Let’s play another Rousing Game of TO THE STOCKS AND OFF WITH THEIR HEADS

As my previous post see below we’re going to play another round of TO THE STOCKS AND OFF WITH THEIR HEADS

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2012/12/16/to-the-stocks-then-off-with-their-heads/

If you haven’t played before here’s how it works

I list the people, man woman boy or girl who have maligned, abused or degraded black women and girls list their grievence (if you didn’t already know it.)

We then publicly shame them.

Finally we eradicate them from our lives as black women. That means no support, no seeing their movies, giving money to their organizations, no looking back, no excuses. Total and complete shunning.

As I suggested in my first post if you know any people who should go on the please post a comment and let other black women know

Rick “Put a molly” Ross

In his free time rick ross likes to degrade and abuse black women for fun. His recent lyrics have shown that this “man” won’t even stop with RAPE.

His words: “Put molly in her champagne, she ain’t even know it / I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain’t even know it.”

-Rick ross-

This “man” tried to give an “apology” but in notyourgirlfriday fashion we ain’t gonna accept it.

OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

 

Ebony Magazine

To the stocks!

This magazine LOOOOOOOOOOOOVES to put black women haters like Kevin Hart (ironically he’s on my first post ) on the FRONT COVER of their publications. A magazine for “black women” is not so for black women when they shamelessly promote a black man who has done hate speech (look it up )against black women.

For this they can fade away into the oblivion of failed publications. No black unity here!

OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!!!

 

Royal Mayo

To the stocks.

I didn’t know who this man was but I have read that this man is victim blaming the Steubenville  rape victim.  Forgivving rapists is something I will never support. Enough is enough.

Read all about it here

http://www.ibtimes.com/naacp-condemns-controversial-comments-former-steubenville-president-audio-1159749

OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!!!

 

 

The NAACP “Organization”

The man above who tried to victim blame was part of the NAACP he is one of the leaders. The NAACP doesn’t care about black women and never will They also love protecting black men rapists. They certainly didn’t mind giving R Kelly an award or rapist Gernarlow Wilson an award.  And they gave the dunbar village gang rapists help! They HATE black women.

Whataboutourdaughters wrote about this  please read the article here.

http://www.whataboutourdaughters.com/waod/2013/3/29/naacp-attempts-to-cover-up-pro-rapist-record-after-ohio-naac.html

OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!!

 

If you know any other people whom black women should pull their support from please let me know in the comments below.

Until Next time,

Stay Neutral

The Continual Marginalization of… Ourselves

Note:

I’m already angry and even angrier that I’m going to have to give a disclaimer:

 If you don’t like me quoting Jezebel or any other mainstream feminist site that reflects the majority of feminists, Screw You.

If you easily have your feelings hurt, like to mammy for a good “cause” , enjoy being “politically correct”, or have some brain defect in which you don’t know the difference between  “preferences” and “racism/colorism”, then please remove yourself from my site.

For those of you who continue you use your fully functioning brains please continue. ( Again like my previous posts this will be long and in sections.)

I. I’m starting to believe that most people are stupid.  No, that’s a lie. I already thought most people were stupid but I’m starting to see the proof every day of the year that I was correct in my assumption. What am I talking about? I’m talking about the continual, willing and blatant support of people, groups, institutions,  and organizations that continually and with malicious forethought,( or no forethought at all) go out of their way  to hurt, harm, maim, abuse (verbally or otherwise), erase, or exploit black women and then instead of black women eradicating or pulling support they go along with such abuse. Or in some way think that they are “intelligent”  “informed” or helping the “cause”.

Quite simply put these women, black women, who think this behavior is alright are FOOLS.

No that wasn’t a typo. I really mean it. As every day goes on black women are continually in denial about the abuse  that they are facing and like the Charlie Brown picture above, the continually try to kick that football.

Not only do they fall on their ass but defending the fact that Lucy (aka any movement that has shown that they think black women should fuck off with words or actions) is actually their friend and that they’re in it for them. They also have some misguided notion that the reason why they’re overlooked, overworked or underpaid by these movements / people that they’ve aligned with are just misunderstood  and a good ole conversation will straighten everything out, instead of realizing that this isn’t Leave it to Beaver and sometimes a conversation just won’t be enough when people just don’t give a damn. This makes me enraged and deranged when I’m subjected to this obvious gaslighting.

Example number one: I was on a Colorlines article linked from “feministing” (*gasp* to the readers who think I only haunt Jezebel.  I do manage to find my way onto other sites and *gasp* they’re always spouting the same crap)  and came across an article on the “Stop and Frisk”

http://colorlines.com/archives/2013/03/heres_why_new_york_citys_stop-and-frisk_trial_is_really_important.html

and other article

http://feministing.com/2012/06/13/we-must-end-stop-and-frisk/

in New York City and people of color. Of course you would think that they would talk about or at least link an article about, oh I don’t know, women of color  and the stop and frisk but yet again they managed to turn it into how black men are being disproportionately targeted.  Whoops my bad, I should say that they got an “honorable mention” in the articles of how hard it is for black men to be black men  but for the most part black women where nowhere to be seen the article had video about black men who’d been stop and frisked,  and the only woman they interviewed only talked about how their male friend got frisked.

Forget the fact that there have been articles talking about how black women have been stopped and frisked the article address black men and the only visibility black women got were in relation or juxtaposition to black men and how it felt to have to watch black men be pawed and stereotyped.

(And please don’t come at me with the bullshit that Feministing or any other feminist site helps black women because they’re mentioned other times [I have seen the articles]because the silence from them when black men target black women is deafening and speaks a thousand words.)

Because black women don’t get pawed, stereotyped or falsely accused amiright?

Of course though if you’re wondering why they didn’t mention black women on this issue on a feminist site  ( and I will YET AGAIN point out that Jezebel and the Feminist wire are virtually no different when it comes down to black women and they’re lack of care)  I will point out again that to feminists even black feminists all the blacks are MEN that means that if you had some misguided hope of thinking that the shallow feminist movement, who spends the majority of their time cattily fighting about sex positivism vs. non sex positivism and whether or not the Beyonce is really a feminist when she called her tour “Mrs.  Carter”, then you were delusionally mistaken!

For even black women “feminists” who should realize a thing about intersectionality don’t even give a damn. They are willing to throw themselves on the line to represent those poor black men while falling on a blade. That song Grenade by Bruno Mars is coming to mind right now because literally black literally put their head on a blade for anyone  with a cause and a dream.

I won’t even talk about Color lines at the pure Irony that they didn’t include black women in this article either because the irony also speaks a thousand words. And it’s also completely expected.

Instead let’s move on.

Let’s talk about the white women feminist on the feminist wire that talked about violence in South Africa one of the RAPE CAPITALS OF the world and see what she had to say.

http://thefeministwire.com/2013/03/race-class-masculinities-and-violence-against-women-in-south-africa/

Was it anything good, or helpful that would help black women in any way shape or form get help?

Sorry Jimmy, that would mean the sun  was revolving around the moon and that gravity didn’t exist and what goes up never comes down. Instead the “informative” article was used to touch on the violence without actually calling anyone  out.

Let’s take a look: ( Note I bold and underline stuff that stood out)

Another reason to question the link between (black) poverty and (emasculatory) violence against women is the fact that in surrounding countries, with comparable levels of unemployment, reported violence against women is lower. In addition, anecdotal evidence from (rape) hotline counselors suggests that white middle class women are by no means accepted; “Yes, white man rape and beat too.

Therefore, rather than thinking about ‘black or African masculinities’, we might want to move our focus away from race and zoom in on the nation and its uniquely violent (and patriarchal) history instead.

Today, white violence doesn’t seem to make it into the media all that often. The reason why Oscar’s case made worldwide headlines was obviously due to his fame, which he acquired through his success as a disabled yet successful sports man. Reeva’s death at the hands of this famous, upper-middle class white star, attests to the fact that violence against women is not confined to the black underclass. Especially now that the veil is slowly lifted from Oscar’s aggressive streaks and gun obsession, it should be clear that masculine violence cuts across all racial, classed or cultural groups within the borders of the state.  The possible role that his disability played in his macho bravado and how this might have driven him to overcompensate with hyper-masculine behaviour, is unclear. Yet by emphasizing the exceptionality of his position, we risk obscuring the fundamental ideas about manhood which he shared with most of his countrymen.

