The Dance Is Over and You Don’t Owe Them A Thing: BWiF 104


The Dance is Over….

And I hate to break it to you when black women got dressed up oh so pretty. But really…. The dance is over.  If you don’t know what  I’m talking about, who I ‘m talking to, I’m talking to the black women who have decided to “wait it out” concerning fair and even media portrayals that don’t screw black women over or let them “feel good” about themselves in the outcome.

Yes… l hate to break it to you but the Dance Is over.   What I mean is, the time when everyone sat down to fight for their seats at the table is over, the dye has been cast and at this moment in time it’s highly unlikely that the band is going to continue playing.

The punch is gone and everyone is heading towards the exits.

It’s a concept that I don’t think many black women understand as they’ve been trained to go down with the ship like it’s loyal captain.  For a lot of black women, I continually see them haunting forums, brigading twitters, lining up on Facebook fan pages to complain to the writers/producers/networks/fans about the mistreatment of black women overall in the media.  These black women believe that there is some fight left, some accomplishments to be gained by perpetually wasting their time writing article after article after article about how they wish black women would be given a fair chance in the media and how yet again they are being portrayed heavy handedly, while they hope against hope that things will change if they can just get other people to care.

*Note Please do not even mention that I just wrote a BWiF 101 post about characterizations and identifications. I did NOT do so because I simply wanted to complain about unjust media, I did it to point out characterizations that many black women don’t even seem to be aware exist and do not understand the greater implications and I did it to give the reason why black women should not support the shows they are watching.*

This isn’t going to happen.  The band has in fact finished their last set and the balloons are being deflated as we speak. When it was time to “carve up” who was going to get any good portrayal in the media( and  we know who these went to See recent minority casting on Downtown Abbey and note what gender the black character will be ) groups other than ourselves. Black women were simply left off the ballot when it was time to vote for prom court.

But why are you telling me this onelesssoldier?

Well I’m telling you all of this so you can stop wasting your time holding out hope. I’m doing this so you can pack up and take your money/time/ resources/ portrayals elsewhere so you can stop being treated as the court jester of television while you support your own mass degradation. Basically I’ll be the designated driver that makes sure you’ll get home safely.

As the designated driver I will point out that there is largely no use in trying to appeal to these forums to try and get a slice of the pie for black women in the “mainstream” media.  We’ve seen from my last post that the people who are in charge of black women’s portrayals are fully aware of what they are doing and in fact enjoy doing it.

There is no mistake. It wasn’t an accident that you are being portrayed in the media the way you are. They are fully aware of what is going on. They are Nurse Ratched aren’t they And they have an agenda.

Unfortunately as I mentioned in my other two posts Troll Face and Nurse Ratched have played a good game in either making black women believe everything is changing or that when they get screwed it’s for their own good.

Furthermore as the designated driver I want to point out that these people who are messing with your image are also doing so to assert their privilege over you in the only way that they can.

Case in point Julie Plec writer of the vampire diaries. You see Ms. Plec doesn’t care about giving a black woman a good role because that would mean that she doesn’t get to keep the privilege that she has by making the black girl be the single girl while the other women are well loved and given true roles and portrayed as desirable.

Heck if you want me to really break it down for you, I have heard ( and I can’t confirm this as I have never read the vampire diaries books or seen the show)  but I can say that from what I understand from other people BONNIE was the character in the books who had a large role while Caroline was actually the one with the smaller role. From what I understand they basically, when the show came out, gave Caroline (white) the story lines and sidelined Bonnie.

My point is that there is nothing to debate.  There is nothing to try and negotiate it’s all going according to plan and that plan was never to include you in the first place.

In fact you’re simply playing into their system where you plead for acceptance and hope that one day they’ll admit that they like you, they truly like you.

This will not happen as they need you to play into their system because they know you will support them without walking away.  Basically they know they can do whatever they want to you and you won’t do a damn thing. In fact they know you’ll beg for more whilst they cash in or your desperation in the meantime before they decide to pull the plug.

And where does that leave black women truly?

It leaves you in living out a scene like the one in the classic movie “Carrie”. Similar to Carrie many delusional black women show up to the party truly thinking that *this time is going to be it for black women* “we’re moving on up” . Those same tricks (that I mentioned in 102 and 103) are played and not only do black women not see what’s going on but by the time black women *actually realize* that  they’ve been played they end up like this:


Indeed,  it takes pigs blood and lives lost (usually their own) before black women come to the*realization* that it was all just an elaborate hoax.

Another case in point:

The show the vampire diaries made the decision to kill of the character Bonnie. Of course this comes as such a *shock* to the people who spent their time investing in a character  that didn’t go anywhere. Of course these people have not yet decided to get out. Oh no! They believe that the character “won’t stay dead” and that truly Julie Plec has good plans for them. They think it will get better.

