Black Women Shaming 101

Hello and welcome to class.

Take a seat.

Today I want to talk to you about a mysterious phenomenon called “Black Women Shaming” Like the Northern Lights that can be seen in Alaska it  is a very mysterious but illuminating  occurrence.

If you’re wondering why we’re covering this, it is because for anyone who wants to effectively leave OZ (or what I like to call the black community/feminist community.) Black women are going to have to define and identify the *very* thinly veiled antics that people try to use to keep black women in their place. (And with it keeping them at the beck and call of whoever deems to “need” them at the moment. Which leaves black women feeling obligated and in an immovable  position when they realize they are NOT as happy as everyone has convinced them that they should be and want to get out.

So, If you are ready to leave you need to know the following techniques… Let’s begin.

Shame tactic #1: Insults.

This is one of the most obvious, pathetic yet very effective in shutting black women up and keeping black women out of what they should have access to. When black women notice that something is amiss usually the immediate response is something nasty and insulting. ( Think how black women who want to be feminine are called sell outs to feminism) or black women who don’t want to be promiscuous are told they are repressed, stupid, or judgmental.

Another example is  if there is an article on how black women are supposedly single or (in one of the funniest scenarios) if black women are discussing interracial dating or really anything for that matter.

Usual shaming responses are:

“Black women are single because they’re bitches, non submissive, angry (for no apparent reason) are not “wifey” material, ugly, unattractive fat, whores sluts ,feminist (yes this is used as an insult)  Only good for one thing ungrateful, white men’s (or any other races of men) whore, stupid, won’t take responsibility and just plain useless

Note that it is not just in matters of dating/interracially dating that these sorts of insults come up. They are also used when talking about the state of the black community or anything else for that matter. This serves to reaffirm what black women have been fed for years by numerous different people and immediately degrades lost black women to a place where they are afraid to move for fear of more retribution.

Shaming Tactic #2: Helping Hands:

Usually with this a black woman will say something usually with the claim that they are saying if for black women’s “own good” for examples…

#1HBO’s girls writer said she didn’t write a black character in because she had no experience and she wouldn’t be able to do the character justice.

#2Or black women don’t want to date inter racially because other men won’t understand him.

#3Or from other black women. I’m trying to watch out for my “sistas” and keep it real to tell you the truth so you don’t waste your time.

#4Or I’m telling you black women are undesirable because it’s better come from me than them. I’m trying to “Help” you get your act together.

#5: or support my cause because we can help each other but usually there is no return for black women.

Black women are convinced and tricked into being passive because they believe they are being helped and that someone else is looking out for their best interest when really they are being set back.

Shaming Tactic #3 Proof Positive:

In this instance black women could point out something blatantly misogynistic rude, racist, or just plain wrong. In this case the perpetrator will stop without remorse and confirm what is happening and give very distinct reasons why.
For example black women could say that black men have largely abandoned their roles in the black community as leaders husbands or fathers, and in this case the response would be something along the lines of

“You’re right, black women have been abandoned because they are simply unworkable, trifling women. They drove black men away.”

Or to the blatant color ism in the black community. “Yes it may be colorist but I’ve been brain washed by “the white man” to seek white flesh, or “Black women are unattractive or  “you can’t control someones preference.”

In this case proof positive is meant to stop black women in their tracks. If their worst fear is actually confirmed then there is nothing that can be said. Black women are to then accept their lot in life without hesitation. The worst fears of their subconscious have  been confirmed so they can begin the self fulfilled prophecy.

Shaming Tactic # 4:  Red Herring or Gaslighting

This one is amazing simply because it is almost always affective (accept in recent years when black women have realized what’s going on.)

Scenario #1 Black woman can talk about the blatant racism in the modern feminist movement and in a gas lighting technique white feminists will turn the talk back to the “bigger issue/picture”. Usually this includes distracting black women so they don’t realize that they are being played long enough for the other group to get what they want out of black women for as long as possible.

Scenario #2 Black women could talk about sexual abuse in the black community and in similar fashion to above they will say. “Well that is interesting but what about black MEN” and stall the conversation or “When black men are helped it will trickle down to black women”

If these tactics don’t work the gas lighting begins. Blatant denials about being racist. “See response to Gabby Douglas saying girls at gym were racist.”  She was either making it up or imagining it.  Black women are told they are simply being “too sensitive.”

(Or when black women on Jezebel got mad at them for not supporting black women who supported Ashely Judd’s statement about Hip Hop and misogyny they were told “how do you not see that it’s racist for Ashely Judd to make such remarks.” Turning the picture of away from mysoginy in rap to black men getting their feeling hurt and racism at large.)

