and I want to encourage them to read blogs like these. But I am not optimistic that they would take my advice or rather take me seriously; why should they after all that I have said in the not so distant past. Every now and then I have a slip up by reverting back to my old ways. So why should they confide in me. At the same time I so desperately want them to start the journey to freedom as well.

    I really love and care about black women, but its very hard for us to establish close relationships with each other. We are very harsh with each other and are not willing to listen and forgive each other. I am guilty of this as well, but I am working really hard to avoid these actions.

    I believe each black women should strive to undo the damage done to her, in such a way that she comes full circle. This may not happen in her life time, but she should always strive for this change. I have seen many black women who will open their minds to one new idea and stop right there. For example my friends are open to interracial dating, but they still want to maintain all the other “black” and societal notions that are destructive to black women.

    -I was wondering can you talk about relationships between black women and how we can influence each other (not online) in our daily lives. Is there any hope in this?
    -Can you also talk about black women who embark on the journey of change and get stuck in one place. And more specifically black women who are open to or are in interracial relationships but still maintain and live out the ideals that are destructive to them (like obsession with bet, rap, etc).

    • -I was wondering can you talk about relationships between black women and how we can influence each other (not online) in our daily lives. Is there any hope in this?
      I will write about this.

      -Can you also talk about black women who embark on the journey of change and get stuck in one place. And more specifically black women who are open to or are in interracial relationships but still maintain and live out the ideals that are destructive to them (like obsession with bet, rap, etc

      I was already planning posts on this topic so expect that within the next week or so.


  3. When these type of stories air, it’s almost like the first time Black folks ever heard of such occurrences –when in fact, many live out these dysfunctions day in, day out. After a few meaningless words, it’s back to business as usual!

  4. This has just made my day. All this documentary did was make me realize what dark skinned black women go through and how painful it is for them. It offered NO solutions whatsoever.. and while I DID enjoy it… it didn’t have any solutions and that irritated me a bit.

    I don’t like black men speaking for black women. Black women need to speak for black women.

    The only thing in this documentary that really stuck with me was this man:

    “Though one black man in the documentary mentioned (in relation to black women dating white men) that black women should not expect black men to validate black women’s beauty.”

    I agree with this.

    Hopefully a black woman could make a documentary about this.. that will actually be affective and proactive.

    Hopefully it could be a series.. or a series documentary about black WOMEN period.. colorism would of course be a part of. I like that one.

  5. When I think about this film, classic conditioning come to mind. Change the experiment slightly and people will fall in line to see this film. Wonderful article as usual. Thank you

  6. I actually did NOT know this was done by black men. So basically this makes two major documentaries about black women issues done by black men? The other one is Chris Rock’s “Good Hair” which I’ve not seen. I had wanted to watch this but could not find a link.

    This article is actually giving me pause regarding whether or not to watch it. :/

    After reading this article I think the problem isn’t that it didn’t offer a solution; I think the problem is that the solution is “seemingly obvious”: Stop behaving in a way that is colorist and bigoted towards other black people, especially dark-skinned women because it’s wrong. This isn’t stated outright I don’t think (again, I didn’t see the doc so maybe they did?) because the persons are counting on the idea of seeing people hurt by discrimination as being a deterrent and automatically putting people in a mindset to stop harmful behaviors.

    The problem with “seemingly obvious” solutions is that it blindly relies on the good in people and ignores the fact that perpetrators of ugly behaviors such as colorism and intraracial misogyny have no interest in any solutions or modifying their behavior. They possess no remorse or guilt and the behavior can even be thought of as normal and the target as “deserving it”.

    I wanted to say that it was good to see women affected by these issues able to speak up without being shouted down. I just usually trust that such persons are able open up about their personal truths and be able to heal and move on. Often time emotions regarding experiences are suppressed, and that’s hardly healthy. And if discussing a painful event in a safe space helps, cool.

    But, I’ve been given food for thought and I’m appreciative. I will say I strongly suspect that a proactive solution will not be coming so long as black women are not the ones who are in charge of the discussion of our issues. And I feel like black women are too willing to surrender the mic to other groups.

    I am seriously disappointed to learn that this isn’t a black woman made documentary. I think seeing black women in the trailer gave me a false impression.

    • “Good Hair” Not worth your time as it is nothing but mockery of BW. Can you really take Chris Rock seriouly? In the trailer for “Dark Girls” what you saw was just a way to pull you in. I think this is Another way to make BW look bad (especially the dark ones). But it want work as the naysayers try to keep BW down. God help us.

      • ““Good Hair” Not worth your time as it is nothing but mockery of BW.”

        I figured as much when I saw the preview and he was trying to sell “nappy” hair. :/ Like….WTF?

    • After reading this article I think the problem isn’t that it didn’t offer a solution; I think the problem is that the solution is “seemingly obvious”: Stop behaving in a way that is colorist and bigoted towards other black people, especially dark-skinned women because it’s wrong. This isn’t stated outright I don’t think (again, I didn’t see the doc so maybe they did?) because the persons are counting on the idea of seeing people hurt by discrimination as being a deterrent and automatically putting people in a mindset to stop harmful behaviors.

      Exactly! That is exactly what perputuaes this talking circle for black women, each time black women are told to rely on “goodwill”
      and are tricked. Of course this never happens, but black women can never cut the cord.