Sad to say that after five years these women haven’t truly learned their lesson.


…. Black Women don’t owe them A DAMN thing.

I don’t think many black women are clear on this concept either. Many black women don’t even realize that they can*opt out* of the dance if they realize what is going on and desire NOT to have pigs blood poured on their head  after being tricked into thinking they’ll be voted queen in a rigged election.

As the designated driver at this little shindig I’ll also be the one to point out this:

Black women do not owe anything.


You are not required to “sit it out.” Or “have faith”. You are not required to accept bullshit.

There are some women who may feel guilty that they are not supporting something because they may have been told that their reasons for not supporting it are  “petty” or played off as “not a race issue.” They may feel guilty because they want to get the hell out of dodge the moment they feel like something doesn’t sit well.


I felt the need to caps lock all of that because it’s imperative that black women hear me.

Your tab has been settled. You owe nothing to the bartender.

Other people seem to think this is some sort of sexist date where they feel they bought you dinner and now you have to “put out” (aka support all the bullshit that they spew out) *See the supporters of shows like SATC or the boneheaded blacks guilting black women into watching RedTails.*


If you feel something is wonky about the situation that they are creating and don’t want to support it, that is your RIGHT.

You do not have to wait until the time that’s always a day away and hope that you’re going to be finally granted anything. If it feels wrong, if you feel like you’re getting played. Trust your gut.

Don’t let the nurse Ratched and Troll Faces play you.

Case in point:  Recently (February) I started watching the show Person of Interest. I had never seen it before and make it a point to never watch a show when it premieres until I see where it’s going. It’s actually a good thing that I didn’t get invested in the show because they have announced now that actress Sarah Shahi will be joining the show as a regular.

Of course the delusiods and concern trolls are fawning about the fact that Shahi is a “woman of color” and how cool it is that the two “leads” are both “women of color”  (Ironic that she is half Iranian and half Hispanic and both of these groups can be included in the “Caucasian category”)  Yes these people would have me believe (like nurse Ratched) that I’m really getting something from the deal.

(Lol. And I just wrote about this. I honestly think I’m prescient because I can’t make this crap up.)

I quickly realized this for the bull it was. And I am grateful that I didn’t order any dvd’s before I discerned what would happen.  Because I can’t be sure if this new addition will mean less screen time for Henson who is already a supporting cast member.

Do I feel guilty? No. I am the customer. I don’t have to support tripe that doesn’t present me in the best light or marginalizes me. I’m not required to do that just like I’m not required to wait out season three in the hopes that the black woman character doesn’t get screwed( and really what are the odds of that?). But they if they want to make money they are required to present material I like.

My point is that black women do not owe the people who are producing these shows/ movies/ music/ plays/ etc. their resources while they decide how they want to play god with the representation of black women.


If you don’t believe me ask yourself this. Would anyone watch anything that they didn’t feel they came out on top in? Would they waste their money. We all know the answer to that is a big NO. Do not let them change the standards for black women.

You can choose not to support something.

As I end this post I want black women to remember one phrase:

I don’t KNOW you, I don’t OWE you.

What I mean by this phrase is that  you don’t owe these people, they are not your friends. They are not your family they have done nothing to further your lives and vice versa you wouldn’t know these people from Adam if you walked past them on the street.

This is a business transaction at the most. They attempt to sell a product and if you don’t like it you are free to take your business elsewhere and invest in something that can give you a return on your money.

If you’re not getting a profit then it is not worth supporting. To otherwise  and you are simply wasting the few resources you have.

And black women simply can not afford that.

Until Next Time,

Stay Neutral.

Ps. This is part of  a series

Previous post: Ah Benevolance: The trick is to make you think it’s for your own good when really you wind up as empty handed as before. BWiF 103

Next post:   Entertainment for the Progressively Neutral Black Woman: BWiF 105


50 thoughts on “The Dance Is Over and You Don’t Owe Them A Thing: BWiF 104

  1. YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS @ this entire post

    You are right and black women need to watch the heck up: There is a VESTED interest in maintaining a status quo where black women are alone, undesirable, and unwanted. The supportive side chick and sacrificial lamb who gets nothing. EVER.

    Do these people really think persons who are out for themselves are going to pause for a hot minute to give a good damn about their hurt feelings? Nope, not happening.

    Which is why black women need to take their money and resources ELSEWHERE. When people have shown you time and time again they don’t care about you, you are a fool if you continue to sit there and wait for them to change their mind and “make time for you”.

    Make time for YOURSELF and your own best interests.