Nice job, feminism nice job. Yet again this is the classic way to “address” without addressing or torn a conversation that should go one way into turning it into something else. Instead of calling it like it T. I.  Is, this well-meaning white lady has used this as a way to give raping black men a pass. And don’t tell me that “she didn’t mean it”  “She didn’t intend it” BULLSHIT. I am damn tired of excusing people who think that they can avoid calling out dbr black men who have victimized black women (around the globe) and then settle on placations like “white men rape too”.

Further this woman went even further by saying that violence isn’t confined to the black underclass. What exactly does that mean? Obviously when three fourths of South Africa has been raped, you can bet your ASS that it isn’t confined to the poor blacks.(  And yet this woman uses poor economic positions to explain why black men rape)

But further she decides to say this.

In addition, anecdotal evidence from (rape) hotline counselors suggests that white middle class women are by no means excepted; Yes, white man rape and beat too.

And:

The combination of colonial violence, apartheid violence, resistance violence, institutionalized racism and militant white domination deeply influenced the masculine ideals of South African men and are undeniably responsible for the violence of today. But the extent to which class comfort protects white women from male violence, and how wealth and power contribute to violently patriarchal senses of entitlement and dangerous possessiveness are subject of ambiguity. And we will not find out if both media and researchers keep treating violence against women as a black affair.

What I’ve gleaned from this little snippet  is this. “Racism causes black men to rape, they feel emasculated. It is still bad but let’s not think that only black women get raped by black men because that’s racist and lets also make sure that white women aren’t overlooked in the rape debate even though in SOUTH AFRICA they are the majority of the victims because ya’know that’s not fair to white women.

Derp…

Qu’est-ce que cést?

Thanks for looking out feminism. Always looking out.  And yet of course the black women are always littering these sites salivating and orgasming because they got a mention that really didn’t mention them at all. Instead they support filth like this article that basically didn’t say anything at all but talk in circles.

Because articles like this are circular. Let me explain… They shuffle around a few ideas, re-mention things that have been said, certain memes and thoughts, but really the “dialog” is still as stifled as before but nobody really notices.  Everyone is too busy being politically correct to say this:

Ahem, Black men who are the MAJORITY in South Africa. STOP RAPING WOMEN it’s violent and illegal. That is all.

 Listen, I don’t really give a damn if black men leave the rape conversation feeling good about themselves or feeling like they’re not being attacked or “singled out”. Because they don’t mind don’t bat an eyelash when physically attacking black women. And the good ones have certainly washed their hands of the whole mess.  When the majority of black women in South Africa say they’ve been raped, when Anene Booysen scenarios happen, I’m taking off the kid gloves ( if I ever had them on) and I’m going to say the truth.

We don’t NEED TO be informed at this moment that white men rape. Or that because black men were trampled by white men we should be understanding when they trample us. To waste my time with this is not only obfuscating but tainting the issue. I also clearly see this attention grabber for what it is so white women feminists can now feel that they aren’t being overlooked.

Oh the irony…..

II.

And yet step away from the feminist community and black women are still kickin’ that ole football. Charlie  Brown is alive and well, and as stupid as ever.

Because when black women are not mammying for feminism they’re mammying for dead beats. And I don’t even mean by throwing themselves down for the cause. No they give their time and resources to people who abuse them. Clutch is wasting their time talking about dead beats and ass holes. Because if black women aren’t selling their souls to feminism then dead beat black men who have claimed to hate them take all their time and attention.

In the clutch article they mentioned that “Rick Ross”?  has talked about date raping women in a song. And I wonder… why do websites geared towards “black women” waste their time telling black women about misogynistic, hateful black men? Why bother. Why are black women continually reporting commenting and getting angry/ boycotting people who have proven to hate black women?  I have a question why are people even still listening to Rick Ross?  Black women especially. Why are black women listening to any rapper? Most mainstream rappers hate black women and all that we stand for. Are black women so DUMB that that they will support anything or is this a severe case of Stockholm syndrome. If this is the latter, as a psychology student, I have to point you in the direction of the nearest therapist’s office for help because you are severely damaged.

I’m not kidding.

But even further these women not only give their time but they also spend the time talking to these men as if they care what you think. Take the recent video by a black man on YouTube that claims that light and white women are better than black women. The women on there were begging and pleading for him to change his mind.

Are these women a fool? That isn’t going to happen.

Or further they’ve gone completely and utterly in denial because deep down they are severely delusional. In one article a black women mentioned all the hate videos by black men on YouTube talking about black women and do you want to know what one black women concluded?  Something to the effect of “are you sure they’re black men. Some of them could be disguised as white men.”

SMH I won’t even deny that the racists flock to YOUTUBE, but I  will get a good gut laugh at the fact that this delusional black woman thinks that the videos of black men SHOWING THEIR FACE and bashing black women like the guy in the video I described above  are really white men.

Because when black men make videos maligning black women and black women have to confront the fact that there are plenty of bm who agree with these videos, when all else fails lie to yourself.

Stop it. You’re making an ass of yourself. These black men have never had to disguise their hate. The DL Hughley’s can say what they want because broken women like this won’t do a damn thing or they know that they’ll get that ole “racism” pass.

Moving on…

I didn’t want to but let’s also talk about his clear colorism in that video. See this fool is clearly insulting all black women, he doesn’t just believe he is attracted to white women/ light women. No he’s actually concluding based on the “media “and his own “evidence “that dark black women are overall UGLY and that NOBODY anywhere likes them.

And yet people ( black women) still are defending this man ( aside from the ones in denial or begging him to change his mind)  saying that this is a “preference”. Black women are defending this man.

Hell I’m sure that everyone has a preference.  I think Latino men are particularly attractive. Hell, I also love blonde men.  And yet never in  my life have  a made a video about how men who don’t fit into that standard are, ugly, losers, disgusting to look at, and  are not worthy of love or attention to the rest of the world.

Liking a type is one thing. Abusing, degrading, maligning, and discriminating, or putting their worth and value in their looks is another. That is racism/colorism. There is no other word for that. This man didn’t just say I  find these women attractive. He said that dark black women are ugly/ hideous/ unlikable to anyone else.  To the black women that are trying to guilt you into not speaking out against this obvious difference is a liar and a gas lighter.  Only a fool/ naïve loon can’t see the difference.

Meep Meep.

III.

Meanwhile these delusions have led to a mass of these same black women haters to be able to effectively mainstream. If you haven’t read Beware of the two face Harvey article that I wrote read that now.

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/02/27/beware-of-the-harvey-two-face/

These abusers, who someone tried to say was actually losing in the long run to the white man that they work for (lol), are every day making it into mainstream because black women continue to let themselves be abused.

DL Hugley  who claimed that nobody really likes black women at all because they’re unlikable, has effectively made it onto Dancing With the Stars.

Mike Tyson is getting a show,

Kevin “dark skinned black women are broke”  Hart was at the Kids Choice Awards. Yes we’ve allowed him around children.

Only in the USA, can you actively say hate speech to black women ad get away with it.  But are these feminist/civil rights identified black women protesting/  boycotting  Dancing With The Stars doing million hoodie marches for that? Oh no , Jimmy.

These women are in the ranks laughing along, voting along, watching along with people who hate them.

Only in America do black women go along with violence against themselves.

IV.

But onelesssoldier why does this matter? You ask. Well it matters because when fools like this let crap pass it always turns into something else. It’s, how you say? A Gateway.

When they let hate speech go they let violence go. What am I talking about? Let’s talk about the black women and her take on Steubenville rapists.

Let’s take a gander at what this twit had to say
http://blackgirldangerous.org/new-blog/2013/3/17/1g5wckiks8gpa0iahe4zc46go4awsu

I, unlike many people reacting to today’s verdict, am not just thrilled to death that two 16-year-old boys are going to jail. What they did was terrible. There is no excuse. They have to be two seriously fucked-up kids to have done what they did. But what I know for damn sure is that jail does not fix broken people. It only breaks them harder.

The fact is that once these boys enter the prison system, even ​in juvenile detention, chances are that they will return to it. It will, with little doubt, fuck them up more than they are already fucked-up. They will not likely emerge from prison as two well-adjusted men who respect women and understand that sexual assault against them is not okay. That’s not what prison does for people.

As a Black woman, I especially am not thrilled to death to see another Black boy put in a cage. Black boys are disproportionately put in cages and I am not in any way happy that it’s happening again. What this boy did is terrible and I do not in any way excuse it. It is inexcusable. Thinking about it makes me feel crazy and hopeless. But adding another Black body to the Prison Industrial Complex just ​doesn’t make me feel any better about it. It only makes me feel worse.

