Smile When You Say That :The Black Women Edition

Take a minute to look at the statue of this man.

Now, let’s play a little game. How many of you knew that this statue, located in New York  was of  Marion Simmons, who is considered the “father of gynecology”.

 Not many. 

Now….How many people, if they knew Marion Simmons was the “father of gynecology” (or not) knew that he was also a man who became the “Father of gynecology”  from his EXPERIMENTS ON BLACK WOMEN!?

Yes, you’re reading my words right. This man created his career, got his accolades and built his future place in history, experimenting and playing god with the lives of black women, who through no fault of their own had no agency and were forced to go through his painful procedures, which were carried out most of the time without anesthesia.

Yes this fair doctor helped many a white woman in his day. But like most things in life someone came out the winner and someone came out the loser.

 And as it is in many cases black women came out the loser.

Now my point isn’t specifically to give you a history lesson. Actually  it’s to point something out.

The alarming trend of black women, to accept anything. And I mean virtually anything.

I’m not talking about the poor slave women who were forced into that. I’m talking about the fact that presently thousands of black women walk past his likeness every single day and have no idea that this statue, this tool of admiration that sits so proudly in New York is really an amalgamation of the past present (and at the rate of how we’re  going)  and future of black women everywhere.

 And even worse, Black women don’t even KNOW it. And if they do they simply don’t care.

 But onelesssoldier, you’re surely exaggerating.

 No Jenny, I’m not. What is the worse than the fact that most black women don’t even know the history of the statue that is being praised, the statue of the man who believed that black women were worthless creatures to be used at the expense of others.

What is worse than the fact that many black women of today have no idea who Sara Baartman was and what she symbolizes now.

The worst part is that black women have somehow still managed to internalize the message behind it, or if they know about the abuse, the degradation and humiliation that black women have faced in society they don’t mind they even support  it.

I’ve been thinking about this, which was brought to my attention by a link on for Black Women Only Facebook ( thank you to them) and I was also thinking about the reactions to the Steubenville debacle and I realized something.

Most black women will support anything.  Further most black women will accept anything.

I’m not joking most black women will probably support anything. No matter how insulting, black women don’t mind “cosigning” it.

First example?

Take the recent video that went viral of the black girls who were BEATEN by their father for “twerking”  on camera. They were beaten with an extension cord and had marks on their body from the attack. Later it was found at that the girls actually snuck out and that was why they were beaten.

Now you would think that seeing the obvious abuse of someone who looks like them and, in not very different circumstances, could have been them, black women would be stricken. Heck, you would think that considering that black women have a very high rate of becoming domestic violence/ abuse victims that black women  would collectively revolt at the image of these girls being whipped to shreds. You would think that black women would be appalled and concerned.

If you thought that the majority of black women would react normally and sanely  you would be wrong. Many black women were not only unconcerned they were supportive of the father.

Their twisted and demented logic was that these young ladies ( and black society as a whole)  should be grateful to have a father at all. They should be grateful that a black penis is willing to abuse them.

 And speaking of abusive black penises. 


 I already spoke in a previous article about the delusional black woman who sympathized with the (black) Steubenville rapist because he was going to have to join the ” prison industrial complex.”   (Her words)

But now, let’s talk about the black women who love to rationalize and okay their own demise.  There is a black man on YouTube, quite a popular man actually. This man likes to talk about black women. He likes to talk about how much he hates, and reviles black women. And do you know what one black woman, who made her own video, had to say? Well it was nothing good. It was more along the lines of her pretty much saying that she could see why he was popular. (She gave various reasons)

No defense as a black woman being insulted without pause by the thousands of people who visit this man’s video(s). No! It would be too easy to speak up for black women like her. I’m sure that woman thought she was being ” fair” and “logical” in her assessment of the abusive black man on YouTube, and yet her faulty logic and attempts to be level headed, and her comments that she could “respect his hustle” will just continue with more videos like that. Why wouldn’t they? Especially when those type of men have the OK from dumb black women like her.

Or if that example doesn’t fit your fancy let’s talk about how one of the new covers of ebony magazine is Kevin “Dark Skinned Hos” Hart. Yes, Black women have decided the TV shows and awards aren’t enough. We’ve decided to now invite him into our ” dojo”. In another way to show the world that black women have absolutely  no self-pride, no HOPE for a better future for ourselves, that we respect and value our OWN existence, black women gladly and willingly put men like Kevin Hart on the cover of Ebony magazine.  But at least Ebony sold out for a buck. The readers on the other hand will pay to be treated like shit.

More’s the pity.


But that still isn’t enough…..

Because for some black women self-destructive tendencies are just not enough. The dysfunction spills out in every aspect of life, hell even the “educated” ones aren’t intelligent enough to realize that they’re going nowhere fast but still partying like it’s 1999.