  2. This was an excellent post. You’ve broken down this phenomena to its basics: dollars and cents, and BW as consumers in the entertainment marketplace to pick, choose and refuse as she wishes. BW as consumers of entertainment are under no obligation whatsoever to purchase “entertainment” in which bw are portrayed as cartoonish, asexualized, reduced to “damaged goods” (portrayals where bw are riddled with insurmountable issues such as rape or other extreme trauma)…along with the rest of the laundry list of negative stereotypical portrayals. As you stated, these writers and producers know exactly what they are doing. They are not invested in lifting up the image of bw. A certain group of women want to promote their image. That is okay. However, the simultaneous massacring of BW’s image is not necessary to promote this end – but obviously they feel differently, and that will stand so long as BW continue to finance them.
    We can produce our own content and uplift our own image. Plus, we do not need to give them any of our money as consumers (ad revenue via ratings, promotions via social media – which also translates to increased ratings & more ad revenue, movie tickets, etc) since we are getting nothing in return – except subpar goods (negative portrayals). Complaining to the producers/writers won’t help, since the idea that this will help is premised on the belief that these individuals are not deliberate in their portrayals of bw, and an appeal to said persons “better self ” will be enough. No. The money does the talking, as it always had. Bw have incredible spending power If they want your money, make them EARN it.
    Not spending time,money and engaging in “dialogue” with blatantly un-reciprocating entities – this is the case of the dog chasing its tail,.

  3. I have said this time and time again…Black women use your female card and do your very best to get the heck out of the United States of America! This country’s only resource at this present time is our blood, sweat and tears. The capitol of “at least I’m not a Black woman..” is just too precious of a commodity for good ole U.S.A to give up in any area (EVER).

    Television and entertainment is just a surface rash compared to the calculated oppression against Black women in the nine other major activities of living; being Economics, Education, Entertainment, Labor, Law, Politics, Religion, Sex, and War.(Yes, taken from Neely Fuller, who like your average Black man only gets half the big picture.) The cancer is so endemic to American life forms that I have to stress that even living full time physically on the country’s soil makes you a taxable compliant mammy, BWE devotee or not. We must in droves “vote with not only our feet,” but suitcases to save ourselves and our progeny. This is very much a war and honestly, I am not confident in the number’s of alerted Black women that can bring overall change to our condition. From women’s rights to health care and education, America can’t even poorly compare with most European nations.(Where yeah, there’s racism here too, but there is little to no racial debt owe to you and for once a Black woman can use the badge of “American” as privilege, strangely enough.)

    To me it’s already glaringly aware that as a Black woman, I owe the US and her snide communities not a darn thing, but in fact America is so delinquent in back payments to me as her original currency, that to remain sane, foreclosure of our very bodies is the obvious remedy

  4. I always have this question in my head, how will I benefited from watching and spending any money on people who despise me. Growing up I notice when other persons want to whine about how they are not being treated, they will look at the black lady to see if they can get her caught in their foolishness. When you do not agree with them and become their leader, expect a meltdown. I remember during the Rodney King unrest, this white woman asked me why are your people unruly, this person was a completer stranger to me. My reply to her was why do your people whine and throw hissy fits when you cannot get your way. This stranger was French and I brought up their students march, where the students were fighting in the street with the French police , I did not received an answer, she walk away. I will not supported anything that is destructive to my person. My mother taught me this saying ” I need not beg, borrow or steal” When dealing with people I have a clear and define standards.

    • Yes! I think that not only voting with their wallets is a good thing for black women but as you said having clear defined standards that can not be trampled or compromised. My sister was going to get a free subscription to ebony (or maybe essence?) magazine. Even though it was free I just didn’t want that POISON in the house. No siree, i won’t even let their filth into my thoughts.

  5. I found this blog through Khadija’s post and boy am I glad I did.

    What you’ve said in this post is what I’ve been telling my bw friends and bw I encounter online. Moaning and complaining about zero or negative media portrayal achieves absolutely nothing for black women. Vote with your wallets. It’s all about the bottom line. When these movies lose money from lost cinema goers or tv shows lose ad revenue due to less viewership and rating, only then will anyone give a crap about what effect THEIR actions will have on THEIR pockets. However, as long as all bw do is moan, complain, petition and cry about how ‘unfair’ it is, without actually taking any actions, the only people being affected will remain bw and bw’s image.

    • Yes! Money is the universal language. I have noticed that with so many black women who support the show scandal,and seeing were black women are putting their money now other networks are trying to put black women in shows. Like deception (though that was poor quality) and the show coming out in the fall with Nicole Beharie as the lead. (Sleepy Hollow.) Only when black women wield their wallets like a sword will people get the picture.

