Just because they’re your family, doesn’t mean they have an agenda.

Before I get started I want to acknowledge the fact that I have been away for so long. I was busy writing a novel! Anyways, I’m finally finished with that. So expect more post, than previously.

Okay now to the normal post. I should start out by saying that I love my brother. He’s a great kid. (he’s about to turn 20 next month) But I have to be honest, the last person I would ever take advice from, for dating, racism, life, etc is him.  For one thing he’s immature.  And for another he speaks from the usual perspective of the Black Male collective.  Which means he’s got a larger agenda, when

Let me explain, about a month or so ago my family was going to watch the movie, Honey 2 (starring Kat Graham who plays Bonnie on the Vampire Diaries) anyways when he came down he didn’t realize that the movie was going to be starring a black girl ( or someone who is playing one.) anyways he complained, “I thought this movie was going to be about her (pointing to the white woman on screen.)  I’m guessing he assumed that because the last honey movie had Jessica Alba.

Here is my point, my brother was almost disappointed that he would have to watch a black woman on screen. UNTIL and I all caps this because here is the kicker.,  UNTIL  he realized that the love interest was a white man. Then he had a problem with the fact that the love interest wasn’t a black man.  And a problem with the fact that in the movie the “white man again comes in to save the day” I rolled my eyes on the inside because it is classic black male thought process.  He doesn’t want to see black women on screen would rather see a white woman but then the minute they show interracial love he has a problem with it. Why?  Because deep down he wants to make himself feel good about seeing *black love* on television.  He wants to see himself, when he wants to.And he certainly doesn’t want to see a white man date a black women! Why, that’s scandalous.

My brother has also made comments to me that he envisions me marrying a “thug” because I somehow remind him of a black girl that used to go to school with him and only liked thug men. And that he could only see me marrying a black man. He’s also said to me and my younger brother that we’d better not marry someone white. Because that’s being a “traitor”

Here is my point. Don’t think that because black men are your brothers/fathers/uncles/ cousins  that that they don’t have an agenda. They do. And they will use you to get it. My brother doesn’t care about black women (he goes for the light, bright women) but doesn’t want black women to date out.

This can be lethal to a black woman whohasn’t seen this bull crap all over the web. I’m on to him and I told him he sounded like an idiot and a racist.  I  told him to shut up.. But a lot of black women aren’t aware of the way that their own black relatives play into their own demise,as their guilted into dating who their family tells them to.
I can’t stress enough how important it is for black women to think critically for themselves if they want to be successful because even your own family may not have your best interests at heart.
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4 thoughts on “Just because they’re your family, doesn’t mean they have an agenda.

  1. My brother says the same thing and most of his girlfriends that he brings home (he just started bring his gfs home) are biracial. And he used to tease me mercilessly about guys who LIKED ME that weren’t black. IT’S really hyprocritical.

  2. i really dislike black men like this. and i REALLY HATE how they don’t even see their own hypocrisy! it’s so sad really. my entire family is like this though so i can’t be bothered with them.

  3. Thanks for this post.
    Vetting happens in family also.

    I have an interesting story to illustrate your point : what about the father (BM) who snobs both his daughter engagement and wedding (to a WM)? Said father is so into black love that he has married a white looking BW/step mother (think Jennifer Beals). Said father is so into black love that he promised to call back his future son in law but never does. Of couse, said father gave nothing financially to both engagement and marriage.

    Later on, said father has some legal issues: he needs some money. And now remembers his daughter and calls to ask for some help. Fakes interests, asks about son in law and asks daughter to borrow money (of course, he will repay daughter down the line …)

    Well this is what the daughter did : listened to the father. Told him she would ask her husband about helping him financially. And focused on her marriage and happiness.

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