Despite the fact that many black women have gotten an education, doesn’t negate the fact that certain dysfunctional behaviors are alive and well within the population of many black women.

If you want to identify these women, these pestiferous mutating bundles of uselessness,  it’s not that hard to spot them. These women litter  “Womanist” blogs,  “black feminist” sites, or they simply run websites that claim to be “for” black women’s interests. These women have certain LIMITED vocabularies that include words like “rhetoric,”  “problematic”  “consenting adults” and “shaming”.

These women like to beguile others into believing that they’re  educated because they took a white Women’s History course while in college getting their lame degrees and “empowering” themselves. These women are the same ones who  came to the conclusion, after years of unhappiness and beating their collective heads against the wall before they realized that white feminism isn’t granting them anything, to move  on to ” bigger and better things”.

These women, after seeing feminism for the Dustbowl that it truly is, decided to migrate to “California” aka “Womanism/Black Feminism” in the hopes of greener pastures.

These women are just as bad as the ones who are willing to support violence because these women feel that their education justifies their skewed thought process.

But the biggest way that you can identify with these women is that they are still having the same damn conversation that went on years ago but never actually changed anything. These women like the one in the “Crunk Feminist Collective” article that I’ve linked below are using their education to talk to the same rappers that have given a collective finger to black women since day one. These same “educated women” are talking about how these rappers could change their ways. Except they won’t

(Note: I changed my mind. I won’t link the article because I don’t want the trackback or the viewers from that blog but the title is

Five Ways Talib Kweli Can become a Better Ally to Women in hip hop)

Yet these educated black women can’t even realize that they are wasting their time and have masses of deluded black women wasting their time too.

Because they have to be deluded to waste their youth and potential happiness being activists for causes that can never come to fruition complaining to people who just. DON’T. CARE.


And the waste of time isn’t the only thing that stands out. I have also noticed the fact that black women are only willing to waste their time when other people tell them to.

Let’s talk about the Steubenville case for one more minute. Generally when the news broke about the case women were rightly disgusted. What surprised me was the reaction from black women. Not because they didn’t care, but because they did.

The majority of the women speaking out were the same women who happily went along with BLACK women being raped.

See WhatAboutOurDaughters articles talking about a black women at ebony magazine who back Gernarlow Wilson but didn’t for the Steubenville rapists. It seems many black women only take their cues of good and bad from the people around them.( as if it ever does them any good). If rape is okay in the black community it is okay for black women. If white women won’t accept being rape victims,  then it’s time to stand for justice.

All of the years that black women stood for black women being called bitches and hoes and now because of a highly profiled case involving the white community and now black women suddenly care.  Now suddenly Rick Ross rape lyrics matter, now Lil Wayne is important to discuss.

Before the only reason Lil Wayne and his Emmitt till offensive lyrics got any attention was because it insulted a black man.

The most glaringly and insulting thing about the entire affair, and affairs similar to this, is that black women only care when the victims are white women or black men.Many black women only care now and are calling for these men’s head on a bounty because it’s “en vogue” to give a damn.

And yet, I’m not fooled.


But many black women still are because they react in the stupidest ways to things that may actually help them. Recently a white man (uh oh) asked the question about some reporter being touted as black when really she was biracial.

Of course the backlash was swift and cutting. He was called to task for debating race and because of all the people to do it was a white man. And yet from where I’m standing I can’t say that he’s wrong.

This woman is biracial.The fact that in the past and currently FULL black women are being replaced in the media by biracial women who “see themselves as black” does not escape my sight. Neither does the fact that because of this now people believe that the only attractive black women MUST be “mixed with something” for black women not to see how “problematic” it is for black women to have their standard set by women who ARE NOT FULLY BLACK, leaves me gasping at the oversight. The fact that Black women are willing to let anyone represent them, even people who because they are half white have the privilege of being seen in mainstream media and represent ALL black women amazes me.

These women are so busy letting their minds implode because a white penis said the words that they don’t even realize that he *actually* has a point.

Which is just plain sad. Because this man said something that black women have been complaining about for years (not having any true representation) but it went over their head because of the person holding the mike.

Yes, most black women don’t even notice or care that they are being treated like shit. And worse when someone actually points it out they get insane.

I also don’t believe that all of these women have simply been brainwashed. Yes some have to some extent but there are plenty of black women who KNOW something is amiss. For those women, who are cognizant of something being wrong and then simply, and idly sit by (or even fight someone who might point out something helpful) is just plain sad.

Sadder is that I know that for many this won’t change. My words may hit some, a few, but the majority of black women will go along with their days, their “busy lives” their “educations.” They’ll whistle as they walk past the Marion Simms statue while tourists take pictures of it. They’ll hit the clubs and dance along to the music that stomps their very existence into the ground. And when they get home they’ll happily clean the mud stains from their raggedy dresses without complaint.