  6. I agree with all of this, and I most CERTAINLY agree that Black women & girls need to STOP supporting ANY & ALL media that treats/portrays them like crap and that INCLUDES media that has Black males & White females benefitting and being portrayed in the most positive ways imagineable.

    But the problem I notice is that whenever Black women talk about boycotting/fighting back against this media abuse/erasure, you have TOO MANY people, including so-called “Allies/BWE” who will try to guilt Black women into supporting such media lest she be labled as “jealous”, “petty”, or not as “progressive” as the person telling her to be a mammy for this junk media because she is “not obsessed with everyone she supports in media having to look like her” or some other such touchy-feely pc crap that anti-Black female racists will NEVER extend to ANY Black woman or girl! Nor would they support media where THEY are erased/non-existant or given comic relief roles at best/blatantly insulting/racist roles at worst!

    I have said it once and I will say it again, there are a A LOT of charlatans & flat-out LIARS who are claiming to be “for” Black women & girls, yet their words and actions, most of the time subtle but sometimes NOT, indicate that they are anything BUT that. And this only contributes to the confusion of Black women & girls who want out and are looking for something better, something where their humanity is respected, not ignored/stepped all over so Black males, White females, or whoever else that is NOT Black & female feels good about themselves, smh.

    • And by “fighting back”, I do NOT mean appealing to the Black women/girl-hating JERKS who produce this disgusting content for better or fair treatment, I mean tuning out and calls for Black women to produce their OWN media content for THEIR benefit.

    • I see this has to be reiterated again!! No, these are NOT legitimate sources of BWE messaging “who will try to guilt Black women into supporting….” That is the complete OPPOSITE of BWE, where RECIPROCITY is a core fundamental. Do some research and refrain from lumping every random blog that may be written by or claims to be in support of BW together. We’ve encouraged women to stop begging for scraps, fighting white hegemony and becoming owners/influencers for years.

  7. Very good post. Funny thing is that Sarah Shahi is not even half Hispanic. Her mother is a white woman from Spain.

    Taraji P. Henson signed on for Person of Interest as the female LEAD and not supporting. Remember the TV Guide controversy that Taraji P. Henson started right before the show premiered? She was rightfully pissed that as the female lead she had been ignored by TV Guide. TV Guide’s response was bitter as f, but CBS should have shouldered some of that blame, too, because the promos excluded Henson.

    The problem is that even though Henson is supposed to be the female lead / third lead per her contract and billing, her screentime is very slight half the time, which is annoying, and gives the impression that she is merely a supporting player.

    It goes back to what you wrote about in terms of supporting or walking away. Carter’s storyline ended on an intriguing note that SHOULD provide her with much more storyline during Season 3. However, if that is ignored by episode 4 plus Shahi’s Shaw is given a lot of screen time, I am out.

    • I had no idea about Shahi’s mother. Lol that means they have even less of a leg to stand on with their already weak arguments. Exactly, I may read the reviews but I’m certainly not playing the waiting game. Nope, I have better places to take my resources.( and I consider time my most valuable resource.)

  8. “…I have heard ( and I can’t confirm this as I have never read the vampire diaries books or seen the show)  but I can say that from what I understand from other peopleBONNIE was the character in the books who had a large role while Caroline was actually the one with the smaller role. From what I understand they basically, when the show came out, gave Caroline (white) the story lines and sidelined Bonnie.”

    Yes. In the books Damon loved both Bonnie and Elena, but he never had a relationship of any kind with Caroline. He was constantly saving Bonnie’s life. She was kind of a lovable flake in the book series, but became more mature and focused by the last book. Matt, Elena’s ex, was also hot for Bonnie and suspected that Damon was in love with her and was jealous. Bonnie on the TV series never even got even a 1/10 the action book Bonnie got. It’s as if they gave her role to Caroline but the names remained the same.

    Granted, it’s been a long time since I read those books (junior high), but 12 years isn’t THAT long ago. I also remember that she had numerous boyfriends and crushes throughout the series, and she did not DIE. I hope that new show Julie Plec is creating about Klaus and the first family of vampires fails big time. She deserves it.

    “I’m doing this so you can pack up and take your money/time/ resources/ portrayals elsewhere so you can stop being treated as the court jester of television while you support your own mass degradation. Basically I’ll be the designated driver that makes sure you’ll get home safely.”

    The Black women who don’t understand this are either in denial, playing stupid or ARE stupid. Why should we waste our time watching shows, and buying products from companies that sponsor them, when BW are either demeaned or rendered invisible? If someone wants to watch Girls or any other show, that’s their business, but to pretend that they don’t understand what you are saying is just plain ridiculous!

