Why Wouldn’t You Want to Be Feminine?

I ask this question because there is a population of black women who positively revolt at the idea of black women being seen as feminine. There seems to be  large majority of black women ( even ones on certain sites who claim to be BWE)  that absolutely HATE the idea of being soft, feminine, charming , dressing womanly etc.

What I would like to know is why?

I simply don’t understand the constant bitching and moaning of black women who claim that nobody in the world views them as feminine, beautiful or sexy. These women even some in the BWE camp constantly go on and on about how men don’t see them as real woman and only think about them as asexual mammy’s or mules to sacrifice themselves.

And yet these same exact women do everything in their power to KEEP UP this idea that they themselves admit that everyone perceives them as.

What do I mean? Well recently I have noticed on one site specifically, but I keep noticing posts like this littering the internet, complaining about how black women don’t want to *have* to fit old gender stereotypes. They complain about how society is “forcing” them to be feminine and that it’s sexist to have to be feminine, worry about their looks, etc.  They’re angry because anyone even *suggest* that black women think about the people the *screw* instead of sleeping around with people who are clearly never going to respect/ like/ care about them. They’re angry because they like to mean mug, (and I’m not talking about mean mugging to keep street harrassers away) I’m talking about articles like this:

http://www.forharriet.com/2013/03/stoicism-black-womans-armor.html

I honestly can say this leaves me perplexed for several reasons:

First : I don’t think black women seem to understand the way intersectionality works. I say this because black women don’t seem to realize or be able to understand that the way black women and white women are perceived are completely different.

For starters I don’t know if Black women don’t realize that being black  and being perceived as feminine is a FEAT. Historically, as black women always complain, WHITE women were held up as the standard of beauty and femininity simply because they were white. In turn black women were shunted into the ‘non- feminine’ shelf.  Because of intersectionality while white women may have been “pressured” to live up to a standard, it was automatically assumed that black women were SEVERAL standard deviations away from the feminine and therefore simply wouldn’t live up. I see this same thing when women talk about how black women shouldn’t want to be a housewife. I hear many black women talk about  how it’s so “liberating” not to be a housewife or have kids, or be a stay at home mom etc, as if they were like white women and ever historically in large groups got that opportunity.   Of course I am aware that white women all  weren’t SAHM or HW, I get that but historically there were larger numbers of WW housewives than there were works and there were larger numbers of BW workers than their were SAHM’s.

But back to femininity, so many black women shun being seen as feminine as if they’ve accomplished something and yet they don’t even realize they’ve been sucked into an agenda that yet again doesn’t benefit them.  Just like the SAHM black women were never allowed to be feminine.

So why now, when there are so many options for black women, would black women shun something that could actually benefit, and help their image?  Because we all know that as women being seen a “strong” certainly isn’t  a compliment for black women who then get treated like men. (no matter what feminists who are protected by privilege claim) Second of all these black women are so busy copying what they think benefits WW (ie. Supposedly giving up femininity,) they don’t even see that giving up things that make black women feminine is helpful to black women because black women DO NOT have the automatic privilege of being seen as feminine just because of their race!

Second : I have to wonder why black women would shun being feminine because clearly they are unhappy with the roles they are now assigned. The biggest complaint that I hear black women talk about is that they want  to be as desirable as white women and every other race of women. And yet black women dump any chance of doing that? They’re out picketing femininity even though they WANT to be seen as feminine? SMDH  IDGI!

Why on earth would women who want to be seen as feminine and complain daily about being perceived as asexual work against being this way. Instead of being feminine like they didn’t have the opportunity to do before, they complain that it’s sexist to be that way. Huh?

Case in point many black women who saw Django Unchained were angry because the black woman was a “damsel in distress”. I haven’t seen the movie, and I didn’t want to because of the obvious gloss over of black women’s history in slavery and lack of pov for the heroine among other things. But that wasn’t even most women’s complaint.  Most people were only complaining because she had to be saved. They’re biggest complaint was that black women had to wait around for a man to save her.

I really don’t understand this at all. Because in any other movie these SAME people complained about the fact that black women NEVER get to be the damsel in distress.   So they what? Wanted her to be “masculine” and “kick ass” katniss everdeen style?  But wouldn’t that be racist? Because black women NEVER get to be the heroine/ damsel? And don’t mistake this as a defense of that movie either.   I’m only using it to point out the most recent example of what I’m talking about and this sort of thing ALWAYS  comes up and leaves me scratching my head.

