Note to readers. From my last article I told everyone that the next post wouldn’t be so long…. I lied. Chances are this post is going to be just as long as that one. Also please forgive the typos, I was in a hurry to study. And I will respond to comments from today and the day before on the previous post tomorrow after I get home from class.
… So let’s get into it. ( it will be broken into three ( or four) sections so feel free to read whichever one you want.
i. In recent weeks the Steubenville rape case has taken the world by the disgusting acts of two teens that victimized a sixteen year old girl. As what usually happens in cases like this parents and teens and feminists alike are now wondering where things could have gone wrong. Everyone is blaming everyone else. Parents are blaming “kids today” who think they’re invincible, feminists are blaming Steubenville’s “football culture, and teens… well I’m sure that many teen are now experiencing disgusts. The media is having a field day feeding of the corpse that is fast becoming modern society.
As in these usual scenarios I’m left confused. I’m honestly wondering why everyone is running around like a chicken with their heads cut off. Oh don’t get me wrong, of course I was outraged for the victim. I spent days in a tizzy horrified that that girl had been taken advantage of.
But I have to be honest, While I’m disgusted I can’t say I’m shocked.
For a number of reasons.
1) Considering the town and the worship of their athletes, crimes like this are bound to happen.
2) Considering the fact that there were teens, parties, and no parental advisory, weak morals, and sheep like tendencies of the common man crimes like this are bound to happen
3) Considering that the teens thought that they victimize anyone and that football will have them “covered” and their coach would “handle it”( one of the perpetrators words) these crimes were bound to happen.
Look, in NO way do I want to sound crass, but I can’t help but look at all of these situations and know that this was going to happen.
Meanwhile everyone else decided to blame everyone else.
ii) Speaking of blame, I find some of the rhetoric surrounding this case and many others not only redundant but useless. I keep hearing things like “teach men not to rape.” Or things like “women should be able to walk around naked and not be raped.”
I’d like to address both of these prevailing and failing memes and explain why I think they’re failing and prevailing:
For starters people know damn well that rape is WRONG. It’s right up there with MURDER. People know that people shouldn’t rape other people. And yet people do it anyways.
Now there are two theories on why this happens:
1: Either parents are so underdeveloped that they never taught the child that rape was wrong. ( which you don’t even need a parent to tell you) ( And I don’t believe this theory)
Or 2)… and this is the most likely, People think they can get away with rape.
Now if you want to be dense, you can choose excuse behind door number 1. But just for kicks Let’s claim that people don’t know that rape isn’t rape. The people who are saying that “men need to be taught” not to rape, have FAILED big time because for anyone who kept up with the news for this case and SOOOO many others would know that
The posts and tweets and videos of the perpetrators claimed otherwise. One school boy who saw the pictures made a joke that “she was so raped.” ( He was laughing in the video) the two teens tweeted that she was unconscious! They passed around pictures and laughed. Her friend called messed up. While the cousin of one of them said it was wrong but didn’t stop it.
Teens are aware that when you have sex with someone who is knocked out THAT IS RAPE!
There is nothing to teach that hasn’t already been said. Ad infinitum.
And yet all I keep hearing is that we should use this as examples to teach men not to rape.
I’m going to let you in a on a secret about criminals. Criminals are always going to asses risk. A burglar is more likely to break into a house in the middle of the day because they assessed the risk and found it less likely for a person to be in the home at that time then say, night. Just like a bank robber is not going to walk into a bank filled with armed swat members but wait until it’s not busy and there’s no guards around.
My point? They know that robbing, killing, etc. are WRONG but they assessed their risk and decided to take a chance that they thought was in their favor.
The same with a rapist.
These boys knew rape was wrong but they assessed their risk and probably came to the following twisted conclusion.
1) They thought she was an easy target. This isn’t even about victim blaming either this is about the mind of a criminal. They thought they could make her a victim.
2) They knew they wouldn’t be stopped. Not only did these fools know that they were popular and on the “worshiped” football team they were popular and knew that peer pressure could dictate they could do what they wanted and no one would protest. In fact numerous people including one of the boy’s cousins, and other friends saw and didn’t say a word.