The system of incarceration is an evil system. ​There is NOTHING good about it. It does not deter criminal behavior or fix it. It is a severely fucked-up, entirely ineffective, ever-growing, for-profit monster. And there is nothing good about two more people being locked-up in it.

​ Ma’Lik Richmond and Trent Mays need to be held to account for what they did, that’s for damn sure. And the girl who was sexually assaulted by them deserves justice. But justice does not and cannot exist in the system of incarceration, in the practice of putting people in cages. The Prison Industrial Complex continues to grow and grow and grow precisely because when very bad things happen we are all too happy to see the people responsible locked away and few of us ever consider the need to find better and more effective ways to deal with violence within communities.

This women is a mammy of the highest order willing to sympathize with black rapists because they have black skin.

Get a life.

Do you think that the rapists cared about the women they were raping? Do you think that the black boy who raped and knew full well about the “Prison industrial Complex” Didn’t know that they would GO TO JAIL?  No. This black boy knew it was a crime did it, taped it and thought he was untouchable. He now pays the consequences. Let’s not use the racism card. (and yes in this situation It’s simply a get out of jail free card)

I refuse to use racism as a way to put black men on a pedestal especially when it means letting others get away with vicious crimes.

And speaking of vicious crimes What about Our daughter wrote about the hypocrisy of black women at Essence who supported gang rapist Genarlow Wilson but didn’t support the Steubenville Rapists.  You should read the links below if you choose. Utterly informative and utterly sickening what she points out.

http://www.whataboutourdaughters.com/waod/2013/3/22/their-silence-speaks-for-itself-zerlina-maxwell-and-ebony-ma.html

http://www.whataboutourdaughters.com/waod/2013/3/18/zerlina-maxwell-and-ebony-magazines-hypocrisy-on-steubenvill.html

http://www.whataboutourdaughters.com/waod/2012/7/30/there-is-an-us-there-is-a-them-solidarity-is-not-an-excuse-t.html

Upwards and onwards..

V.

And speaking of pedestals I don’t know if you’ve heard the news  about Amanda Knox being tried again for murder. I’m not even going to go into the double jeopardy aspect of the case. Simply not my concern. What I want to talk about is the reactions to the news. The American Media and Commenters have come to the conclusion that the “poor girl”(I quote this from a comment) is being harassed meanwhile the foreign media thinks she’s a slutty, seducing murderess. But at this point I don’t care about the foreign media. I don’t even care about her verdict.  I want to talk about perceptions in the USA and pedestals. Let’s be honest, we all know why people automatically assume she was innocent. I won’t even lower myself to say it. But here’s a hint, it had nothing to do with any evidence,  solid or otherwise and more to do with her skin and gender. And  I won’t even attempt go into why the foreign media is painting her as seductress (which is most likely their distaste for Americans)

I will talk about the fact that pedestals have a lot to do with perception. A la  how Casey Anthony walked free as a bird.

I’m sure that in Pussy Riot fashion Americans black white man or woman, will be called upon to rally around this “poor girl” who is being harassed.

Because when white womanhood is threatened we’re all threatened amiright? And I’m sure that black women are going to come out in droves to support this woman like they usually do when it’s time to mammy.

I would like to ask why?

Black women never benefit from helping other people on pedestals. I mean sure, you can claim that by helping them you “help yourself” in the future.(Even though I never see this later) Hell isn’t that what feminism/ civil rights/ womanism/ black feminism/ take your pick, has been selling black women for hundreds of years? But really and honestly black women never benefit.

Black women helping the status quo actually ends up hurting them.

Instead upholding ideals about white women and femininity and womanhood actually ends up hurting the black women who will never live up to that standard simply because they’re black. Or supporting abusive black males like the Stuebenville rapist because they’re protecting black men’s pedestal will never help because they will never get the benefit of it because they’re women.

Honestly.  Because when we put rapists on a racism pedestal that means when they rape black women, black women can’t get help. We’ve seen this time and time again when black women want help in feminism or Civil rights and on the other side of the spectrum I could even say we’ve seen this happen to white men who now say they’re screwed because of biased divorce courts.

How ironic.

Not only is supporting and pedestals stupid but it also will come back and bite the supports in the butt because when those people hurt you well not a damn thing can be done. They’ve already been excused.

So what’s the whole point?

I don’t expect these black women to change, nor do I expect pedestals to be shifted or the sitters on to move themselves off. But I am warning black women with a modicum of sense to snap back to reality, stop kicking the football, and get a grip on their lives.  You’re marginalizing yourself at this point. Helping people on pedestals won’t help, and defending those who have proven that they hate your guts certainly won’t give you anything.  It’s best to accept that now.

Otherwise when you want justice, you might just be shit out of luck.

Until Next Time,

Stay Neutral

Steubenville; Blame Shame and the Broken Moral Compass

Note to readers.  From my last article I told everyone that the next post wouldn’t be so long…. I lied. Chances are this post is going to be just as long as that one. Also please forgive the typos, I was in a hurry to study. And I will respond to comments from today and the day before on the previous post tomorrow after I get home from class.

… So let’s get into it. ( it will be broken into three ( or four) sections so feel free to read whichever one you want.

i. In recent weeks the Steubenville rape case has taken the world by the disgusting acts of two teens that victimized a sixteen year old girl.  As what usually happens in cases like this parents and teens and feminists alike are now wondering where things could have gone wrong. Everyone is blaming everyone else.  Parents are blaming “kids today” who think they’re invincible,  feminists are blaming Steubenville’s “football culture, and teens… well I’m sure that many teen are now  experiencing disgusts.  The media is having a field day feeding of the corpse that is fast becoming modern society.

As in these usual scenarios I’m left confused. I’m honestly wondering why everyone is running around like  a chicken with their heads cut off.  Oh don’t get me wrong, of course I was outraged for the victim. I spent days in a tizzy horrified that that girl had been taken advantage of.

But I have to be honest, While I’m disgusted I can’t say I’m shocked.

For a number of reasons.

1)       Considering the town and the worship of their athletes, crimes like this are bound to happen.

2)      Considering the fact that there were teens, parties, and no parental advisory, weak morals, and sheep like tendencies of the common man crimes like this are bound to happen

3)      Considering that the teens thought that they victimize anyone and that football will have them “covered” and their coach would “handle it”( one of the perpetrators words) these crimes were bound to happen.

Look, in NO way do I want to sound crass, but I can’t help but look at all of these situations and know that this was going to happen.

Meanwhile everyone else decided to blame everyone else.

ii) Speaking of blame,  I find some of the rhetoric surrounding this case and many others not only redundant but useless.    I keep hearing things like “teach men not to rape.” Or things like “women should be able to walk around naked and not be raped.”

I’d like to address both of these prevailing and failing memes and explain why I think they’re failing and prevailing:

For starters people know  damn well  that rape is WRONG.   It’s right up there with MURDER.  People know that people shouldn’t rape other people. And yet people do it anyways.

Now there are two theories on why this happens:

1:  Either parents  are so underdeveloped that they never taught the child that rape was wrong. ( which you don’t even need a parent to tell you)  ( And I don’t believe this theory)

Or 2)… and this is the most likely,  People think they can get away with rape.

Now if you want to be dense, you can choose excuse behind door number 1. But just for kicks Let’s claim that people don’t know that rape isn’t rape. The people who are saying that “men need to be taught” not to rape, have FAILED  big time because for anyone who kept up with the news for this case and SOOOO many others would know that

The posts  and tweets and videos of the perpetrators claimed otherwise.  One school boy who saw the pictures made a joke that “she was so raped.” ( He was laughing in the video)   the two teens tweeted that she was unconscious!   They passed around pictures and laughed.  Her friend called messed up. While the cousin of one of them said it was wrong but didn’t stop it.

Teens are aware that when you have sex with someone who is knocked out THAT IS RAPE!

There is nothing to teach that hasn’t already been said. Ad infinitum.

And yet all I keep hearing is that we should use this as examples to teach men not to rape.

I’m going to let you in a on a secret about criminals.  Criminals are always going to asses risk. A burglar is more likely to break into a house in the middle of the day because they assessed the risk and found it less likely for a person to be in the home at that time then say, night. Just like a bank robber is not going to walk into a bank filled with armed swat members but wait until it’s not busy and there’s no guards around.

My point? They know that robbing, killing, etc. are WRONG but they assessed their risk and decided to take a chance that they thought was in their favor.

The same with a rapist.