*I like to parallel this to what happens in white women’s communities with red herrings.  For example the topic can be female genital mutilation and some man somewhere will ask “but what about circumcision?” or the topic can be domestic violence against women and someone will say “But what about domestic violence against men?” (see Evelyn lazoda case where people said what about female female violence. i understand that is bad but that is not the problem at hand.)

This keeps black women ashamed for speaking up when there are other “more important” larger problems in the world. Because why bother with trivial stuff when other stuff can be solved. It makes black women think they have to serve the greater good first and take sides before serving themselves to the detriment of themselves. Or with gaslighting it makes black women think they are crazy until they shut their mouths.

Shame tactic #5 Positive Reinforcement/ Stockholm Syndrome

I think this is another insidious tactic because it’s hard to break and black women think they are getting something when really it is a mirage. In some cases I’m not sure came first the chicken or the egg.

Example when something goes wrong in the feminist or black communities like the gang rape of the 11 year old girl in Texas by 20 or so black men there are the black women who immediately jump to their defense. These women are trained very well.  Usually these women have either received what I like to call a “scooby snack” (they stand up and preform on hind legs for a treat ) (which they may or may not get if they’ve done a good job)

For example: the black women who say. “I find White men (or whoever ) attractive but I will never “abandon” black men.”

From a psychological standpoint these black women think that if they say these things a black man will come out and comment about how good black women’s loyalty is and reward them nicely. They think that black men will suddenly like them more or want to date them more or whatever.  They think if they defend rapists and abusers they will receive treats for being loyal to the death to black men and they think that will ultimately help the black community by being “united”. Or they will finally meet nirvana and marry the black man of their dreams, the ultimate reward for being so loyal to a fault. (Or at least have some sex until they are thrown away)

Usually only very few black men ever respond with a scooby snack but when they do black women fight to the death over it.  But it is enough. As with any conditioning it has black women salivating every time like Pavlov’s dogs. And after these treats these black women are more sympathetic next time.

Shaming Tactic #6: Guilt.

The most widely used and obvious but it always works.  In the black and feminist community when black women say or do anything close to walking away guilt is always used when it is a last resort.

Scenario 1: Black woman:” There is blatant color-ism against black women in and out of the black community.”

Person 2: “Black women need to stop complaining.   They are being hurtful and divisive. It is not black men’s fault they have been brainwashed they are victims too. Lets not blame the innocent. Black men are victims too.” Edit:  (Note this is also use by white feminists who when called on the fact that they frequently use racist white beauty standards to their advantage claim that it’s not their fault because they are also victims of the system. Meanwhile getting angry at black women who play into too. See vocal negative response to Jennifer Hudson loosing weight and how she was selling out and how she looked sooo much better with “curves”  This clearly keeps black women from calling out people using the system to their advantage but keeps black women from using to help them too. (or see the guilt and shame black women receive (from blacks and whites) for trying to relax their hair. Because they are self hating when they also try to play into the same racist sexist society.)  This keeps black women again from playing into the system while still being trampled by everyone else playing into

Scenario 2: when black women didn’t want to see red tails because it cut them out black women were guilted into going because they needed to “support black movies” so more would be made.

A recent clutch magazine article showed the author saying that she was making peace with Tyler perry because he was not responsible for representing everyone,, he worked in racist Hollywood and therefore was only trying to break in the racist business and did what he could,  and that  it’s not his responsibility to not make black women look dumb.

Scenario number 3: When black women didn’t want to do slut walks black women were guilted by white women saying it was a woman’s issue. Sisterhood blah blah blah.

Stuff  like this is supposed to make bw doubtwalking away and keep the perpetually in the foray even against there better judgment.

Shame tactic # 7: Fear & Threats

Includes scare tactics to keep black women from moving or thinking straight and operating in a way that people want them to.

For example white feminists say :If it’s bad for us think about what it will be for you. ( black men say similar along the lines of  you will always be black or they’ll never forget your race or if it’s bad for us imagine what it will be for you”

Example 2:If black women don’t respond to street harassment by giving out phone numbers and lots and lots of SEX they have the possibility of being, screamed at attacked and hurt or worse.

Example 3:Don’t date anyone else black women, nobody will ever want you.

All of these keep black women’s legs and wallets and time open to whoever decides to use them. And keeps black women afraid of saying NO because they wonder “What will it be like out there if I leave?” or they go along with it because they think. “I don’t want to be hurt.”
What does this mean? This means that black women need to recognize these things so that they can immediately tell when someone is either a friend or foe or when someone is trying to control them. If black women can master this course. They will be able to effectively move forward with their lives.

Class Dismissed…..