If feminism grants choices why isn’t femininity a choice for black women?

Note: This is the final part of the series that I was writing before.

I will be moving on to another mini series (not the one I mentioned in my announcements post)  very soon.

OLS

Anyone who has spent any time in the feminist community has heard the claims that feminism grants choices to be “whatever you want to be” and while that is true to a certain extent and for certain “feminist approved things” I’ve also noticed that this only works for people who happen to fall into the “acceptable” categories.

As with many women who have spent time listening to the feminist community  you’re probably noticed that many women have a problem with “femininity”, of course if you strain yourself even further  you’ll find that this strict adherence of code to disassociate with anything that happens to be feminine, is even stricter for women who are black.

But don’t you think you’re exaggerating?

No I don’t think I’m exaggerating in fact if you look at anything you will see that while  feminism certainly upholds the idea of disregarding “traditional “beauty standards or not forcing women to be “feminine” I’ve noticed that in most of this usually only applies to black women.

I’ve talked about this in my post earlier in the series, “they won’t be happy until they strip you of everything.”

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/02/10/they-wont-be-happy-until-youve-been-stripped-of-everything/

And I noted a trend where “empowered women discuss how great it is to be “nontraditional” but that is only an ideal and NOT actually reality. In fact when given the choice most women choose to be feminine.  When they watch television, read a blog or anything else,  most of the role models of these women are women that are extremely traditional in their behavior.

And these same feminists somehow manage to give a rundown of why these women are still “empowering” and “pro feminist”

And that is their choice right?

Except that for all the choices the only times I see these same feminine behaviors pushed away, whenever I see feminists get angry, You CAN BET your last dollar that the woman involved was probably black.

See the article I was mentioning where I noted that many women who watched the show Person of Interest had a problem with Taraji P Henson’s (a black woman)  character crying at the idea of losing her friend.

Yes faced with the idea of losing a person that (in Henson’s own words the character “loved as a friend”)  People still thought her reaction was.just.too much…

Because we all know black women are ghouls who don’t have the ability to be sensitive, amiright?

And yet I’ve noticed that these same calls to masculinize black women in character and in real life is never carried out by themselves. I’ve noticed that these same people LOVE traditionally Feminine white characters who are in no way “feminist”. But further, and more important I’ve realized that black women who actually adhere to the strong, masculine, non-feminine idea are being played better than a fiddler on a roof.

Because while black women are being castigated for roles that are feminine,  while black women are screaming to the top of the world that they are independent and don’t have to dress any way or act ANY way to be feminine, and while white feminists are nodding along to this idiocy….

The image of white women and white feminists as being the standard for beauty hasn’t changed AT ALL. And I mean AT ALL.

What do I mean?  I mean no matter how many mothers of Honey Boo Boo you see, no matter how masculine white women may behave in real life, their image in the media and in the real life still stays as that of women who are MOST feminine simply by being WHITE.

You see in a thing I like to call, THE GREATEST GAME EVER PLAYED black women were tricked into giving up the idea of being seen as feminine even though while white women may have done so (although not to the same extreme) black women’s image was the only thing that took that HIT.

Because black women are black.

Think about it, since the 70’s when feminism really took off, has the image of white women being held up as the standard of beauty changed? Are they seen as any less feminine?

I don’t think so.

But since white privilege doesn’t extend to BLACK women, our image ended up taking the hit.

Well played, feminism well played.

But what is the most shocking isn’t that black women YET AGAIN got screwed by intersectionality. NO the biggest most telling thing is the response from other women when they do things that are “feminine.”

Suddenly it’s a problem.  Suddenly it’s everyone’s issue.

Because in the world of feminism and intersectionality black women aren’t allowed to try to be something that white women are inherently thought of having regardless of action behavior or thought. Black women crying, black women playing the damsel in distress, black women wanting to be stay at home moms, like Michelle Obama commented, black women doing anything that doesn’t mean them knighting themselves out for the feminist cause without getting the benefit means that the mule is gone.  And that creates a problem because then white women have to DO THE WORK AND LOOK TERRIBLE THEMSLEVES.

And we can’t have that happen can we?

No we need Detective Carters  to be “one of the guys” and take care of the masculine roles ( and take on the suicide mission it becomes) so that the feminists can enjoy the Hunger Game, and Sex and the city.

For black women who claim that feminism is granting them the right to be feminine if they want and they just CHOOSE not to be, why don’t you tell me, when was the last time you saw a white woman on television, or even in real life, refuse to adhere to feminine beauty standards or television roles that DON’T paint them as a damsel in distress/ raving beauty?