These boys knew rape was wrong but they assessed their risk and probably came to the following twisted conclusion.

1)   They thought she was an easy target.  This isn’t even about victim blaming either this is about the mind of a criminal. They thought they could make her a victim.

2)      They knew they wouldn’t be stopped.  Not only did these fools know that they were popular and on the “worshiped” football team they were popular and knew that peer pressure could dictate they could do what they wanted and no one would protest. In fact numerous people including one of the boy’s  cousins, and other  friends saw and didn’t say a word.

3)      They were surrounded by other likeminded criminals.  A criminal is a coward that is only going to do something as public as this rape around individuals who will give them a pass because they think the same way. They did this at a party with other, like minded men who decided to take pictures and laugh because the other boys agreed in actions if not in words (though those too) that it was okay.  These people obviously wouldn’t try this in the presence of a police officer because most likely they would get arrested. NO, they did this because they knew the people also around that night thought it was alright

4)      This is a biggy. They thought they were above the law. Criminals will always commit crimes if they know they are above the law. Look at the rape in South Africa. Every day numerous women are raped and the rapists go free. They  can risk raping because it’s not EVEN a risk. They though their coach would “take care of” their problems.

5)      This is a biggy. They thought getting caught was slim. They because of muddled rape laws and cases in the past they could easily claim  the victim had consent, or that they didn’t do anything or claim, she wanted it. They knew that because most times the victim is blamed with questions about sexual history and past they thought it would be the same

6)      This is also a biggy.They thought the jail time would be low. Rape not only has a low conviction rape but perpetrators don’t go to jail very long. A criminal will always address the potential sentence before deciding what to do.  For example a murderer may not participate in 2nd degree murder because they know premeditated murder has a longer jail sentence than 1st degree murder.

What am I getting at?

My point is that all the signs, all the picketing, all the protests, all the boycotts in the world will never make a rapist not rape. You’re trying to appeal to the human side of a monster.  You can’t convince the devil that they should stop hurting you.

No instead of trying to change the mental state of criminals who clearly know wrong is wrong, women should stop wasting their time and focus on the brass tax. And it always comes down to brass tax. You have to hit criminals where it hurts.

At this point women are wasting time with that same old perpetual conversation. Women should be focused on changing the laws of criminals. And  what hurts criminals is jail time/ loss of what they want/ shame.

Don’t believe me?

Here’s an example.  Criminals even the worst ones KNOW  that if they are convicted, of pedophilia, child pornography possession/ distribution, rape of a child or murder of a child, not only will they  GO TO JAIL FOR LIFE OR LONGER, the other criminals will positively rip them to shreds in jail!  And rightly so. Because that’s a heinous crime.

Not only are they afraid of the retribution from their criminal peers but they also know that the laws protecting children are tough and not lenient.

Do you think these young boys would have decided to be such little assholes if they’d thought they would go to jail for longer? No siree. They only did it because they thought they could get away with it.

Woman, and I’m talking to all women (and men). You MUST, MUST, MUST hit rapists where it hurts. STOP trying to appeal to their humanity or “teach them” (They have none and already know it’s wrong). You must blame, you must shame, and you must lock them away.

And that means focusing on laws which will really paralyze a potential rapist instead of trying to appeal their twisted morals!

iii) And speaking of shame…

I hate to be that girl and be preachy but I take the hit if it means pointing out common sense. Like I was saying earlier it seems that everyone is standing around in the aftermath gnashing their teeth at how this could happen. Why nobody who saw this called the cops.  People and parents simply amazed that their little egg head didn’t do anything.

Again I hate to be crass or preachy yet I have to ask why?

Every day, whether online or in real life I always hear the word “nice” thrown around.  “he’s a ‘’nice” guy, you should go out with him,  be “nice” to your classmates, “She was friendly and ‘nice’  ,   “She was a ‘nice’ girl.”  “my friends are “nice”.

Like a lot of things that leave me scratching my head, I have to wonder why it’s so good to be nice?

Let’s get critical and look at the actual definition of “nice”

Adj- pleasing; agreeable; delightful: a nice visit.

The first part of the word is AGREEABLE.

Of all of the people I’ve ever known I’ve never in my life  liked anyone I could classify as nice. For exactly this reason. Because all of the kids who from birth who had been conditioned to be “nice” either behaved TWO ways.

1)      They either were passive aggressively “friendy” to your face then talked about you behind your back. (Because it would be mean to be honest)

OR

2)      The “nice” people were often the ones to do NOTHING when the crap hit the fan

I’ll tell you a story. Once in high school my brother knew a group of boys that saw another boy walking past them, drop his wallet. One boy in particular who my brother classified as a douche told me that the boy instead of giving back the guys wallet who they had just seen drop it  he picked it up and took the money out. OF course the groups of boys that were standing around with him did nothing!   The other boys who would of course have been described as “nice”didn’t try and give the wallet back and were easily agreeable with the boy who had just virtually taken the money. There weren’t even any suggestions to try and give it back. (What’s worse is that none of them needed the money as the person who took the money was RICH )

It’s imperative to know the difference between “nice” and “Good”

Just because someone is “friendly” just because someone is agreeable doesn’t MEAN that they do GOOD. Just ask the victim who thought she could trust the people at the party. Those “nice “boys who had everything going for them weren’t taught that nice and GOOD are two different things

And speaking of good what’s even more dangerous beside the lack of “good” and focus on “nice”, Is the lack of SHAME that exists.

I’m serious.

Not only are people focused on not offending but nobody wants to speak up for fear of being “judgmental” or “shaming”.

Add to the cultural idea of no personal accountability i.e. not taking responsibility for yourself for others and it stands to reason that events like Steubenville happens.

All of those people who saw it happen were “nice” (hell one or more of them saw them raping her in the basement said “goodnight” and then left!” They were polite i.e. enough to say goodnight but not good  enough to call the cops.

iii. What’s sadder is that this girl said she thought she could trust them.

( Note if you haven’t read my post “But I thought You were my friend please do so as it has to do with trust)

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/03/13/but-i-thought-you-were-my-friend/

This goes back to what I was saying before ( and this has nothing to do with this woman in particular) people are way too quick to trust people who have only proven themselves to be “friendly”.  I have to be honest and say that I don’t trust many  people man or woman because I have yet to see them prove themselves to be good.

Which brings me right back around to what I was saying about since obviously people are either too “nice “ to speak up or do whatever they want  even while knowing it’s evil, it should really be the focus to separate themselves from these people.

Why? Because they have the potential to not only get themselves in trouble, their victims and YOU.

I’ll tell you another story. When I was in the eighth? Maybe ninth, grade my mom dropped me off at the mall with a girl from middle school. At the time I hadn’t thought it was much of a big deal I’d known her a year. Anyways we decided to go to claires, When my “friend” told me that she was going to steal  a ring.

Yes she was going to steal.

A few things stand out at that moment, first of all I pointed out to her that she had money. (IIRC) Second of all I pointed out that it was stealing.

And I told her not to do it. Then as she remained unimpressed with me I realized that there was a LARGE possibility that she could get caught ( There were detectors)  and not only get caught but get ME implicated.   I’d heard about people who got banned from the stores I’d seen the signs that said shoplifting was illegal. And I knew that if I got caught with her I would be ashamed if my mom found out I was even hanging out with a thief, whether or not I had done anything or not. (the idea of making my mother ashamed of me was a enough to deter me from a lot things.)

Not only was she about to do something I didn’t agree with, she didn’t care that I didn’t want to be involved in that.

  After that it was only after I threatened to walk out of the store without her and go home that she grumblingly agreed not to steal it.

My point isn’t to toot my own horn. My point is to say that that girl who I would have called “nice” was quick to do something like stealing even though she knew full well it was wrong. She’d assessed the risks and decided it was worth it. Worse she wanted to drag me in.

That’s dangerous, while that was a relatively mild situation sometimes those people can get you into bigger trouble. I remember reading on the news one woman who was dating a man who asked her to drop of a package to someone and unknowingly she was dropping off drugs. She went to jail.

It’s imperative to be able to assesses and separate good from nice.  Because sometimes you may be the one pulled in to the situation.

I’ve also learned in my short years that it only takes ONE person to say something before everyone else follows.  Though many people don’t like the ONE person who say something because they’re calling others out.

It was one of the reason while not unpopular in school I would never have been considered popular.  Simply because I wouldn’t do what the popular kids were doing. I.e. bullying two girls for no apparent reason. Many people didn’t like me because I called out the people who did/ was friends with some of them.

