Even before my break with feminism I always felt a bit…shifty about some of the agendas that feminists had. In fact more than shifty I downright disagreed with and simply could not see the logic behind some of the choices that feminists, (white and black) have made. Below I have highlighted a few of the agendas that feminists have that I disagreed with and why I ultimately found it very easy to walk away.
Promiscuity as a positive- This was one of the first things I’ve had a problem with. Too many feminists that I encountered (black & white) promote the idea of sex without repercussions Honestly I just don’t think it’s possible. While there is so much talk of “empowerment”, “experimenting” and “getting to know your body” what I have gathered is there is little value in sex itself but only the notion of gaining experience. Later these same women can’t keep an emotional relationship to save their souls. I found that it was near impossible to align myself with people who think hooking up and casual sex are somehow good for women.
Virgin Shaming- Goes hand in hand with the top one. These same women who were constantly on guard for “slut shaming” had no qualms when it was the opposite. Being a virgin in high school (and still being one) My friends found me to be a novelty, and treated me as if I were a naïve fool or a simpleton just too unworldly to understand anything. Further there is a contempt and derision toward women who decide not to have sex yet or don’t believe in casual sex. These women are seen as brainwashed, nutcases, prudes, or people who are too buttoned down and need to “loosen up”. They’re also mocked relentlessly. In one article on Jezebel they called women who stayed virgins in their 20’s “smug” and on a Clutch article, some of the commenters scorned one celebrity who said she was a virgin.
Shaming…. Shaming- Another thing that I just couldn’t comprehend. Too many feminists that I’ve encountered just CAN NOT comprehend that just because you can do something doesn’t mean that it’s GOOD FOR YOU. Further for anyone who dares question the future downfalls of such behavior, they are immediately accused of shaming. For example if someone says that it may not be a good idea for women to indiscriminately have sex, or if someone says there may be emotional downfalls to watching pornography, they are automatically told they are “shaming” their fellow feminists. I’ve also noticed buzz words like “sex positive” thrown around or “pro (pick an adjective)” so if you don’t support x cause you’re just not being supportive and if you aren’t agree complacently then you MUST be shaming.
Sex positive- This is similar to the first one in the fact that feminists believe that anything that has to do with “free” sex is somehow “empowering”. For some reason women seem to think that if it involves sex (even in shady situations) You MUST being freeing yourself as a woman. For example I simply don’t understand the women who think that getting up on a pole, or prostituting yourself is empowering. These women think that girls like Ke$ha are empowering or GIRLS (the show) is the way to live. Ironically, and conversely these women somehow say that they don’t want to be “objectified in the media” or don’t understand why women have body and self-esteem issues OR why men don’t value them OR why men treat them like sex objects when they SELL themselves. They also can’t make the correlation between young girls trying to be sexy (and becoming sexual younger) and the culture they promote. The underlying theme to be “sexy not sexual” is pervasive. Further, what I found even more disgusting than the obvious flaws in logic was simply the fact that the “causes” that these women support only benefit women in a higher social class (regardless of race). The women who support pornography DON’T care that the majority of female porn stars were recruited young and usually have emotional problems. They don’t care that prostitutes worldwide are NOT prostitutes by choice (look at Asia and India specifically.) They don’t care that the majority of prostitutes are recruited when they are under 18 and that sex trafficking is the fastest growing trafficking in the world. They see themselves (the lucky ones) benefitting from it and they force the people who are not in the lifestyle by choice onto it. Meanwhile these women themselves aren’t prostitutes but they are likely the ones who claim to go to a strip club “for fun” while watching poorer women debase themselves. The absolute disregard from poor women (of all races) is absolutely retched.
Femininity- This is another biggy for me. Too many feminists think that anything that is traditionally “female” is subjugation. I’ve seen Jezzies mock women who like hello kitty, the color pink etc all because it’s not “empowering.” This is ironic to me because I don’t see how it is ironic to become “masculine”. How is taking on “male “qualities freeing? Obviously they only value “male “qualities just like they claim men do. If you have to change yourself to be accepted you’re not truly free.
Career>Marriage- Another theme feminists love to push is spending your 20’s building up a career and then waiting until you’re 30 to get married/ have kids. I don’t like this idea. I don’t put ever last shred of my emotional security into my career. I want to get married and have kids at a reasonable age( my20’s). Gasp! I find more value in family than I do my career. For those of who do though we’re called sell outs and shunned for “setting women back 50 years” and chaining myself to the kitchen.
Mountains out of Molehills- Another big one. I’ve seen too many women wasting their time “fighting” for causes that don’t matter. The topless movement in NYC is a good example. These women are again wasting their time on things that are useless in the long run. Another good example is an article I saw about how some little girl (with her mother’s help I’m sure) a letter to the makers of the game Guess who because there weren’t enough girl pieces. Game pieces and whether you can walk around with your boobs out in public do not affect your quality of life, but from the causes feminists take up you would think this was the case.