Isn’t being the SAVED and not the savior/ saving self what black women have been complaining about for decades?  What they have been denied?

Third:  have black women realized the results of being seen as masculine? I don’t understand why black women are constantly talking about how much they loathe being seen as masculine when all they do is complain about everything that is wrong because they are?  Many women complain that men aren’t chivalrous they complain that men, don’t open doors, pay for dinners, NOT pump and dump, they complain they have to do all the work themselves, and they complain that they have to take on the roles of men.

And yet they don’t want to accept that even *some* of these men may not want a woman who is as masculine as they are? That maybe these men may simply respond better to feminine women?  That maybe it’s true that you get more flies with honey rather than vinegar?

The see other races of women act feminine get treated better complain that they aren’t treated the same way and then instead of trying to be feminine still stick with the masculine schtick? Whaaaaa?

I… can’t even….

Honestly I have absolutely no tolerance for women who complain about that they’re treated like men and then ACT the exact way and wonder why NO ONE LIKES THEM.

If you’re one of the women who does this I have only one thing to say. SUCK IT UP! Either be masculine and suffer the world that you’re claiming to hate having to live or try and CHANGE yourself and get the benefits you so desperately want. It’s your choice. But at least stop complaining publicly or trying to get other women dump femininity as much as you have. It’s ANNOYING.

Until Next Time,

Stay Neutral

P.s. This was part of a series that I had to interrupt for other posts

Next Post: If Feminism Grants Choices, Why Isn’t Femininity A Choice For Black Women

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/04/17/if-feminism-grants-choices-why-isnt-femininity-a-choice-for-black-women/ 

Previous post in series : Time for Black Women To separate their image

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/02/23/time-for-black-women-to-separate-their-image/

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41 thoughts on “Why Wouldn’t You Want to Be Feminine?

  1. I think that its a double-edged sword.In so many cases, when BW are seen as feminine, they are objectified and seen as nothing more than sex objects. It is entirely possible to be viewed as feminine, but not in a demeaning way. As BW, we have to fight harder to prove that we are intelligent, beautiful and worthy of being viewed as feminine.

    • From what I can tell black women are being objectified NOW, when the general consensus is that bw aren’t feminine. so i don’t think being feminine will make that worse. I think that the gyrating beyonces though are more likely to be sex objects than women who are actually classy though.

      • That’s intresting because I think Beyon.ce is one of the few Blk stars under 35 who viewed as a lady.

        Not much negative gossip surrounds her.

        Shecame from an intact home, has only been with two men, married the second and had child in wed lock.

    • THIS! THANK YOU! BW are stuck in two hostile worlds (Blackistan/West) that set them up for failure from Jump street so that has forced them to react in ways that are sometimes self-harming. Black women & girls were NOT the ones who took their femininity away from themselves.

      • THIS! THANK YOU! BW are stuck in two hostile worlds (Blackistan/West) that set them up for failure from Jump street so that has forced them to react in ways that are sometimes self-harming. Black women & girls were NOT the ones who took their femininity away from themselves.

        Again, I am not targeting the women who use being masculine as shield as so women do when they live in the “black community”for fear of being targeted, street harassed etc. I’m talking about women who are well off, so called “empowered” “enlightened” or “aware” black women who have educations live away from the black community and complain about not being seen as feminine simply because “they don’t have to change” or “it’s unfair/ sexist”. Those women are being contradictory.

        • I have to admit that I have never really seen nor experienced this phenomenon. Most of the Black women & girls who I have seen complain about this were/are basically feminine with maybe a bit of gruffness here & there, but once agian that is because of where they come from which I repeat, DID NOT foster/cultivate their femininity.

  2. Great post, I write for one of the BWE blogs and whenever some one suggests things black women can do to improve themselves and to be softer and feminine, they FIGHT against it every chance they get. They ridicule and put down every suggestion that is made then lament that black women are not respected. it is like they want the respect of being feminine without being feminine. I stopped wasting my time with them. SMH…..

    • I almost want to ask you which blog but… never mind it’s probably better that I don’t know. Honestly though, so many bw act as if they’re taking a pill at the suggestion of being feminine. With black women like this who don’t want to complain the only thing you can do is walk way.