    I saw the comments from that “Lannie” person in my email earlier today. It’s hard to believe she’s actually a BW. But sadly, she actually could be. That is how well programmed some BW are. They will champion their own exclusion yet fight for the inclusion of others. I’m sure you noticed she mentioned other groups of people who HAVE THEIR OWN MEDIA OUTLETS, and therefore do not need help from us and are NOT offering us theirs.

    “I’m here to tell you YOU DON’T HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY FOR PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST. YOU ARE NOT REQURED TO PIMP YOURSELF FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S PROGRESS IN WHICH YOU WILL NEVER BENEFIT. … Do I feel guilty? No. I am the customer. I don’t have to support tripe that doesn’t present me in the best light or marginalizes me. I’m not required to do that just like I’m not required to wait out season three in the hopes that the black woman character doesn’t get screwed( and really what are the odds of that?). But they if they want to make money they are required to present material I like.”

    Amen. 😆
    Great post!

    • Thanks for confirming the truth about TVD. It’s good to have a reader that can attest to others what actually happened.

      Yah I read the comments by “lannie” all I can do is SMH.

      • I know what my comment said and I stick to it.

        1) you complain about white/white female racism but then you want black women to be written into these white female oriented shows?

        2) Once again, I’m puzzled by this logic….

        3) You tell black women here on this post to basically start respecting themselves as consumers (and I agree with this) and avoid all negative media; brands but then you contradict this objective by giving the impression that you think black women did a good thing by protesting “Girls”.

        4) Once again, I’m puzzled…

        5) How can we warn BW of white female racism and their agendas if we’re still begging them for shit?

        How can you avoid an enemy if you’re charging head first like a bull towards them, then when they step aside and move the red cloth and you run head first into a brick wall yet again like a clueless animal.

        Black women expecting to be including in other’s limelight is basically being that clueless animal. Now judging from this article, you can agree with that.

        • Last thing, black women simply need to create their own path. What I only MEANT to say was that if black women want a “Girls” then they should create their own version. We need more black female tv script writers, televsion producers etc anyway….

          White women ONLY want to include black men. Why? Black men are another source of wealth for them now and they know it. They’re being smart. Whenever black men are successful they take their wealth to them and their community so why WOULDN’T they only include black men.

          Soooooooooo, why do we expect anything from them? I don’t see asian women begging for shit from them, at least not nearly as much as black women. They KNOW BETTER. Asian women just simply DO. They don’t talk, they don’t whine, they just DO. They go to school, get the highest grades, get great careers, dress and act feminine, market themselves to the best of their ability to successful men specifically white men and they avoid doing or saying anything to hinder themselves or their collective group.

          Why can’t we do this? This is a sincere question now. I really want your feedback on that.

        • As I said in my other responses to you. I never promoted the idea of begging( in this post i was quite against it.). I really think you should go back and read my posts or at least the ones in the tab at the top of the page. Because in fact i said the exact opposite in other posts too. i said that black women should stay neutral i said that intersectionality dicates that black women are in a conundrum. (you should read that post because then my words my make more sense). I also said that the reason I write it to point out the flaws in the system that of current feminist/civil rights activism. ANd how it is IMPOSSIBLE for black women to ever win that game. The problem is black women need proof. I use examples of Girls as reasons to WALK AWAY not reasons to protests in fact in all of BWIF post I talked about how black women are getting played and how black women need to get out of the game that people are playing with them.. I also said in another post that black women should turn off their television completely. So i still don’t see where you are getting this assumption. My posts are written with the hope that more black women will de-politicize their life and make good decisions for their OWN Good.

          I basically have said exactly what you are saying now but I used numerous examples to pont out WHY as I know most people want reasons before they follow things blindly.

        • Again I never said beg. You are misconstruing my words.

          From your comment which was the first on my blog. You immediately came in frankly, rudely hurling accusations about what my blog is about and misconstruing what I’ve supposedly said which again if you’ve read all of my posts you would know otherwise. To be honest what I perceived as hostility had me believing you were a drive by troll. ( i’ve gotten a few of them.)

        • Lannie, I agree that Black women should remove themselves from supporting media created by White women, Black men, or anyone else that excludes/erases or seeks to villianize them, and I of course agree with Black women creating their own media for THEIR OWN benefit/pleasure but there is nothing wrong with Black women discussing said exclusion/reasure/villianizing in SAFE Black women/girl empowering spaces like this one. People need to stop trying to put a gag order on Black women & girls discussing this raciomisogyny that they and they ALONE have to face. Nobody does that to any other oppressed group, so it should NOT be asked of Black women & girls period.

      • And NOOOOO I’m not an “asian female worshipper”. I’m just simply observant of the fact that their overall behavior as a group as been successful. It worked.

    • Understand something here. I do NOT for the life of me comprehend the logic of “protesting” to be included in the activities of the enemy.

