I ask this question because there is a population of black women who positively revolt at the idea of black women being seen as feminine. There seems to be large majority of black women ( even ones on certain sites who claim to be BWE) that absolutely HATE the idea of being soft, feminine, charming , dressing womanly etc.
What I would like to know is why?
I simply don’t understand the constant bitching and moaning of black women who claim that nobody in the world views them as feminine, beautiful or sexy. These women even some in the BWE camp constantly go on and on about how men don’t see them as real woman and only think about them as asexual mammy’s or mules to sacrifice themselves.
And yet these same exact women do everything in their power to KEEP UP this idea that they themselves admit that everyone perceives them as.
What do I mean? Well recently I have noticed on one site specifically, but I keep noticing posts like this littering the internet, complaining about how black women don’t want to *have* to fit old gender stereotypes. They complain about how society is “forcing” them to be feminine and that it’s sexist to have to be feminine, worry about their looks, etc. They’re angry because anyone even *suggest* that black women think about the people the *screw* instead of sleeping around with people who are clearly never going to respect/ like/ care about them. They’re angry because they like to mean mug, (and I’m not talking about mean mugging to keep street harrassers away) I’m talking about articles like this:
I honestly can say this leaves me perplexed for several reasons:
First : I don’t think black women seem to understand the way intersectionality works. I say this because black women don’t seem to realize or be able to understand that the way black women and white women are perceived are completely different.
For starters I don’t know if Black women don’t realize that being black and being perceived as feminine is a FEAT. Historically, as black women always complain, WHITE women were held up as the standard of beauty and femininity simply because they were white. In turn black women were shunted into the ‘non- feminine’ shelf. Because of intersectionality while white women may have been “pressured” to live up to a standard, it was automatically assumed that black women were SEVERAL standard deviations away from the feminine and therefore simply wouldn’t live up. I see this same thing when women talk about how black women shouldn’t want to be a housewife. I hear many black women talk about how it’s so “liberating” not to be a housewife or have kids, or be a stay at home mom etc, as if they were like white women and ever historically in large groups got that opportunity. Of course I am aware that white women all weren’t SAHM or HW, I get that but historically there were larger numbers of WW housewives than there were works and there were larger numbers of BW workers than their were SAHM’s.
But back to femininity, so many black women shun being seen as feminine as if they’ve accomplished something and yet they don’t even realize they’ve been sucked into an agenda that yet again doesn’t benefit them. Just like the SAHM black women were never allowed to be feminine.
So why now, when there are so many options for black women, would black women shun something that could actually benefit, and help their image? Because we all know that as women being seen a “strong” certainly isn’t a compliment for black women who then get treated like men. (no matter what feminists who are protected by privilege claim) Second of all these black women are so busy copying what they think benefits WW (ie. Supposedly giving up femininity,) they don’t even see that giving up things that make black women feminine is helpful to black women because black women DO NOT have the automatic privilege of being seen as feminine just because of their race!
Second : I have to wonder why black women would shun being feminine because clearly they are unhappy with the roles they are now assigned. The biggest complaint that I hear black women talk about is that they want to be as desirable as white women and every other race of women. And yet black women dump any chance of doing that? They’re out picketing femininity even though they WANT to be seen as feminine? SMDH IDGI!
Why on earth would women who want to be seen as feminine and complain daily about being perceived as asexual work against being this way. Instead of being feminine like they didn’t have the opportunity to do before, they complain that it’s sexist to be that way. Huh?
Case in point many black women who saw Django Unchained were angry because the black woman was a “damsel in distress”. I haven’t seen the movie, and I didn’t want to because of the obvious gloss over of black women’s history in slavery and lack of pov for the heroine among other things. But that wasn’t even most women’s complaint. Most people were only complaining because she had to be saved. They’re biggest complaint was that black women had to wait around for a man to save her.
I really don’t understand this at all. Because in any other movie these SAME people complained about the fact that black women NEVER get to be the damsel in distress. So they what? Wanted her to be “masculine” and “kick ass” katniss everdeen style? But wouldn’t that be racist? Because black women NEVER get to be the heroine/ damsel? And don’t mistake this as a defense of that movie either. I’m only using it to point out the most recent example of what I’m talking about and this sort of thing ALWAYS comes up and leaves me scratching my head.
Isn’t being the SAVED and not the savior/ saving self what black women have been complaining about for decades? What they have been denied?
Third: have black women realized the results of being seen as masculine? I don’t understand why black women are constantly talking about how much they loathe being seen as masculine when all they do is complain about everything that is wrong because they are? Many women complain that men aren’t chivalrous they complain that men, don’t open doors, pay for dinners, NOT pump and dump, they complain they have to do all the work themselves, and they complain that they have to take on the roles of men.
And yet they don’t want to accept that even *some* of these men may not want a woman who is as masculine as they are? That maybe these men may simply respond better to feminine women? That maybe it’s true that you get more flies with honey rather than vinegar?
The see other races of women act feminine get treated better complain that they aren’t treated the same way and then instead of trying to be feminine still stick with the masculine schtick? Whaaaaa?
I… can’t even….
Honestly I have absolutely no tolerance for women who complain about that they’re treated like men and then ACT the exact way and wonder why NO ONE LIKES THEM.
If you’re one of the women who does this I have only one thing to say. SUCK IT UP! Either be masculine and suffer the world that you’re claiming to hate having to live or try and CHANGE yourself and get the benefits you so desperately want. It’s your choice. But at least stop complaining publicly or trying to get other women dump femininity as much as you have. It’s ANNOYING.
Until Next Time,
P.s. This was part of a series that I had to interrupt for other posts
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