But in the back of their mind they’ll always wonder why they were never truly respected.

And I’ll always know that the reason why was a sad mix of being programmed from birth not to give a damn about ourselves, and simply not caring.

Until Next Time….

Ps. this is part of a series.

Black Women in Fandoms: 101 : Identification & Characterization (a series)

Welcome To Black Women Fandoms 101. IDENTIFICATION  If you’ve ever taken a course with me Like Black Women Shaming 101, you know that this post will be devoted to pointing out all of the fuckery of the treatment of black women characters in fandoms. Why is this important? Not simply a means of venting Black Women Fandoms 101 is designed to point out the very obvious very hidden ways that black women characters are marginalized so black women can be aware that they are watching their own subjugation.

So let’s open our books and take a look at all the different ways that black women play a role/ characters that black women play in fandoms. You may have heard of some of these or not. The point of this series is really more like a “refresher course” of black women in the media. And No this isn’t just a rant post I will get to the point of all of this in the next two posts.

Note: If you have not already noticed from the pictures above I will be using black women who are characters on popular television series’ today. Also note that Other people have pointed many of these phenomenon’s out I just put a name some that needed them.

Let’s get started we have a lot of material to cover

1.       The Mammy:

This character will go down in infamy as the most common and most  annoyingly overused characterization of black women in American Media. The mammy is the character that everyone knows, and everybody looks through. The mammy is dedicated to helping the white characters (usually white women women) achieve their hopes and dreams or is constantly dethroned ( also think Mercedes on Glee who just isn’t  as good enough as Rachel). The mammy is usually overweight (think Mercedes from Glee)  and she is usually happy that way. Unlike her white counterparts the Mammy is not only happy to be the unattractive sidekick to the white character, she is completely “defanged”. That is, like a rattle snake that has lost its venom the mammy has no sexuality. ( or given unsuccessful relationships like the one with Sam)Unlike the potent beauty and sexuality of her white counterpart the black Mammy best friend simply exists. There is no past, no present, no future. (though there may be some illusion to an unsuccessful past relationship that might explain her frigidness) No hope for relationships outside of the one sided exclusively beneficial ones. She is only around to serve and protect. To the cost and detriment of her own self.

2.        The Mother:

Similar to the mammy although she is not as self sacrificing and does think about herself.  She is very motherly to the people around her and while she may not be de- sexualized her sexuality is always muted in comparison to their white counterparts. For example Shirley on Community at first is a divorced housewife who later gets back together with her cheating, philandering ex husband when she becomes pregnant by him.  While The Mother may be sexual she is not sexual with any of the main characters. Yes she had a one night stand( drunken)   with a (lesser) character  ( who is characterized as awful and unappealing). And she was comically hit on in the beginning seasons by ( Chevy Chases character) but nobody likes either.  Her sexuality is off screen as to not be offensive. And the love she gets is relegated to second best. And certainly not with the leads.

And as the writers of Community have had the character of Shirley note on the show in a sort of Meta way, she is frequently assumed to be the “mother ” (and insulting called “mother hen” by one of the women of the group though through flashbacks  (and said often throughout the show) it is later shown she is the exact age of Jeff Winger (Joel McHale’s Character) And not much older than one of the other women in the group. Though also noted through the show he has slept with all of the women but him.

The mother may have some character development but most likely it will have to do with her family like on Community.

3.        The Antithesis:

This character is the stark contrast or exact opposite of the white female character/ heroine. Where the white female character is probably skinny beautiful, smart courageous or any other positive characterization, The Antithesis black female character will be the exact opposite. For Example, think True Blood. Tara Thorton acts as the Antithesis  of the white female character Sookie Stackhouse. If Sookie is loved by everyone, Tara is generally overlooked.  If Sookie is portrayed as courageous Tara is a whining pestiferous weakling frequently victimized and has no agency.  If Sookie is optimistic and hopeful about love and life, Tara is the one that knows it “aint gone get no better.”  This is also seen in looks/ appearance too. While Sookie Stackhouse is blonde and beautiful and loved by many vampires and humans alike because of her (“light”) Tara is the dark skinned (their portrayal not mine)  dark souled, just generally DARK  character who simply sucks the life and love out of a room (no matter how well her reasons are like RAPE).