Again my point isn’t to too my own horn. My point is to tell you that while it may only take one person to change something, like it would have taken only one person to wait with the girl while her parents came/ given her a ride or called the cops to the house since they’d taken things too far if they didn’t want to deal directly with them.

But alas most people are trained to be “nice”

iiii) Coming back to my first point in (i.)  want to point out that since these things don’t occur where people are accountable for themselves and other and there isn’t any training to look out for the victims I have to again stress how important for women of all races  to use common sense thinking.

No rapists shouldn’t rape.  I know that. They know that.

But if you ‘re vulnerable chances are in this your friends may be too nice to help you.

Again this isn’t about victim blaming. Those boys need to go to jail.  And anyone who thinks that they can rape someone unconscious or otherwise need to GO TO JAIL.

But while the fight to make rape laws stronger and more effective this is about saving other people the heart ache of being unprotected, AND pointing out the fact that people you may think are your friends may hurt you. I would advise any women before she goes to a party filled with predators and followers  to ask herself. Can I trust these people? Will they help me if I’m in danger, will they notice if I’m about to be taken advantage of? Will they abandon me? Or will they let it happen? Hell people should ask this question even when they’re not in situations likes that involve heavy drinking.

Unfortunately too many people won’t find the answer pleasing.

But consider this. If you can’t answer yes to the first two questions and no to the others  you wouldn’twant to hang around those people anyway.

Finally here  are ways that I think would lower the instances of rape:

1)Stricter rape laws. The laws for rape are seriously lenient with a lot of gray area that puts the blame on victims instead of the person who committed the crime.  As many bwe women always say, you can’t appeal to a monster s moral side. The only think you can do is to hit them where it hurts. Further if women (and men) want to make these laws strong they’re  going to  have to hit politicians( who of course only care about terms and money) where it hurts. That means shaming officials  who don’t support things.  ( a good example of how this works was the judge who tried to define “Legitimate rape” People like this will only care about changing laws when they lose votes and popularity.

In the case of Essence as whataboutourdaughters was posting about how Essences supported gang rapist Gernarlow Wilson.

http://www.whataboutourdaughters.com/waod/2013/3/18/zerlina-maxwell-and-ebony-magazines-hypocrisy-on-steubenvill.html

(thanks Soul Alive for the Link)

Cut financial ties to businesses who support, fund or finance rapists or the lawmakers who make it okay.

2) It’s not enough to say “teach men not to rape” at this point people now what rape is. Similar to how people know that smoking is bad and decide to risk death.They don’t care. Tell them that their actions have consequences. Obviously rapists are going to do things out of the goodness of their heart. But I bet the two victims would never have risked their budding careers in football if they’d known they’d lose everything! Further saying that people need to “teach” people not to rape also belies the fact that it is something that everyone already knows and allows the perpetrator to feign innocence.

3) Teach kids that it is NOT GOOD to stand around and watch someone get raped/ abused/ bullied/ victimized. This should also be reinforced by laws that penalize anyone who knowingly goes along with it / watches and doesn’t attempt to call the cops.

4) Shame/ Shun anyone who thinks this behavior is funny, cute, acceptable, laughable. For example  the boy who made the video laughing at her for getting raped.  He needs to be shunned from society.

5)  Personal accountability.  This means avoiding certain situations were creeps are likely to roam free.  Not this isn’t about victim blaming. I hear all the time two different contradictory terms from people and other women combined. The first I hear is. “Women can do what they want no matter how dangerous the situation.” And yet when stuff like this happens I always hear the “nobody cared everyone just watched mantra” . They don’t work together.  If people are going to be responsible for each other that means that when your friend suggests that you STOP drinking and go home with them, you do it. They are looking out for your safety. Either you want them to care about women or you don’t. If you don’t You won’t be upset if your friend cuts you off because you would hope that they would do it for you. And I’ll remind you that it’s the friends that DON’T stop or express concern that you need to be worried about.

Harsh? Maybe but I don’t care.

Do I think they will work? Time will tell. I hope though because I would hate to see what happens if situations like this get to critical mass, Or deteriorate to situations like south Africa.

No excuses, no apologies.

Sorry I did it again with the long post I’ll try to do better next time,

Until Then,

Stay Neutral

But I Thought You Were My Friend?

 

Three things to note… 1) I said before I was writing a series but I’m deviating a bit because I write about current events that are relative to black women. So this post won’t be the post that I said I was coming out with next in the series. (I will publish later this week)

2) This is a long post. There are many things that I am going to discuss in the post. So.. just warning you.

3) This post will be labeled in three sections. Feel free to read whichever one you want first.

I.  Women have created their entire lives around ideology.  I see this all the time. Too many women are getting caught up in an ideology that almost never matches up in real life.

Case in point many people are angry that Marissa Mayer Yahoo CEO has decided to get rid of jobs that allow workers to commute. Many have complained that this doesn’t allow women workers to be any leeway and many working mothers depend on these jobs. In fact these women have said that she is not helping women by doing this.   Actually I’m not disputing this fact. I can’t say I don’t agree with the fact that that’s pretty sucky. And yet what I can’t help but notice is that these women have planned their entire lives around the feminist ideology that women should be able to be working moms.

I’m not saying that women shouldn’t want to work and be able to be a mom. But I’m always surprised at the women who feel that because an ideology has told them they should be able to they don’t plan logically. I see it all the time.   Further too many women (especially black women) make their choices based on feminisms ideology despite all the rest of the signs that it’s not going to help and signs that feminism is on its last leg.

For example for all of the people “surprised” that  Marissa Mayer did this, these same people only months ago were angry because this women is not even SELF IDENTIFIED as a feminist!  This women never claimed she wanted to help ALL women. This woman never made any promises NOT to screw women over. And yet plenty of people who have set up their entire lives around  not having to commute and not having any second plans should that go wrong are now wondering what they’re going to do.  They’ve based their decisions on the fact that they should do it not the fact that they can.

When else do I see this happening?  I see this happening women make choices about very personal things whose decisions shouldn’t be based on ideology.  For example I see many women abandon common sense behavior for ideology.  Things like “men shouldn’t rape.” And they, with that ideology they do things like get knock down drunk, or go to wild parties and assume that everything is going to be alright. Because they’re a woman and feminist and “rapists shouldn’t rape”

I don’t want this to come off as victim blaming either. But I keep seeing women getting their hearts broken when everything goes wrong.  For example I remember popular Youtuber Chescalocs had a video a few months back about how she was raped at a party.  Her horrific story included how her drink was drugged and she was raped and she didn’t remember anything.  Even worse her so called “friend” a fellow woman saw it happening didn’t do ANYTHING and later smeared her name.

Women constantly hear horrific stories about stuff like this.  The Stubenville rape case is another example of a woman taken advantage of while drunk at a party and the events were videotaped. And yet not enough women take these events into account when they decide their future actions.

These are women that MuslimBushido describes as Marie Antoinettes and Special Snowflakes

Much like the historical Marie Antoinette, modern-day BF Marie Antoinettes and Special Snowflakes don’t pay any attention to the prevailing conditions that surround them. They don’t pay attention because Marie Antoinettes and Special Snowflakes are too invested in believing that anything that affects other BW can’t possibly affect them. Because these women think they’re above it all. Even while the number of physical fatalities and spirit-murders suffered by other AA women and girls keeps increasing.

I think that this could describe modern feminists. Who absolutely will NOT listen to the pain and suffering that other women have gone through. For example based of the fact that obviously all the creeps, rapists, and perverts seem to targeting college aged women at parties when they’re too drunk to think straight or they get them too drunk to think straight I wouldn’t go anywhere near a party filled with unknown people, booze, and drunk men.

It’s just not safe.

And yet plenty of women continue to go to these crazed areas and becoming potential targets.

Who are your friends?

This is the question that a lot of women think that they have answered.  Some women keeping making their alignments and putting their physical, mental and emotional help in the hands of their friends, or at the very least they think their “friends” are. Thinking they are going to help them out when these “friends” and alignments have done NOTHING that should make them think that.

For example Marissa Mayer who never identified or claimed is now fending off masses of angry feminists who are now upset because of her decision.  What I don’t get is why this woman who has said before that she doesn’t consider herself a feminist are surprised that she put her company first? Second, and this is why I’m shocked, is that some women think that their f it was a feminist in charge those events would never happen. I have to be honest. Most people feminist or not would probably do the same thing. Because it always come down to money. People always choose the bottom line. I’ve said before that concerning blacks that “each black person’s  achievement is not their own”

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2012/01/23/each-black-persons-acheivement-is-not-your-own/

And I think women have yet to catch on. Just because someone has a vagina does not mean they are going to have your best interests at heart.And just because she has a vagina and is successful does not mean all women are now successful or will be successful.