3) They were surrounded by other likeminded criminals. A criminal is a coward that is only going to do something as public as this rape around individuals who will give them a pass because they think the same way. They did this at a party with other, like minded men who decided to take pictures and laugh because the other boys agreed in actions if not in words (though those too) that it was okay. These people obviously wouldn’t try this in the presence of a police officer because most likely they would get arrested. NO, they did this because they knew the people also around that night thought it was alright
4) This is a biggy. They thought they were above the law. Criminals will always commit crimes if they know they are above the law. Look at the rape in South Africa. Every day numerous women are raped and the rapists go free. They can risk raping because it’s not EVEN a risk. They though their coach would “take care of” their problems.
5) This is a biggy. They thought getting caught was slim. They because of muddled rape laws and cases in the past they could easily claim the victim had consent, or that they didn’t do anything or claim, she wanted it. They knew that because most times the victim is blamed with questions about sexual history and past they thought it would be the same
6) This is also a biggy.They thought the jail time would be low. Rape not only has a low conviction rape but perpetrators don’t go to jail very long. A criminal will always address the potential sentence before deciding what to do. For example a murderer may not participate in 2nd degree murder because they know premeditated murder has a longer jail sentence than 1st degree murder.
What am I getting at?
My point is that all the signs, all the picketing, all the protests, all the boycotts in the world will never make a rapist not rape. You’re trying to appeal to the human side of a monster. You can’t convince the devil that they should stop hurting you.
No instead of trying to change the mental state of criminals who clearly know wrong is wrong, women should stop wasting their time and focus on the brass tax. And it always comes down to brass tax. You have to hit criminals where it hurts.
At this point women are wasting time with that same old perpetual conversation. Women should be focused on changing the laws of criminals. And what hurts criminals is jail time/ loss of what they want/ shame.
Don’t believe me?
Here’s an example. Criminals even the worst ones KNOW that if they are convicted, of pedophilia, child pornography possession/ distribution, rape of a child or murder of a child, not only will they GO TO JAIL FOR LIFE OR LONGER, the other criminals will positively rip them to shreds in jail! And rightly so. Because that’s a heinous crime.
Not only are they afraid of the retribution from their criminal peers but they also know that the laws protecting children are tough and not lenient.
Do you think these young boys would have decided to be such little assholes if they’d thought they would go to jail for longer? No siree. They only did it because they thought they could get away with it.
Woman, and I’m talking to all women (and men). You MUST, MUST, MUST hit rapists where it hurts. STOP trying to appeal to their humanity or “teach them” (They have none and already know it’s wrong). You must blame, you must shame, and you must lock them away.
And that means focusing on laws which will really paralyze a potential rapist instead of trying to appeal their twisted morals!
iii) And speaking of shame…
I hate to be that girl and be preachy but I take the hit if it means pointing out common sense. Like I was saying earlier it seems that everyone is standing around in the aftermath gnashing their teeth at how this could happen. Why nobody who saw this called the cops. People and parents simply amazed that their little egg head didn’t do anything.
Again I hate to be crass or preachy yet I have to ask why?
Every day, whether online or in real life I always hear the word “nice” thrown around. “he’s a ‘’nice” guy, you should go out with him, be “nice” to your classmates, “She was friendly and ‘nice’ , “She was a ‘nice’ girl.” “my friends are “nice”.
Like a lot of things that leave me scratching my head, I have to wonder why it’s so good to be nice?
Let’s get critical and look at the actual definition of “nice”
Adj- pleasing; agreeable; delightful: a nice visit.
The first part of the word is AGREEABLE.
Of all of the people I’ve ever known I’ve never in my life liked anyone I could classify as nice. For exactly this reason. Because all of the kids who from birth who had been conditioned to be “nice” either behaved TWO ways.