4.       The “Ëscape Goat”:  

This character is simply there for one purpose and one purpose only: They are designed to be so hideous, so unlikable, so nasty,  that the general audience hates them. This black female character usually comes along with a bad attitude (for no apparent reason).  They are unattractive, overweight, loud, Larry, and generally a hassle to other characters. (Pick a show and  any black female character can fit this role.)  Generally this is so because this character is there to distract the audience from the less than desirable qualities of the main white cast of characters (a lot of times the white female character).  Recently I read some comments about how the character Bonnie on the Vampire Diaries was treated deplorably .(I do not watch the show but I have seen clips and have seen what they are talking about) and one commenter said this

(no subject) – pistol_eyes – Expand

nicenicegirl 13th-Apr-2012 09:57 pm (UTC)

that’s my issue with her tbh. i liked her in season 1, and then i couldn’t put my finger on all of a sudden why i stopped liking her, and then one day i figured out it was because i don’t think we’re supposed to. we’re barely given any info on her and they only call her in for help when they need a witch. it’s awful how they treat her.


As this smart viewer brought to my attention. The viewers are not supposed  to like this character. Bonnie Bennet is not going to get any screen time because Bonnie Bennett is there to serve her purpose (mammy) while holding all of the so called characteristics that nobody likes( although ironically many times if you look closely characters like this actually have many admirable qualities) . Thus distracting the audience from the same lesser crappy qualities of the rest of the cast of characters.

If anyone has ever seen the show Community there is an episode in season (1?) In which Shirley (played by Yvette Nicole Brown) threatens to leave the group if they don’t kick Pierce (Chevy Chases’ character out.)The result? They kick him out but they all soon notice that they soon they start turning on each other as they realize that since Pierce was the most obnoxious. He almost “balanced” the group because they were all focused on how much they hated him and his bad flaws instead of everyone else’s bad traits. Soon after they try and find which member will be the new “escape goat” (Troys’words)   When that fails they are desperate to get Pierce back in the group to balance everything out again.  Thus order is returned.  Or if this example doesn’t suit your fancy think Dan on Gossip Girl frequently he was the target of derision of the Upper East Siders though most of them were more morally corrupt than him.

This is the role of the black female ‘escape goat”. She is not there to be developed, loved, liked, cared about. Her past will not be looked at or examined closely. She is simply there as a diversion to make the rest of the cast more adhesive and cohesive.

 5.       The Resilient One: AKA The Strong Woman or The Sufferer

The tagline “She suffers, so your favorite character won’t have to” should be the tagline of this characterization . She is there to suffer and that is it. She is the Annie of the group except the sufferer will never meet her Daddy Warbucks or her Knight in Shining Armor.Tara from She is there to take the burden of the suffering.  Tara from True Blood Is a good example. Tara frequently has nobody in her life to care about her. Her mother disowned her and was mean before she left her life. She has no father to anyone’s knowledge. She barely has any friends and the people she loves frequently die and are never replaced with other stronger bonds with other people others unlike Sookie.

Further, the sufferer provides the real gritty story lines without having to defile the white female characters by giving the stories to them. Think how Tara was raped for a lot of Season Three on True Blood and she never received any help afterwards. ( And please don’t be obtuse about Jason being raped also on the show. Because his character is actually given insight and thoughts whereas Tara is NOT for the majority of the time unless it is to characterize her worse)   .

But of course you could NEVER show  Sookie or Arlene or Jessica or Pam being raped. NO the Sufferer is the mule the woman who can be the whipping post for the show provide “real” moments while leaving characters like Sookie and Elena virtually unharmed.  Or think how in the Walking Dead comic book  ( I’ve never read)  Michonne the black woman was the women who was raped brutally.

The resilient woman is there to take the hideous, heinous, crimes get up without a care, without protection or help or concern and brush it off. ( or deal with it off screen as someone pointed out about bonnie on vampire diaries or how Tara left town on True Blood)

Indeed she may be admired (or Not because * ironically* most people don’t like these characters, for being “Strong”)but she is certainly not LOVED.

6.       Sassy Black:   AKA the Comedy Act ( But the punch line is she’s actually not funny)

Sassy should be her first name and Black should be her last because that’s all you need to here to sum up her entire life.  She is the loud, larry, (fat) unattractive, neck bobbing, angry bitter, jealous and everything in between. Usually this character is also the comedy act. Think Sherri Sheperd or whendy Williams.   Sassy black is known for her comedic timing and jokes. She snaps her fingers with impeccable timing as she tells her jokes about “dem white peeples”   but she’s generally just….Unappealing. Think the black woman from (Donna from parks and recreation)

The comedy act is there to reaffirm audiences that black women are indeed in their place as the lovable buffoons that they’ve  always been. While threatening in manner she is no threat to white female hierarchy because she’s too busy shucking and jiving.

Sassy Black, As others have pointed out, Also may be hyper sexual. ( Sassy Black has that mythical black women self confidence)  Though we never see the men ( as someone pointed out about Donna Parks and Rec). She frequently also takes on the Jezebel stereotype of black women to a T.

Sassy Black is a woman who would be described as someone who ‘doesn’t take shit” or “tells it like it is”. Sassy Black rolls her eyes, express frustration at all the white people around her and express  her indignation with the best of em.  Sassy black has no hope for the future and is satisfied with herself even though there is MUCH to be desired.