  3. @onelesssoldier I agree, definitely. I believe that the mainstream has always had this warped view of BW– its like, we can’t be too smart and independent because we are trying to compete with men. Michelle Obama received a lot of flak for being too smart– what they called “elitist” or “uppity” and having arms that were “too muscular”. Beyonce isn’t a threat because she feeds into certain stereotypes about Black women as hyper-sexual beings. But she is an entertainer, who has influenced our culture just as much as the First Lady has, but in different ways. Still, it gets tiresome feeling like you have to be a walking representative of an entire group. As a BW, I’d like to represent who I am, not ALL BW– I don’t believe other races of women are judged as a group as BW are. We command respect by how we carry ourselves and allow for our actions and demeanor to speak for itself, however its just not that way. We are judged and criticized constantly, based on the actions of other women based on the fact that they may happen to be Black. I am thankful for blogs like this which speak about these things. It is helpful to young women and those of us who are a little older who need to be encouraged that they can be who they are on their own terms and not feel as though they have to carry an entire race’s issues on their shoulders. Being a mule is not a BW’s obligation in order to fix the world’s problems.

    @BB I completely understand. You end up talking in circles and never getting anywhere because no one is really listening. Being feminine does not mean compromising your integrity by caving into some sexist view of how a woman should look or behave.

    • . As a BW, I’d like to represent who I am, not ALL BW– I don’t believe other races of women are judged as a group as BW are. We command respect by how we carry ourselves and allow for our actions and demeanor to speak for itself, however its just not that way. We are judged and criticized constantly, based on the actions of other women based on the fact that they may happen to be Black. I am thankful for blogs like this which speak about these things. It is helpful to young women and those of us who are a little older who need to be encouraged that they can be who they are on their own terms and not feel as though they have to carry an entire race’s issues on their shoulders. Being a mule is not a BW’s obligation in order to fix the world’s problems.

      I think that other women are judged as group, except because of their privilege the overall judgement is good. That is why ww are held as the standard of womanhood and asian women are seen as ultra femninine because of that privilege. As whole their privilege allows them to have a good image. Even if MOST of the women in the group are indivials ( they can be fat, unnatractive, loud, lazy, masculine etc) and get away with that and are able to act like themselves meanwhile their OVERALL good image doesn’t change. unfortunately black women don’t have the luxury.

      Yes I agree, I think one of the most important things that black women can do is realize that they can live for themselves. they are not mules and they can be feminine if they so choose. They don’t have have to carry anything for anyone. It’s time for black women to live for themselves!

  4. As you stated, “some of these blogs claiming to be BWE”. Which is it in a nutshell. They are NOT BWE. As one of the handfull of BWE messengers I can assure you, 99.999% of these blogs written by BW, speaking on topics that may be of interest to BW are NOT legit BWE sources. Not even if they think they are. You don’t get to declare yourself BWE because you want to. There’s a vetting process and reciprocity test. Now, that doesn’t mean conversations of substance can’t be had, but it’s very arrogant for the post-BWE wave of the unvetted to ride a popularity wave when they’ve done no real work and want to redefine core messaging. When things like anti-femininity rhetoric gets bandied about, then you know someone’s twisted a valuable concept to match their diseased thinking.

    • There’s a vetting process and reciprocity test. Now, that doesn’t mean conversations of substance can’t be had, but it’s very arrogant for the post-BWE wave of the unvetted to ride a popularity wave when they’ve done no real work and want to redefine core messaging. When things like anti-femininity rhetoric gets bandied about, then you know someone’s twisted a valuable concept to match their diseased thinking.

      Yes and there are some I’ve seen who have haven’t just created new blogs and are already asking for money! SMH clearly they are trying to cash in. And When I heard stuff railing against black women being feminine, I immediately knew something was amiss. Just plain wrong.

  5. YES!!! At them already asking for money. I love the so called “swirl queens” who dont have man one, yet are asking for money on how to teach BW to meet wm or “other brothers”. Save your money and use some common sense. As Halima advises, get an actual match maker. Buy some dresses and trim those eyebrows. Im being simplistic, but I hope my point is understood.

    That will go a lot further than throwing your money away on some woman who simply wants to get rich off of your insecurities (which is what they are banking on, literally).

    Furthermore, I have had personal interactions with some of these women and let me tell you, they are heinous individuals. They do not approach this BWE from a place of love, but opportunity. They want the right to berate and deride, not assist and uplift.

    Any blog, FB page or other that does not allow for critical thinking or the dissension of ideas presented is a clear sign to hit the road. If you get the feeling that you are being lectured to and told how to think, hit the road.

    BW we have to get savvy, because people in all hues and shapes are coming out of the woodwork to join this BWE movement because they know what our support means. They are so many interlopers who mix the real bwe message with garbage to keep us off kilter. Learn the art of discernment.

