Time for Black Women To Separate Their Image!

I’ve been really thinking lately about black women and femininity. More importantly I’ve been thinking about ways that black women can reaffirm their femininity.  I think that black women are running their image into the ground and the remedy is very simple.

Separate your image from black men.

Let me elaborate.

History has shown that historically black people (men and women) were  “beastly”, animal like, over sexual, etc. Unfortunately as time has gone on, and as racism has become less of an issue, black men have played up to and enjoyed the fun that comes along with being the most masculine”. Hell, the “mandingo” stereotype is one that black men no matter how racist it is, applaud and play up to.

But where does that leave black women?

Well, I think that this is damaging to black women.  While black women are loudly and amply supporting the idea that black men are somehow the most inherently masculine of all races, it has adversely affected how black women are seen.

How?

Well consider this. The “masculine” “beastly” stereotype was used to justify slavery. Although slavery hasn’t been an issue for 100 years some black men have still been able to hang onto this stereotype it for their advantage.

But considering intersectionality, the stereotype hasn’t helped black women at all. Instead  because of racism black women are roped into that stereotype along with them. The more black women that support the Mandingo stereotype, the more they further themselves from ever being seen as a feminine woman.  Because if black men are the most feminine and all the blacks are men that leaves black women in a hard spot. (That is completely avoidable)

We know what happens, have seen what happens when cultures are stereotyped as hyper masculine or hyper feminine and when it  is embraced (or at least on actively or loudly fought against). Many Asian women are viewed by some as the MOST feminine and because of it Asian men are grouped as unmasculine.

While Asian women may ( in Americans mind) be viewed as the most feminine  Asian men who did not distance themselves from this ideal are now being roped into this idea.

In fact as many black women are typecast as loud, obnoxious and masculine;  Asian men are consistently typecast as feminine, weak men.  Basically Asian men have not benefitted from the hyper feminine stereotype of the woman in their culture.

The same can be said for black women.  While promoting the image that black men are the Manliest men on the planet simply because they are black we as black women are pulled into that too.

I can only suggest that the best thing that black women can do is to distance themselves from this idea.

Or at the very least refuse to embrace stereotypes like that.  It is important for black women to separate themselves and not be seen as a monolith with black men, because when this happens black women lose their voice and any chance to be seen in a positive light.

 I’d also point out the irony I’ve noticed in that while black women have been helping promote the idea that black men are the most masculine,  and have happily, and stupidly gone along with this idea. They have been in turned been pulled into the stereotype of also being masculine.  For the women who were specifically looking for black men to date a lot have run for the hill searching for more “feminine” women.  So for the women who can only imagine themselves with a black men they really did themselves a bad one.

How can black women distance themselves?

Well, black women for starters can stop actively supporting when black men promote their  “biggest penis” hyper masculine schtick.  Black women can stop bashing other men as weak.

Further black women have to also remember that they do not have the strength or support to support men who A) are the only ones who will benefit from these ideas and 2) Are most likely not interested in marrying you and do NOT care if your image is in the mud.

The same men that black women are salivating to protect and uplift are the same men scrambling to use their status to get with the *real*  hyper feminine women.  And since all the real women are white that does not include you.

Black women have to acknowledge the fact that it is okay to look out for yourself and only yourself and YOUR self image. Smart black women will not be so quick as to toss away the benefits that come with being a feminine woman.

Finally it is important what many other women have written. It’s about reciprocity.  Ask yourself if you have received anything beneficial from the uplifting the masculine status and allowing yourselves to be placed in the unfeminine roles.

I think you know the answer to that.

Until Next Time

Stay Neutral.

PS this post was written as part of a series

Next Post: Why Wouldn’t You Want to Be Feminine?

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/03/07/why-wouldnt-you-want-to-be-feminine/

Previous Post: If White Men Pump & Dump…. Black Men Pump & Dump

https://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/if-white-men-pump-dump-black-women-black-men-pump-and-dump-black-women/

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17 thoughts on “Time for Black Women To Separate Their Image!

  1. You are indeed a breath of fresh air. What an estute, intelligent observation. I totally agree with you. I never thought of the idea of hyper masculinity/ hyper femininity & what it means for bw/am. I am quite feminine & lucky for me my parents nurtured this trait despite urging a to the contrary by various ” concerned ” family members. I definitely believe any forward thinking bw sojourner should definitely work on her feminin skills. There is a blog called Seductive Woman I believe which would benefit many bw as some have never Ben raised to revel in the positives of being a girl/woman. I don’t mean to hijack your site, just wanted to pass on some hopefully useful information. I truly appreciate our observations & well written articles.

    • I’m so happy you’re enjoying my articles!

      I was similar to you, my mother urged me to be feminine and it really just came naturally luckily for me the rest of my family encouraged too. I will check out the website and maybe put a link in the sidebar. Believe me, I didn’t think you were hyjacking my site. I welcome links. That goes for any readers who thinks there’s a website I should see just let me know if you have anymore. I think its a great Idea to pass on useful sites to other black women.

  2. “I’d also point out the irony I’ve noticed in that while black women have been helping promote the idea that black men are the most masculine, and have happily, and stupidly gone along with this idea. They have been in turned been pulled into the stereotype of also being masculine. For the women who were specifically looking for black men to date a lot have run for the hill searching for more “feminine” women. So for the women who can only imagine themselves with a black men they really did themselves a bad one.”