But of course audiences “love” this character the most.  Many times Sassy Black Is the enforcer/ protector of her white female counterparts who also gives advice/ lives vicariously through the white character.

* Angry Black

Note: Angry Black  is  under the same umbrella of Sassy Black. And we all know about her.) She is angry for no apparent reason and she may or may not tell jokes. But one thing is for certain she is a force to be reckoned with regardless.

Similar to the maid, ( Florence?) on The Jefferson’s she is disheveled and distressed and loves to engage in angry (and sometimes witty)  repartee with the rest of the characters. She is the basic of any good sitcom or show. She’s pissed at the world and the world steps out of her way. I don’t even have to list a show. She is  in plenty.  Though if you *need* on think HELEN on the show Drake and Josh who is ironically also played by Yvette Nicole Brown.

Angry black woman can also be overweight. And Angry Black Woman can also be physically or verbally abusive ( especially showing jealousy to white female characters or just anger at white male characters).  She also loves to harangue respectable black men. Think Wendy Williams character in the movie “Think Like a Man”

,,,  << Kelly Big Time Rush
and above this is Lanie from Castle

7. The Best Friend:   

The best friend is actually likable. She has the most potential to be the fresh faced girl next door character close to the white female character. Except with The Best Friend while she is likable, relatable, etc. she is never given the chance or is simply not delved into like Kelly on Big Time Rush or Lanie on Castle. Usually like the character Bonnie on Vampire Diaries another of these characterizations gets in the way and she transforms into nothing but a shell.   She does not date ( and certainly not the lead ( though the character Lanie is given another minor character as a love interest though its mostly off screen and shown through the mans point of view) ( Kelly on Big Time Rush is also never seen dating anyone they don’t even allude to her age either) She is a threat in many fandoms because if she is actually given the good story lines  she will be liked. Most importantly she is a threat to the other female characters. As someone pointed out about Bonnie on the VD her character while interesting is never given any roles because if she was she would become more interesting than paper doll ( no agency) Elena or Caroline. She has the potential to disrupt (take focus off) the story by her own charms so she MUST BE DESTROYED.  The Best Friend aka The Girl Next Door doesn’t last long.

She can’t.

8. Rough, Tough And Tumble:

She is supposed to be the female embodiment of feminism and empowerment. She is the strong, (but nowhere near as strong as The Resilient and she may never know  true suffering like getting raped though she has had her normal share of pain) She is simply the black women that “kicks but” takes name, is a good friend, all while dressing sensibly. She is usually of average looks (or her looks are played down for audiences sake) and she is generally never given a love interest ( because of course she’s too strong for that.)  She is the character white female audiences may salivate over because she is strong (which they can enjoy for the sake of principles) but they also get there cake and frosting because they generally enjoy the softer (white) characters. Think of black female captain on the show Castle who makes people call her “SIR”( for respect and has the nickname ” Iron Gates” ) . Or Regina Kings character on Southland or even Jocelyn Carter on Person of interest.  (I mention Person of Interest not even because of what the writers have done but because of the audiences blatant need to shove her into this role despite all evidence of her  NOT being Rough, Tough and Tumble. Carter is very vulnerable but that is a BIG problem for audience members)

Usually Rough, Tough And Tumble, “gives as good as she gets’ with men ( a feminist’s wet dream)  and is generally just seen as “one of the guys” ( or course she doesn’t get in the way of white  love interests on the show.)

And of course similar to mammy she doesn’t want to either.

Rough, Tough, Tumble provides a touch of realism  (she wears sensible clothes, strong, tough, un feminine)  without having to make black women real. ( she has no love and certainly not the lead usually they might be off the screen love interest as not to upset “progressive audiences”)


Brown Face: 

Brown face may not be a negative portrayal she is just… there. She may very well have lines, she may very well be a supporting cast member but she was only cast for one reason. To fill the quota to keep the angry black beasts  from  RIOTING Hollywood. She is a placation, a place marker for black women audiences. Someone on other posts has pointed out Astrid on Fringe. She is there to provide color ( and she may or may not be a full black actress though it doesn’t matter its for look and her race is generally never mentioned )but she is NOT there to do anything more than assist.