  7. As a dark skinned black woman, I refused to watch this documentary. Something about it smelled off. And the reviews I’ve read about it have since confirmed my suspicions.

    Am I aware of the colorism sickness in the black community at large? Well yes of course, it’s impossible to avoid it.
    But does it affect how I feel about myself? The short answer is No, not anymore!
    It’s a complex issue and took some years, but I truly learned to value my dark skin to the extent of trying to make it even darker through sun bathing. It’s a thing of beauty, and one that I truly believe makes me special.

    I also learned to see the dark skin haters for what they really are, sad desperate losers and haters who are so possessed by white supremacy, that they practise it on their own kind, in their own families and every time they look in the mirror. Despicable scum!

    Anyway, forget this documenentary, why does no one want to tell the real TRUTH about colorism?
    Which is that it’s internalised RACISM. Demanding en masse that your life partners and children look less like your own race and more like the dominant one means you cosign on all the racists beliefs about yourself.

    The even realer truth is that Black men have lost the war between the races. They’ve completely lost! They have been conquered and dominated and subjagated over the past 500 years, and have no plans or strategy to recover. And instead of accepting this, black women are still investing everything, their lives, their futures and their psychological and physical well being into protecting the black male EGO!

    Yes, their egos, and to the extent of allowing them to collectively spit on us and use us as punching bags. That’s what the lies about colorism in the black community are all about. Allowing black men to pretend that they haven’t completely sold out, and lost everything including all self esteem, self worth and desire for self preservation.

    • Nobody calls it a “pity party”/”feeling sorry for themselves” when it is Black MALES (dark-skinned ones in particular) discussing THEIR pain or troubles. Nobody does that either to White FEMALES when they do the same. So I do not understand why people want to constantly shout down and SHAME dark-skinned Black women from talking about how colorism has and continues to hurt them. Black women & girls have a right to vent & heal just like ANY other group on this Earth does. I do not understand how anyone can claim to be an advocate for Black women & girls yet deny them this right.

      • Phoenix you are entitled to your opinion and black women who want to live in a state of oppression and allow others to exploit their pain can do that too. I believe that when black women stop buying into pain porn propaganda they would move past all the BS and start celebrating their lives. It seems to me that some black women don’t know how to exist without talking about their pain.

  8. You sure nailed it! My most central thought about “Dark Girls” was, it brought to you by black men just as “Good Hair” was brought to you by Chris Rock a black man. Not impressed at all. Regarding “Dark Girls”, once again it is the BW fault (mothers), and of course the media. Just a little blame put on BM. How did Ophra Winfrey allow this on her channel being a BW?

  9. It’s me again and I’m back. ( TLC, Creep) I reread Moxie’s post and this one so I will be combining my thoughts from the two. I too am tired of the Black Woman (regardless of hue) pity party and porn of pain. We are encouraged to wrap ourselves in the cloak of victimhood. We have to understand this is done the keep us distracted from the real job at hand– living a wonderful bountiless life. I’m not being PollyAnnish but no one can make you think less of yourself unless you are a willing participant. I was always told what a pretty chocolate child I was and cute to be so dark (wth, my young mind put that on igg) But here’s the thing I was a latch key kid so I spent more time with the kids in the neigborhood than my newly divorced working mom. So sad to say some would try to use my skin coloring to insult me by calling me blaaaaaack. It almost worked.Yet I had a childhood friend who had two older brothers who both were PIMPS and one told me at the tender age of 9 (WTH, a pimp giving a 9 yr old advice got to love the BC) not to rely on compliments from others because that was sure fire way to get set up for pimping and he had “stable full of insecure redbodnes trickin'” for him and all he had to do was tell them how pretty they were and they are more than willing to sell their precious bodies for a compliment. My little mind processed that quicklly I filled my room and photo albums (remember those) with pix from National Geographics of Blue Black Beautiful African People and celebrated myself all day every day (still do this day) and was confused why others thought it should have been an insult to be called blaaaaaack. (When people say the word black I tell them they better smile when they say that word). I was told, correction, warned not to date light skin men because they wouldn’t find me attractive or treat me right or just make me their back street girl. Guess what WRONG… I dated a few and people started to say I WAS color struck but I was just trying to see if the warnings were true and by in large they were not grounded in anything but trying to make me feeling sorry and limit myself. Not saying that light skin men are prize but they were more than eagered to date me and show me off i even in THE DAY LIGHT(LOL). It was the dark skin brothers that seemed offended by my coy glances and even the Back to Africa brothers seemed to spend alot of energy chasing the the fairer skin girls with perms than the darker hued alla natural sistas circa 90’s. The funny thing was I was always told that I was the type of black girl white boys went for, and in sheer defiiances I avoid them like the plague because like Efie from Dream Girls I was going make American born black men love me because Black love was on the line and by embracing me by extrapolation other dark skin women were being embraced too. What a heavy burden. I have since put down. Lawd the years I wasted and good men (African born, Hispanic and White) I passed up looking for my purple unicorn. In summary; don’t get hung upon compliments especially on the superficial it’s first class ticket to being pimped in every manner; Don’t let politics into your boudoir; And celebrate yourself and those embrace you. Peace

  10. I do not understand why people have a problem with dark-skinned Black women discussing how colorism has hurt them. I really just do not get it.

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