My point about fiends?

One blogger brings up a good point concerning the Stubenville rape case and feminism :

What’s amazing/obvious is how after 25 years of Diane Sawyer and makeup debates, not one other girl at this party came to the victim’s aid; not one girl saw what was happening at the party and simultaneously called 911 and Facetimed the crime; not one girl called all the women she knew and brought the wrath of Athena down on that town.  Nope.  Nothing.

Her “Friends”, Her fellow feminists did NOTHING. In both cases. In fact not only did Chescaloc’s “friend” see her struggling and NOT help her, She smeared her name afterwards.  This is why I say that women simply must use common sense instead of living ideas because when it actually comes down to the wire I never see those drills and preps ever play out the right way. Instead I just see more and more women being victimized.

http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2013/01/no_self-respecting_woman_would.html

But back to what I was saying. Black women keep aligning themselves with people who have proven not to care or don’t want to care.( I recently read about a AA man who went around purposely infecting people he slept with with HIV) more than two hundred men and women! and yet when things like this happen people still like to pretend everything is a-okay instead of being safe! 

http://www.isaacdonburks.com/

 Living ideology (faulty ones like feminism will one day pay off, rapists shouldn’t rape, casual sex won’t be a disaster) over reality and doing what they need to do to be safe is going to have a lot of black women raped hurt, raped, attacked, have std’s etc. 

Muslim Bushido wrote about this.

http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2013/02/bf-marie-antoinettes-special-snowflakes.html

II.

I didn’t want to write about this but I don’t like when people make assertions that could potentially harm black women.   So on a website that infrequently visit ( I won’t post the article because I don’t want the ping back or the crowd)  A black woman has posted a video of a racist white man calling a group of black women a Ni**er and then spitting on them. He also slaps one of the women? (Idk I didn’t watch the video) In the video though, she also noted that there were a bunch of white men around that did nothing to help the women.

Her conclusion was this. ( i bolded what stood out to me.) If you want to read her post I won’t link but i’m sure you can enter the text into google.

[but] it’s a disservice to believe that white men care about Black women (in general) and it’s also foolish to believe that they would stand with us more so than Black men when ish hits the fan.
Most white men probably would not.

Most white men may not have acted like the man who was cursing and attacking the woman, but I have a feeling most would probably sit idly by…maybe someone might call 911, but that’s really it.

So there is no point in attacking Black men and acting like all white men care about us. People are individuals…for every Black man bashing a Black woman on YouTube, you can find ten white men bashing Black women all over the internet.

Now, my point isn’t to defend or excuse this obvious racist abuser or the tools who sat by and idly watched them be attacked.  I’m only bringing this up AT ALL because too many times is see the acting black crew using instances like this as guiltier, humiliaters, or “proof” for why black women should now bend and gap for black men.

If you want to call out racists… by all means. The entire video is highly disturbing. But please let’s not use this as an example, or more importantly a red herring to distract us from the abuse we are also likely to face in the  “black community”. Arguments like this are always the same which is basically “see how abusive white men are? They don’t care about you! BLACK MEN DO!”

And yet when conversations like this always work to keep black women from speaking out because they think “It aint no better out there”. I’m going to have to call BS. Not on the entire racist video…. Those men need to crawl in a deep dark hole and die. No I’m calling bullshit on the fact that black women like this, the guarders of all things dark and lovely think that Abuses is any less abuse because a black penis is attached.

They use videos like this to say. See white men are worse. Ultimately it’s a red herring to talk about racist white men in the world and forget about videos like the one above.  I wonder if this women would talk about the black men in the video who stood by while this woman got stomped. They didn’t call the cops, didn’t help (actually helped the boy hurt her) and the response from the distorted black community to videos like this has been to say she deserved it.  He still kept his record deal though. And Russel Simmons told him he’d be admonished privately. Talk about justice. For her to use this shitty incident to prove that black men have been helping black women is a pure lie.

Also to claim that the majority of bashers of black women are men of other races is a glaring, despicable lie. And I won’t let garbage like that be traipsed around like the truth. Her claims that there are ten videos of white men bashing black men for every ONE black man is also laughable. Considering the recent “celebrities” who have taken to every media source around to say how much they HATE HATE HATE black women. Oh and lets not forget the rap culture that has been permeating and poisoning black America for the past three decades that has been created and maintained by you guessed it, black males.

Further I’d also like to point out her shaming words used on black women. Who she claims “worship” white men. And of course black women are “attacking black men”. I have to say that I hate women like her. Instead of talking about how violence against black women is ignored by ALL people ( black, white, man, or woman) she turns this into a way to ignore the abuse ( because it’s not abuse if a black peen is doing it) that black men have done to black women, diminish it, ultimately silencing black women and guilting them to go back to their biggest abusers. Because to point out that black men can be abusive  when there are videos like this is “hypocritical”.

In her post she asks were was the outrage. Good question.

Where is the outrage at this? Where was the outrage when black women are smeared by rap, where is the outrage when little reese stomped that girl (ironically more white people were upset than black people who took to victim blaming and saying she deserved it) It’s been silent on all fronts for too long. And ultimately she contributed. She turned what could have been a chance to talk about abuse, as a way to shame and abuse herself. turning the conversation from the victim to the perpetrators and menial debates about  “white men worshiping’ and lies about “black men having our back”

SHAME ON HER!

People like this always use example of bad behavior to excuse other bad behavior. On the website ForHarriet a woman wrote an article about feminists who in a documentary overlooked women of color. She was crying how feminists must recognize interesectionality.  And the only thing one of the commenters could say was this.

I really appreciate this critique. As a Mexican-American, queer, white, and Christian feminist, intersectionality comes easy to me (I don’t have a choice!) It is disheartening to me how often the feminist movement is portrayed as one waged by and for white women, especially middle class white women. In reality, feminism is for all of us, and it has historically been accomplished by all of us. I believe it is a divide-and-conquer strategy of the enemy to make it seem like a white women’s movement. Ms. Camara, you hit the nail on the head when you say the documentary should have been more inclusive. We can’t make progress as women until we’re all working together. And for the patriarchists, that will be a scary day

 

Aside from my ahem.. disbelief that this “WomanofColor” truly gets what it means to be a black women. I have to ask…. Who is the “enemy”?  Men?  White men? Black Men?  I also find it offensive that this women has yet again excused the blatant erasure by white women of black women as “the enemy”. Similar to how the black community blames all it’s problems on “the enemy” or the white man  and keeps black women thus spooked and joined at the hip with their abusers who have been excused I’m seeing the exact same thing play out.   Black women can once again forget that this mess has been happening for centuries in the feminist community, blame the “enemy” or again  white men and in turn get back to the trenches of working for no pay and no benefits.

This blogger isn’t buying it.
http://www.forharriet.com/2013/03/odd-woman-out-why-white-feminists-must.html

Further I have  question to postulate to you….  Have you noticed that whenever black women point out the flaws in systems that weren’t beneficial and begin leaving in droves suddenly people come out of the woodwork  saying that it’s all a  conspiracy that the enemy wants us to fail. There was an article about black women and domestic abuse once. The commenters responded saying basically that it was all a conspiracy to divide and conquer.

I don’t think so.

You can’t divide what is already ripped apart. But you CAN use lines like “enemy” and “conspiracy” to keep black women from moving and ultimately from pulling their resources.

Let’s call a spade a spade. Two movements that were *supposed* to help DIDN’T.  Largely because the “leaders” didn’t CARE. Not because of white men. Not because of racism. Not because of sexism. Because they DIDN’T CARE. Call an ace and ace and allow black women to MOVE ON. Or further I won’t even wait for that day to come ( it won’t ). I’m just going to ignore you and keep going towards the exits.

And speaking of exits….

III.  It goes back to what I was saying about black women who keep aligning themselves with people who have proven not to care or don’t want to care. Living ideology (faulty ones) over reality and doing what they need to do to be happy.  Muslim Bushido wrote about this.

http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2013/01/and-band-played-on-21st-century_29.html

Further conversations about begging white feminists to love black women is ultimately what Halima calls a  “conversation loop” meaning that black women are basically spending their time on conversations that have been brought up before and yet nothing ever changes. Except black women lose their time, money, resources, to those movements instead of just walking away.