10.    Invisible Girl:  

Invisible girl is just that….. Invisible.  You would think it would be impossible to have a black female characterization about a character that isn’t there but actually INVISIBLE is  one of the biggest most used characterizations. Invisible Black Girl, simply never SHOWS UP, though her existence is implied. Think the erasure of black women in Red Tails who were neither shown in  thought or flashback.  As many viewers pointed out and the love story was then replaced with a black man and a white woman. And this isn’t even targeting the interracial aspect. The point is that Invisible black girl is simply not around when things are happening though her existence is alluded to or implied. They may be married but there will be no pictures nothing, only a ring if that. Think how the first black male Captain on Castle had a wife that only showed up at his funeral and the episode dealing with the aftermath of his death. Then she faded into the background.  Invisible Black Girl is always someone’s, cousin, sister, mother, but her existence is simply null outside of that. And you often wonder how other black male characters exist for all of the thought given to them.  But if Invisible Girl shows up like, she is mostly a plot device to further another character.  Some people may quote the backlash of (Broomhilda from Django Unchained whose story was never shown. I’ve never seen it so I am not sure) Or think about Gus on the show Psyche. Gus is a character whom even with flashbacks we don’t know who his family is who is mother is, if he has siblings etc. It is almost as if he was born unto himself.


Whew, thanks for sitting through this flash course on Black Women Fandoms, This was just a brief introduction/ flash course.  I hope that this provided an identification number  for these characters to black women will see them coming a mile away. If you are still interested in learning more this class will continue with these next posts in this series

Black Women in Fandoms : 102

Until Next Time,

Stay Neutral.

Not Special Thanks to these posts who brought many things to my attention ( or refined what I was already thinking) so I was able to make an amalgamation of the trends that were being put in front of us.

If feminism grants choices why isn’t femininity a choice for black women?

Note: This is the final part of the series that I was writing before.

I will be moving on to another mini series (not the one I mentioned in my announcements post)  very soon.


Anyone who has spent any time in the feminist community has heard the claims that feminism grants choices to be “whatever you want to be” and while that is true to a certain extent and for certain “feminist approved things” I’ve also noticed that this only works for people who happen to fall into the “acceptable” categories.

As with many women who have spent time listening to the feminist community  you’re probably noticed that many women have a problem with “femininity”, of course if you strain yourself even further  you’ll find that this strict adherence of code to disassociate with anything that happens to be feminine, is even stricter for women who are black.

But don’t you think you’re exaggerating?

No I don’t think I’m exaggerating in fact if you look at anything you will see that while  feminism certainly upholds the idea of disregarding “traditional “beauty standards or not forcing women to be “feminine” I’ve noticed that in most of this usually only applies to black women.

I’ve talked about this in my post earlier in the series, “they won’t be happy until they strip you of everything.”

And I noted a trend where “empowered women discuss how great it is to be “nontraditional” but that is only an ideal and NOT actually reality. In fact when given the choice most women choose to be feminine.  When they watch television, read a blog or anything else,  most of the role models of these women are women that are extremely traditional in their behavior.

And these same feminists somehow manage to give a rundown of why these women are still “empowering” and “pro feminist”

And that is their choice right?

Except that for all the choices the only times I see these same feminine behaviors pushed away, whenever I see feminists get angry, You CAN BET your last dollar that the woman involved was probably black.

See the article I was mentioning where I noted that many women who watched the show Person of Interest had a problem with Taraji P Henson’s (a black woman)  character crying at the idea of losing her friend.

Yes faced with the idea of losing a person that (in Henson’s own words the character “loved as a friend”)  People still thought her reaction was.just.too much…

Because we all know black women are ghouls who don’t have the ability to be sensitive, amiright?

And yet I’ve noticed that these same calls to masculinize black women in character and in real life is never carried out by themselves. I’ve noticed that these same people LOVE traditionally Feminine white characters who are in no way “feminist”. But further, and more important I’ve realized that black women who actually adhere to the strong, masculine, non-feminine idea are being played better than a fiddler on a roof.

Because while black women are being castigated for roles that are feminine,  while black women are screaming to the top of the world that they are independent and don’t have to dress any way or act ANY way to be feminine, and while white feminists are nodding along to this idiocy….

The image of white women and white feminists as being the standard for beauty hasn’t changed AT ALL. And I mean AT ALL.

What do I mean?  I mean no matter how many mothers of Honey Boo Boo you see, no matter how masculine white women may behave in real life, their image in the media and in the real life still stays as that of women who are MOST feminine simply by being WHITE.

You see in a thing I like to call, THE GREATEST GAME EVER PLAYED black women were tricked into giving up the idea of being seen as feminine even though while white women may have done so (although not to the same extreme) black women’s image was the only thing that took that HIT.

Because black women are black.

Think about it, since the 70’s when feminism really took off, has the image of white women being held up as the standard of beauty changed? Are they seen as any less feminine?

I don’t think so.

But since white privilege doesn’t extend to BLACK women, our image ended up taking the hit.

Well played, feminism well played.

But what is the most shocking isn’t that black women YET AGAIN got screwed by intersectionality. NO the biggest most telling thing is the response from other women when they do things that are “feminine.”

Suddenly it’s a problem.  Suddenly it’s everyone’s issue.