    They sure did. And DBR BM are openly using it against BW who want BM. Most of the anti-BW YT videos and BM rapper articles (in national magazines) are based on what you’ve just said. The irony is, some BW are still trying to convince themselves that if they just behave like beaten dogs and “stay loyal” to these men who hate them, those DBRs will someday see the light and love them back.
    I unfriended a BW on FB last year, because she posted an bootlicking plea for love and understanding on a BM’s hate-filled rant about BW. I could hardly believe what I was reading. It made me sad and pissed me off at the same time. 😕

    “Black women have to acknowledge the fact that it is okay to look out for yourself and only yourself and YOUR self image. Smart black women will not be so quick as to toss away the benefits that come with being a feminine woman.”

    Yes, and that is why there are so many people, including some delusional BW trying to convince young BW to behave in ways that will harm their personal image, and the image of BW in general. Some of these people are just plain ignorant, but some know EXACTLY what they’re doing, and are more concerned with helping BM get what they want from BW than in helping BW. The “Black unity” chicks have a bad habit of promoting mannish behaviors like sister soldiering, struggling to raise OOW children alone and w/o seeking child support, and sexing any BM who shows them any small bit of attention. All of these behaviors put BW at a great disadvantage, but benefit BM.

    I’m glad you wrote a post on this topic. It’s not something that I had ever given much thought to either. I feel fortunate to have been raised to embrace my womanly charms and gifts. It certainly does have its advantages. 😉

    Another terrific post! I’m looking forward to your next one. 🙂

    • They sure did. And DBR BM are openly using it against BW who want BM. Most of the anti-BW YT videos and BM rapper articles (in national magazines) are based on what you’ve just said. The irony is, some BW are still trying to convince themselves that if they just behave like beaten dogs and “stay loyal” to these men who hate them, those DBRs will someday see the light and love them back.
      I unfriended a BW on FB last year, because she posted an bootlicking plea for love and understanding on a BM’s hate-filled rant about BW. I could hardly believe what I was reading. It made me sad and pissed me off at the same time

      They don’t even realize that the damage has been done irreparably.

      That’s really sad about the woman on FB. What was the response to her pleas btw?

      I’m glad you wrote a post on this topic. It’s not something that I had ever given much thought to either. I feel fortunate to have been raised to embrace my womanly charms and gifts. It certainly does have its advantages.

      Another terrific post! I’m looking forward to your next on

      I was like you too. I loved being feminine. But I understand that some black women never had the opportunity and may want to.

      • I’m not sure if the person she was addressing ever responded to her. There were other comments from other people under hers, mostly agreeing with that man and a couple insulting her directly.

        The man had posted his rant on a post from a FB page called (ironically or as a joke) “The Beauty of Black Relationships”. After seeing this in my feed, curiosity got the better of me and I visited the page. He was not the only BW hating degenerate there. The page’s owner had posted almost nothing but anti-BW propaganda. I have no idea why any Black woman would want to get updates from such a page. It’s crazy! And even though that FB account is only used for gaming purposes, I still did not want to be exposed to any more of that foolishness. That’s why I removed her.

  3. Love this! I would also say as black women we should separate ourselves from the image of “black beauty” our black men put out there. Not only do they search for “more feminine” women, but they expect us all to look the same, look like the women they see in magazines and television. Great post!

    http://blaqlife.wordpress.com

  4. Pingback: If White Men Pump& Dump Black Women… Black Men………………. Pump and Dump Black Women | notyourgirlfriday

  5. Pingback: Why Wouldn’t You Want to Be Feminine? | notyourgirlfriday

  6. Pingback: If feminism grants choices why isn’t femininity a choice for black women? | notyourgirlfriday

  7. I also agree on this.. As a young black girl who just turned 18… Black men have little hope for me when it comes to love.. But I refuse to let them keep me down. I will embrace my feminine side and find a love from another race. I think we should separate ourselves from black men as a whole…

  8. Erm… No! A thousand times No!

    History update: If one race on this planet has historically shown barbarity, animalistic voilence or cruelty to other humans, it is the white race. Europe specifically. African wars (until Europeans came to muddy the waters) were typically fought by wrestling matches between villages or tribes. Death as a consequence of war was almost non-existent then. Even when Shaka Zulu consolidated the numerous small southern African tribes into the Great Zulu Nation, he managed it without bloodshed in the thousands.

    The problem we have today is that Europe did conquer the modern world and he who wins the war, writes the story. I mean, Winston Churchill blatantly and shamelessly declared, “History will be kind to me because I intend to write it!” And, indeed, in spite of all the brutal and racist things he did, he is remembered as a hero today.

    The lie that Blacks are aggressive or animalistic was a sales pitch to ease the consciences of those who engaged in slave trade back in those days of evil. The angst and machismo that is so publicized as “the Black attitude” is the same brand you will find in the poor, impoverished white neighbourhoods. But the media and the repetitive validation of our social machine force and reinforce the stereotype so effectively that everyone including the Black race accepts it is fact now.

    My point is I love your post but please do not be deceived. If history has shown us anything really, it is that the African is a more loving and peaceful person than the current propaganda claims. I mean Egypt was ruled with a documented set of rules under Ma’at (which pretty much was the earliest design of democracy) while our Caucasian cousins were still eating dried rabbits and unfamiliar with the idea of bathing.

    Don’t believe the hype.

  9. We need to separate our image because we desperately need to control and improve our image and promote ourselves as beautiful and desirable like every other race of women. We can’t afford to be mules and mammys for people who don’t care about or reciprocate.

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