1) They either were passive aggressively “friendy” to your face then talked about you behind your back. (Because it would be mean to be honest)
2) The “nice” people were often the ones to do NOTHING when the crap hit the fan
I’ll tell you a story. Once in high school my brother knew a group of boys that saw another boy walking past them, drop his wallet. One boy in particular who my brother classified as a douche told me that the boy instead of giving back the guys wallet who they had just seen drop it he picked it up and took the money out. OF course the groups of boys that were standing around with him did nothing! The other boys who would of course have been described as “nice”didn’t try and give the wallet back and were easily agreeable with the boy who had just virtually taken the money. There weren’t even any suggestions to try and give it back. (What’s worse is that none of them needed the money as the person who took the money was RICH )
It’s imperative to know the difference between “nice” and “Good”
Just because someone is “friendly” just because someone is agreeable doesn’t MEAN that they do GOOD. Just ask the victim who thought she could trust the people at the party. Those “nice “boys who had everything going for them weren’t taught that nice and GOOD are two different things
And speaking of good what’s even more dangerous beside the lack of “good” and focus on “nice”, Is the lack of SHAME that exists.
Not only are people focused on not offending but nobody wants to speak up for fear of being “judgmental” or “shaming”.
Add to the cultural idea of no personal accountability i.e. not taking responsibility for yourself for others and it stands to reason that events like Steubenville happens.
All of those people who saw it happen were “nice” (hell one or more of them saw them raping her in the basement said “goodnight” and then left!” They were polite i.e. enough to say goodnight but not good enough to call the cops.
iii. What’s sadder is that this girl said she thought she could trust them.
( Note if you haven’t read my post “But I thought You were my friend please do so as it has to do with trust)
This goes back to what I was saying before ( and this has nothing to do with this woman in particular) people are way too quick to trust people who have only proven themselves to be “friendly”. I have to be honest and say that I don’t trust many people man or woman because I have yet to see them prove themselves to be good.
Which brings me right back around to what I was saying about since obviously people are either too “nice “ to speak up or do whatever they want even while knowing it’s evil, it should really be the focus to separate themselves from these people.
Why? Because they have the potential to not only get themselves in trouble, their victims and YOU.
I’ll tell you another story. When I was in the eighth? Maybe ninth, grade my mom dropped me off at the mall with a girl from middle school. At the time I hadn’t thought it was much of a big deal I’d known her a year. Anyways we decided to go to claires, When my “friend” told me that she was going to steal a ring.
Yes she was going to steal.
A few things stand out at that moment, first of all I pointed out to her that she had money. (IIRC) Second of all I pointed out that it was stealing.
And I told her not to do it. Then as she remained unimpressed with me I realized that there was a LARGE possibility that she could get caught ( There were detectors) and not only get caught but get ME implicated. I’d heard about people who got banned from the stores I’d seen the signs that said shoplifting was illegal. And I knew that if I got caught with her I would be ashamed if my mom found out I was even hanging out with a thief, whether or not I had done anything or not. (the idea of making my mother ashamed of me was a enough to deter me from a lot things.)
Not only was she about to do something I didn’t agree with, she didn’t care that I didn’t want to be involved in that.
After that it was only after I threatened to walk out of the store without her and go home that she grumblingly agreed not to steal it.
My point isn’t to toot my own horn. My point is to say that that girl who I would have called “nice” was quick to do something like stealing even though she knew full well it was wrong. She’d assessed the risks and decided it was worth it. Worse she wanted to drag me in.
That’s dangerous, while that was a relatively mild situation sometimes those people can get you into bigger trouble. I remember reading on the news one woman who was dating a man who asked her to drop of a package to someone and unknowingly she was dropping off drugs. She went to jail.
It’s imperative to be able to assesses and separate good from nice. Because sometimes you may be the one pulled in to the situation.
I’ve also learned in my short years that it only takes ONE person to say something before everyone else follows. Though many people don’t like the ONE person who say something because they’re calling others out.
It was one of the reason while not unpopular in school I would never have been considered popular. Simply because I wouldn’t do what the popular kids were doing. I.e. bullying two girls for no apparent reason. Many people didn’t like me because I called out the people who did/ was friends with some of them.