Because in the world of feminism and intersectionality black women aren’t allowed to try to be something that white women are inherently thought of having regardless of action behavior or thought. Black women crying, black women playing the damsel in distress, black women wanting to be stay at home moms, like Michelle Obama commented, black women doing anything that doesn’t mean them knighting themselves out for the feminist cause without getting the benefit means that the mule is gone.  And that creates a problem because then white women have to DO THE WORK AND LOOK TERRIBLE THEMSLEVES.

And we can’t have that happen can we?

No we need Detective Carters  to be “one of the guys” and take care of the masculine roles ( and take on the suicide mission it becomes) so that the feminists can enjoy the Hunger Game, and Sex and the city.

For black women who claim that feminism is granting them the right to be feminine if they want and they just CHOOSE not to be, why don’t you tell me, when was the last time you saw a white woman on television, or even in real life, refuse to adhere to feminine beauty standards or television roles that DON’T paint them as a damsel in distress/ raving beauty?

Can’t answer that?

Well then answer me when was the last time you saw black women being extended the choice to be able to play a woman that isn’t a mammy mule or unattractive masculine woman. When was the last time someone was HAPPY for a black woman who got the attractive, sexy role? And not angry at them for not doing what feminists told them to?

Can’t answer that can you?


We’ll how’s that for choice?

Note this post is part of a series. This is the final post

Previous post

Why wouldn’t You Want to Be Feminine?

While I was out I gained some perspective and a TROLL.

Welcome back ladies!  Thanks for all of the understanding and positive comments while I took my short hiatus. I must say I  am feeling much better now. Apparently, while I’ve been out though I gained a troll. I guess I should say I’m flattered? Before the only trolls I had were angry black women still holding on to their dreams while drive-by commenting and sad feminists who think I owe feminism something. Now though I suppose I should be happy simply for the fact that my blog must be gaining a broader audience because I now have my first Good Black Man © Concern Troll.

So thanks Jim Burns, for this new found novelty.

I’m *honored*.

Let’s discuss what Jim Burns, Resident Black Man Here on NotYourGirlFriday had to say.

Apparently Jim Burns is dissatisfied with the post that I wrote on Black Women Shaming here


This is what Jim Burns said in response.

Jim Burns

April 9, 2013 10:06 pm

Lol…typical misdirection of the real issues that trouble our women. This so called “masterpiece” only has four, well five comments now for a reason. “We” as in responsible and productive black men love our women. Do keep in mind though, we also require our mates to be responsible for their shortcoming, and actually acknowledge that they have them. A humble and intellectual man has no problem admitting his shorcomings or correcting them. The modern day woman sees this as weak, seeing no flaw in her own disposition. This issue will only go away when both agree on what positive enforcement is needed to heal our community. Posts like these only deepen the frustrations of men like myself who desire nothing more that a loving, understanding, supportive, and most importantly HUMBLE woman


You see Jim Burns, Resident Black Man feels that he needs to drop a slice of knowledge my way. Similar to what I wrote in the exact post he’s commenting on. He thinks that he can shame me into being down for “the cause”. (Whatever that is.)

Jim  Burns, Thinks that because he’s one of the good black men. I should sit my black tail down and stop complaining.  Since there are Good Black Men © I guess there’s nothing left to say. I can drop the mike and walk off stage because there are good black men.

Did you hear that black women! There are good black men!!!!!!!! That means that the Anene Booysen’s of the world, the Amber Coles, can suffer in silence. Because the good black men negate what the bad black men do simply by their existence. And further Jim Burns, knows exactly what hurts black women because he’s a black… man!

It must be a Christmas miracle! Because all the rape victims, the domestic violence victims, and single mothers have nothing to complain about because Jim Burns is a good black man that loves good humble black women.

Imagine that! J

Jim Burns, Resident Black Man of NotYourGirlFriday also believes that the number of comments on a post that I wrote translates into how many people read my blog. He seems to think because there were four comments ahem sorry five including his, That it means that nobody is reading my blog post. Well, Jim Burns, I’m sorry to inform you that I know exactly how many people have read my post. And I’m sorry that you’re under some mistaken impression that because of comments, or lack thereof you presumed that nobody is reading my blog.

You’re quite the little omnipotent.

Because of course I don’t know how many views I get on my blog every day, amiright?

But I’m sure since you’re an “intellectual man” you won’t mind pointing out the flaws in your own skewed logic.

Don’t worry I won’t see you as weak because of it. I already see you as a weak man because you’re on this blog to begin with trying to use your sad, yet totally predictable attempts to shame me into thinking…. What? exactly?  Your comment was a bit confusing? Are you angry about my post? You didn’t actually deny that any of this happened more so told me to pipe down about it and get back to work coming up with “positive” uplifting ideas for the black “community.”