      You all talk about white female racism but then you turn around and want those very women to write black women into their television series?!

      Be careful what you ask for. Black women want to be included into “Girls”. Okay they’ll do that alright and we’ll have ourselves a repeat of “Bonnie” all over again. Probably worse because HBO is not PG.

      Like I said, I agree with everything on notyourgirlfriday mostly besides that one thing.

      Like you said black women should move on and stop asking to be included in anything white women, black men create…….

      IMO, black women need to pull inspiration from asian women and just go M.I.A. from media altogether and focus on improving are overall quality of life without making a big fuss.

      We’re not using this “invisible” thing to our advantage. Why can’t we make major moves as a group without bringing attention to it?

      A black woman came out with a book or something talking about how popular black women are with billionares and all I could do was *facepalm*. Why oh why would she do that? If black women are marrying billionares successfully WHAT do you think will happen once American media takes this bit of information seriously???

      They’ll have our HEADS!! Next thing you know next summer there will be 2 sitcoms, 3 movies and a reality show about “golddigging, rachet, manipulative” black women who are all about the benjamins and nothing else. Real black women will start running their goddam mouths and the black community will further push their agenda to guilt black women out of participating in hypergamy, etc etc ETC. It’s all a chain reaction as a result of black women’s lack of discernment not to say anything and refusal to just leave american media ALONE.

      Just saying….

      Everything I’m saying here is obviously on page with the opinions of this site.

      • How many of my posts have you read? Because if you’ve been reading since about July 10, 2012 I’ve been saying the exact same thing. ONE theme. And that theme has always been neutrality. If you haven’t read my posts from that point (or at least from a few months ago) it will simply be like walking into a conversation that was going on before you entered the room.

        There’s a tab at the top of the page called “posts you may want to read first”

        I’m not sure when I said that black women should “beg” for anything? My theme has always been neutrality and walking away. When I brought up girls I brought it to point out that no matter how many protests that black women choose to have the “dance” is over and things won’t change.

        I still don’t disagree that protesting ( for other groups are wrong). but I’ve explained in numerous posts why that can never work for black women. Again white women protested with to white MEN until they got what they wanted. Why wouldn’t the people who claim to be your allies not give you anything?

        BUT I also recognize that because of intersectionality (and I’ve also said this before in those posts0 and the privilege that white women ( and in other posts i talk extensively about black men) have and can’t give up they will NOT give black women an in to the group that they claim black women are a part of.

        Finally,while I pointed out that it is not insane to under normal circumstances want to protest. It IS insane to keep protesting and begging with groups that CANT give up power and refuse to do so. To do that is a waste of time. Basically I’m pointing out that their alliance failed lied whatever you want to call it.

        Hence why the post is basically about saying the “Dance is over” and how black women need to let that idea go.

        My entire intent of notyourgirlfriday is to reach the woman who are guilted, dragged, shamed, into supporting feminists/ civil rights, and POINTING OUT the flaws and how while there expectations under NORMAL circumstances SHOULD be fair they are not because of the reasons that I have stated and that the ONLY way black women can be happy is if they neutralize themselves and gain distance. ( and the majority of the time these people are told that they ARE Friends and that we can all WORK IT OUT.) Which is in fact a lie and that despite what SHOULD BE FAIR isn’t and at this point black women are wasting their resources. I pointed out the callous and then Ironic response (hiring a black MALE instead of female on Girls) because I wanted to show that they have no intention of changing anything. It has nothing to do with protesting. I said in THIS post that protesting is waste of time.

        Again I wonder how many posts you read because most if not all of my readers know (or at least should) know that is what I want and what I advocate on this blog.

      • Again I pointed out white female racism yes. I never said I wanted them to write black women in. I said it was IRONIC that a feminist show like that hired only WHITE actors despite the claim that all women of ALL races can benefit. There were plenty of black women who poitned that out. Since the first year that show came out and I posted on it. I posted out they were hypocrits. I NEVER Said protest i simply used that as an example of why black women should walk away because their protests were ignored and then ironically turned against them because they hired a black MAN instead. I said they were wasting their time from the beggining because I KNOW that black women would never be part of that.
        I dont’see how it’s not apparant (if you read my posts from the beggining) that I used those points to follow on the idea that they would never give up their privilege.

        • Some people should just be put on nignore. Life’s too short and reading comprehension courses are widely available across the country. … For those who wish to comprehend. 😉

        • I thought I had made what I was saying *perfectly* clear and nobody else seems to be having a problem. Good to know me/my writing is understandable for the rest of my readers.