Again my point isn’t to too my own horn. My point is to tell you that while it may only take one person to change something, like it would have taken only one person to wait with the girl while her parents came/ given her a ride or called the cops to the house since they’d taken things too far if they didn’t want to deal directly with them.
But alas most people are trained to be “nice”
iiii) Coming back to my first point in (i.) want to point out that since these things don’t occur where people are accountable for themselves and other and there isn’t any training to look out for the victims I have to again stress how important for women of all races to use common sense thinking.
No rapists shouldn’t rape. I know that. They know that.
But if you ‘re vulnerable chances are in this your friends may be too nice to help you.
Again this isn’t about victim blaming. Those boys need to go to jail. And anyone who thinks that they can rape someone unconscious or otherwise need to GO TO JAIL.
But while the fight to make rape laws stronger and more effective this is about saving other people the heart ache of being unprotected, AND pointing out the fact that people you may think are your friends may hurt you. I would advise any women before she goes to a party filled with predators and followers to ask herself. Can I trust these people? Will they help me if I’m in danger, will they notice if I’m about to be taken advantage of? Will they abandon me? Or will they let it happen? Hell people should ask this question even when they’re not in situations likes that involve heavy drinking.
Unfortunately too many people won’t find the answer pleasing.
But consider this. If you can’t answer yes to the first two questions and no to the others you wouldn’twant to hang around those people anyway.
Finally here are ways that I think would lower the instances of rape:
1)Stricter rape laws. The laws for rape are seriously lenient with a lot of gray area that puts the blame on victims instead of the person who committed the crime. As many bwe women always say, you can’t appeal to a monster s moral side. The only think you can do is to hit them where it hurts. Further if women (and men) want to make these laws strong they’re going to have to hit politicians( who of course only care about terms and money) where it hurts. That means shaming officials who don’t support things. ( a good example of how this works was the judge who tried to define “Legitimate rape” People like this will only care about changing laws when they lose votes and popularity.
In the case of Essence as whataboutourdaughters was posting about how Essences supported gang rapist Gernarlow Wilson.
(thanks Soul Alive for the Link)
Cut financial ties to businesses who support, fund or finance rapists or the lawmakers who make it okay.
2) It’s not enough to say “teach men not to rape” at this point people now what rape is. Similar to how people know that smoking is bad and decide to risk death.They don’t care. Tell them that their actions have consequences. Obviously rapists are going to do things out of the goodness of their heart. But I bet the two victims would never have risked their budding careers in football if they’d known they’d lose everything! Further saying that people need to “teach” people not to rape also belies the fact that it is something that everyone already knows and allows the perpetrator to feign innocence.
3) Teach kids that it is NOT GOOD to stand around and watch someone get raped/ abused/ bullied/ victimized. This should also be reinforced by laws that penalize anyone who knowingly goes along with it / watches and doesn’t attempt to call the cops.
4) Shame/ Shun anyone who thinks this behavior is funny, cute, acceptable, laughable. For example the boy who made the video laughing at her for getting raped. He needs to be shunned from society.
5) Personal accountability. This means avoiding certain situations were creeps are likely to roam free. Not this isn’t about victim blaming. I hear all the time two different contradictory terms from people and other women combined. The first I hear is. “Women can do what they want no matter how dangerous the situation.” And yet when stuff like this happens I always hear the “nobody cared everyone just watched mantra” . They don’t work together. If people are going to be responsible for each other that means that when your friend suggests that you STOP drinking and go home with them, you do it. They are looking out for your safety. Either you want them to care about women or you don’t. If you don’t You won’t be upset if your friend cuts you off because you would hope that they would do it for you. And I’ll remind you that it’s the friends that DON’T stop or express concern that you need to be worried about.
Harsh? Maybe but I don’t care.
Do I think they will work? Time will tell. I hope though because I would hate to see what happens if situations like this get to critical mass, Or deteriorate to situations like south Africa.
No excuses, no apologies.
Sorry I did it again with the long post I’ll try to do better next time,