    Any message that indicates that bw should be against being feminine, lady like or dainty should be given the side eye of death.

    • Yes, yes yes to this entire comment! There are so many just looking for a buck.

      Any message that indicates that bw should be against being feminine, lady like or dainty should be given the side eye of death

      Definitely

  6. Oh boy where do I begin. I have more to say but for now let me say this: As a super bubbly, ubber girly black woman who has been told countless times that I am so happy it scares people, I have come to understand why so many black women feel the need to remain “unfeminine”. It has made me a target of all sorts of abuse and I honestly believe that because I am not perceived as angry, people have used my niceness against me BECAUSE I am a black female. It’s the very reason why I believe black women become hardened in the first place- “femininity” makes you vulnerable. This issue is very hard for me as I have found myself becoming less and less open with my type A personality because of the horrible way I have been treated. I honestly feel like I have no defense and have a huge target on my back. It honestly like people are so used to the ABW stereotype that when they find one who isn’t they want to heap all of their abuse on me. I have been going through some really emotional hardships and it all stems from too nice, too sweet, too friendly problem. I swear I have been used a punching bag by people and it’s so hard to stay open and be my true happy go-lucky self. People really do target you because man people are not comfortable when black women DON’T fit stereotypes. This is a really hard subject for me because I really do think that SOME BW can’t afford that kind of vulnerability or at least afraid of it.

    • I totally understand what you mean. And I hope you don’t change to please these miserable people you’re coming into contact with. I hate being one of the few happy-go-lucky BW in America. There needs to be more of us, not less. 🙂
      No one should have to feel afraid to be themselves, especially when being yourself is being pleasant to be around.

    • I understand what you are saying. For women in the bc they definitely have a walking target on their back. But I guess what I’m trying to say (and the women i’m mostly talking to) are the ones who don’t live in the black community (i hear this a lot on “bwe” sites or ones that claim to be) and these are women who supposedly have good careers, live in respectable neighborhoods etc, so they definitely have the opportunity. A lot of these women just say they don’t want to change because it’s “sexist” or they shouldn’t have to “change themselves”.

    • I have this problem too. I’ve had other black women label me as “fake” for being cheerful, talkative, and open in networking situations. My favorite are the “she thinks she’s cute” comments I get when I walk past a group of masculine-looking black women while in a dress. Oh well, they can stay mad.

    • Wow, THANK YOU for addressing something that TOO MANY folks, even some who CLAIM to be “BWE” simply REFUSE to talk about: The effects of so much anti-Black female hatred that has gone on for SO LONG that countles generations of Black women & girls have been affected by it, and yes that means that those women & girls have sadly become hardened. We MUST allow for OPEN, HONEST discussions about the effects of anti-Black female racism from so many sources.

  7. “I simply don’t understand the constant bitching and moaning of black women who claim that nobody in the world views them as feminine, beautiful or sexy. These women even some in the BWE camp constantly go on and on about how men don’t see them as real woman and only think about them as asexual mammy’s or mules to sacrifice themselves.
    And yet these same exact women do everything in their power to KEEP UP this idea that they themselves admit that everyone perceives them as. … But back to femininity, so many black women shun being seen as feminine as if they’ve accomplished something and yet they don’t even realize they’ve been sucked into an agenda that yet again doesn’t benefit them. Just like the SAHM black women were never allowed to be feminine.”

    I sometimes wonder if BW who make these complaints care as much about solving the problem as they do about venting their frustrations. I’m guessing the latter. Personally, I have always preferred taking action to solve my problems rather than bitch and moan about things. Complaining does nothing but get your blood pressure up. And it’s not hard for a woman to be feminine. Even wearing a nice dress can change the way you are treated by men. I know women who have aggressive personalities who mostly wear dresses, and their aggressiveness is not seen as offensive as it truly is a result. In my experience, women who dress and behave in a feminine manner are treated with deference by men, and even most other women.

    Although, I must admit, some BW do not like other BW who are feminine, and will treat you like you’re an insipid moron, just because you don’t fit their expectations of what BW should be like. I wonder if that isn’t part of the reason why so many BW reject being feminine while complaining that they aren’t perceived as feminine by men. And most of the Black women who treat me like I have brain damage identify as “feminists”. I don’t think it’s a coincidence. The rest seem to be members of the Acting Black Crew.