      • Also Lannie, I did wince a little with the proclaiming of Billionaires marrying Black women. I But I also felt good about it as well. With all the attacks we as Black girls and women suffer, to hear of a regular Black girl playing her cards right and being wed to a true power player is something I think we all are encouraged by. We are making gains and we as Black women need to have concrete evidence that the lies out there..(we already know the crap our enemies put out about us) are not true and that men of influence and wealth are getting the corrected message as well. But my question to you is, “how do we share with each other our victories and gains without inciting revenge from our enemies?” And who’s to say if we keep quiet about our gains folk will lay off us?…cause that has not been evident in any way historically.

        • Hi berrygirlfinn. IMHO There was nothing wrong with the Billionaires marrying Black women info being put out there, because after all as you point out, there are TOO MANY attacks that Black women & girls have to suffer, so what is wrong with you getting some positive pr/info for a change. If hearing that info made Black women & girls feel better & good, that is WONDERFUL! The thought of any positive info making Black women feel better/good, putting smiles on their faces, and an extra spring in their step is very heartwarming to me, as it should be to anyone who truly cares about the well-being of Black women & girls, the younger Black girls in particular since they are constantly getting bombarded with negative, lying crap. Lannie’s fears about what the stupid media and anti-Black female elements in the Black community might do with the info are somewhat legit, but at the same time, all Black women & girls have to do is breathe or walk down the street for that stupid bunch to come up with yet more lame anti-Black female propaganda/lies so we should NOT let what those idiots might do stop us from getting positive, uplifting messages about Black women & girls to Black women & girls. It is something that HAS to be done! Onelesssoldiers work on this blog is excellent and without peer. She is truly providing much needed info and lessons for Black women & girls to help them live better lives and avoid predators, racists, and other anti-Black female lowlives.

          a problem with the messages

  9. Even though Lannie might suffer little from “jumping the gun” before finishing post series; or has a little difficulty with reading comprehension, She’s made many excellent points… outside of her confusion with saying the same thing, in a different way. Lol. (Sorry sweetie)
    But the point you made of White females making advancements toward Black men in television and media really answered a deep question for me…I mean they (WW) have the men that run the world… why the heck would they lower themselves for a Black man? (in society status wise) But as Kadijah says, “follow the money trail!” It’s a sacrifice they collectively make to collect the financial gains some of these new monied Black males luck up on. So much of the open fair-ness to Black males in media is to insure that (WW) remain, if only in imagination, the ideal trophy to all men… and do whatever it takes to keep their “true love and desire close….Dollar ,dollar bills ya’ll. And with these silly Black men, the picking must just be too easy….genius!

    • What points did she make that I have not said IN TRIPLICATE since the inception of my blog? Aside from accusing me of being a proponent for “black women to beg for things” and generally maligning my post without finishing them or reading previous ones what exactly did she point out that anyone who has been a reader since my blog started would not already know I have advocated for? And this is a serious question.

      • Onelesssoldier

        Yeah, she said exactly what you’ve written consistently…I too think that she didn’t read all the way through or just needs to relax with a cup of herbal tea! I have no idea where the beg WW for things came either. LOL. To me she did clarify the reasons Black men are shown in a better light in the media as of late…and yes I already knew (WW) mainly are the true gold diggers; but the way she printed that notion out focused my “aha” there.
        I also noted the point about what to do with spreading our victories in a way that is most beneficial to us as Black women. It’s war and we need to always think as many steps ahead as we can.
        And with me directing some gentle questioning to Miss Lannie, I feel that she’s sincere but just a little confused, I just wanted dialogue with her because she heading in the right direction and we all need every last Black woman who can get the message to get it! The squeaky wheel gets the grease as it is said.

        You, on the other hand, obviously got it going on Onelesssolider… your writings are clear and you have terrific insight. Just keep on doing what your doing!


        • Ok.I’m glad to know that I am being clear to other people. If I’m a bit short with commenters it’s because I’ve a had a new influx of trolls in the past weeks and I’ve actually had to delete some comments so my guard has been extra high lately.

  10. Girrrrl, I can only imagine the bustas you are dealing with these days! Thank you so much for trudging on and keeping your focus FIRSTLY YOUR PERSONAL SUCCESS…then the clear strategizing Black women must insist on implementing to make our lives as wonderful as we dare them to be!! I hope to support you in any way I can! So yeah, keep your guard up and your spirit protected (those with wimpish feelings be darned!) …real allies know what the deal is out there.

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  12. Loved this post, but also agreed with one point that Lannie made about BW not needing to trumpet their victories too loudly. By which I mean, not announcing them outside of safe BW online spaces.

    Obviously we need to know whats what amongst ourselves, but the creepy desire of so many black women for wider mainstream (meaning white and often white feminist) acknowledgment, is what can threaten nascent movements such as BWE.