Can’t answer that?

Well then answer me when was the last time you saw black women being extended the choice to be able to play a woman that isn’t a mammy mule or unattractive masculine woman. When was the last time someone was HAPPY for a black woman who got the attractive, sexy role? And not angry at them for not doing what feminists told them to?

Can’t answer that can you?

Hmph….

We’ll how’s that for choice?

Note this post is part of a series. This is the final post

Previous post

Why wouldn’t You Want to Be Feminine?

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/03/07/why-wouldnt-you-want-to-be-feminine/

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/02/23/time-for-black-women-to-separate-their-image/

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/if-white-men-pump-dump-black-women-black-men-pump-and-dump-black-women/

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/02/11/dont-give-up-privilege-for-the-black-community/

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/02/10/what-do-honey-boo-boo-olivia-pope-have-in-common/

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/02/10/they-wont-be-happy-until-youve-been-stripped-of-everything/

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/02/10/the-black-feminists-and-white-feminists-are-angry-again-i-guess-ill-be-the-one-to-point-out-the-obvious-again/

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8 thoughts on “If feminism grants choices why isn’t femininity a choice for black women?

  1. It was once upon a time that I had identified as “feminist”, and thanks to yours, and other Black women specific blogs I can gladly say that I don’t any longer. Black women are not White women, and cannot and should not take up ideologies that ONLY apply to and benefit them for all the reasons you stated. I have recently decided that NO ONE will ride me to get what they want, and uses me to maintian the social order that serves to disadvantage me and reduce my options. I hope EVERY Black woman reads this post, and STOP’s supporting people and movements that are NOT intended to help them. That’s empowerment.

  2. I’m sorry to see this series end, it’s like reaching the last page of a book you truly enjoyed, but this was a terrific way to end it. Fantastic post!

    I especially liked these parts:

    “And I noted a trend where “empowered women discuss how great it is to be “nontraditional” but that is only an ideal and NOT actually reality. In fact when given the choice most women choose to be feminine.  When they watch television, read a blog or anything else,  most of the role models of these women are women that are extremely traditional in their behavior.
    And these same feminists somehow manage to give a rundown of why these women are still “empowering” and “pro feminist”….
    “And yet I’ve noticed that these same calls to masculinize black women in character and in real life is never carried out by themselves. I’ve noticed that these same people LOVE traditionally Feminine white characters who are in no way “feminist”. But further, and more important I’ve realized that black women who actually adhere to the strong, masculine, non-feminine idea are being played better than a fiddler on a roof.”

    THIS is exactly right! How can BW feminists NOT recognize what is going on? Even a woman who foolishly pisses away all of her income on shoes and designer clothes, leaving her unable to afford to buy her apartment on her own, because she has no savings (Carrie on Sex and the City), is considered a role model by WW feminists. White feminists even loved Dita Von Teese (sp?) – a vaudeville style stripper who used to be a MAC model, and considered what she did “empowering”.

    ALL women, if they have even half a clue, know that men prefer women who don’t aspire to be men or behave in mannish ways. If another woman wants you to do those things they are trying to keep you from being their competition. Plain and simple. No normal man will EVER ask you to behave like one.

    The fact is, feminine women can easily get men on their side and THAT is power. When a decent man likes you he will do whatever he can to help you, and I don’t even mean like you romantically. I got my current job through a male friend. I was even promoted a few months ago because of a male superior who liked me personally and professionally, despite the blow-back caused by my recording that bitch who was harassing me at work.

    BW feminists need to wake the hell up and recognize what is really going on in the feminist movement. Discouraging BW from dressing and being feminine and showing Human emotions is nothing less than social, romantic and political sabotage! While feminine women are admired and protected, mannish women are scorned and left to fend for themselves. In my experience, this holds true regardless of ethnicity.

    I would try to talk sense into the BW I know who behave mannishly and run around telling the world that they “don’t need a man to do a damn thing for them” and bragging about purchasing their own Valentine’s day gifts, etcetera, but I know they won’t listen, so I let them go their own way. You can only help someone if they’re willing to listen.

    “For black women who claim that feminism is granting them the right to be feminine if they want and they just CHOOSE not to be, why don’t you tell me, when was the last time you saw a white woman on television, or even in real life, refuse to adhere to feminine beauty standards or television roles that DON’T paint them as a damsel in distress/ raving beauty?

    Can’t answer that?