    “And yet they don’t want to accept that even *some* of these men may not want a woman who is as masculine as they are? That maybe these men may simply respond better to feminine women? That maybe it’s true that you get more flies with honey rather than vinegar?”

    YES! This is why the NBABM and Black unity type women will mostly die alone. They are forever trying to rescue grown *ss men from everything and everyone. Men do not want to be with women who are trying to sister soldier and protect them, even when they CLAIM that is what they want. It’s unfeminine. A man protects himself, and he is supposed to protect women and children, neither are not supposed to protect him. Even the DBRs who claim (online) that they want women to take care of them financially and otherwise do not like, love or respect such women. They’re just USEful.

    “If you’re one of the women who does this I have only one thing to say. SUCK IT UP! Either be masculine and suffer the world that you’re claiming to hate having to live or try and CHANGE yourself and get the benefits you so desperately want. It’s your choice. But at least stop complaining publicly or trying to get other women dump femininity as much as you have. It’s ANNOYING.”

    Amen! Great post! I’m looking forward to the next in this series. 🙂

    • I sometimes wonder if BW who make these complaints care as much about solving the problem as they do about venting their frustrations. I’m guessing the latter. Personally, I have always preferred taking action to solve my problems rather than bitch and moan about things. Complaining does nothing but get your blood pressure up.

      Yes! I think that is what it is. They just want to talk about it.

      Although, I must admit, some BW do not like other BW who are feminine, and will treat you like you’re an insipid moron, just because you don’t fit their expectations of what BW should be like. I

      Yah i remember a black girl in eigth grade who couldn’t stand me just becuase I was skinny. It can really bring out the WORST in some bw.

      And most of the Black women who treat me like I have brain damage identify as “feminists”.

      They probably think you’re “setting feminism back”

      • “Yah i remember a black girl in eigth grade who couldn’t stand me just becuase I was skinny. It can really bring out the WORST in some bw.”

        Oh, yeah. I get that too. I have always wondered at how some people can tell themselves that other people’s weight is their business. It really is nervy. I’ve been told by fat people that I needed to “eat something”, but if I told these people that they were shortening their lives b y being overweight – a real concern, they would probably cuss me out.

        “They probably think you’re “setting feminism back””

        They probably do think that. 😆

        • Oh, yeah. I get that too. I have always wondered at how some people can tell themselves that other people’s weight is their business. It really is nervy. I’ve been told by fat people that I needed to “eat something”, but if I told these people that they were shortening their lives b y being overweight – a real concern, they would probably cuss me out.

          This!

  8. Well if these so-called Black “men” so much don’t like these supposed “Masculine” BW then why are they sitting up in their houses, NOT working, NOT contributing, hollering at them in the street, etc? Also, the way a lot of those same “men” act, I would say they are the LAST ones to be giving women lessons on femininity when there is NOTHING masculine about them in the first place. Living off of BLACK women, attacking BLACK women, competing with BLACK women, invading/horning in on BLACK women’s spaces, primping more than supermodels, yeah what a bunch of true, real “men”, SMH.

    • Well if these so-called Black “men” so much don’t like these supposed “Masculine” BW then why are they sitting up in their houses, NOT working, NOT contributing, hollering at them in the street, etc? Also, the way a lot of those same “men” act, I would say they are the LAST ones to be giving women lessons on femininity when there is NOTHING masculine about them in the first place. Living off of BLACK women, attacking BLACK women, competing with BLACK women, invading/horning in on BLACK women’s spaces, primping more than supermodels, yeah what a bunch of true, real “men”, SMH.

      I hope it wasn’t construed from my post that i was saying black women should be feminine because to please dbr bm. My point was that bw are saying they want a better image and yet some refuse to do anything different. ie. losing weight, changing clothes, etc. This in turn for some has caused the problems finding quality men in the global dating world. I would never suggest that bw should be feminine to make the dbr, abusive men happy.

      • OLS I was addressing a post that took the bizarre stance of legitimising the tastes of these dbr Black males. Something I find very strange to say the least here. The fact of the matter is that those clowns get MAD when they see Black women (especially if she is dark-skinned) acting feminine. What does that tell you? I know what it tells me.
        The fact of the matter is that those dbr Black male clowns simply HATE Black women & girls and will use any lame, stupid, retarted excuses their pea-sized brains can think of to justfy that stupid hatred. We must NEVER forget that, nor EVER take their idiotic rantings seriously. It also should be pointed out that those clowns DID NOT build a society that nurtured/cultivated femininity in Black women & girls like the the males in other races have. Then they have the GALL to gush about how those other race women are so much “more feminine” than Black women while leaving out the part that the MEN in those other races UNLIKE THEM DID THEIR FREAKING DAMN JOBS AS MEN which ALLOWED their women the freedom/privelege of expressing their femininity. What a bunch of damn nerve those useless, pathetic clowns have!