    I guess that some are writers, getting paid for bringing MSM attention to any new shifts in the black zeitgest, but their work doesn’t benefit us or the changes so many BWE bloggers are trying to nurture.

  13. You are write on point with everything that you said. It’s so true that some black women be waiting it out for the system to change, but as you pointed out they continue to show us who they are and it is up to us that we believe them. I got a lot of criticism from people dear to be when I refused to watch Django Unchained. Most people around me where saying its just like the movie Roots etc., but I’m just tired of the madness lol. I even stopped watching Scandal. When it first came out, I thought the show was going to be so good. But I started having a problem with Olivia when she couldn’t get her own life together, which to me sends a message that as long as black women are catering to other people its good, but don’t let us try to get our own life together: that is the biggest sin lol. I also can’t stand Fitz lying self. This show just sends so many mixed messages, and its so sad that there are black women that are defending this show like it the bible or something .. its crazy. I don’t blame the actors, but the writers are at fault. Same thing with Tyler Perry: he sold out long time ago. I won’t go see or watch a TV show just because Black people are in it.
    Our culture will put pressure on us to support anything and everything just because we may be included. They won’t stop producing stereotypical movies until we stop supporting them with our money. But as long as they think they can swindle us and hoodwink us in to believe a lie, then they may even come out with the help part 2 and three because it is about money and in exchange we get a side dish of psychological warfare. They also be like lying to us in the trailers to trick us. For example, I saw Red Tails thinking it was going to be a good movie, but there were no black women girlfriend or wives in the movie at all. One character who was black was calling some women the most beautiful women in the world, which I don’t mind interracial relationships. But the truth is the truth: those Tuskegee Air man did have black girlfriends and they did have black wives, so why were we missing? Because no form of media will ever uplift or encourage black love for our families or ourselves. T
    The only way to win the game is to not play the game, that is why I don’t watch TV shows or movies that present half truths. I also am playing on not going to go see The Butler too. I don’t care if Jesus Christ himself is playing in the movie, I won’t support foolishness. It becoming so sick this days that people have actually stop reading real history books and gaining/ learning real facts about ourselves and our history that we expect movies, celebrities and other avenues to tell us facts about our own lives.
    We waiting on them to present us in the right light when we are selves should be focus on how we live right everyday in reality. Hollywood makes us have a blind devotion to their foolish stories because we have a fake attachment to the actors and actresses (most of them don’t care about us, they just want to get payed) but we continue to uplift them even when we know that they are wrong. And the really sad part is we will support actors, actresses, directors, etc who give us foolish movies and TV shows, but the actors, actress and directors who are working to provide us with positive and uplifting stories we won’t support because we become addicted to stereotypical presentations. Isn’t it a shame that it so backwards?

  14. I whole-heartedly agree with everything you wrote. Black women should definitely turn off the television etc. (at least refrain from watching contemporary American television and film). I love to watch old school British dramas based on classic British novels. You get wonderful ideas about being feminine, courting, how to be mysterious as woman when dealing with men, etc. We also need to watch the music we listen to, stop giving people like Beyoncé access to our ear gates etc. I prefer to listen to classical music, old-school jazz etc.
    I use the story of Daniel in the bible as a metaphor. Daniel did not partake of the meat/food that the king laid out for all the wise men of the kingdom. In other words, he didn’t digest what everyone else ate because he saw it was harmful. He knew it was tainted. He and his friends ate and drank differently. As a result, he and his friends were wiser than the others and were elevated above all the other wise men. I don’t digest current media because it is harmful to my mind, and spirit. Any move black women make to free themselves of destructive media (with its harmful images and destructive messages) is a positive one.

    • Love your Daniel metaphor! That’s exactly right.

      I love classical music too. Jazz is also a great suggestion. In BWIF 105 I’ve discussed entertainment that my readers could read/ listen too. So I definitely love your ideas of watching British dramas. That sounds very interesting.

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  16. Again, I am a bit late to this blog, but I am still loving it. I stop watching Tyler Perry movies long ago, once I realised that all his Black females were either mammies, hoochies or single motehrs, prayerfully waiting on the Lord to get them theirs. Now, I am all for waiting on the Lord, but in the meantime, educate yourself, travel, even if it out of your own city (until you can save up enough to see Europe/Asia/Africa ps: NO, don’t go to Africa because it is the motherland, Your mother hasn’t been there in a hundred years!)
    The dance IS over and to be completely honest, sometimes it seems BW invites are still in the mail.

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  18. Pingback: Black Women in Fandoms 106: The Trick Is To Make You Think We’re In This Together, When Really They’re Dancing On Your Bloodied Corpse | Not Your Girl Friday

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