    Well then answer me when was the last time you saw black women being extended the choice to be able to play a woman that isn’t a mammy mule or unattractive masculine woman. When was the last time someone was HAPPY for a black woman who got the attractive, sexy role? And not angry at them for not doing what feminists told them to?”

    Yep. Just look at the issue SOME people have with Olivia Pope on Scandal. The same people who watch the new Dallas, Days of Our Lives and General Hospital, are suddenly too full of self-righteousness to support a show where the lead is having an affair with a married man. There is not a single soap opera in history where there were no extramarital affairs. Not one. Even Days of Our Lives had affairs when it was on the radio a hundred years ago. LOL.

    A lot of the people who write negative comments on Scandal’s FB page are WW, who say that they like the show for other reasons and characters, but hate Olivia because she’s a “home-wrecker”. I’m pretty sure that when Carrie broke up Mr. Big’s marriage to a very nice young woman – the opposite of Mellie, WW were defending what she did tooth and nail. I doubt they were dissing her like they are Olivia Pope. I’d be very surprised if I learned otherwise.

    • Yep. Just look at the issue SOME people have with Olivia Pope on Scandal. The same people who watch the new Dallas, Days of Our Lives and General Hospital, are suddenly too full of self-righteousness to support a show where the lead is having an affair with a married man. There is not a single soap opera in history where there were no extramarital affairs. Not one. Even Days of Our Lives had affairs when it was on the radio a hundred years ago. LOL.

      A lot of the people who write negative comments on Scandal’s FB page are WW, who say that they like the show for other reasons and characters, but hate Olivia because she’s a “home-wrecker”. I’m pretty sure that when Carrie broke up Mr. Big’s marriage to a very nice young woman – the opposite of Mellie, WW were defending what she did tooth and nail. I doubt they were dissing her like they are Olivia Pope. I’d be very surprised if I learned otherwise.

      Good point. I don’t know why the same people who watch sex, drugs and degradation everyday on tv suddenly have a problem with that show. I remember on one soap, can’t remember the woman MARRIED her RAPIST and they were considered one of the best couples of all time!
      And they have problem with Scandal SMH.

      I too have heard the hate for Scandal because it’s adultery. Supposedly a lot of women sympathize with Mellie. I’ve never seen the show but I thought that Mellie wasn’t a good person?

      This is exactly what I’m always talking about. These clear and obvious double standards.

      • “Supposedly a lot of women sympathize with Mellie. I’ve never seen the show but I thought that Mellie wasn’t a good person?”

        Oh, Mellie is a crazy b*tch! LOL. But I love her character, from an entertainment standpoint. She’s hilarious. But I can’t honestly say that I sympathize with her. She is always doing something certifiably insane. Like forging her (then comatose) husband’s signature, and admitting that she used to do it all the time when he was the governor of California. 😆 Sanitizing her hands after holding her own child. She hates kids by the way, but has 3.

        Their marriage was a business deal. Nothing more. That’s what makes support for her marriage to Fitz crazy and stupid. If I had a friend in such an arrangement, I would try to convince her to leave and find a real relationship so that she could finally experience real love. And I’m a person who generally feels strongly about the importance and sanctity of marriage. Marriage, not business deals forged for the sake of political expediency, which is all the Prez and 1st lady on Scandal have. The support for that marriage is totally fake.

        • That’s what I thought. I had seen a few clips and thought they had a business marriage so I thought * why would anyone want them to be together*. I agree from the clips i’ve seen I actually like the character Mellie but I would hope that she would find someone for herself and not fitz who clearly loves another woman.

  3. Pingback: Why Wouldn’t You Want to Be Feminine? | notyourgirlfriday

  4. Feminism, just like the Black power/Civil rights movements, has NOTHING to offer Black women & girls. Black women & girls need a movement that is 100%, full stop, no questions asked, no compromises about BLACK WOMEN & GIRLS and BLACK WOMEN & GIRLS ONLY PERIOD END OF STORY. Onelesssoldier, you articulated the reasons why perfectly, as you usually do, in this stellar essay. Keep up the good work!

  5. Feminism is a sinking ship. Take Racialicious for exemple. Interestingly, the founders of Racialicious blog were :
    -a Black woman
    -and a Transgender Mixed Asian woman.

    The Asian woman left after a few years to open a gym (maybe she realised sister soldiering was getting her nowhere) .
    The Black woman is still fighting (sigh)

    Black women, forget about movemnets, ideologies and the likes. Do for self. Focus on your interests and you will be rewarded.

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