        • We must NEVER forget that, nor EVER take their idiotic rantings seriously. It also should be pointed out that those clowns DID NOT build a society that nurtured/cultivated femininity in Black women & girls like the the males in other races have. Then they have the GALL to gush about how those other race women are so much “more feminine” than Black women while leaving out the part that the MEN in those other races UNLIKE THEM DID THEIR FREAKING DAMN JOBS AS MEN which ALLOWED their women the freedom/privelege of expressing their femininity. What a bunch of damn nerve those useless, pathetic clowns have!

          I pretty much love this comment. i think I’m going to include this in my next post

          -OLS

  9. I just came across this blog, so allow me to say hello.

    I think people generally talk about the things and people they often find themselves surrounded by. If there are seemingly a lot of women who denounce femininity, then there must people people who surround themselves with unfeminine women. As a woman I don’t have that kind of outrage because I am not constantly seeing women who dress unfeminine. I do see women who dress in way I probably would not, but not enough to make a complaint about. Why?

    Because there are probably some groups of women I don’t attract socially.

    • Hi,
      Welcome

      I’m not neccessarily saying that these are the women I know socially. Heck half of them have made themselves know in the interwebs
      by taking to forums even ones that are BWE or “pro black women” and taking the mic while blasting the very thought of dressing femininely
      and then these same women use the SAME forums to complain that the world doesn’t see them as feminine. IDGI

  10. As a educated half west African tall sensual womanly woman. I agree with many of you on this topic. I love the aspects of femininity and we as black women rock it better than most! But the issue starts in our community, IMO we confirm those media induced stereotypes. The negativity I’ve received from us for being myself shocks me at times. How dare I be femme, womanly and dark skin! To us (blk people) it’s an anomaly, but on the other side it’s a recent issue we were sensual and womanly until the 70’s, the blk panther party and other organizations changed the landscape of this country bringing pros and cons. So let’s go back to the days of makeup, cute femme shoes, mannerisms and clothing. There’s plenty of blogs to get us back to IMO how GOD wants us to be beautiful women where strength is sense and not seen. Forget these trolls and not deserving and angry black community seriously there not worth the time of anything. Besides they don’t know themselves and will never be on the same level we as sistas can and will be.

    On my way to Sunday brunch
    Stay black and femme “kisses”

  11. Pingback: Time for Black Women To Separate Their Image! | notyourgirlfriday

  12. Pingback: If feminism grants choices why isn’t femininity a choice for black women? | notyourgirlfriday

  13. Just a lurker, new comer to your blog and a reformed “anti-femininity” loud mouth here. It only took one summer of trying to prove my point to someone else “that I shouldn’t have to change and looks shouldn’t matter, blah, blah blah” to change my mind. The challenge was I would put in a extra effort to be feminine and see it it changed the way men treated me enough for me to notice. Let me tell you I lost track of the times men held the door for me, let me go first in line and a couple of older gentlemen helped me get my purchases to the car (and they did NOT work at the store). I also received several random compliments along the lines of “Wow, that’s a great color on you.”

    During this little exersise/bet I maintained my committment to comfort and wore very little make-up. I just followed basic principles of looking good when going out and smiling more. With those results I have also wonder “who wouldn’t want to be feminine?”

    • Yes, i definitely noticed a difference in behavior and treatment too. When i took some old mattresses to the dump ( i was dressed regularly but femininely) the men there offered to carry them for me and I definitely noticed in stores men were more likely to let me go first.

  14. I want to be a stay at home wife and mother. What resources I can look for that help black
    women who desire to stay home.Also how can I respond to haters who don’t want black
    women to be feminine?

  15. I am new to this blog. I have come here to say that I appreciate and like this site. I am glad One less Soldier is warning and telling African American women to wake up and start being feminine to attract a good quality man.

    Ever since I started to wear dresses, I have had guys staring and winking at me more and treating me better.

  16. As a white man I can say only one thing: men like women to act, talk and smile like women. In short, being feminine and a lady always get a man’s attention. No matter how intelligent, rich or educated you are, being a girly girl will always be what men like.

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