See the aim here is not to somehow find a solution or bring about dialogue, it is about keeping black women occupied in fruitless concerns so they dont move on or off with their lives. Indeed most of these male editors are sitting on necessary conversations and ideas just to keep the status quo in place, and I am not just talking about the area of relationships.

You can read the article here 

 

 

I’ve noticed that some of these women really think that they will be different that if they give their voice things will change. Dialog and all that jazz. Except there’s been centuries worth of conversations and nothing has changed. These women have still aligned themselves with those who can and will hurt them. Living ideologies that can and do hurt them.  When you realize that your life has been harmed more than its been helped it’s time to reassess the situation. And after your reassess the situation and realize you aren’t #Winning… that your friends aren’t your friends….

Eradicate  these people and go about your business.

Sorry that this was so long I promise my next post will be shorter.

Until Next Time,

Stay Neutral.

Ps. I interrupted a series to write this post the previous post was “Why wouldn’t you want to be Feminine?”  The next post is,  “If Feminism Grants Choices Why isn’t Femininity Part of those Choices.”

P.s.s BWE writer Evia asked readers to repost her article

I’m linking it write here. She also asked for other women to repost it too.

http://www.blackfemaleinterracialmarriage.com/2013/03/ucc-news-views-march-4-bw-have-you-become-a-surrogate-father-yet-someone-will-soon-call-you-note-fro.html

Why Wouldn’t You Want to Be Feminine?

I ask this question because there is a population of black women who positively revolt at the idea of black women being seen as feminine. There seems to be  large majority of black women ( even ones on certain sites who claim to be BWE)  that absolutely HATE the idea of being soft, feminine, charming , dressing womanly etc.

What I would like to know is why?

I simply don’t understand the constant bitching and moaning of black women who claim that nobody in the world views them as feminine, beautiful or sexy. These women even some in the BWE camp constantly go on and on about how men don’t see them as real woman and only think about them as asexual mammy’s or mules to sacrifice themselves.

And yet these same exact women do everything in their power to KEEP UP this idea that they themselves admit that everyone perceives them as.

What do I mean? Well recently I have noticed on one site specifically, but I keep noticing posts like this littering the internet, complaining about how black women don’t want to *have* to fit old gender stereotypes. They complain about how society is “forcing” them to be feminine and that it’s sexist to have to be feminine, worry about their looks, etc.  They’re angry because anyone even *suggest* that black women think about the people the *screw* instead of sleeping around with people who are clearly never going to respect/ like/ care about them. They’re angry because they like to mean mug, (and I’m not talking about mean mugging to keep street harrassers away) I’m talking about articles like this:

http://www.forharriet.com/2013/03/stoicism-black-womans-armor.html

I honestly can say this leaves me perplexed for several reasons:

First : I don’t think black women seem to understand the way intersectionality works. I say this because black women don’t seem to realize or be able to understand that the way black women and white women are perceived are completely different.

For starters I don’t know if Black women don’t realize that being black  and being perceived as feminine is a FEAT. Historically, as black women always complain, WHITE women were held up as the standard of beauty and femininity simply because they were white. In turn black women were shunted into the ‘non- feminine’ shelf.  Because of intersectionality while white women may have been “pressured” to live up to a standard, it was automatically assumed that black women were SEVERAL standard deviations away from the feminine and therefore simply wouldn’t live up. I see this same thing when women talk about how black women shouldn’t want to be a housewife. I hear many black women talk about  how it’s so “liberating” not to be a housewife or have kids, or be a stay at home mom etc, as if they were like white women and ever historically in large groups got that opportunity.   Of course I am aware that white women all  weren’t SAHM or HW, I get that but historically there were larger numbers of WW housewives than there were works and there were larger numbers of BW workers than their were SAHM’s.

But back to femininity, so many black women shun being seen as feminine as if they’ve accomplished something and yet they don’t even realize they’ve been sucked into an agenda that yet again doesn’t benefit them.  Just like the SAHM black women were never allowed to be feminine.

So why now, when there are so many options for black women, would black women shun something that could actually benefit, and help their image?  Because we all know that as women being seen a “strong” certainly isn’t  a compliment for black women who then get treated like men. (no matter what feminists who are protected by privilege claim) Second of all these black women are so busy copying what they think benefits WW (ie. Supposedly giving up femininity,) they don’t even see that giving up things that make black women feminine is helpful to black women because black women DO NOT have the automatic privilege of being seen as feminine just because of their race!

Second : I have to wonder why black women would shun being feminine because clearly they are unhappy with the roles they are now assigned. The biggest complaint that I hear black women talk about is that they want  to be as desirable as white women and every other race of women. And yet black women dump any chance of doing that? They’re out picketing femininity even though they WANT to be seen as feminine? SMDH  IDGI!

Why on earth would women who want to be seen as feminine and complain daily about being perceived as asexual work against being this way. Instead of being feminine like they didn’t have the opportunity to do before, they complain that it’s sexist to be that way. Huh?

Case in point many black women who saw Django Unchained were angry because the black woman was a “damsel in distress”. I haven’t seen the movie, and I didn’t want to because of the obvious gloss over of black women’s history in slavery and lack of pov for the heroine among other things. But that wasn’t even most women’s complaint.  Most people were only complaining because she had to be saved. They’re biggest complaint was that black women had to wait around for a man to save her.

I really don’t understand this at all. Because in any other movie these SAME people complained about the fact that black women NEVER get to be the damsel in distress.   So they what? Wanted her to be “masculine” and “kick ass” katniss everdeen style?  But wouldn’t that be racist? Because black women NEVER get to be the heroine/ damsel? And don’t mistake this as a defense of that movie either.   I’m only using it to point out the most recent example of what I’m talking about and this sort of thing ALWAYS  comes up and leaves me scratching my head.

Isn’t being the SAVED and not the savior/ saving self what black women have been complaining about for decades?  What they have been denied?

Third:  have black women realized the results of being seen as masculine? I don’t understand why black women are constantly talking about how much they loathe being seen as masculine when all they do is complain about everything that is wrong because they are?  Many women complain that men aren’t chivalrous they complain that men, don’t open doors, pay for dinners, NOT pump and dump, they complain they have to do all the work themselves, and they complain that they have to take on the roles of men.

And yet they don’t want to accept that even *some* of these men may not want a woman who is as masculine as they are? That maybe these men may simply respond better to feminine women?  That maybe it’s true that you get more flies with honey rather than vinegar?

The see other races of women act feminine get treated better complain that they aren’t treated the same way and then instead of trying to be feminine still stick with the masculine schtick? Whaaaaa?

I… can’t even….

Honestly I have absolutely no tolerance for women who complain about that they’re treated like men and then ACT the exact way and wonder why NO ONE LIKES THEM.

If you’re one of the women who does this I have only one thing to say. SUCK IT UP! Either be masculine and suffer the world that you’re claiming to hate having to live or try and CHANGE yourself and get the benefits you so desperately want. It’s your choice. But at least stop complaining publicly or trying to get other women dump femininity as much as you have. It’s ANNOYING.

Until Next Time,

Stay Neutral

P.s. This was part of a series that I had to interrupt for other posts

Next Post: If Feminism Grants Choices, Why Isn’t Femininity A Choice For Black Women

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/04/17/if-feminism-grants-choices-why-isnt-femininity-a-choice-for-black-women/ 

Previous post in series : Time for Black Women To separate their image

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/02/23/time-for-black-women-to-separate-their-image/

Whatever I am, You Made Me… And When Will Black Women Stop Mammying?

 

In recent weeks there have been continual debates between some black women (who claim to be for black women) about how black women shouldn’t release the hold that feminism should have over them. These debates usually entail black women who are fed up with non reciprocity  and have decided to once and for all sever any ties and emotional connections to the feminist community ,and the recent results by some loud mouthed respondents has been to try and shame these women into staying in their place, firmly entrenched in a movement that has never purposefully or willingly given black women anything that could benefit them. And, in fact, has proven that they are actually themselves harmful.

This author here has written two very good posts on this very topic that I think you will enjoy reading.

http://neecysnest.wordpress.com/2013/02/22/when-will-black-women-happily-stop-acting-like-mammies-for-everyone/

http://neecysnest.wordpress.com/2013/03/02/courtesy-consideration-concessions-cooperation/

 

Usually in these arguments that attempt to pull black women back on to the mule bandwagon always entail lines such as, “I don’t know why black women want to ditch feminism. Without feminism you wouldn’t be able to enjoy any of the privileges you have today.”