See readers, Jim Burns, Resident Black Man,  Is desperate to get black women back to working in the community. Because Jim Burns, believes that when black men and women come together we can finally beat the white man.

Further, Jim Burns doesn’t see what there is to complain about because the good black men love good black women.

And that’s that!

Well Jim Burns, I don’t think I want to do that. I don’t think I want to invest in a community that hasn’t willfully, or purposefully tried to help black women as a group.  Or one that can’t even manage to police the bad black men from running amuck and leaving bodies and souls in their wake.

No thanks!

Although I’m sure that some desperate black women out there will be happy to know that Jim Burns, Resident Black Man of NYGF loves them.

Me… meh.

But anyways, thanks for stopping by. Thanks for the *novelty* of responding to my first black man concern troll.

I had a blast!

But now back to the old grind.

To my readers. I think we should all thank our Resident Black Man for being here. We surely wouldn’t want this place to become an “echo chamber” of our thoughts would we?

Thank Jim Burns, Resident Black Man for coming to a space for black women, by black women and commented by black women, because he’s adding some “diversity”. He surely deserves a round of applause for his bravery.
Good Day Jim Burns.

Hats off to you!

And good day you Readers,

I’ll be back tomorrow with another post from a new mini series I’m writing.

Until Next Time,

Stay Neutral



Brief Hiatus

If you read my previous post   “Another 2013 look ahead” You know that I have many things coming up in the next few months.  Regardless, I feel that I need to take a brief hiatus because I need to recharge my batteries as I don’t want to experience burn out. And at this moment I’m feeling very emotionally fragile.

It shouldn’t be more than a week then I will resume posting as normal. ( or no longer than twoweeks).

For new and old readers, please enjoy my other posts.

I will continue to read comments  that you post and will respond to them when I return.

Until Next Time,

One Less Soldier

Another 2013 Look Ahead! Very Important Announcements!

Hello readers,

I just wanted to take a quick moment to post about some upcoming stuff I have planned.

But before I do that I want to thank all the readers and commenters who leave feedback! I’m so grateful for you comments because it really let’s me know what you guys agree and disagree with and it also give me perspective for my next posts. So thanks So much. And thanks to all the people who reblogged my posts and the regular readers of my blog.

I have a few announcements.  First I wanted to let everyone know that very soon I’ll be posting the last article of the series in the next day or so.

After that I will start with another fresh batch of posts as part of another series. They are all pretty interconnected and will be long.

I have about 13/14 posts planned and I hope to have those finished by the end of April.

May I will also be posting stuff, but I also want may to be Reader Suggestion Month. At the beginning of the year in my 2013 Look Ahead post I asked readers what they wanted me to write.

Soul Alive gave me some great suggestions for posts I want to write. (Thanks so much!)  So I will tackle those. Which I would have done earliers but the series I wrote took up my time along with school. If any other readers have any suggestions for topics that you would like me to talk about during Readers Suggestion month please let me know. It doesn’t have to be specific one reader sent me comments from some other women and I wrote a post about that. Articles w/e I will try my best to adress them during Readers Suggestion month.

June I also have some posts planned but I also wanted to try something knew and I’m not sure if any other bw  blogs have done. I really am interested  Interested in Black Women’s History and Remembrance Month. Of course this isn’t actually a month. But I would like it to be so the Month of June I am going to dedicate to this. I will be focusing on the achievements and history of black women in America.  I will also be focusing my posts on the achievements of current black women who i feel are really helping the position of black women.  So I am asking readers that if they know of any black women past present or future that they would like to be highlighted leave a comment and I will include them in my upcoming post in June. Or if you are a reader that has a blog and want to participate in June’s Black Women’s History and Remembrance Month please feel free to create your own posts. It would be amazing if more and more like minded black women also did more posts.  Some may be wondering why I find this important but most black women know that neither women’s history month or black history month really focused on Black women so I thought this would be a good way to focus positively on black women.

July I would also like to focus some posts  on black women’s artists spotlight.  I myself am a writer and I know that there are many black women who are writers or artists etc who want to get their name out there for youtube projects or art projects etc. I will be using some of my posts during July to help other black women promote their artistic abilities. For example if you are a self published writer and you would like to promote your book that you think other black women enjoy please let me know during july and I’ll try to include you. I think it’s important for black women to create a network of other individuals who may provide them with entertainment etc designed for them. And I understand that some black women would enjoy reading/watching etc the works of other black women if they knew they existed.


I remind ya’ll of these months in the upcoming months so you won’t forget. Let me you think or if you want to be involved in any of these months activities.


May: Readers Choice Month

June: Black Women’s History And Remembrance Month

July: Black Women’s Artist Spotlight Month

Until Next Time,

One Less Soldier.


ETA: Also I was considering making a Facebook Page for NotYourGirlFriday but I wasn’t sure if this is a good idea.  Let me know what you think.