As things have come to a head in the BWE camp and out of it with other black women getting fed up at being screwed over by feminism, and as more black women have decided to be one less soldier in the useless feminism army, and as there are less and less logical evidence to prove that black women have ever gotten anything out of the deal, this phrase, this line has been heaved at black women to effectively keep them chained to the community.

I want to warn black women that, as more and more black women leave the feminist community (and black community which ironically spouts the same thing), and decide to do what’s best for them, black women need to go about their business.  There is nothing to see here folks.

Instead as you encounter people who try and convince you that whatever you are, whatever happiness that you’ve gained, whatever rights and privileges, heck even the air you breathe is because the feminist or black civil rights movement gave it to you, just walk away.

Literally,

Just walk away.

Because lines like this that are being spoon fed to black women (even ones who claim to be BWE) are the last attempts to try and grab the clusters of black women who are heading towards the exits of the feminist movement and the “black rights” movements.

Similar to the way fly or a mosquito flies around a room before it’s about to die, these women KNOW that a growing number of black women are saying goodbye to the feminist movement (heck many white women don’t even want to associate with the feminist movement, for good reason, either) These women, who refuse to jump off the sinking titanic are now trying to pull the life rafts from you as you float away to happiness and self-success.

Further…. You don’t OWE THEM A THING!

It seems that many of the “Whatever You Are, We Made You” brigade like to rewrite history. Not only do these women  like to rewrite history they like to rewrite it so you will be beholden to their movement and vote/ support/ waste your valuable time on crap that in no way will EVER come back to help you.

  • These women like to claim that the feminist movement has *always*  been there for black women and that black women were just sapphire bitches who wanted to rip white women down because of their hatred and ultimately female jealousy of white women.

I wrote about this here:

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/01/10/so-black-women-hate-and-are-jealous-of-white-women-and-are-too-bitter-to-support-feminism/

 

  • These women like to pretend that feminist ( similar to black rights) movement intentionally and with caring forethought went out of their way or go out of their way to make sure that black women get anything in return. When really examples of the recent FLOP in the feminist community in respond to the Q Wallis Oscar debacle  show that that this has NEVER HAPPENED

 

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2012/12/06/black-women-you-will-never-be-a-protected-class/

 

  • These women like to pretend that if the major players of this movement have ever done anything but used black women as a body count while because of their privilege have used that to harm black women.
  • These women like to pretend that because sometime in the past, when feminism actually meant something and wasn’t the FARCE it is today that black women need to gap, bend and spread, because now WE OWE THEM.
  • These women like to pretend that black women OWE THEM their time , money, resources, votes, protests, as if black women and feminists sat down and wrote out some intricate  pre nup or there was some elaborate wedding ceremony and we are now married to these movements. They want to pretend that black women made a deal and now we have to fulfill our end of the bargain.
  • These women ( and men in the case of the black rights movement) like to pretend that because black women inadvertently benefit from a movement that wasn’t designed or thought out for black women that we should now do whatever they say.
  • These women like to pretend that the system set up, ever, currently or at some point WILL work for black women, when in fact it will do nothing of the kind.
  • These women think they are the leaders of some sort of CULT.

You would be surprised at the level of anger that many women are displaying because black women have said NO to feminism. (and the black rights movement)

Do Not Be Fooled, Do Not Be Alarmed

Most of this anger will be directed at you now because if these movements don’t have an adequate body count and enough people to  blindly going along with whatever tripe the decide matters , they will be in dire straits. They need bodies to serve as their flotation devices and they want you to be it.

Kindly Refuse.

Further for black women who are realizing that mammying isn’t the way to go I also want you to realize that current system and the way it works now will NEVER benefit black women. I have talked about this ad nauseam and this is why I write this blog because I want black women to get this in their head.

I’ll repeat what I’ve already said about the fatal flaw in the feminist and civil rights movements

Let’s Play a Game called IF_____, Then_______

Both of these movements operate with the belief that white men have the most power in a “racist and patriarchal society”

The feminist movement complains that white men (I’m italicizing “white” because I want to point out the fact that the feminist movement rarely IF EVER calls out the sexism of black males on black females unless it has to do with NON BLACK WOMEN) have gender privilege….

The civil rights movement complains that white men (I’m underlining men because the civil rights movement  has shown time and time again that they will gladly give a pass to racist white women) have the racial privilege and that is the reason why blacks men  can’t get ahead. They hold that blacks would equal if the just got rid of racism.

Black women know that in their world race AND gender come into play for them.

Here Comes the if/ then game…

IF in the feminist world/ and civil rights world white women/ black men need only ONE  more facet to have “equal” privilege they say white men have (race/ gender),  THEN  means that CURRENTLY both white women and black men already have some sort of privilege THEMSELVES because White Women and Black MEN BOTH Share privileges because of their RACE AND GENDER, respectively!

By this logic, that to be white you have racial privilege and to be a man you have gender privilege, both white women and black men are not fairing much worse than they claim white men are!

What does it mean in lay terms ?

Well here is where the intersectionality conundrum of the civil rights movement and the feminist movement for black women gets sticky.

This means that if white feminists or black men ever wanted to have full privilege they would have to keep the privilege they already have (race/gender respectively) and both white feminists and black men would have to GAIN gender/ race privilege respectively.

But where does that leave black women in any of these movements and why is it important for black women to realize the system doesn’t work?

 Black women need to realize that because they’re black and a woman neither movement that is claiming to care about blacks and women can EVER help them and gain any headway.

White feminist, if you look at it logically couldn’t possibly give up racial privilege and keep the gender privilege they gain because they will still be left short of having both. Black men can’t give up gender privilege and gain racial privilege because they STILL will come up short.

This is why you see stuff like the tepid response to the Onion incident. For black women to have been addressed in the feminist movement would have meant giving up the racial privilege of knowing they would be protected.  Just like if black men actually cared about the issues that effect black women  in the black community ( large numbers of rape/ domestic violence/ molestation) they would have to give something up.

They would lose any footing and privilege that would get them to their goal !

IF you consider it from this logic, You realize that the feminist movement is positively useless to black women , because of race they don’t have the privilege of benefiting and in the black movement because of gender they don’t have the privilege of benefiting.

Why should You Care?

You should care because at this point, these two movements have no and had no intention of giving black women anything. Sure at one point these movements helped black women by default  of having brown skin and a vagina. But it wasn’t on purpose nor intentional.  We saw historically how black men in the civil rights era clung to sexism while feminists clung to racial privilege.

At this juncture, you’re now just being used as a BODY COUNT because the system can’t work the way it is unless you only have one disadvantage or the other. NOT BOTH Race and Gender disadvantage.

Bringing it home…

My entire point of this post isn’t to go on and on about privilege  or lack thereof. I’ve said a million times it would be insane for anyone to give up their privileges.

BUT,  and that’s a big BUT,

Black women have to be smart with the choices they make now.  For starters by realizing how the system is fatally flawed to create an interesectionality conundrum for black women black women can start to realize that they are not beholden to ANYONE.

Mostly because the system was never intended for black women to begin with. There is no reason to feel indebted to a system that not only doesn’t help, and never wanted to but feeds of privilege in which other won’t give up.  Black women can leave the matrix because once black women realize they were never the intended beneficiaries of these movements there is no longer any need to feel gratitude/ show reverence towards them. Instead black women can assess the situation clearly and see that this is just another show, a façade offering black women temporary respite that can’t logically work.

The bigger picture…

Finally black women  can realize they can let go but they can also let go of the desperate need to defend two groups, if you use their logic, have privilege of their own.

There is no need to defend/ help/ waste time on two groups that while complaining about the privilege of white men enjoy the same privileges of being white or men at their leisure. Not only are these groups hypocritical (claiming to hate privilege while still enjoying it)  but these same groups that are claiming to be better to be helpful can hurt you when they feel like it and will get off Scott free. (Because in these two worlds racists and sexists are white AND male, not white OR male).

Instead black women can focus on living neutral, rewarding lifestyles that don’t require them to be a mammy, mule or white knight for anyone.

Until Next Time…

 

I’ve posted this link before, for those who may be interested I’ll post it again

It talks about interesectionality, top down theory, and how the current system is flawed all things I think black women should know about the author enlightened me completely. Enjoy

-onelesssoldier-

http://www-polisci.tamu.edu/upload_images/4/Crenshaw-Demarginalizing.pdf